Life Under Construction

Posts Tagged ‘family’

I'm the one in blue.

One of the things I heard most often as a small child was “Take your sister and go play outside.  And stay out of The Gravel Pit.”

Of course that’s right where we headed.

In the way back of our backyard at The Gray House was a hill you could drive a car down that led straight to The Gravel Pit.  Almost at the bottom of the hill there was a little path through the woods that led to The Old Oak Tree (basically just an old tree that had fallen down that we claimed as a fort), so Alli and I would veer right down that path to go to The Old Oak Tree just in case.  I mean, you couldn’t see the path or The Old Oak Tree from the house but we were kids and being overcautious.  We didn’t want to get in trouble!  Alli and I usually climbed on the fallen tree (that wasn’t really an oak tree, but how were we supposed to know that?) and sat for what we deemed was an appropriate amount of time in case mommy came looking for us, then we’d sneak the remaining twenty feet or so to the edge of The Gravel Pit and run around the very edge to another path we’d discovered toward the very back.  It was a weird place we found, and we got in trouble one time because we definitely couldn’t hear anyone calling for us from there, but we liked it.  There was a discarded mattress we could jump on without getting in trouble.  There were some old baseball cards (my favorite was a Darryl Strawberry – I didn’t know anything about baseball at the time except that my dad said Rocket Roger was the best pitcher and Wade Boggs had a hole in his glove – and I really liked strawberries….) we’d look at and it was just our extra special secret place.

There was an unspoken code of honor when Alli and I were kids.  The I won’t tell if you won’t code.  And even then if one of us slipped up and told on the other, the offended party wouldn’t retaliate.  Because to retaliate would mean that we probably got into MORE trouble with the grownups, and if there was anything we understood as children it was that we had to stick together.  We understood what it meant to get in trouble, and we understood what we had to do to keep each other and ourselves OUT of trouble.

As we’ve gotten older that code has sort of dissolved.  I’m still the big sister, the protective one (the enabler).  But instead of being my partner in crime, Alli has taken another path through the woods so-to-speak.  She’s on some super secret path of her own that I can’t see ever going down, and our only interaction is when she reaches out because she wants something or needs something.  Do we adventure anymore?  No.  Not together, at least.  Our friendship, like our partnership, has started to dissolve over time.

The Old Oak Tree is crumbling and breaking and decayed.  The secret path to the discarded mattress and our super secret hideout is no longer discernible through the forest.  And Alli and I can’t rely on each other the way we used to.  Sometimes growing up is no fun.

But no matter what happens, I’ll always always always love my little sister.

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I’m going to tell you this story about how I hijacked a van when I was a wee child, somewhere around ripe old the age of 5 or 6.

Not to be confused with the time that same year I had decided to see what smoking a cigarette was like when my mom left one burning in the ashtray of the old blue Chevette in the driveway at The Gray House to run back into the house to grab something, and thought I would die but hid my discomfort because I didn’t want to get in trouble as she came back out and got in the car to take me to I Don’t Remember Where.  Yeah.  Not to be confused with that day.

We were in the van – I don’t remember who’s van it was – in the driveway of my grandparents’ new house (( at least I’m pretty sure that’s where we were… I think… )) with both of my sisters, Alli and Sarah, and our cousin Jerin.  I don’t know how I got the notion in my head that pulling the lever next to the steering wheel was a good idea (( come to think of it now, there might have been a lit cigarette involved here, too )), but I did it and suddenly we were in what I now know to be ‘neutral’ and the van was slowly rolling backwards.

Toward the street.

I was crying in the front seat while Sarah and Jerin were panicking, and Alli was “reading” a Winnie The Pooh or Where’s Waldo? book – completely oblivious to what was going on the entire time.

Where were the grown ups, you ask?  And why were we children often left unattended in vehicles?  Well, I’ll tell you.

It was the late 80’s.  There were no rules about leaving children or pets unattended in vehicles for any period of time (( or wearing seat belts, for that matter )).  I mean really, how much trouble could 4 kids aged 11 and under get into while waiting in a van in the driveway?

