Neurotic Ramblings

Posts Tagged ‘the shred’

When I was married, my husband continually complained that I would shrink his clothes in the dryer. He used this as an excuse to play off the fact that he was slowly becoming a fatty; it was a running joke amongst the in-laws. Well, guess what? My grandma shrank my jeans in the dryer. It’s a sad, sad day.

I feel like stuffed sausage. These pants are so g-damn tight! But it HAS to be that they shrunk because all my other jeans fit just fine! It’s just that I needed to wear my sparkly butt jeans to offset the shittiness that this day was to hold so I was stuck with these. And they fit fine this morning, but somewhere in between the drive to my kid’s school and my drive to work, I must have gained like ten effin pounds. What gives?

Oh yeah, fuck you Mother Nature. You cross dressing tranny, you. I shake my fist at you!

In other news that you don’t care about…I started my shred again yesterday. I wasn’t planning on it, but I needed to.

You see, when I started jogging, I noticed what an awesome relief it was for me. Like, I could be having the worst fucking day EVER, and a quick two mile jog would make it all go away and I could clear my head.

Well, yesterday I needed to RUN. I had to. If I didn’t do something to sweat the stress out, I was going to explode. But guess what? As my shitty luck would have it, the damn gym was CLOSED. GAH! So I went home, popped Jillian Michaels in my DVD player and called her a bitch with each and every side step lunge I did. And.it.felt.good. Every bead of sweat and every ache in my thighs was sweet, sweet relief.

Sometimes I just get the urge to start running. Maybe if I gave in to that urge I could stop blaming my grandma for making my jeans shrink. Hmmmm….there’s an interesting concept.