In just 12 hours I’ll be boarding a plane to Mississippi.

Actually, I’ll be boarding a plane that takes me to another plane that eventually takes me to Mississippi.

And I’m a little freaked out.  I’ll be gone for over a month.  What if I forget something?  What if I don’t remember to grab my meds or my lucky necklace (shut up)?  What if I have an anxiety attack in the airport?  Or worse… on the plane?  I’ve been flying for years, but it seems that every time I fly I get a little more anxious about it.  And I have no iPod this time.  All I have to distract me is my DS, and I really hope that works.

I can’t find my digital camera charger.  I’ve been looking for it for days, and it’s just missing.  And my camera is pretty much out of life juice.  It is not in my bedroom, and it really bothers me when I own something and I don’t know where it is.  So until it’s found, it’s just one more thing for me to worry about.

I probably won’t have the internet for a while.  The most I’ll be able to do, I think, for at least a week is post updates to Facebook and Twitter from my phone.  That means no blogs.

At least when I come back I’ll have something interesting to say.

Share This

It’s Monday again, the start of a new week, and this week actually feels different.  All my days and weeks have felt the same for months now (what with me being unemployed and all) but I know that change is coming and it feels like a good change.  It’s a change I’m ready for.

This Friday I’m making my ‘temporary’ move to Mississippi.  I’ll be living down there for about a month and a half before Walter and I fly back up to Rhode Island to move all my stuff down (read: the actual move).  That will take place sometime in the beginning to middle of May.  Before my birthday, which is in 69 days.

My wedding reception will be *fingers crossed* May 9th.  I realized afterward that that particular Sunday is Mother’s Day, but it’s really the only weekend I can have it.  I think.

I did a lot of shopping at the mall on Saturday, and by a lot of shopping I obviously mean that I bought underwear.  Because it’s been too long since I bought underwear.  I should have looked into buying new sneakers, but I didn’t think of it.  Blast!  I suppose Walter can always take me shopping for new sneakers.  *shrug*  Yesterday I had breakfast with Jean and we went to Walmart and I bought stuff I’d need for the move.  Because I like to come prepared, like a good Girl Scout.  My old troop leaders would be so proud.  I just have a few more things to pick up before I pack my bag, like a pillow and some sunflower seeds.

In other news I’ve been watching Stargate SG1 because all 10 seasons are online.  I swear, I half expect Colonel O’Neill to spit out a piece of gum and pull a toothpick and rubber band out of his back pocket to fix whatever problem they’re encountering.  He obviously doesn’t do that, but it’s still awesome.  I <3 Richard Dean Anderson.  It’s almost hard to believe that they came up with enough material for MacGyver to last 7 seasons… but then I remember that he’s MacGyver.  He can do anything.  DUH!!!

Speaking of MacGyver, I’ma watch some more Stargate now…

How was your weekend????

Share This

I LOVE…  that I have the coolest family and friends.  Lauren and my cousin Crystal took me out to dinner last night at the Olive Garden, and I had SUCH a great time.  Why did we wait so long to do this?  We could have been having this much fun for years, and now I’m moving and it’s going to be a while before we can do it again.  *sad face*

I LOVE…  the non-frozen strawberry Bellini I had last night.  Both of them.  They were most delicious.

I LOVE…  the Sound of Music.  I bought the soundtrack on iTunes the other day and watched the DVD yesterday.  I’ve always loved that movie (just ask Sarah, much to her dismay), and it still makes me feel as magical as it did 20 years ago.

I LOVE…  that my Pampered Chef order came in, and all I want to do is play with everything!

I LOVE…  the diamond earrings I bought myself on Tuesday.  I love them so much, I’ll probably wear them every day.

I LOVE…  that a week from today I’ll be arriving in Mississippi, getting ready for my husband to come home from Iraq.  MY HUSBAND IS COMING HOME.  HE WILL BE HOME.  IN THE UNITED STATES.  WITH ME.

I LOVE…  that I’ve set a date for my wedding reception, and that I know where I’m going to have it.

Share This

If you haven’t read this article, you’re missing out on something truly incredible (a big thank you goes out to Wil Wheaton for always sharing such great articles he finds with his readers).  I don’t know the person who wrote it, but I can definitely relate to her.  I understand where she’s coming from, and what she’s written gives me hope.

I’ve been miserable before.  I’ve gone through life feeling hopeless and sad and bored and empty, like nothing.  Heck, I feel empty almost every day lately.  It sucks.

