Neurotic Ramblings

Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Today is the beginning of the schedule of death.  Starting today I will have my head so far up life’s ass that I will lose myself in my own delusional reality just to escape for seconds at a time.  And you, my friend, get to read aaaall about it.

Because of the S.O.D. I will have to schedule time to spend with kids, family and friends.  My OCD persona likes this.  My “live life this moment” one does not.

Eh, I’ll manage.  Just 3 days of waking up at 6 am and going to bed at midnight with work, school, homework, kids, projects, working out and life all packed into 72 short hours. 

Someone hand me the xanax, plsnthnx.

Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll be so busy I’ll forget to eat and drop a few lbs as a result!  I wouldn’t be too mad about that.  Oh wait, yes I would because none of my damn pants fit me the way I like anymore!!!  I don’t do “loose fit”.  Damnit, I want my ass back and I want it NOW!

 Anyway, I had like a ton of stuff to ramble on but my head is spinning out webs of schedules and spreadsheets and budgets so I can’t really focus it all and get it out quickly enough to make sense of it. 

I can smell cigarette smoke in my office and it’s making me crave one but I’m beggining to get a headache and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Aaaaaanyway.

My page is getting a fabulous makeover thanks to the fabulous Jamie.  If I wasn’t a WordPress rehtahrd I’d totally link her but I don’t know how to so just click on the button to your right.  Do it. 

Oh, and I have a nice little TMI story for you coming on Thursday courtesy of my partner in crime.  (sherapedaboyandhelikedit) and not boy as in “underage”, boy as in “I refer to all potential guys of interest as boys because that’s how we roll” so leave your judgments at the red x. kthxbai.

Ok peoples, back to the grind I go.  Wish me luck or at least to not die the death of a thousand post-its.

Besitos!

Whoa.

That is the overall sentiment regarding last night.

A few highlights…showing someone a picture of another someone’s torso and it being recognized. I’m cutting my losses short here (again) and not bothering with it anymore.

I have got to stay away from…damnit, I can’t even say keywords, nicknames or give context clues without giving myself away here.

I’m pretty sure I grabbed my ex’s girlfriend when she walked in last night and said “Hey, ma!” very loudly. He looked annoyed. Oh wells.

I danced. Oh.my.gawd. did I dance. And then I stumbledanced to techno. I wonder if I can coin that term. Or if I would even want to…

My phonebook is trouble.

I need coffee in an IV drip. Preferably Flavia’s Intense Dark Roast.

Anything and everything I say after midnight cannot and will not be held against me. This includes texts, emails, phone calls, personal conversations and telepathic glances. The midnight stipulation is null and void if I’ve had more than three shots before midnight at which point the rule applies then and there. I guess I should also include myspace, facebook and twitter communication in here as well.

Ok, now that I’ve had my coffee and I’m eating an Oreo cookie I can go on a proper mini-rant and toot my own horn a bit in the process:

I’m fucking awesome. I know I have my quirks and I’m a bit neurotic at times, but I’m a good person, damnit. Yes, I may be stuck up, but if it weren’t for the narcissist in me I’d crumble at my own insecurities. I’m loud, but not obnoxiously loud. I’m a sweetheart. I really am. I like to make people happy. I’m a people pleaser, sometimes to a fault, and sometimes to my own advantage, but I can’t help it if I want people to like me. I’m pretty. I may not have a perfect body, but I’m pretty fucking hot. I’m a dance machine. I have a bright future ahead of me. I’m not as responsible as I’d like to be, but I’m doing a pretty damn good job with what I have. I call when I say I will and I always return texts. I feel like I should end this with “I like to go for long walks on the beach” (which I do, btw) But seriously guys, I had to write this so I don’t feel insignificant and undeserving. I feel like I should be back in middle school yelling “Why doesn’t he like meeeeeee?!” to my best friend. It’s stupid and fucking ridiculous and this is why it’s reserved to be written on my blog instead of shouted at the top of my lungs.

Ok…/ pitty-party rant.

The smell hit her as soon as she entered the room; stale cigarettes and cheap beer were staples in his life as of late.  He sat on the couch going through his phone, not exactly sure what he was looking for.

The latest one had left him and there they were again, ten years later, in the same situation.  They spoke not a word.  They didn’t have to.  Over the years of arguing and screaming and using words as their poison of choice they had learned that peace and love was kept best in silence.

He noticed her shortly after she had walked in.  Her presence had always commanded attention in the most subtle of ways.  His gaze fixed on her and for all the relief and gratefulness he felt, he couldn’t even bring himself to smile, but his eyes said it all.  They always had.

