Neurotic Ramblings

Archive for the ‘family life’ Category

I’ m writing this from my couch where my grandma has placed me and warned me not to move.  She brought me my cell, laptop, remote, a small cup with ice and a few droplets of coke and some crackers.  All this after putting medicine on my wrist like if I was a kid and telling me I’m going to be ok.  I love my grandma.

I have been puking my guts out since 4 am today.  Mind you, I didn’t eat much of anything yesterday so it’s that dry-heaving, cough your lungs out type puke.  I honestly thought I was going to die.  I can’t move without the room spinning.  Sleeping is out of the question.  So is laying down.

The last time I puked this much and this bad, it was morning sickness.  I was worried to death this morning.

I somehow managed to keep my head from spinning long enough to take the kids to school and run to HEB to buy a test and some Pepto Bismol.

Now just so you get an idea of how paranoid I am:  I’m on my period.  I haven’t missed any periods.  You have to have sex to get pregnant.  I haven’t.  But somehow, I was convinced I was pregnant and that was the cause of me dying of death.  It wasn’t.

I still feel like I’m going to pass out.  I would still kill to be able to drink a gallon of water.  I still wish I wasn’t puking every half hour.  Someone shoot me please.

*update*

I’m not dying of death anymore.  I’m just very, very uncomfortable.  My family rocks.  My mom’s been checking on me every half hour regardless of the fact that she’s already dealing with 20+ patients at the office and she knows I’m a big crybaby.

My grandma came by again and spent time with me to distract me and when she had to leave she called me to tell me funny gossip to keep my mind off dying of death.  She also picked up the kids and took them to her house so I don’t have to worry about them while I’m still recovering.

My PC has been texting me all day to see how I’m feeling.  So has another friend of mine.  If I was any bigger of an attention whore, I’d be milking this for all it’s worth.  hehe.

This weekend = insanity.

I did sooo much shopping and none of it was enjoyable.  School supplies, uniforms and more school supplies. 

Oh, and new tennis for Kbob and some new padded, yes, padded bras for M.  That girl needs to quit growing.  End of story.

My living room looked like a herd of crazy cows had trampled through an Office Depot.  My OCD was in overdrive trying to get all the supplies labeled, organized and packed but we finished in under two hours which is not bad considering we snuck a last minute trip to Wal-Mart in there in search for non-existant red pens.

So in summary, the kids were dropped off at school this morning, lockers were organized and teachers were greeted.  I cannot wait to pick them up and hear all about their first day. 

In other news, I am happy to say that I am surrounded by the most amazing, caring, selfless, kind people I’ve met in a long time.  My circle of friends is great one.  Something happened this weekend that really made me realize that there are still good people out there who will not think twice about helping a friend out.  Humanity is not lost entirely.

I am sooo looking forward to the end of the workday, picking up my kiddos, and then I’m going to get a well-deserved mani/pedi, buy my books for school and sneak in a bit of shopping for myself.  Can.not.wait.

How was your weekend?

Omfg…I’m surprised I made it through today without my mother disowning me for being a heathen, my brother hating me for telling him he’s a total douche bag and my grandma crying because I refuse to let her talk shit about my ex-husband in front of the kids.  So, how was your day?

My mom is a morning person.  A “wake up at 6 in the morning with a smile on my face and sing-song wake up to everyone that we’re going to be late and it’s a beautiful day” kind of person.  I am not.  I need at least 15 minutes in between the time my eyes open and the time I am able to get my body out of bed and drag ass to the bathroom to splash water on my face.  Talking to me anytime in between that warrants a grunt and a “leave me alooooooone” and since she’s my mom and I can’t cuss that early in the morning a very inward “fuckmylifeIjustwanttosleeeeeeeep”.

Ok, fast forward through the next three hour drive which includes her making my brother practice the violin in the van, speeches on religion and salvation and my mp3 giving out on me.  I wanted to jump out of the van.  But then who would I argue with for the next two days?

Spent the entire day at Shabbat Services which was ok up until I thought we were done and they broke out the scripture list which looked like it would take five hours to get through (in reality it was 4 1/2).   Older German lady who I have always looked up to gave me props on me handling Caleb (felt great about that).  Got to see a friend I hadn’t seen in over six years, caught up and bitched about how we sooo wouldn’t be there if we didn’t have to and promised to keep in touch.  Doubt it will happen.

Didn’t get to see the bestie.  Arranged for my ex not to flip the fuck out about me leaving the kids with my mother-in-law for the next two weeks.  Ate the best fucking pancakes and eggs at Jim’s after bitching about not wanting to go there for twenty minutes.