Quite a bit, the grown ups learned, as my uncle ran around the back of the van to try and stop it from rolling into the road.  I’m pretty sure Sarah jumped out too and was trying to help him, but I was in full on panic mode by that point (( what can I say, I started early )) and all I remember from between fits of sobs is that a) Alli in all her 4 year old glory was still oblivious to what was going on, and 2) I was terrified that my sister and uncle were getting sucked under a gigantic moving vehicle and it was all my fault.

Oh, and I think the front driver side door was open beside me.

That’s a lot for a small child.

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I LOVE… Christmas.  It is the only good thing about the winter season.

I LOVE…  green.  It is my favorite color.

I LOVE…  my hot new video camera from Walter.  I seriously love it.  I take it everywhere with me now, even if I’m not using it.

What??!!!

I LOVE…  taking pictures and video of everything.  I remember things better if I have a visual.  I recorded 80% of today’s Christmassy festivities with my new video camera and I’m very excited about it.

I LOVE…  my awesome new Nintendo DS from Sarah!!!1  She even gave me a cute little carrying case for it.  I can’t wait to find a game I like!

I LOVE…  my family… my parents, my grandparents, my brother and sisters, my husband’s mother and brothers… I’m so lucky to have such an amazing and loving family.  I really am thankful for them all!

I LOVE…  that Pham took time out of his day on Wednesday to help me figure out what was wrong with my non-video.  On a related note, I simply hate (HATE!) Windows Media Player. French The Llama.

I LOVE…  the video I made that was supposed to be a vlog on Wednesday, even though it ended up not being saved.

I LOVE… Harry Potter.  Oh wait, did I already say that this week?  Santa *cough*I*cough* got me Books 4-7.

I LOVE…  watching people open the gifts I got them, and getting gifts I really like (I have always been more of a ‘getter’ than a ‘giver’ at Christmas).

I LOVE… prime rib and au jus.

I LOVE… that I can out eat just about anyone I know.  Seriously.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

What do YOU love today?!!

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(I’m participating in this week’s Sunday Scribblings writing prompt.)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I want to be married.

Sure I want the dress and the day and the presents, but more than that I want the being married part: the ‘for better or for worse’ part.  The part that comes after the show: the comfortable silences, making the bed that belongs to the two of us, the arguments about money, the overcooked experimental dinners, the whining-screaming-beautiful children.

I’ve dated guys that would never give me what I needed, dated them for long periods of time even though I knew that it wasn’t going to go anywhere in the long run.  I’d let my love for them get the better of me, and when the harsh reality of it hit me that every effort was mine it would all fall apart.

Let’s face it, people.  Love is never enough when two people don’t value the same things.  Don’t listen when anyone tells you that you can live on love.  You can’t.  Separately, ALL of my relationships have taught me that.  No matter how hard you try, how deeply you love, or how much you give… if you’re both not giving it your best shot, if you don’t want the same things in life… it just isn’t going to work out.

It’s taken me a few years to realize that I’ve found my other half, my equal. Now I think about it all the time: being married.  At least, eh, every other day.  People keep telling me it’s my biological clock ticking, but I know it’s because I simply found the right guy.

Let’s back up for a second.

I wasn’t the little girl that played “house” with her dollies, instead I cut all my older sister’s Barbies hair off (she had a LOT of Barbies!) and ripped their arms and legs from their bodies.  You can totally ask her and she’ll tell you I’m not lying.

Sarah?  Any thoughts you’d like to share with the class?

Moving on…

Getting married never sounded like fun to me.  That is to say it never occurred to me.  I never thought about getting married someday, but I never thought about not doing it, either.  I just never thought about it.

Somewhere along the line there, between 11th grade and my 20th birthday, I realized that I did want to get married.  I wanted to belong to someone.  I wanted to be someone’s wife.

These days I know who I want to marry.  I’m lucky.  I’ve come to understand that being married isn’t just an event, that it’s a way of life.  It’s a full time job that not everyone can handle.  People get divorced all the time because they think marriage is just this thing you do and then life goes back to normal, but it’s not and it doesn’t.

