Neurotic Ramblings

Posts Tagged ‘kids’

To say this was a loooong day would be such a huge understatement.

Work had it’s good moments, but today was a day I couldn’t wait to escape from. 

I feel like I’ve been running around since the minute I left the parking lot.  Drive home and get the soccer uniform, pick up the kids all the way across town, rush to practice.  This damn weather doesn’t help either.  It’s windy and muggy and humid and chilly all at the same time and the mosquitos look like something out of a sci-fi movie. 

It’s a million little things all rolled into one big, hellatious day.  Pick up laundry, drop off laundry, finding time to actually DO the laundry, clean the apartment, pick up the living room, ask the kids a billion times if homework is done and for the eleventy billionth time, take a shower!!!

It’s overwhelming.  And at the same time, I look around and think, damn, I have it good.  I have a nice place to live, I’m finally feeling at home here.  I have a car that while ugly, is reliable.  My kids have everything they need and so many damn extras that really, they’re quite spoiled.  But they help me out a lot around the house too so it’s a give and take sitch.  It works. 

I think I’m so exhauseted from thinking all damn day.  I expend so much energy worrying about the larger scheme of things that I forget to take a breath and live in the moment.  I’ve been thinking that something that’s supposed to be right shouldn’t take this much work.  Maybe if I take things a little less seriously, I can actually enjoy my time and be happy.  Don’t get me wrong, I am happy right now.  But the what-ifs and what-abouts are a little too much to take sometimes.  The long term goals will be reached with or without the worries so there’s no point in worrying in the insignificance that the now sometimes brings.  It’s my fault, really.  We all know I over analyze.  I obsess.  I work out every scenario and always prepare for the worst while hoping for the best.  But why?  Maybe it’s ok to live in my bubble.  Stop trying to burst it.

I don’t know anymore.

What I do know is that today at M’s practice Kbob and I took a walk to the car.  I held his hand in mine and we walked together in silence.  His little face looked up and just smiled and every single worry, every stressful thought, every single moment that had made today a bad day just melted away. 

Enjoy the little things in life.  I won’t always have my baby boy the way he is now.  He won’t always be my baby and want to walk hand in hand with me.  M won’t always need me to be there for her practices cheering her on.  They’ll eventually grow up and I’ll be in the sidelines, still cheering, but I won’t have a little hand to squeeze back.  That’s the reason why I’m here.  That’s the reason I go to work everyday.  That’s the reason I’m going to school.  Focus.  Perspective.  I’ve got it.

Whoo.

Taxes: filed

M’s glasses: ordered

Lost watching: in progress.

Jaja, I wish I could take a pic of Kbob right now.  He was talking my ear off a minute ago and right now that I turned to look  at him he’s fast asleep with his feet on my shoulder and his head hanging off the couch.  He’s a monkey even in his sleep.

Today was incredibly odd.  I spent the better part of two hours reading about deadly creatures of the sea and freaking myself out because who knows when I might one day decide to go scuba-diving and some colossal squid will be like “hmmm, there’s dinner” and drag me down to the abyss with its hooked tentacles and then whatever would everyone do without me around?!  I know!  The tragedy!!!  See people, it’s a good thing I worry about these things.

Seriously, would YOU want this thing swimming after you?!

Aren’t you glad I don’t post images on here often???

Anytwittles, I was in a “mood” for the rest of the day.  Not a bad mood, or a sad mood, but a “what the hell is wrong with me…ooo, shiny!, can we all go home now please?” mood.  Yeah, try explaining that one to your boss.  So it’s just easier to say “lady problems” and move it along and then all is well again.

I’ve decided that I’m going to delete my myspace.  I know, I’m totes late for the movement against “the man” or what not, but fashionably late.  I just need to get my new laptop, go through all my old blogs, save those, go through pics and save the ones I want to keep which I no longer have, and ohmyfkingoodness I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

See, I can organize things better than your average Susie Q.  As long as they are physical things.  Meaning I can touch them.  Files in a computer, though, drive me completely insane.  I don’t even download music because it’s a pain in my ass to organize it into folders that I can easily retrieve depending on my mood.  Can you imagine how I would do with five years worth of crap from a website that gave me my first outlet to the blogosphere???  No bueno.

