Every spring is the only spring…
(As I write this the sounds of an epic ball battle are drifting up from downstairs, the open windows are letting in bird songs and my belly is full of Primanti Brothers goodness- it’s very nice to be alive today. Spawn has been on a gluten free and casein free diet for a whole week now and I am already seeing improvement in him. It may be coincidental but I’ll take it however it comes and am thrilled to see glimmers of the little boy he really wants to be peeking out.)
Well boys and girls, life is moving on. I am pleased to report that Miss Tricky HQ will be relocating to the other side of Pennsylvania and taking over Forgotten Bottom. I am even more pleased to report that this event is not causing any rifts or wars and is generally supported by all. Mr. President and I sat down with the parents and hashed it out, Mr. President and I have hashed it out on our own terms and the Spawn and I have been given the okay to relocate and start his new and much more intense therapy out east. I am so fucking grown up and responsible. This past week has been busy and strange for me but has also been facilitated by having Cousin Stevie here to wrangle the monster while all us grown-ups worked stuff out. (Apparently I had been falling seriously behind on Spawn’s light saber training so it’s a good thing the master came for a visit.)
As for me and the mysterious Mr. President……….well………..
I don’t talk about “us” a lot because I am not sure what to say. I struggle with feeling that my credibility in the love department has been irreparably damaged over the past five or so years and I believe this man to be so good that I don’t want to tarnish his reputation with my previous bonehead relationship decisions. Yes, Courtni, I know what I just said. I do not feel unworthy of him, I feel matched by him and supported and loved. I have yet to fully reconcile the me I know I am and the mess I was and I don’t want the beautiful thing I have discovered to be doubted because I was so wrong before. It’s a silly issue and it gets smaller every day but it makes me hesitant to share. I am so much more whole these days, so much less afraid and so ready to forge ahead and to find a love that truly supports that is incredible to me. We very naturally fell in stride with one another- nobody had to pull or be pulled or wait impatiently for the other to catch up. I still sometimes can’t figure out how a long-distance, autism infused, divorce complicated and family hung up relationship can feel so natural and relaxed- but just when I start to over think it all I find myself with an easy smile and a peaceful heart. Other than his psychotic urge to put ketchup on eggs there isn’t anything that I wish would change. If I learned anything at all from my first marriage it’s that motivation, priority and mindset have to match for a relationship to be successful, and I believe ours do. At the very least, we know it’s not a union of convenience.