Now I’m sitting here taking advantage of free wi-fi and venting my pretty little ass off.  I guess La Quinta really is Spanish for free high speed internet.

Good night ya’ll.

pdots…Wicked, Just A Girl and everyone else who’s in Vegas right now, have a drink for me, will ya?!

But then I got overwhelmed with all the pictures.  Coming Wednesday: My Brag Book.  Babies, Goofy Mothers, Studly Brothers and One Awesome Grandma.  The people who make me crazy, insane, and the happiest chick in the world.

But for tonight, I’m out.  Had a loooong day: hella busy at work, actually made dinner, cleaned house and then rushed out to Kbob’s Pony League Closing Ceremony.  It doesn’t sound exhausting, but trust, it is.

Have a great night ya’ll.

So…last week is a bit of a blur…

I shopped, I partied, I lived like a normal 23 year old.  It was hella fun even after getting stood up by friends on several occassions.  Oh wells. 

Week highlights:

* I got to spend tons of times with my little brother who happened to turn 15 on Friday. 
* Good times with good friends just chillin’ and not worrying about the time.
* My aunts coming to visit from Mexico and Wisconsin.  I love the atmosphere in the house when they’re there.  Plus my grandma’s mood improves 100%.
* Going to buy a pair of shorts and realizing I’ve dropped an entire size. 
* Friday & Saturday night.  Sweet, relaxing nights with a new certain someone of interest.
* Picking up my kids on Sunday.  The house was not the same without them around.  It.was.quiet.  lol

I got strep throat on Thursday which sucked major balls, but it was gone by Saturday noontime so it’s all good.  I didn’t get a full night’s sleep but I still woke up refreshed this morning.

I did my two miles in under 30 minutes today.  I know this may seem like nothing to you, but it’s a big deal to me.  I’m proud of myself.

I watched Rachel Getting Married yesterday.  Depressing movie to say the least.  Good, nonetheless.

This week is back to reality again.  Kids are back, school is back in session, and I’ve got homework to do again.  Yaaaaaaaay.

How was your weekend?

Oh, ptothes…I love, love, love the remix of Kid Cuddy’s Day & Night.

Monday through Friday my day begins promptly at 6 am.  (except on the ocassion that I get lazy and hit snooze every five minutes ’til 6:30)

Up  I go to try and sneak in some exercise time before waking the kids.  That whole ordeal to get out of the house by 7:15 usually takes us ’til about 7:30 because there’s so many grandmas for them to say bye and give hugs to.

Drop the boy at his school, the girl at hers and then I’m usually at work by 8:10.  I stay there ’til 5:45 to avoid the traffic in the parking lot, but now that we have a gym I extend that to about 6:15. 

Tuesday and Thursday I head to school ’til 10 pm and then head home.  Usually the kids are in bed already.

Ok, now this is where I’m torn.  M’s soccer coach called me last week begging me to put M back in.  She didn’t need to go to practices, just show up at the games.  He really needed her back on the team.  Ok.  I informed her dad because I was trying to be courteous.  Well, he’s an ass and of course how dare I put my education before my daughter and blah blah blah. 

I registered Kbob for pony league baseball and I have no idea when his practices are going to be.  I’m sure with my luck, they’ll be on Tuesdays and Thursdays because the universe figures “why give her a break now?” right? 

The thing is, I know my kids need this.  They need an outlet for how life has been so far.  Yes, we have everything we need, but we are all crammed in living at my mom’s, dad only shows up when hgf (hoochiegirlfriend) lends him her car, and I’m always working or at school.

They need something of their own.  Something they’re good at.  M loves soccer, she’s great at it.  Kbob has shown some skills with a ball and a bat.  And he, more than M, needs something to call his own.  He needs to socialize with kids his age outside of school.  It’ll be great for them. 

And now I’m sitting here debating whether I should just quit my job, go to school full-time and do work study to be able to move out and pay my bills.  This way I’ll have time to take them to practice.  Of course this means no moola for weekends or anything else for that matter.  Or, I could put school on hold, again.  But how is that good in the long run?

Why couldn’t I just have picked a more responsible person to have kids with?  Why can’t I turn into superwoman and do it all?  Why can’t the day have 36 hours to give me time for everything????  WHY?????

It’s a lonely life.  I sit here reading stories of middle-aged single women and how they “got through” not thinking about being single forever.  Holy hell, those stories are depressing.  Yet I can’t seem to stop reading.  I wonder if they really believe the words they write or if they’re trying to convince themselves more than the reader that they really are ok with being single.
 