So sometime, maybe, possibly, perhaps, I will brave my OCD demons and get rid of the whole damn thing and just leave it all behind because really, who wants to go back and reminisce about the dark times in their life?  Oh yeah, THIS drama queen does.

Well, my loves, this is enough rambling for one sitting considering I don’t even have a glass of wine in my hand (although one lovely lady offered to think of me while she downed hers so that has to count for something, right?).

So goodnight, lucid dreams, and as my buddy Normy says, beware of bedtime creatures.

Besos!

Oh, oh, oh!!!  THANK YOU to those of you who joined me on my Google Friend Connect.  I LOVES YOU!!!

After spending the last five days at home, being at work seems like a harsh punishment for wanting material things in life.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about where my life is, where it’s going and how it seems like I’ll never be where I want to be.

This semester has basically gone to shit. My GPA will drop. That’s a given. I’m completely out of the game and while I can still hope for one A and maybe two Bs, a C will be the inevitable outcome of the lab I’m taking. I don’t do Cs. Hell, I don’t do Bs either, but settling is what I have to do.
Yeah, I could have put more effort into it, devoted more time to studying rather than sleeping, but I’m fucking exhausted.

The options on how to solve this time/money/school crisis are not good ones:
a. Move back in with my mom and go to school full time. I JUST moved out. I’m not doing this to myself or to my kids.
b. Only do half-time at school for Spring. This will slow me down, yet again, and I’ll be further and further away from my degree.
c. Go to school full-time and get a part-time job. This makes sense, except for the money part. I can barely afford to live with my full-time “decently paid” job. How will I manage on less than half the pay?
d. Leave things as they are, get some good drugs and go full speed. This seems like the most reasonable one.

On top of all this, my kids need their extra-curricular activities back. M needs to get back in soccer. She misses it and it would be so beneficial to her health-wise and to release some pent up anger. Kbob needs something to keep him busy. He’s got way too much energy and needs a structured activity to release it.

Why can’t I have it easy like I see so many undeserving people do? I know that makes me sound like a bitch, but I see so many women out there with guys who take care of them. Pay the bills while they go to school full-time and support and love kids that aren’t even theirs. Meanwhile I’m by myself, which is better than what I had while I was married anyway since I was basically by myself then too, but it’s fucking hard. It seems like I’ll never be at a place where I’m calm and stable.

I’ve chosen to go into the education field not only because I like it, but because it offers stability that other fields don’t. I get time off coinciding with my kids and that’s a HUGE deal to me. My mom was always there for vacation time and it meant the world to me; I want to be able to do the same with my kids. It just seems my kids will be grown and out of the house by the time I finally graduate.

And yeah, I’m lonely. There are days I wish I had someone there to just chill with and talk to, but that’s not important right now. I realize that, and while my focus sometimes shifts to this, it’s just the woman in me talking. I think I’ll save the rest of this for another day. I’ve dragged this out enough as it is.
Oh, Mondays…you kill me.

I’ m writing this from my couch where my grandma has placed me and warned me not to move.  She brought me my cell, laptop, remote, a small cup with ice and a few droplets of coke and some crackers.  All this after putting medicine on my wrist like if I was a kid and telling me I’m going to be ok.  I love my grandma.

I have been puking my guts out since 4 am today.  Mind you, I didn’t eat much of anything yesterday so it’s that dry-heaving, cough your lungs out type puke.  I honestly thought I was going to die.  I can’t move without the room spinning.  Sleeping is out of the question.  So is laying down.

The last time I puked this much and this bad, it was morning sickness.  I was worried to death this morning.

I somehow managed to keep my head from spinning long enough to take the kids to school and run to HEB to buy a test and some Pepto Bismol.

