Life Under Construction

Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

This video is - without a doubt – the greatest video I have seen in all of 2009.

I love you, Maxie, but it even trumps Blogger Face.  When you see it, you will be forced to agree.

Woman with lollipop for absolutely no reason?  Check.
Majorly fake religious bling?  Check.
NIV with a ribbon bookmark?  CHECK.
Seriously awesome lyrics?  Double.Effing.Check.
–>   Seriously… ‘wienie’ and ‘Amen’ in the same verse?  CHECK!!!!

And I just bought it on iTunes.  Don’t judge me.

Happy New Years Eve, everybodies!  I’m going to karaoke tonight at the Cove if anyone wants to meet me there!

What did you think of this video?
Isn’t it ten thousand different kinds of awesome?
Are you as excited as I am???

I would like you all to know something about me.  I’d like you to know just.how.lazy.I.am.

Andhari (from Insomniac Lolita) posted a blog about her typical day off, and she wants to know if any of us can beat that kind of laziness.

Let’s go over a typical (and by typical I mean at least EVERY OTHER WITHOUT EXCEPTION) Saturday, a day off for me, since those are my laziest of lazy days.

I wake up at some ridiculously early hour for a Saturday, like 7 or 8:30am, and stay in bed as long as I can.  If my nephew isn’t home this is easier, since the quiet often lulls me back to dreamland.  If I happen to wake up again between 8:30 and 11, I repeat the process as many times as it takes.

When I finally get up, I sit in my computer chair (maybe 4 feet from my bed, but I could be being a little generous there) to check my email even though I’ve been in my bed for at least 10 hours and my bladder is screaming some very foul bladdery words at me and basically threatening to burst through my belly button if I don’t empty it.  But I ignore it because I’m sitting down, and hey that’s enough of a reason.

My email usually tells me I have Facebook messages and blog comments, so I check them, fully intending on going to the LGR in a minute.  But once I’m on Facebook I have to check my farms and do any necessary harvesting and planting, I might as well play the 4 or 5 other Facebook applications I do real quick because I’m already logged in, and if anyone has posted anything funny in the feed since last night I need to comment on those as well.  Blog comments get replied to, but I don’t touch my Google reader.  I don’t blog or read blogs on the weekends.  I have other things to do.

Before I know it, it’s early afternoon and I still haven’t pee’d.  So I go do that, and I wonder why I didn’t do it sooner since the bathroom is right next to my bedroom.  Oh well.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll get it right.  I probably brush my teeth at this point, but sometimes I forget until right before I go to bed.

Don’t act like you’ve never done that.

Then I get some cereal, if there’s any cereal in the house.  If there’s not then I have some chocolate milk and just don’t eat anything for most of the day.  I don’t want to go through the motions of using the oven or the stove or the microwave, especially if it’s going to make a mess or require the leaving behind of extra dishes (which I don’t do).

Then I play WoW.  And I play some more.  I think I should probably do laundry and tell myself honestly that I’ll do it later, it’s more fun to do late at night anyway.  So I keep playing WoW.  It’s probably around 9:30 or 10 when I finally realize that I’ve been in my computer chair all day and I haven’t had anything to eat or drink all day, and that’s probably why my head hurts.  And it’s too late for laundry because I don’t want it to sit in the washer in the basement all night, so I’ll do it tomorrow morning instead.

On a motivated day I’ll put a personal pizza in the toaster oven or eat some more cereal at this point, but mostly I just make some chocolate milk and go into the living room, trying to decide whether or not I want to watch a movie.  I do want to watch a movie, but I’m too lazy to pick one out.  So I go sit in my room and Facebook some more, watch any TV shows I neglected online during the week, or log back into WoW until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.  Then I go to bed.

I might pee again somewhere in there while I’m playing WoW, like if I’m on a long flight path from one town to another and don’t need to be at the keyboard, but I definitely don’t shower because I can skip that for a day if I’m not going out, which I never am.

That’s a Saturday in my world.  I’m sure Sarah will remember some lazy thing I do or don’t do daily that should be in here, but for the most part I think this is about it.  I would like to add that Sundays look relatively similar, though I usually shower and go to my mom’s for dinner.

The end.

Now, wasn’t that a fabulous story?

Can someone… um… explain please… what one of these things has to do with the other…?

Seriously?  Twilight and SATs?

Um… I make this face at you…

And have you seen the Twilight tattoo craze (crazy?)?

RIDDIKULUS! (<– that’s a Harry Potter play on words, I so funny to myself!)

No, srsly.  Click that link.  You won’t be disappointed.  Or you will be… in the human race….

WTF is wrong with people?!!!

At least it’s funny.

WTF?

Hacked Chicken with Multiflavors?

What kind of restaurant are we ORDERING from?!

Hallway awkwardness is widespread.  It’s an unavoidable reality, really.  Like a contagious disease shared between coworkers, it’s an inevitable battle to be fought each time you venture from your office or cubicle into The Building.

Hallways are generally designed long and straight and usually practically empty at any given time, unless you’re in high school where the hallway is the popular place to be.