I’m 23.  I shouldn’t even be concerned at this point about ending up alone.  When I think about my kids I always come to the conclusion that I want to be alone because I don’t want anyone else bringing their thoughts, morals and values to my family.  I’m happy with my own and that’s enough.  But what happens when they grow up and I’m left alone?  My friends will surely be in relationships by then and I’ll be left to travel the world on my own.  Is it really that bad?  Or will I revel in my freedom?  I’m almost giving myself an anxiety attack thinking about it.  I guess part of it has to do with my mother.  I love her to death, but her life consists of me and my brother, my grandma and my kids.  There are no dinners with friends, or dates or even movie nights alone.  She spends her time remodeling the house, reading the bible and watching novelas with my grandma.  And she is perfectly happy living like that.  And I’m happy for her and I hope if I end up like that I will be as happy as she is, I just hope I dont’ end up dressing like her.  My mom used to be model-esque.  High high heels, dresses, jewelry, always had her hair done.  Now she opts for sensible shoes, vests and mom pants.  How did that happen?
 
Anyway, enough with this depressing crap.  I feel and look fabulous today.  (I wish I had someone who appreciated it)  Sorry, had to sneak that in there.  This blog won’t get posted until tomorrow when I’m all perky and chit.
 
M just called me.  She got 100 on her English midterm.  I can’t even begin to tell you how happy it makes me to know that my kids inherited my intelligence.  When I spoke with Kbob’s teacher yesterday she told me him and this other little girl are her top students.  They are well beyond the other kids in her class, which is why they have both been doing half day pre-k and half day kinder and they really like it.  I just hope my kids’ brightness doesn’t fade later on for whatever reason.  We all know I’ve been dumbed down and I’ll be damned if I let it happen to them.
 
So yeah, now it’s Monday, 4 days after I started this blog.  The weekend has passed and I’m in a better place.  Broke as fuck, but in a better place.  M decided she wanted to go to watch Paul Blart-Mall Cop in Harlingen.  My brother was tagging along and M wanted her dad there too.  So yeah, 5 tickets.  We get there and the damn movie is sold out.  Really?  Yes, really.  Daddy-O has the brilliant idea of wanting to watch My Bloddy Valentine in 3d and the kids got all excited.  Shit.  I’m spending $40 on tickets for a movie that my kids can’t even watch half of.  Great.  Plus we had an hour to spare so M decided she wanted to go eat at a buffet.  On a Sunday.  When plates are like $10 each.  GAH!  These kids kill me.  But all in all the day was great.  Kdub fell asleep half way through so I didn’t have to spend the entire time covering his eyes (and ears) and the movie was ok. 
 
We’ll see how long it takes me to post this blog now.  For all I know it’ll end up being a two week recap.  Oh my. 
 
Ok, finally, a moment to myself on my laptop…

I have a problem.  I’ve become a shopaholic.  No lie.  I was bad before, but I was broke so couldnt’ do much.  Now…I have to buy something everywhere.  It’s bad.  I bought snakeskin bronze Steve Madden pumps.  I had to.  Last pair in my size, $19.99.  And then a Tommy Hilfigger black snakeskin tote jumped out at me.  It was perfect.  The size, the color, I had been looking for one like that for months…and it was on sale for $30, so of course I bought it.  But now…well, I’m thinking about returning the shoes.  But then I feel guilty because they’re such a good bargain.  And now I sit here looking in my closet and I don’t have many clothes to match them so of course that means I just have to go shopping and then I come full circle.  Ugh.

Ok, I’m off to bed to watch The City before I start looking for shit online.

Night.

You know what’s irking me right now?  That I want this:

blackberry storm

And I can’t get it.  You know why I can’t get it?  Because stoopid T-mobile doesn’t carry it.  Only Verizon does.  And it’s pissing me off.  I hate Verizon.  Their plans are too expensive.  The only touch screen T-Mobile has is a Google phone and I’m in love with my blackberry.  I just want to be able to touch it.  Touch touch touch.  I literally spent 45 minutes oogling the damn thing online.  I want it.  I want it now.  * insert huuuuuge annoyed sigh here *

 You know what else irked the hell outta me…that I had to go pee and even after putting TWO toilet covers on the seat, I still got a feeling of wetness from the seat.  It made me want to throw up.  It’s making me want to run home and take a shower.  Ladies, please, if you insist on doing the eagle while relieving your gall bladder, please clean the fucking pissed filled seat when you are done.  If you’re grossed out by reading this, then imagine how the fuck I felt.  Why didn’t I use another stall?  Because it was taken and I’ve had two ginormous mugs of coffee.  Why didn’t I wipe it down?  Because I’ll be damned if I accidentally get someone else’s piss on my hands.  Fucking gross.