Louise said the other day that I should have been born in the 1950’s.  She and Deb were talking at work about how we shouldn’t let our jobs be our lives, and I overheard so I had to voice my opinion.  You see, I want to be a housewife, a homemaker, a wife and mother.  I want my day to begin with making breakfast and end with making sure everyone is safely and soundly asleep in their beds.  I want to do laundry and spend my afternoons in the kitchen making dinner.  That job will be my life for a long time (at least the first 18 years).

For better or for worse I want the works.  What’s your take on marriage?  Do you want the traditional I’m so fond of or something else?

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I LOVE… that Robert is officially a high school graduate.

I LOVE… that he graduated from the high school I went to, the one that both my parents went to.
I LOVE… my old high school.  I don’t care how it gets made fun of.  I had so much fun and I learned so much that I’ll always love it there.

I LOVE… how good and patient Robert is with John.
I LOVE… that John fell asleep last night holding my hand.
I LOVE… that Walter called me first thing this morning and that he’s going to call me randomly while I’m at work.  *swoon*
I LOVE… playing WoW with Sarah at night.  Blood elf paladins rock.
I LOVE… that I have such bizarre dreams that I think about them throughout the day.
I LOVE… that CooCoo got to take Paula to see NKOTB last night for her birthday.

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Today is going by fast.

For some stupid reason I can’t stop eating.  I’m not even hungry, and all I want to do is eat.  This is getting rather annoying, as you can imagine I’m sure.

I started Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire today.  I’m taking a short break from that to bring you this fabulous blog of nothingness.

I had a pretty OK weekend.  On Saturday Sarah and I went birthday present shopping for our cousin who just turned 9, and I bought WoW (with the first expansion pack).  It took nearly half the day to install, and Alli came over to hang out for a little while.  Alli told me all about her new job, which she likes so far, and we talked about nothings and more nothings like we usually do.

Sunday was *groan* so tiring.  Sarah had to go to Logan (BLAH!) to pick up our grandmother who just flew back in from Minnesota.  She spent a few days out there for my cousin’s graduation and my uncle booked her flights in and out of Logan.  While Sarah was gone I had John and he was even more of a handful than usual.  Then we went to Cerina’s birthday party with the ridiculous amount of toys we got her on Saturday.  Then I went home and played some WoW while Sarah did laundry.

I’ll be doing laundry tonight while I catch up on The Unusuals and any other show that might have had new episodes last week.

Harry Potter and Wendy Lady!

My weekend was like a boring story.  You poor people that actually read through all this, I applaud you.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Bloggy Von Boringface – out!

Eyebrows and Eyebrows Jr.

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This is my nephew:

Here he is laying in my bed, with is mother’s Good Luck Bear and my Care Bear blanket…

For all intents and purposes he looks like a sweet little boy.  And he is.  He’s very sweet, always saying things like “you my best friend, Auntie Jammy”, “I love you sooooooo much Auntie Jammy!” and “Auntie Jammy, you so beautiful!”.  But let me tell you.  There’s an evil side to this adorable creature.

I want to share with you all what happens when I take a shower in the morning.

See this?  This is the living room torn apart.  And he thinks it’s funny.

Now you might think to yourself, that’s not so bad, but let me assure you.  Every single toy strewn about the floor is intricately placed, and he shrieks if I go to pick them up.  Every single toy and plastic piece you see came from one of the plastic totes on the left.

He knows damn well we can’t leave the house like this.  He knows I’m going to have to yell at him and send him to his room when he refuses to cooperate.  He knows I’m late to work 3 days a week because of this kind of stunt.

Sometimes he can be a little devil.

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Someday when I am grown up and I have my own house I am going to buy a refrigerator sized freezer, and in it I will keep a titanic supply of Rocky Road ice cream and Nutty Buddies.  And they will all be for me.

I could really go for a Nutty Buddy right now.  Ice cream for breakfast is my favorite.

(After chocolate milk, of course.  And cereal.)

Why hasn’t there been a new Superman movie out yet?  I thought Brandon Routh signed a three movie deal.  I want more Superman movies.

