I am currently so deep into reading Harry Potter that I can’t even begin to formulate a blog at the moment, so the following blog is a repost from my Myspace blogging days.  It’s one of my favorite blogs I ever wrote.  Enjoy!!!

(for storytelling clarification: I am Irish, and Alli is Miss Hugs)

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We interrupt your daily lives to bring you Today’s Top Story!

Today’s Top Story: Irish Sets Cars Aflame, Gets Electrocuted!

I’m reporting to you live on this cold weather day (it is 24 degrees out) to inform you of the insane happenings at the yellow house on the hill.

Let me set the scene, people.

It was about 10:30 am and I had just gotten home with my grandmother from a morning of stress tests at the local hospital (the tests were for grams, not me). Miss Hugs’ van is still parked in the driveway, but the hood is up. She is late for work. Grams and I come in the house and Miss Hugs says “I need you to jump start my van!” to which I replied, “Ok! Mikey Pop showed me how to do this a couple weeks ago!” 

Miss Hugs and I go outside and I start my car. Good car. I pop the hood and the trunk and retrieve the jumper cables from the trunk. Then Miss Hugs and I get in my car while I untie my jumper cables (sue me, I’m a neat freak) because it’s warm in there and it’s effing COLD outside. She’s stupid first, it’s important for all y’all to remember that. We’re each holding a side of the cables and she opens her door, thinking that somehow we’re going to each get out our respective doors with an end of the cable. Its ok, I told her she was a dummy. So I get the cables and I hook the red up to the negative and the black up to the positive (shut up you don’t know anything yet!!!). Then I go over to her car and do the same thing. Once the black up to the positive side I feel a jolt that throws me back some inches and flames start to flicker on the battery. I GOT ELECTROCUTED, PEOPLE. 

Oops!!! 

Miss Hugs leaves me to fend for myself as smoke arises from both cars. I run around, rip my car keys out of the ignition and hightail it in the house into the living room where Miss Hugs has the phone and she’s screaming “should I call 911?!” and grams is yelling at us for screaming and calling us stupid for making the cars smoke. 

“Call Daddy!” I tell my sister, and she throws the phone at me, it is dialing. I take the phone and head outside, the cars are still smoking very badly and I run back inside to the safety of my house and I tell my dad what happened and he tells me to get the cables off of at least one of the cars.

OMFG IS HE KIDDING ME?! 

I go out and Miss Hugs points out that the yellow cord had melted off the wires and the wires were all exposed. My dad says get some rubber gloves, pull the wires off, he’ll he here in twenty minutes and don’t let Miss Hugs start her car.

But he wants me to start my car. Yeah right. 

So Miss Hugs grabs two rubber dishwashing gloves, we each wear one and try and get the cables off her van since her car was not the one all charged up. The cables are hot to the touch even through the gloves (let’s face it, people: dishwashing gloves aren’t all that thick) but I manage to get them both off with minimal help from Miss Hugs.

Sometimes she’s just good for comedic value, and moral support.

We grab our cameras because, of course, I need to blog about this and I need pictures to do it! I call my dad, he’s on the way. He’s not happy at all. We take all the pictures we can and only then realize that when Miss Hugs grabbed the dishwashing gloves she grabbed two left handed gloves. Both sets are ruined now. But that’s ok, they’re just dishwashing gloves.

I had to tell someone. And Lo! my friend PQ is online so I tell her how it all went down. She probably thinks I’m some kind of stupid freak now, but I guess that can’t be helped. And then my dad got here. Whew, was he angry. He was beyond angry, he was growling. That means he’s mad, people. He looked at my car and then at Miss Hugs’, he orders me to take my car to my uncle Uncle’s garage to have him make sure I didn’t fry something. He tells Miss Hugs she’s S.O.L. until Uncle can come down here and take a look at her van. That thing still ain’t going anywhere, it isn’t a battery thing.

Daddy says Jerry isn’t allowed to touch the van! And my mother isn’t allowed anywhere near the building! My poor daddy. He has to save one of us like once a week. It’s only Monday and this is the second time he’s had to come to the rescue this week. I’m not kidding when I say he’s the greatest dad in all of existence. The poor man. In the meantime I’m in hysterics, laughing my head off like a crazy hyena. I’ve realized that it wasn’t even noon yet and I’d already started two cars on fire and gotten electrocuted.

So I called work. I called out of work. I can’t go in like this! Louise got a good laugh out of it, and I need to take my car to my uncle’s shop. Miss Hugs is so coming with me and she knows it. I can’t face Uncle without her since she’s my accomplice. Especially not when Uncle thinks I’m car-tarded in the first place. I’m determined to not be the only car-tarded person getting the blame here!

So that’s my story. It’s sad but true. Don’t hate. 

It’s only fair to tell you all that her van escaped unscathed, with just minor bruising.  But it still won’t start.  HA HA.

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