Now just so you get an idea of how paranoid I am:  I’m on my period.  I haven’t missed any periods.  You have to have sex to get pregnant.  I haven’t.  But somehow, I was convinced I was pregnant and that was the cause of me dying of death.  It wasn’t.

I still feel like I’m going to pass out.  I would still kill to be able to drink a gallon of water.  I still wish I wasn’t puking every half hour.  Someone shoot me please.

*update*

I’m not dying of death anymore.  I’m just very, very uncomfortable.  My family rocks.  My mom’s been checking on me every half hour regardless of the fact that she’s already dealing with 20+ patients at the office and she knows I’m a big crybaby.

My grandma came by again and spent time with me to distract me and when she had to leave she called me to tell me funny gossip to keep my mind off dying of death.  She also picked up the kids and took them to her house so I don’t have to worry about them while I’m still recovering.

My PC has been texting me all day to see how I’m feeling.  So has another friend of mine.  If I was any bigger of an attention whore, I’d be milking this for all it’s worth.  hehe.

This weekend was a lot of fun. I slept way more than I should have, but given my current condition, that’s ok.

I thought I had cleaned my place well enough but every little piece of dirt on my floor gives me the heebeejeebees…how I missed it the first time baffles me.

In driving to work this morning I figured out what’s been making me feel icky and gross and not myself lately. This should probably go on a TMI blog, but by then it’ll be taken care of so why wait? Stuble. I HATE stuble. I like to be nice and smooth all the time and I figured since it’s been chilly and I can get away with jeans and sweats everyday, I’d be ok. But no, my brain ain’t having it. “shave already, ya nasty” it keeps telling me. Harrumph. FINE.

Another thing? My heels. I realized this morning that I don’t have ANY open toe shoes with heels that I can wear. I mean, no, I still haven’t found my kick ass wedges which would make my life simpler, but the heels I do have are lacking…a heel. The tiny little bottom part, you know, the one that covers the nail? So I have 5+ pairs of shoes that have been rendered unwearable and need to take a visit to the Shoe Dr. Pronto.

I did get some things taken care of which will make the next two weeks less sressful. The kids got their costumes. I don’t celebrate Halloween so I was never up on the whole “buy your costume early” thing. Last year I bought them the day of and said never again because people are crazy and I’m not dealing with crowds…especially crowds involving kids. So this year the costumes are bought and they are CUUUUUTE. Kbob is going to be Wolverine. The costume is kick ass and he LOVES it. M is going to be Spongebob. My 9 year old doesn’t fit into kid costumes; they’re too short. So we had to resort to teen ones and, well, it was “sexy pirate” “sexy strawberry shortcake” “sexy this and that”…UGH! So when she tried on the Spongebob costume I was for sure that she would hate it, but nope, cute-yet-appropriate Halloween costume FTW!

I want to go watch Paranormal Activity sooooo bad. The ex-hubby swore up and down that it’s the BEST horror movie EVER and being that we used to watch every horror movie out there, I kind of have to give him the benefit of the doubt. So that’s been put on the “things to do this week” along with “finally do laundry”, “write research paper”, “buy my halloween costume” and “try not to go insane with overscheduling”.

So, how was YOUR weekend???
Get into any kind of trouble worth sharing?
And to those who went to PBandTUNA…yep, I’m still green with envy!

