Life Under Construction

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

Check out LiLu’s blog for a list of more TMI stories.  They are more badass and more hardcore than mine.

*****

This is my first time ever participating in LiLu’s TMI Thursday.  And probably my last.  PROBABLY.  We’ll see.

This isn’t going to be a blog about my first time actually having sex, it’s more about what happened when my high school boyfriend’s mother found out we were ‘doing it’.  She threw the term ’sexually active’ around a few times, as if her knowing we did it wasn’t enough to make me insanely uncomfortable she had to say ’sexually active’ and talk to me about birth control.

Because yeah.  That happened to me.

It was back in 2000.  D and I had been dating for a whole year when we decided we were ready (more like I decided I was ready, ’cause you know a teenage boy is always ready) to not be virgins anymore.

I even remember the exact date we did it.  What?!!  That’s not sad!!  The only reason I remember the date is because I wrote it down in my love sick teenage journal, on my list of monumental occasions that needed remembering.  The rest of the list included the day we started dating (it was a small list).

I’M A GIRL.

Anyway, we did it.  And somehow his mom found out and confronted us about it some days later.  She asked us if we used condoms, if I was on The Pill, and if I knew what all of my options were if we were going to be sexually active because having sex means I could get pregnant.

O.O

She told me that if I didn’t tell my mom that D and I were having sex, she was going to do it.  HOLY EMBARRASSMENT did that scare the ever-living crap out of me!  When my mom was driving me home from D’s house that night (I was 17, and not driving yet (SHUT UP)) I told her I had to tell her something important and that I didn’t want her to get mad.  She scowled at me (she good at that) and I started to cry (more like sob pitifully) as I spilled the beans.

Me:  Mommy, *sobs* I had sex.  I’m sorry.
Mama:  What?!
Me:  I’m sorry!  D and I had sex.
Mama:  Jaime ANN.
Me:  I’m sorry!
Mama:  What did you think of it?  Did you like it?!
Me:  *embarrassed scream*  No!  *lots of sobbing*
Mama:  Are you going to do it again?!
Me:  *still sobbing like a three year old*  No!

Sex was (still is and forever will be) the last thing in the world I ever want to talk to my mom about.  I’ve never been comfortable sharing intimate things with her.  It’s actually the last thing I ever want to talk to anyone about.  I’ve never in my life been comfortable talking about sex.  With anyone.

Did my mother ask me if we used protection?  Did she talk to me about possible birth control options?  Hell no.  That was too out of her league.  She probably thought (like my dad) that I wouldn’t have sex until I was 35 and married.  But she asked me if I liked it.  WTF ma?

I don’t remember the rest of the car ride that day, I only remember crying so hard my lungs hurt and feeling red hot anger at all the moms in the world for conspiring against me in my special time of teenage joy at showing my boyfriend how much I loved him.  With sex.

This is (hopefully) the only time you’ll ever get a story from me with the tags ‘mom’ and ’sex’ and ‘TMI’ in the same post.  And honestly?  I felt had to text my ex to ask for permission to mention our first time in a blog.  Because I’m that considerate (even though I’m not sharing details).

Share This

25 Responses to “TMI Thursday: My First Time”