You know what else?  M thinking she’s grown and that she can make plans without consulting with me first.  Calling at the last fucking minute to tell me that you have to stay to practice for the talent show dance while your grandma is already there to pick you up doesn’t qualify as letting me know.  And now grandma’s mad.  Thankyouverymuch.  Now I gotta buy tacos afterwork.  Well, I guess something good came out of it.

 But you know what I’m happy about?  That me and my Gabs are talking more often. 

You know what else?  I’m slowly losing the need for a smoke.  I had one a minute ago and the taste it left in my mought and the headache I got seriously made me almost throw away the rest of the pack.  Almost.

I have the hope of one day being more like my mother.  The lady is chill.  Super chill.  And strong.  And independent.  This weekend I went with her to pick out some laminate for the kitchen floor because she got tired of the current wood tiles we have.  Well, last night I got home at around 10pm and the woman had installed all of the fucking flooring by herself.  She had everyone holed up their rooms so they wouldn’t bother her.  She had the last piece to go…under the fridge.  I looked at her, she looked at me and I asked her if she wanted me to give her a glass of Mogen Davit (the only “wine” she will “drink”).  She don’t drink.  So imagine my surprise when she says “I already drank it all”  lmfao.  There wasn’t even 1/4 of the bottle left to begin with, but still, that’s more than she drinks in a month!  Fun times.

Now I can’t help but have a huuuuuuge smile on my face!

I’ll leave you with this tidbit that I tried to post on Meghan’s blog at www.eve-101.com but it wouldn’t take.  It was about PDA:

I took my kids to the park the other day and there was this couple there with their infant.  They were all over each other and he kept smacking her ass.  My son turns to me and says “Mom, that man keeps spanking the lady.  If she’s misbehaving he should just take her home and ground her” I did all I could not to burst out laughing!!!

I keep having dreams about my ex-husband.  I don’t  know why.  They’re frustrating dreams.  I’m lucid in them too, which makes it suck even more because I can’t will myself to stop.  We’re always fighting, just like when we were married.  I scream and shout and plead and nothing stops.  He continues to  be an asshole and not care about anything but himself.  I’ve woken up crying, I’ve woken up enraged, hands curled up in a ball, and I don’t know how to stop it, but it’s taking a toll on me.  And his fucking grin…he could give me a heart attack with that fucking grin.  Gah.

Anyshit.

I’m excited!  I’m going on vacation!  I haven’t gone on a family vacation in about five years.  It’ll be my mom, grandma, lil’ bro, my kids and me.  All packed up in a van headed to The Woodlands.  I love it there.  It’s a place in an of itself.  Not having to worry about school, work, the ex, Brownsville in general.  It’ll just be refreshing to get out of town for a couple of days. 

My aunt always makes the best thanksgiving dinners.  Two juicy turkeys, all the fixin’s, and pies, pies and more pies!  Pumpkin, pecan, cherry, apple, and cakes too.  I know my waistline will suffer, but screw it.  I’m on vacation, damnit!

Kbob’s bday is tomorrow.  I’m soooo happy!  My little man just brightens my day.  Seeing him smile warms my heart and the happiness I feel is indescribable.  M and I are going to make sure he has the best day ever, even if we’re stuck in the car for hours.

My brother came home last night with a huuuuuuge smile on his face.  I knew something was up, but I didn’t feel like asking, mainly beacuse I was tired and my mom was around.  Well, he couldn’t keep it to himself.  “Wanna know something?”  me: “I guess, sure, why not, make sure you close the lid on the washer first”  …”I had sex!”  with a huuuuuuuuuge freaking smile.  I didn’t know what the hell to say.  He’s too damn young to be having sex.  “Did you use a condom” “Yeah, (and he shows me a pack of magnums) you had said they wouldn’t fit, but the one you gave me popped when I put it on”  I wanted to die.  die.  TMI bro, TMI.  So I walked out of the kitchen to clear my head.  Then I went to his room to tell him I was happy he was at least responsible about it, and he goes “Got any other tips?” motherfucker.  “DON”T YOU EVER ASK ME THAT AGAIN!!  You’re my little brother for fuck’s sake!!!”  He just burst out laughing.  Fucker. 

Anyway, I’m just in a great mood today! 

What are your plans for Thanksgiving?
Got any family TMI stories to share???