When I was in middle and high school (ask any of my friends) I obsessed over things I was passionate about.  I found something that made me happy, and I focused on it.  I put energy into it.  In 7th grade it was The Beatles.  In 8th it was Star Wars.  In 9th and 10th it was drama club (and drama club boys, but we won’t get into that right now).  And I was happy.  I was a lot happier than I have been in recent years, and I’ve wondered several times if it had something to do with the lack of an object or topic to obsess over.  In other words: a passion.

I asked myself: What have I been passionate about in the last 10 years? Has there been any one thing I’ve been passionate about that lasted more than a couple months?  And why is that?  Is it because I get bored and lose interest?  Is it because I find something, and I love it so hard, but people patronize me about it?  Like how much I love Harry Potter?  So many people were telling me I’m too old for it, making fun of me over how excited I got (still get) over it.  So maybe I say things like “Expecto Patronum!” in my head with a terrible English accent, and yeah, maybe I did cry when characters died.  So what?  Yes, I listen to Wizard Rock and I fantasize about going to Wrockstock and meeting people that have some of the same interests as me, and I join Harry Potter forums and websites.  What’s it to you?  Why do you have to make fun of me about it?

I think I went off on a tangent there… but moving on….  It’s likely both of those reasons and more.

I can’t think of anything I put energy into anymore.  I don’t even put much energy into blogging (don’t even get me started on how many people in my real life give me shit for blogging as if anyone cared what I had to say).  I don’t have any passions right now.  I feel like I’m just waiting for something to come along, I feel like I have all this passion and all this love and attention to give to something.  I just need to find what it is.

I may not be happy 365 days a year, but I’m on my way to being happy with my life as a whole and reading what the author of that post had to say really put some things into perspective for me.  I’m slowly learning to be proactive, to take charge of my own happiness.  I’ve been working on it for a while, because if I can’t make myself happy nobody can.  But it’s hard because while I can’t rely on others to make me happy, they definitely have the power to put me down.

I want to know what you think.  Read that article.
Can you relate?
Do you have any words of wisdom to add?
Are you passionate about anything?

I’m wicked tired, so I hope this made sense.

Share This

I'm the one in blue.

One of the things I heard most often as a small child was “Take your sister and go play outside.  And stay out of The Gravel Pit.”

Of course that’s right where we headed.

In the way back of our backyard at The Gray House was a hill you could drive a car down that led straight to The Gravel Pit.  Almost at the bottom of the hill there was a little path through the woods that led to The Old Oak Tree (basically just an old tree that had fallen down that we claimed as a fort), so Alli and I would veer right down that path to go to The Old Oak Tree just in case.  I mean, you couldn’t see the path or The Old Oak Tree from the house but we were kids and being overcautious.  We didn’t want to get in trouble!  Alli and I usually climbed on the fallen tree (that wasn’t really an oak tree, but how were we supposed to know that?) and sat for what we deemed was an appropriate amount of time in case mommy came looking for us, then we’d sneak the remaining twenty feet or so to the edge of The Gravel Pit and run around the very edge to another path we’d discovered toward the very back.  It was a weird place we found, and we got in trouble one time because we definitely couldn’t hear anyone calling for us from there, but we liked it.  There was a discarded mattress we could jump on without getting in trouble.  There were some old baseball cards (my favorite was a Darryl Strawberry – I didn’t know anything about baseball at the time except that my dad said Rocket Roger was the best pitcher and Wade Boggs had a hole in his glove – and I really liked strawberries….) we’d look at and it was just our extra special secret place.

There was an unspoken code of honor when Alli and I were kids.  The I won’t tell if you won’t code.  And even then if one of us slipped up and told on the other, the offended party wouldn’t retaliate.  Because to retaliate would mean that we probably got into MORE trouble with the grownups, and if there was anything we understood as children it was that we had to stick together.  We understood what it meant to get in trouble, and we understood what we had to do to keep each other and ourselves OUT of trouble.

As we’ve gotten older that code has sort of dissolved.  I’m still the big sister, the protective one (the enabler).  But instead of being my partner in crime, Alli has taken another path through the woods so-to-speak.  She’s on some super secret path of her own that I can’t see ever going down, and our only interaction is when she reaches out because she wants something or needs something.  Do we adventure anymore?  No.  Not together, at least.  Our friendship, like our partnership, has started to dissolve over time.

The Old Oak Tree is crumbling and breaking and decayed.  The secret path to the discarded mattress and our super secret hideout is no longer discernible through the forest.  And Alli and I can’t rely on each other the way we used to.  Sometimes growing up is no fun.

But no matter what happens, I’ll always always always love my little sister.

Share This