* Couple’s Retreat: Skip it. Not even Vince Vaughn could save this movie. Actually, Carlos Ponce almost did…if it weren’t for that damn hair.
* Had a blast, but I’m glad it’s over. I can’t hang anymore and that’s fine with me.
* Consuming a half-slab of ribs after 9 pm is never a good idea.
* Some people take themselves way too seriously.
* It really is ok to be selfish sometimes.
* People are going to talk about you whether you give them a reason or not, so might as well live it up and make the most of life.
* Sleeping in is nearly impossible when your upstairs neighbors are fat cows.
* People with children should not be allowed to live in upstairs apartments. Neither should people who walk like they’re nailing their feet to the floor every time they take a step.
* TV needs to step it up and show better shit on weekends. I refuse to watch “Never Been Kissed” ever again. And yes, I realize football was on but I forgot.
* Denny’s can actually have good food when you’re a tad hungover, but sitting by screaming children and parents who must be on some good damn pills shouldn’t have to be an issue. Shut your kid up.
* Aside from my own kids and a few select others, I really don’t like children.
* I need to start being nicer to some people and less nice in general. Why do some people think they are just so awesome so you must want to talk to them? They can’t fathom the thought that you may really just not like them as a person. They may be too annoying, stuck up, boring, or just have different interests as you…so move along, don’t put me in an awkward position.
* I really, really, really like shopping for dresses now. The one I bought this weekend is SO comfortable and versatile enough to dress it up or dress it down. Loves!
* I also found some fab earrings and a rockin’ cocktail ring to complete the look. Double loves!
* I really need to find a nice curtain rod. Still haven’t done that. It’s been almost 3 months now. Procrastination WIN, but home décor FAIL.

Anytwat, how was YOUR weekend?!

Today is the beginning of the schedule of death.  Starting today I will have my head so far up life’s ass that I will lose myself in my own delusional reality just to escape for seconds at a time.  And you, my friend, get to read aaaall about it.

Because of the S.O.D. I will have to schedule time to spend with kids, family and friends.  My OCD persona likes this.  My “live life this moment” one does not.

Eh, I’ll manage.  Just 3 days of waking up at 6 am and going to bed at midnight with work, school, homework, kids, projects, working out and life all packed into 72 short hours. 

Someone hand me the xanax, plsnthnx.

Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll be so busy I’ll forget to eat and drop a few lbs as a result!  I wouldn’t be too mad about that.  Oh wait, yes I would because none of my damn pants fit me the way I like anymore!!!  I don’t do “loose fit”.  Damnit, I want my ass back and I want it NOW!

 Anyway, I had like a ton of stuff to ramble on but my head is spinning out webs of schedules and spreadsheets and budgets so I can’t really focus it all and get it out quickly enough to make sense of it. 

I can smell cigarette smoke in my office and it’s making me crave one but I’m beggining to get a headache and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Aaaaaanyway.

My page is getting a fabulous makeover thanks to the fabulous Jamie.  If I wasn’t a WordPress rehtahrd I’d totally link her but I don’t know how to so just click on the button to your right.  Do it. 

Oh, and I have a nice little TMI story for you coming on Thursday courtesy of my partner in crime.  (sherapedaboyandhelikedit) and not boy as in “underage”, boy as in “I refer to all potential guys of interest as boys because that’s how we roll” so leave your judgments at the red x. kthxbai.

Ok peoples, back to the grind I go.  Wish me luck or at least to not die the death of a thousand post-its.

Besitos!

This weekend = insanity.

I did sooo much shopping and none of it was enjoyable.  School supplies, uniforms and more school supplies. 

Oh, and new tennis for Kbob and some new padded, yes, padded bras for M.  That girl needs to quit growing.  End of story.

My living room looked like a herd of crazy cows had trampled through an Office Depot.  My OCD was in overdrive trying to get all the supplies labeled, organized and packed but we finished in under two hours which is not bad considering we snuck a last minute trip to Wal-Mart in there in search for non-existant red pens.

So in summary, the kids were dropped off at school this morning, lockers were organized and teachers were greeted.  I cannot wait to pick them up and hear all about their first day. 

In other news, I am happy to say that I am surrounded by the most amazing, caring, selfless, kind people I’ve met in a long time.  My circle of friends is great one.  Something happened this weekend that really made me realize that there are still good people out there who will not think twice about helping a friend out.  Humanity is not lost entirely.

I am sooo looking forward to the end of the workday, picking up my kiddos, and then I’m going to get a well-deserved mani/pedi, buy my books for school and sneak in a bit of shopping for myself.  Can.not.wait.

