Whatever that means.
EKG / ECHO
That is an intimidating grouping of letters isn’t it? Even though I would bet you dollars to doughnuts that everything will be fine and that this is simply an exercise in time wasting – those letters make me nervous. It has come to my attention lately that getting an accurate diagnosis and real medical care is a lengthy process that requires commitment and resolve. Two things I’m a little short on nowadays. The outcome I am looking for? An effective treatment or (hopefully) cure for my chronic pain. I’ve been playing it cool on this subject for most of my life, and many parts of me would still like to, but as I get older the pain gets worse. My mobility is more affected now that it ever has been before and frankly I am curious to know what it would be like to not be in pain all the time. There are other symptoms of my assumed disorder that vary in severity and are at most interesting to think about-but the pain is my real focus. Which leads me to my point…Quality of Life.
Here at Miss Tricky HQ this particular topic gets a lot of airtime, somehow every conversation Mr. President and I have ends up back here. Seriously, even the ones that start out normal- the ones about boobs, or Phyllis Diller, or Gorilla escapes….Anyway, we keep coming back to Quality of Life. (I’m going to keep capitalizing this; it sounds like a movie man voice in my head “Quality of Liiiiiiiiiiife!!!!”) He tends to see the major difference between his native Canada and these here United States as a life quality issue. In the States we tend to seek wealth, stuff and success at the expense of our free time, families and joy. He claims that Canadians work to live and make time to enjoy themselves. To which I always reply: how fast can we get there? And can you dress up like a Mounty?
Well, maybe it’s all that Midwestern American girl in me, but I feel a little silly spending all of this time, money and mental energy just to fix a non life-threatening condition. I’m kind of a ‘if it’s not falling off I am fine’ kind of a girl…..though we might be getting close to falling off these days. My son has issues. He has real, right now issues that require my attention and time. Doesn’t it make me a poo-head to put him in daycare for an extra day a week just so I can have another round of tests that may or may not lead anywhere? Speaking of which….
Today was the very first time Spawn’s daycare called me about his behavior. He was being kept in the office because he was violent and disruptive and would not stop screaming. On the same day that I didn’t work but had doctor appointments and needed to get shoes for an event I very much want to attend this weekend? Really universe? I’m an asshole, I get it!
I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to balance my Quality of Life with my son’s. And to be fair, I am also doing some fist shaking at the world because those two things are mutually exclusive a lot these days. But what really constitutes this whole “Quality of Life” thing? Is it pain free? Is it a chance to go out and feel special once in a while? Is it more money or better things? Is it freedom from obligation? It is most certainly a happy, healthy and thriving child – so am I a brat for wanting things for me?
I am hoping that soon, after 2 months of doctor visits for both me and my son, there will be some answers. Answers and maybe a sense of understanding and a plan, something to tell us where to go next and what sacrifices are important and what we can do. Soon I will have some choices to make.