They walked down the hallway towards her car.  She had made him clean himself up a bit before walking out the door.  That was one of the things she missed the most about him.  His arrogance and pride had always kept looking him clean. 

He was broken now.  He was broken and she couldn’t fix him. Not this time.  No, this time it was different.  He had given himself in.  Given up the others who gave him what he wanted, the ones who took care of him and supported his lifestyle.  The ones who could pick him up from this mess financially.  Now they were gone and so was the one he ran them all off for.

The one he never gave up sat next to him now, comforting him like only she knew how.  They had put each other through hell.  They had been through it all and to this day remained the only constant in each other’s lives. 

He was there through her bad decisions and she was there through his self-destruction phases.  As sick as it was, they had once both found delight in the other’s pain.  But as the years passed by and they grew further away from the destructive and painful past they once shared, they had come to learn to appreciate and value one another.

It was always understood from the moment their paths crossed again that nothing could ever come from that fateful meeting other than a twisted quid pro quo friendship.  Sure, the sexual tension was always there.  But they knew entirely too much about one another and that knowledge crushed whatever desires attempted to build up inside them.  This was nothing more than two people who had bared their souls and put their pride on the line in an effort to have what everyone longs for.  A soul mate. 

You see, to them a soul mate wasn’t in the form of a relationship linked partner.  No, a soul mate was one who knew them inside and out, the good and the bad, the pure and the evil.  One who knew how to heal wounds with a look and an embrace without judgment spoken, although it was constantly there.  They were soul mates, walking the earth in search of something they knew didn’t exist, but incessantly looking for it either way.

It was this mutual understanding that allowed them to remain functional human beings…

Omfg…I’m surprised I made it through today without my mother disowning me for being a heathen, my brother hating me for telling him he’s a total douche bag and my grandma crying because I refuse to let her talk shit about my ex-husband in front of the kids.  So, how was your day?

My mom is a morning person.  A “wake up at 6 in the morning with a smile on my face and sing-song wake up to everyone that we’re going to be late and it’s a beautiful day” kind of person.  I am not.  I need at least 15 minutes in between the time my eyes open and the time I am able to get my body out of bed and drag ass to the bathroom to splash water on my face.  Talking to me anytime in between that warrants a grunt and a “leave me alooooooone” and since she’s my mom and I can’t cuss that early in the morning a very inward “fuckmylifeIjustwanttosleeeeeeeep”.

Ok, fast forward through the next three hour drive which includes her making my brother practice the violin in the van, speeches on religion and salvation and my mp3 giving out on me.  I wanted to jump out of the van.  But then who would I argue with for the next two days?

Spent the entire day at Shabbat Services which was ok up until I thought we were done and they broke out the scripture list which looked like it would take five hours to get through (in reality it was 4 1/2).   Older German lady who I have always looked up to gave me props on me handling Caleb (felt great about that).  Got to see a friend I hadn’t seen in over six years, caught up and bitched about how we sooo wouldn’t be there if we didn’t have to and promised to keep in touch.  Doubt it will happen.

Didn’t get to see the bestie.  Arranged for my ex not to flip the fuck out about me leaving the kids with my mother-in-law for the next two weeks.  Ate the best fucking pancakes and eggs at Jim’s after bitching about not wanting to go there for twenty minutes.

Now I’m sitting here taking advantage of free wi-fi and venting my pretty little ass off.  I guess La Quinta really is Spanish for free high speed internet.

Good night ya’ll.

pdots…Wicked, Just A Girl and everyone else who’s in Vegas right now, have a drink for me, will ya?!

This weekend was crazy.  It was activity filled and left me exhausted as hell.  I just want to crawl back into bed and take a nap.

M was in a pageant/model search.  And no, it was not a Toddler in Tiaras type of event, it was more…casual.  She won “Most Photogenic” “Best Hair” and 2nd runner up plus she gets to compete in the state pageant and I’m not sure how I feel about that. 

I FINALLY got to go out with my BFF.  We hadn’t partied together in eons.  We had a fucking blast.  The end.

Yesterday I spent about 6 hours at the mall.  With the kids. Not shopping for me.  Oh, the sacrifices that come along with motherhood…I kid, I kid.  Kbob got his kick-ass Puma trainers he’s been wanting and I got to window shop for next week when I actually have time to go and buy stuff for me.  Then we headed to Peter Piper Pizza to meet with friends and their kids(think Chuckie Cheese but with delicious pizza and much better games at a much better price) for about two hours and theeeeeen we went to the park. 

I.AM.EXHAUSTED. 

