Neurotic Ramblings

Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

It happened again today.  I just had to look at his profile.  I didn’t want to.  I knew I shouldn’t.  I knew it was a bad idea.

But there it was, staring me in the face.  A pic of him and a chick.  A weird looking chick, but a chick nonetheless.

The guy who complained that I didn’t post pictures of us.  The guy who complained that I didn’t text him enough or call him enough.  The guy that I wasn’t good enough for.  The guy who said things that gave me hope.  The guy who strung me along.

There he was, smiling, with his arm around another girl.

The picture burned me more than I care to admit.

Yeah, it’s been more than a few months since he cut the cords that day that I finally gave in to his question…”tell me what you want”  …”I want you…to be with you”  those words tore down whatever it was that I had built up in my head.  Those words that I regret ever  saying because maybe, just maybe, he’d still be here if I hadn’t said them.

But now here I am, alone and trying to type through tear-filled eyes.

It’s not fair.  I don’t want to feel like this.

I didn’t ask for this.  It was just supposed to be a stupid crush, nothing more.

And I looked for ways to forget him in places I shouldn’t have gone.   And those regrets pile on top of the pain that I feel when I think of him and it’s just.not.fair.

It was never anything more than what it was.  A “whatever it is”.  And now it’s not and I want it back and he won’t ever know.