I get so uncomfortable walking down the hallway at work with one or two other people walking toward me separately, and I get the creepy suspicion that none of us are allowed look at each other.  Especially if we don’t know each other.

Why is it when I see someone coming down the hallway I need to immediately avert my eyes lest it’s assumed that I’m staring?

Why must we pretend that we’re alone in the hallway, that we don’t notice the person coming our way until the exact moment when we’re passing each other and obligated to acknowledge the existence of the other hallway traveler?

And don’t you hate it when they don’t even look at you then?  It’s rude, really.

Hallways should be short and winding, taking turns and being all zig-zagged and bee-lined, making for more comfort to the user.  If you think about it, hallways are really only user friendly for the blind, and for people who rush from one place to the next, or people who aren’t bothered by awkward situations.

Is there some sort of hallway etiquette where you work, some automatic protocol assumed whilst your share the hallways?  Do you ever get the feeling you shouldn’t be looking at anyone all the while you’re headed in their direction?  WHY ISN’T THERE MORE TO LOOK AT IN THE HALLWAY TO KEEP THE MIND OCCUPIED WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE AWKWARDNESS???

Today’s evidence of complete nerdism:  While writing that last paragraph I had quotes from Star Wars Ep: 4 flashing through my head, in particular Uncle Owen to C-3pO at the Jawa droid sale.

I can’t say I’m surprised.  Seriously.

Here I am at work, it’s almost 6pm, and I find I’m looking up articles on Geoffrey Chaucer and anything at all I can find on the end of the Plantagenet royal bloodline of England (whether I’ve ready it already or not!).

I’ll have you know that after finding an interesting blog of random monologues, I was trying my hand at my own imagined monologue about hallway discomfort, and as luck would have it I just so happened to mention 14th century castles, and when I think 14th century I think of Geoffrey Chaucer, John of Gaunt and Lady Swynford (his second wife), and eventually (what inevitably follows), the end of Plantagenet rule and the beginning of the Tudor.

If I click the ‘back’ button on my internet browser it takes me back 7 pages to get to where I looked up Geoffrey Chaucer on Wikipedia.  Seven pages.  That’s not including all the pages I clicked on to read and then clicked back to continue.  There are at least a dozen articles I read on Wikipedia alone this afternoon.  All about England and it’s monarchs and mishaps during the 14th century.

My monologue is only partially completed now, and because I’m so flighty today and so off my original topic I feel I’ll never finish it.

Seriously.  WTF?

Please pardon mess my blog might seem to be for a few weeks.  I’ll be updating the look and feel of it to something I find comfortable staring at for half the day, and considering how ridiculously fickle I am it might take a few tries before I get it right.

In the mean time, I’ll be blogging as usual.  Just don’t be surprised if the layout changes every other day.

Loves!!!1

There’s a woman I work with who has the same pee schedule as me.

Wait.  That sounds ridiculous.

We don’t pee together, I just see her in the hall coming to or from the little girl’s room whenever I’m on my way.  We don’t do it on purpose.  I only know her name and I really only ever say ‘hi’ to her since we work in different departments, but almost every day I see her on at least one (if not more) of my tinkle runs.

I don’t mean it to sound like I have a planned out ladies room schedule because I don’t, I just go when I gotta go.  It’s just usually around the same times every day during my shift.

Oh jeez.  Why am I telling you this?  >.<

____________________

Speaking of the ladies room, my sister called me to tell me that she fell in the toilet.  My 24 year old sister.  She fell in the toilet.  The conversation went a little something like this:

Alli:  Hi!
Me:  You called?  What’s up?
Alli:  Omigosh!  I have to tell you something.  Are you at work?
Me:  No, I’m on my way in.
Alli:  *insert snickering and excitable chattering*  I fell in the toilet!  And I broke my toe!
Me:  What do you mean you fell in the toilet?  How did you fall in the toilet, did your butt shrink?  (people, she has a butt)
Alli:  No!  The toilet seat wasn’t screwed on all the way and it slid off and I fell in!  And I broke my toe!  And I got so mad I grabbed this metal rod we have laying around the house and I beat the crap outta that thing.
Me:  I can’t believe you fell in the toilet.
Alli:  I kept beating it yelling “you fucking piece of shit I hate you!”
Me:  I can’t believe you fell in the toilet.
Alli:  I know, right?
Me:  How’s your toe, did you go to the doctor?
Alli:  No, it’s the same one I broke before.  It’s all bruised.
Me:  Oh, ok.  I hope your toe feels better.
Alli:  Well I just wanted to call you and tell you that, kay?
Me:  Ok.
Alli:  Love you.
Me:   Love you too.

This is my sister:

____________________

I saw this as the top headline in my news gadget the other day:

Wynona Ryder In Good Health After Flight Illness.

‘Flight Illness’?  Is that the politically correct way to announce she needed a barf bag?

I’m sorry.  I didn’t know celebrities with motion sickness qualified as news.  Quite frankly, if it were me in her shoes I’d be devistated that I was the focus of that kind of attention.  Not only was she puking, but her puking was being reported on.  I’m not too sure I want to be a celebrity.