I woke up today in a quiet, introspective kind of mood.  I feel like I want to keep to myself, have little contact with other people, and spend all my time thinking about the things that make me feel good.  I look forward to going to work, but only to sit in MY cubicle, MY space, with MY things, and be quiet and content with my thoughts.

I miss Walter. That’s the thought that’s dominating my day brain today, taking up most of the space in my conscious (and probably subconscious) mind.

I’m not allowed to be friends with someone anymore that’s been my friend for 11 years.  I understand why, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.  Not that that friend would ever read my blog, but I want him to know that even though we’re not allowed to interact I will always be here for him if he needs anything.  His family is always going to be my family.  We may not talk for 20 years, but if 20 years from now he needs anything, I hope he knows he can call on me and I’ll do whatever is in my power to be there for him.  I understand, but I don’t like it.

I started drawing something two weekends ago, and I haven’t touched it since.  I’m lost as to what to do with it anymore.  I wanted it to be a full page drawing.  Maybe I’ll work on it some more next weekend.  Maybe.

The weekend was pretty OK.  My birthday wasn’t the best ever but that’s alright.  They can’t ALL be fabulous all the time, right?  I spent all of Saturday and most of Sunday being lazy.  Did 4 loads of laundry, watched Castle and Lie To Me, and went to the movies alone.  Talked to Walter twice on Saturday.  Went to dinner at 7 Moons (finally) with Erik and Mike, and I brought home a ton of leftovers.

Speaking of which, I hope I don’t forget to bring the leftovers to work with me today.  I have Mike’s in the fridge, and he’ll need that.

Mike and I have been talking about going to 7 Moons for two years now.  o.0  Hooray for finally going!

364 days until my birthday.

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past is a crappy movie.  Don’t see it in theaters.  I wouldn’t even suggest you see it when it comes out on DVD, it really was that lame.  It’s probably the worst movie I’ve seen since I saw Good Luck Chuck, which was a bad movie.

Christina and I are going to the mall next weekend.  I need to do some heavy duty book shopping.  I’ll probably start reading the Harry Potter books next week and I’m sure I’ll breeze right through them.

Once I get my TV fixed I think I’m going to sign up for Netflix.  Maybe.  It’s a thought.

I miss Walter. I think I’m going to spend some money and go see him again for three days before he leaves for Iraq in June.  They’re sending him home for 4 or 5 days before he ships out.  If I thought 8 days was not enough last month then 3 days is definitely not going to be enough this time, but I think of it this way: I’ll take what I can get to hold me over until he comes home.  I’m still thinking about it though.  Leaving last time was really hard.

I’m giving my NKOTB tickets to CooCoo.  I can’t go anymore.  My little brother’s graduation is the same night, and while I love my New Kids On The Block (wicked hard) I really can’t miss Robert’s graduation.  Family comes first.  In 13 days he’ll be 18 years old.  A month from today he’s going to be graduating high school.  And this fall he’s going to start going to college.  He may be like 5′10” or something ridiculous like that, but he’ll always be my baby brother.

I don’t feel hungry at all.  Is that a bad thing?  I haven’t eaten in 14 hours, shouldn’t I be even a little bit hungry by now?  I’m going to eat when I get to work whether I’m hungry or not, because that’s what I do.  I eat to pass the time.  And to fend off boredom.

Today is definitely going to be a Write In My Journal day.

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It’s Monday morning and I’m back home from my vacation in Mississippi (I actually got home Friday afternoon).  I had the most amazing time with Walter and his family and it was the greatest vacation in the history of Ever.  I’m happy to be home in RI again, sleeping in my bed with Stuffy, sitting at my computer, with my nephew coming into my room every five minutes to ‘deliver my mail’ or ‘give me breakfast’.  I’m also sad because I had to leave some people that I love, but I have all these wonderful new memories of happy times to carry around with me.  And now I have to get things back to normal.