I crashed out at about 10 pm.  I didn’t answer calls or texts after that.  I just ignored the very annoying ringer on my G1 (yes, I have to brag because I oh-so love my new phone) until this morning when I was woken up to the sounds of a rooster as opposed to a “caffeinated rattlesnake”.  Note to google: develop better alarm sounds. kthnxbai

I need to go jogging.  Neeed to.  My body is craving it.  Funny how things that are good for you can also be addicting.  Also, with this new $1.01 tobacco tax starting next week, I’m pretty sure I’m kicking the habit or at least minimizing to only when I go out which is also getting cut back.

And that’s it.  That’s all my body will allow me to spew at the moment.  No intelligible thoughts, no witty banter, no fashion commentary.  Just snooze talk.

How was your weekend?  Do anything fun?

T.G.I.F. ~ Thank Goodness I’m Fabulous!!!

Welcome to Pecosa’s whoknowswhat#I’mon I LOVE Fridays blog!

I LOVE…that I have the most amazing best friend in the world.  Bitch’s got my back.  I love yas.

I LOVE…that I get to interact with the coolest ladies in the blogoshpere almost everyday.

I LOVE…that even though I might feel smothered and annoyed and like jumping off a bridge in six inch heels, my family loves me and protects me.

I LOVE…my new phone that will be promptly activated tomorrow and covered in a hot pink and black zebra print because I’m in that type of mood.

I LOVE…that I’m finally seeing results from eating healthy and working out every day.

I LOVE…my little brother.  He’s a pain in the ass at times, but I love that kid to death.

I LOVE…that Kbob is a natural at baseball, just like his daddy.

I LOVE…that M loves soccer, but still worries about her nails looking pretty.  =)

I LOVE…that even though this morning had almost turned to shit, I was able to recover, take a minute and turn it around.

I LOVE…that you love me and that I love you back and it’s good in da’ hood.  yep yep.

I LOVE…Lady GaGa.  Seriosuly, Starstruck, Poker Face, BeautifulDirtyRich…love ‘em all.

I LOVE…that I get to see my friends for lunch at the Roadhouse today and that even though we haven’t been there in forever, he knows just what I like.

I LOVE…that’s it’s FRIDAY and I get to sleep in tomorrow!

Now tell me…what do you LOVE???

I want…to stop feeling so needy!  I feel like just screaming out “PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!!!!” to no one in particular.

I want…for my friends who make plans to keep them.  I can’t even begin to tell you how royally pissed it makes me when I get cancelled on last minute because usually I’ve passed up other plans to do something with you, and then you pull that shit.  I don’t have time, energy or patience enough for this. 

I want…for this weird mood I’ve been in to settle.  The rollercoaster is fun when it’s up, but when it’s going down it feels like my lungs are going to jump out through my throat. 

I want…for my G1 phone to be activated already.  Why did I pay the $380 if I had to wait allll the damn way till next Friday???  ugh

I want…to have set plans and everyone follow my rules.  Lists and schedules make me sane.  Knowing what I am going to do and when I’m going to do it keeps me leveled.  Throw me off and you get this…a rambling blog about how royally pissed I am right now.

I want…a certain someone to text me back before I go batshit crazy.  Seriously, it’s not funny.  Quit that shit.

I want…to be at the island right now…laying on the cool sand while the sun’s rays warm my skin and give me a glorious tan…le sigh…

Morning.  Don’t know about the good.  Feeling like I’ve been punched in the face with a dirty boot and then run over by a riding lawnmower.  So of course I decided this was the best time to blog.  But on to the good stuff…

Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas hosted a contest over on her site…aaaaand, I’m the weiner!!!!  I won a $65 credit at Eden Fantasys.  Sooooo excited!  I’ll make sure to write a post about what I get.  Just to make ya’ll jealous cuz I won and you didn’t…nana nana booboo!

Ugh…everytime I yawn I end up gagging.  Damn you, Patron!!!

Being that I have been reading an insane amount of entertainment “news” lately I’ve come to notice that we are taking a turn for the worst.  Turn right at catty. take a left at fake scandal and arrive at ridiculous, hope you enjoy the ride!

I’m not going to talk about how this election turned more into a celebrity battle, but I am going to talk about Etta James and Beyonce.  B, Beyonce, Sasha Fierce, whatever that crazy broad is calling herself today…sang Etta’s “At Last” at the Inaugural Ball.  C’mon, that shit ain’t right.  Why didn’t they ask Etta James?  Because she’s old?  Anyway, Ihardly thought it was worth metion until I read what she had said:  I’m a fan of Beyonce’s music.  The persona…not so much.