____________________

That’s all.  I’m good now that I got all that outta my system.  I’m headed to my dad’s tonight after work to watch Heroes and then spending the weekend at Sean’s.  w00t!

Has anyone seen the Madagascar II movie?  I saw it last weekend and it was freakin’ hilarious!!!

Last night I was in a terrible low mood.  It’s been more common lately than it has been all year, it’s weird.

I think I spend too much time online and not enough time doing real life things.

No wonder I hardly have anything to write about.  :P

I took the above photo at my sister’s apartment.  I love those refrigerator magnet things.  I want some when I have my own place, but I probably won’t want the all sexual ones like Alli has…  I miss spending time with Alli.

I’ll be at Sean’s all weekend.  We’re going to see the new Madagascar movie, I’m so excited!  Going to the movies with Sean is so awesome, but he always makes me leave when the credits start.  I’ll have no more of it!  The credits are awesome, and the music while they roll is usually pretty kickass too.

I’m probably going to come up with a blogging schedule so that I don’t spend every day on here.  Besides, I like organization.  Anything organized is perfect for me.  I like lists too.  I’m still working on my 101 in 1001, despite how I shot it down last night (neurotic, anyone?) because of my obligatory mood swings.  So, expect that Monday morning.

I’m still not sure about NaNoWriMo.  I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now with things I need to do and get done that I think it’s just one more thing added to the pile I don’t need.  Next year I’ll be more prepared and I’ll delegate my time better.  Sorry NaNos.  Next year you’ll have to keep poking me to get to work on it at least a month ahead of time.  I need prodding.

I’ve been listening to Nancy Sinatra’s Bang, Bang all morning.  Seriously, it’s on it’s 17th repeat right now.  I love this song.  It isn’t really depressing like I thought it was.

Random lolcat moment.

*** EXCITING NEWS!!! ***

Next Wednesday I’m participating in a Blog Swap with another writer at the 20 Something Bloggers so my blog will be featured at her page and her blog will be featured at mine.  Be sure to check it out!  It’s my first blog swap so I’m pretty excited about it.

I saw boobs.  Real boobs.  In person.  And they weren’t even mine or Alli’s!

This weekend was pretty freakin’ awesome.  Sean and I left for Massachusetts on Friday after work to spend the weekend with mC and Scott.  When we arrived Scott was cleaning the guest room in his underwear so we couldn’t go upstairs yet, but when his clothes dried we all went out to Uno for a late dinner.

Pizza skins.  Om nom nom nom nom.

Then we went back to mC and Scott’s house and hit the sack.

Zzzzzz.

Saturday was an adventure.  We went to breakfast and Sean ruined my homefries with his french toast butter so I had to eat mC’s, it was tasty.  They fill your plates so high there!  None of us finished EVERYTHING on our plates because there was just.that. much., but we put a good sized dent into the mountain of food.

Then mC and I went shopping while the boys bonded.  I only spent $30.00 on myself. Isn’t that incredible?!  I mean… we went to Borders and I didn’t eve buy a single book!!!!!  I bought some stocking stuffers for Sean’s stocking and part of his Christmas gift.  I got myself two pajama sets, a mini plastic organizer for my bathroom sink, and a pin that says ‘I’m So Blogging About This‘ that mC found it at Hot Topic and I had to have.

I’m wicked excited about what I got Sean for Christmas.  I’m only buying for a couple people this year (for real this time) and my dad said not to buy him anything big like I usually do so I’m spending most of my money on Sean and my nephew John.

OK, after the mall mC and I went to Coldstone for ice cream.  Nom nom nom.  Then we went home and Scott was just about done baking the ham I’ve heard so much about in the last three years.  It was good.  He made some good applesauce too (it was way better than mine LOL).

After dinner we played a drinking game.  Kings, or something like that.  I dunno, I lost.  I just drank water anyway lol.

It was after the drinking games that the fun began.

When I say real fun, I mean REAL FUN.  There were boobs.  Lots of them.  We went to a STRIP CLUB!  A full nude strip club.

I was a strip club virgin.  I never saw boobs before that weren’t mine or Alli’s.  It was exciting!!!

OK I was real nervous at first.  But the scantily clad women were so nice to me.  And there were naked women everywhere, and mirrors all over all the walls so no matter where I looked I saw T&A.  Courtni would be so proud of me not running out of there.  I mean I didn’t want to run, but I was blushing the entire time.  I was blushing so much it made the dancers laugh at me (all in good fun, I hope).

They were all really nice.  And wicked pretty (except for that one girl *shudder*).

It turns out that I love having naked women crawling in my lap.  Who knew?!  I got FOUR lap dances.  Count ‘em: one, two, three, four.  Four lap dances all for me.  I didn’t even care that Sean got four too, because I had such a good time!

Then on Sunday we went out for breakfast and then Sean and I left for home.  We went to see Zack And Miri Make A Porno, and it was hilarious.  It’s not a real porno, but there’s a lot of nakedness and porn making in it and it’s a love story too.  I will buy it on DVD when it comes out.  Definitely go see it, but not with your parents.

That would be bad.