Except normal doesn’t feel… normal anymore.  I’ve got to make a new normal for myself and that takes time.  You know how it goes when things change, you have to adapt your idea of normal to suit the changes.  And things have changed.  The most exciting change is that Walter and I are a couple now.  I refuse to call him my ‘boyfriend’.  I feel that word should be reserved for grade school and the elderly.  Besides, he’s more than just my boyfriend, the same way that he’s always been more than just my best friend.  Anyway, that’s all I’m going to say about that for now.  Another change is that in about a month he’s going to be practically unreachable.  That one is going to be hard because I’m used to being able to call or text him whenever I need to.  I’ll admit that while the idea of writing letters to him while he’s away is romantically appealing, it’s also nerve wracking knowing that he’ll be in a far away land with no phone and no computer for instant communication.  *le sigh* I think I’ve taken that for granted in the last few years, that I could get a hold of him whenever I wanted to.

Normal.  Let’s see… things are the same at home as they were when I left, but I feel disconnected because I was gone for almost two weeks.  It will feel good to be back at work in a few hours.  I miss my coworkers and my cubicle.  I miss the actual act of going in to work in the afternoons.  It felt nice to get away, but I’m relieved to go back, too.  That’s a good thing, I think.  Mike will be out for a little over a week *groan*, getting home the day before his birthday, so some things (like work) won’t actually be normal-normal until he gets back.  You know, so he can leave again after our birthdays and be gone until August.  *eye roll*

Anyways, I missed blogging.  Blogging is definitely normal to me.

Photoblog coming tomorrow with pictures from my vacation.

PS  -  My birthday is in 13 days!!!

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I am currently on vacation, so the following blog is a repost from my Myspace blogging days.  Enjoy…

********************

Dear Diary,
I have fallen in love.  Hard.  You know how it feels when you can’t get enough?  When you can think of nothing but the object of your desire?  It’s this way for me, Diary.  I’ve fallen in love.

With Chocolate Quaker Rice Cakes.  *swoon*

They’re so chocolatey on the outside and really just rice cakey on the inside.  No odd flavors added, and even little bits of chocolate on some of them!  I love that Quaker man, every time I see him I’m filled with joy because it brings to mind my favorite snack: Quaker Rice Cakes, also known as The Greatest Invention Known To Man.

Oh Diary, I didn’t sleep well last night.  Alli kept me awake with her TV and lights on.  I can’t sleep when I’m straining to hear something I don’t even want to be paying attention to!  Or with lights in my face.  ]:  And to top it all off, I can’t write if it’s quiet.  So did I get started on my novel for NaNoWriMo?

NO.  I didn’t.

Why, do you ask?  Because I can’t write when there are distractions.  And Alli definitely qualifies as a distraction.  Or two.
Also I cried on the phone to Walter last night.  I got to talk to him for an hour and 35 minutes, which was great.  I didn’t cry the whole time.  Oh, Diary.  It was great to be able to talk to him.  It’d been a whole week.  I really miss him.  I wish I could to there, to Mississippi.  And not be sick this time.  I really wish it.  I haven’t seen him in OVER A YEAR.  It’s wicked lame.
Going to my dad’s to visit with him tonight, usual Friday night with Sarah and John.  OMG John was so cute I can talk about it now because for real OMG so cute Sarah brought him in to work to see me OMG so wicked adorable.

HERE IS THE PROOF:

Do you see what I mean?  C.U.T.E.  Mike and Lt. Dan say it looks like Elmo has eaten him (even though he’s smiling) and is now gnawing on my head.  Thanks Mike and Lt. Dan, now that’s what I will see whenever I look at this picture.  There will be more pics of him all dressed up cute and stuff when my lazy single mother of a sister gets to uploading them to her computer.

I love you, Sarah.

Ok Diary, this is where it ends today.  I’m cleaning my bathroom on Saturday and doing loads of laundry (ha ha get it, loads? ok wicked lame) all weekend.  Karaoke tonight after my dad’s house and then I’m in NaNoWriMo mode all weekend.  I still don’t even have a clue as to what I’m doing yet, but it’ll come to me.  I think.

Love your ever-so-full-of-thought-part-time-writer-of-sorts,
Irish

P.S.  “San Dimas high school football rules!”  It’s on the agenda, biznatch.

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