How was your weekend?

*I wrote this last Thursday after a chat with a good friend of mine about
his kid and outdoor activities for kids. After being out of town this
weekend, I think I have a better appreciation for this town and the
foundation it gives its youth. It may not be perfect, glamorous or
innovative, but it’s home.*

Austin was an awesome place to raise to my kids.

I miss Zilker Park. Playing with the kids, walking down the creek, riding
the Zilker Zephyr, children’s museums, just the whole atmosphere.

I fucking miss it like you wouldn’t imagine.

I’m crying right now because it hurts that I took that away from my kids. I
brought them to a shitty ass town with no diversity, where everyone is
judgmental and one-track minded.

I like the fact that people are more family oriented and tight knit here,
but fuck. There’s nothing fun to do! Same old park, same old resacas that
stink and aren’t even pretty to look at.

No driving up by the lake to see the dam. No driving up the hills and
looking at the gorgeous scenery. No picnics at the park, lunches at amazing
restaurants or hanging out in our beautiful apartment just watching movies
and being a family.

And what cuts me even more is that they miss it too. It’s always “Mommy,
remember when we used to take walks by…or go play at…or when you would
take us…” It fucking breaks my heart.

I need to go back. And I will. But I’m afraid by the time I get there my
kids will be “valley kids” with a “valley mentality” and a “valley
attitude”. I would hate that.

I want my kids to grow up appreciating the differences in people. I want
them to explore and expand their knowledge to the brink of their capacity.
I don’t want them to be close-minded. I don’t want them to think that this
is all the world has to offer. I won’t have that.

And I know I can teach them all that here and the way they see the world
doesn’t all have to do with where they live, but how they are raised. I
know that.

It was just so much easier to do that in a city that invites creativity,
praises individuality and opens up the possibilities of the unthinkable.

Three more years, babies. Only three more years.

*As a side note, my monkeys are up in Austin right now spending time with
their cousins and the rest of the other side of the family. They’re having
a blast. And I couldn’t be happier if I tried.*

Omfg…I’m surprised I made it through today without my mother disowning me for being a heathen, my brother hating me for telling him he’s a total douche bag and my grandma crying because I refuse to let her talk shit about my ex-husband in front of the kids.  So, how was your day?

My mom is a morning person.  A “wake up at 6 in the morning with a smile on my face and sing-song wake up to everyone that we’re going to be late and it’s a beautiful day” kind of person.  I am not.  I need at least 15 minutes in between the time my eyes open and the time I am able to get my body out of bed and drag ass to the bathroom to splash water on my face.  Talking to me anytime in between that warrants a grunt and a “leave me alooooooone” and since she’s my mom and I can’t cuss that early in the morning a very inward “fuckmylifeIjustwanttosleeeeeeeep”.

Ok, fast forward through the next three hour drive which includes her making my brother practice the violin in the van, speeches on religion and salvation and my mp3 giving out on me.  I wanted to jump out of the van.  But then who would I argue with for the next two days?

Spent the entire day at Shabbat Services which was ok up until I thought we were done and they broke out the scripture list which looked like it would take five hours to get through (in reality it was 4 1/2).   Older German lady who I have always looked up to gave me props on me handling Caleb (felt great about that).  Got to see a friend I hadn’t seen in over six years, caught up and bitched about how we sooo wouldn’t be there if we didn’t have to and promised to keep in touch.  Doubt it will happen.

Didn’t get to see the bestie.  Arranged for my ex not to flip the fuck out about me leaving the kids with my mother-in-law for the next two weeks.  Ate the best fucking pancakes and eggs at Jim’s after bitching about not wanting to go there for twenty minutes.

Now I’m sitting here taking advantage of free wi-fi and venting my pretty little ass off.  I guess La Quinta really is Spanish for free high speed internet.

Good night ya’ll.

pdots…Wicked, Just A Girl and everyone else who’s in Vegas right now, have a drink for me, will ya?!