Neurotic Ramblings

Archive for the ‘Thursday Thirteen’ Category

Ok folks, here we go…

1.  I haven’t had good, let alone awesome, sex in a looooong time.

2. When I’m into a guy physically, but don’t really deem him dateable, I’m totally comfortable being myself.  However, when I really like a guy, I turn into a mess.  I get nervous, fidgety, second-guess myself and then get upset about it.  It’s a sick cycle and I hate it.

3. I’m incredibly too self-conscious of using public restrooms when I have to do something other than pee.  I’m even too self-counscious to type it out.  Why can’t they make all restrooms with doors that go all the way down to the floor?  That way I don’t have to worry about someone seeing my shoes and then knowing what I was doing in the restroom when they recognize them later.  Or maybe I should wear blah shoes so no one recognizes them.  Ah, the dilemma.

4. I am so uncomfortable with how my body looks naked right now.  This is weird to me because when I was chubbier (I refuse to admit I’m fat), I was completely comfortable naked.  Now I see myself in the mirror and keep analyzing each and every inch of myself and wondering why it’s still there if I’ve been exercising and eating right.  This sucks.

5. I am extremely paranoid about getting pregnant.  I’ve taken pregnancy tests when I haven’t even had sex just because my period was irregular.  This stems from getting pregnant the second time I had sex and then again just weeks after going off birth control.  Fertile Myrtle I am.

6. I secretly hold a grudge towards one of my cousins.  I think (insert name and gender here) is a pompous asshole.  I’ve wondered if maybe it’s jealousy, but there’s nothing to be jealous of.  I just really dislike the person.

7. If given the chance right now to marry the richest, nicest, most handsome guy in the world or get back with my ex knowing that he’s matured and grown up and can be a good husband, I would totally pick the latter.  Stupid, idiotic me.

8. I’m a judger.  It’s what I do.  I try to stop myself, but I can’t help it.  First impressions don’t mean as much as what I’ve heard about you before I’ve met you.  This sucks, because I usually end up completely liking the person I’ve judged and regret thinking badly about them.

9. I check out women’s butts without even thinking about it.  I’ve gotten caught doing this sometimes and it’s embarrasing.  Excuse me for admiring a nice round one, I have ass envy. 

10. I cannot start my day right with a dirty nose.  My nose must be free of all foreign matter before starting my morning routine of getting ready.  Puffs Plus are heaven sent.

11. I check out the single dads at M’s soccer games and secretly smirk to myself when I catch them checking me out.13.

12. I’m getting panicky because I’ve ran out of interesting stuff to say about myself.  I’m a wreck like that.

13. And this last one, as if you didn’t already know…despite my insecurities and self-judgements, I am so totally, completely, self-absorbed.  If I don’t love myself, then nobody else will.

A shoe blog? Cliche? Maybe.  But frankly, I don’t care…I just love these.  Each and every one of them. Let’s begin:

Thirteen Memories I Hold Dear To My Heart
(in no particular order for a reason)

1. Christmas time at my grandmother’s house in Mexico.  The house would be full with family, the kids would help set up the nativity scene by the tree, and my grandma would be in the kitchen with my aunts making buñuelos.  Loved those times.

2. Conversations with my grandpa.  He was an amazing man, a great father, husband, grandpa, WWII hero, and friend.  I miss him dearly and I wish I would have had more time with him.  I still miss coming home to visit and seeing him outside always working on his electric scooters.

3. Seeing my great-grandmother take my little brother on walks when he was a baby.  He could barely stand and she would hold his little hand in her frail one.  It was a sight worthy of tears.

4. My dad taking me to the park on Sundays and watching me ride my bike.  It’s one of the few memories I have of him, and regardless of the present, I cherish it.

5.  Weekends in Austin with my kids.  We’d go to Zilker Park every Saturday morning, then get something to eat and go home and watch movies.  I loved it and it almost brings me to tears because I know they miss Austin too.

6. My son and my daughter’s birth.  The feeling is indescribable.  Every moment, even the ones that are aging me with wrinkles and mangled vocal cords, they are moments I love and woudln’t give up for the world.

7. Both of my kid’s first day of school.  M was so independent.  She even told me “You can go now mommy”  lol.  My son wanted me to walk him to his class and then he let go.  I was a mess.

8. My mom’s birthday this year.  We had been going through a rough patch for a couple of days before.  Everyone was mad at everyone else.  But that day it was if as nothing had happened.  We laughed the whole time, the kids behaved and my brother was even sweet.  It was amazing.

9. Summer of ‘07.

10. The good times I shared with Al.  No matter how big of an assy douche he is now, we had our good moments.  And I’m not going to elaborate on that one.

11. Living in Mexico as a kid.  I didn’t have the stereotypical Mexican childhood with the living in a hut and chasing chickens.  I lived in a huge, beautiful historical house.  I went to private school.  I was in a ballet academy.  I was a rich, spoiled brat.  And I loved it.

12. Every time my kids tell me they love me out of the blue and then go on about their business.

13.  A memory of a place I’ve never visited, but yet seem to know so well.  I’m at peace there.

What are some of your favorite memories?

Here’s my first shot at a Thursday Thirteen blog. 

13 things on the end of the year shopping list:

1.- M’s mp3 player for getting A Honor Roll this six weeks

2.- Xander’s Wii for his birthday next week

3.- Phone for my brother so he won’t have excuses to be MIA anymore

4.- I still need to figure out what to get my mom and grandma.  Probably something for the house since they don’t wear anything I buy them anyway.  hmph

5.- These shoes for me (which I already bought…oops!)

  6.- These boots for me (I know, me, me, me)

7.- A Wii Fit for the whole family

8.- DVD Player for the family room

9.- An mp2 player for my brother for good grades and not being too big of a jackass

And the last four i can’t buy:

Love, Health, Joy & Tranquility