And then there’s the Miley thing making fun of Asians sicne she took a pic slanting her eyes.  Honestly, it’s blown out of proportion.  No matter what someone does, someone will get offended.  I don’t think it’s spewing hate or being racist.  She slanted her eyes, oh wow.  Again, I’m not a fan.  My daughter loves Hannah Montana, but she doesn’t look at her as a role model.  Anyway, I digress.  I’m not awake enough for this and I’m not even sure why I’m mentioning it, but there it is.

In other news, the economy still sucks, people are getting fired left and right and I’m still crossing my fingers that I’ll keep my job through the summer at least. 

Ok people, I’m off to have a piece of chocolate cake and take a nap.  If only I had a remote to hit the mute button on my mom…

P.S. Tell your hoochie that just because we run into each other everywhere doesn’t mean she has to feel compelled to shove her tongue down your throat when she sees me.  It’s nasty and it’s not my fault you keep looking at me when you dance.  Tell the bitch she needs to chill.  “I don’t want yo maaaaaaaan, cuz I got it like that and it ain’t even gotta be like that…”  LMAO

That’s how old I look, apparently.  Yeah.  Read that again.  Twenty-8.  

I’m 23.  Obviously, this is not a good thing.  Another guess was 26.  Going at this pace, when I’m 35, I’m going to look 40.  What the fuck? 

When I was 14, I looked 17.  It made me happy to look older.  Now?  Not so much.  I’m just wondering what it is.  The lipstick I wore today since I usually just wear gloss?  The way I wore my hair?  My outfit?  What is it???!!!

I usually get a suprise reaction when people find out how old I am since they know I have two kids and then they start doing the math.  I started young, duh.  I’m sure that has taken a toll on my looks.  But 28?  Fuck.

I’ve been told it’s because of the way I carry myself.  Mature.  Maybe I’ll go around acting a fool and people will think I’m younger…or demented.  Hmmm.

Anyway, maybe I’m just tired from the weekend.  I didn’t have a break the entire time.  It was kids, kids and more kids.  Park, shopping and movies.  AGH!!!!  Then last night I totally pigged out: ice cream, twix, kit kats and sooooo much pop.  And that was after steak, loaded mashed potatos and a huuuge strawberry banana margarita.  I’m hating myself for it right now, but hell, I needed the comfort.  I was about to have a blood vessel pop from the stress.  Thank goodness for Get Smart and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Vegging out is nice.

Ok, I’m off to find some anti-aging treatmentst online and shop for school girl clothes to fend off the years.

How was your weekend?? Any “look younger now” tips??

Thank you, Courtni!  I’m taking that comment to heart. 

The kids are doing great!  They’re having tons of fun and they got to see all their little friends.  My mom is happy to get to see all her friends and my brother, well, he’s a teenage boy so that says it all.

I’ve been doing great!  (aside from the fact that I have yet to take my midterm or get any homework done, hey, I’ve just been living life these few days)

I took two days off from work.  Got a bit of a tummy virus.  But, it just so happened that before that happened, or while, not sure…anyway, I met a guy.  A cute, very polite, very nice, very fun guy.  That said, I’m taking it for what it is.  I don’t care how much I like him, I’m not going to start over analyzing and getting all caught up and shit.  I’m just having fun.  If he calls, good.  If he doesn’t, oh well.  But so far he’s called a good amount of times and taken me out for lunch, dinner and drinks.  And now he’s going out of town till next week so it gives me time to chat with my friends about said guy.  On a side note…why is it everytime I decide to go out with a guy my ex happens to be there too?  Granted, it’s only been twice, but still…

Anyway….I finally got a camera!  I was so excited!  I looked like a dan little kid at Best Buy last night.  Trying all of them, asking soooooo many questions and blah blah blah…I finally decided on a Cannon.  Good brand, awesome features and on sale so yay!  Here’s a pic of my baby:

I also bought an MP3 player.  I wanted the iPod touch sooooooo bad, but no way I was shelling out $300 just for a thing that plays music, because at the end, that’s all I’ll use it for.  I had my little heart set on an iPod nano, but the sales rep kid was awesome, he told me there’s no sense in spending $150 for the brand when I can get something with way more memory and similar style for only $79.99…so I did.  I got this:

With all the accessories and media cards and what not I spent under $400 so I think I’m good so far.  Now I just need to figure out how to use the damn car adaptor.

I had to stop by Shoe Carnival bcs I needed a new pair of black peep toe sandals and I found the exact ones I had been looking for for over a month on sale for $15.  When I got rang up it came to $10.43!  Score!!!!

So needless to say, I’m all grins and giggles lately.  My girls and I are supposed to tear it up this weekend…McAllen ain’t ready for us!!!!

But tell me, how have you been???