Neurotic Ramblings

Posts Tagged ‘writing’

Let’s change this up a bit, shall we?

Remember when I was all “I’m awesome, and gorgeous, and amazing and pretty and funny and a dance machine and omg, wouldn’t you just loooove to be me?!” ?

Yeah, I don’t either.  I seem to have taken myself off my own pedestal and didn’t even realize it. 

But guess what?!  I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! 

Yes, the narcissistic diva you’ve grown to love to hate is back with a vengenace. A girl’s gotta make up for lost time.

Life has been fabulous.  The parties have been amazing and every day has proven to be better than the last.

It’s incredible what one good day can do to change your perspective.  Just yesterday this blog would have been wah wah wah, but no.  I don’t have time for that.

I’m getting back to my stuck up, pretentious, better-than- you self and not making any apologies for it.  Wanna know why?  Because I am fan-fucking-tastic, that’s why.

And by “you”, you know I don’t mean you, my loves.  Ya’ll know I love each and every one of you!!!

But I’m serious.  I dress the part, I walk the part, I talk it and live it, I just don’t know why it hasn’t been coming across on here. 

I read my blogs and my skin crawled.  Who is this dark, whiny person who has seem to have taken over for me and why is she bitching all the time and not even in a sarcastic manner???

Unacceptable, my friends. 

Everything used to be so tongue-in-cheek, inside joke, look at us we’re fabulous…and then BAM!  Negativity central hit.  And the weird part was that it happened just as everything is so awesome in my personal life. 

I don’t need to be miserable to crank out a good blog.  I can do it just fine when I’m oh so happy.  I just need to sharpen up my wit and cook up some snark and I’m on my way with a recipe for Pecosaliciousness. 

Oh yes honey, I’m back.

I want to be able to get back to the point where words flowed freely from my fingers without second thought to syntax, grammar or spelling.  I want to be able to type out my feelings without going back and reading over them to make sure I typed what I really wanted to say. 

There was a time when my emotions poured out through my hands on the keyboard.  When I had no friends, when I had no other outlets, writing is the one thing that got me through.  It was raw, it was unfiltered, it was freeing.  It was me.<

The smell hit her as soon as she entered the room; stale cigarettes and cheap beer were staples in his life as of late.  He sat on the couch going through his phone, not exactly sure what he was looking for.

The latest one had left him and there they were again, ten years later, in the same situation.  They spoke not a word.  They didn’t have to.  Over the years of arguing and screaming and using words as their poison of choice they had learned that peace and love was kept best in silence.

He noticed her shortly after she had walked in.  Her presence had always commanded attention in the most subtle of ways.  His gaze fixed on her and for all the relief and gratefulness he felt, he couldn’t even bring himself to smile, but his eyes said it all.  They always had.

They walked down the hallway towards her car.  She had made him clean himself up a bit before walking out the door.  That was one of the things she missed the most about him.  His arrogance and pride had always kept looking him clean. 

He was broken now.  He was broken and she couldn’t fix him. Not this time.  No, this time it was different.  He had given himself in.  Given up the others who gave him what he wanted, the ones who took care of him and supported his lifestyle.  The ones who could pick him up from this mess financially.  Now they were gone and so was the one he ran them all off for.

The one he never gave up sat next to him now, comforting him like only she knew how.  They had put each other through hell.  They had been through it all and to this day remained the only constant in each other’s lives. 

He was there through her bad decisions and she was there through his self-destruction phases.  As sick as it was, they had once both found delight in the other’s pain.  But as the years passed by and they grew further away from the destructive and painful past they once shared, they had come to learn to appreciate and value one another.

It was always understood from the moment their paths crossed again that nothing could ever come from that fateful meeting other than a twisted quid pro quo friendship.  Sure, the sexual tension was always there.  But they knew entirely too much about one another and that knowledge crushed whatever desires attempted to build up inside them.  This was nothing more than two people who had bared their souls and put their pride on the line in an effort to have what everyone longs for.  A soul mate. 

You see, to them a soul mate wasn’t in the form of a relationship linked partner.  No, a soul mate was one who knew them inside and out, the good and the bad, the pure and the evil.  One who knew how to heal wounds with a look and an embrace without judgment spoken, although it was constantly there.  They were soul mates, walking the earth in search of something they knew didn’t exist, but incessantly looking for it either way.

It was this mutual understanding that allowed them to remain functional human beings…