Neurotic Ramblings

Archive for January, 2010

Ha, what a difference a day makes! 

The original title of this post was: This blog is brought to you by the letter B and the number P as in Pinot Grigio.

Partly (mostly), because I was blitzed on some when I wrote it, and then somehow forgot to post it.   Read on…

I want to bare my soul right now, but I can’t.

What the hell do you do when your moral core contradicts your heart?  When you see the fairy tale ending, but you’re the Wicked Witch of the West in the story?

Am I expecting a house to fall on me any minute now?  Absofuckinglutely.  Do I want to do anything about it?   Ansofuckinglutely NOT.

Why am I not allowed to be happy?  I’ve thought this many times over the past few days as this little line plays in my head: “My happiness is more important to me than yours”.  While it’s a bitch ass thing to say, it’s nothing but the truth.

Shit, who’s gonna worry about me and my feelings and my heart and my life if not myself?  That’s right, a whole lotta no one.

So to those of you who feel the need to run your mouth and talk your shit, I say this:  Keep talking, bitches,  you have no life.  Kiss my fucking sweet ass.  =)  ahahaha, you wish you fking could.

/drunken/dramatic rambles.

So, most of the sentiment remains the same: “You don’t like me?  Kiss my ass!”  I’ma do me & you can do you. 

But oh, fuck!  I let my feelings get the best of me.  This includes anger and irrantional…impatience.  Or something of the sorts. 

Anyfuckingway…I’ve neglected this place long enough.  Partly because of time constraints, mostly because I’m conscious about who reads it.  But then, I read this awesome post by Shine over at http://www.ishineoutloud.com/shine/  Go ahead, click the link!!!  (I know only like, three people read this blog and all, but two of you really need to read her last particular blog because she said everything I needed to say just so much better and the third one of you needs to go read her posts because she’s full of awesome). 

So now that you’re back, know that if you stumble on here and read something that hurts your feelings or you take personally or just puts your panties all in a twist, too fucking bad.

I’m me.  The same spazzy, foul-mouthed, emotional, insensitive, selfish, narcissitic drama queen you know and love.  You can like me or love me; you can try to hate me; but I’ma be me.

Besitos

That’s the poundage I’ve shred in the last week or so.  Color me content.  Actually, color me super happy.

And that’s not all.  The toning part of it all kicks major ass.  Jillian Michaels is not as much of a bitch as I thought she’d be, but then again I’m barely on Level 1.

I’ll add to this a big thanks to my platonic love for keeping me motivated, and no, don’t ask who he is because I’m not telling you, and yes, that includes you, bff.  Sorry.

And on top of all this, I’m kinda close to reaching my goal of 2 miles in 20 minutes on the treadmill.  I’m at 1.75 right now and the short term goal is 2m by mid-February,  and then 3m in 20 min by mid March.

I am determined to be beach ready with some killer legs and ass by Spring Break.

Other changes going on…no more drinking during weekdays.  This, I’m sure, is certainly helping me with the shredding of the excess poundage.

I just can’t even tell you how uber excited I am about everything right now.  It’s like I have a fresh outlook on everything.  I’m setting goals and making sure I reach them.

I’m just hoping to keep this momentum up once school starts and I’m glad I didn’t over schedule myself because this quarter brings a lot with it including M & Kbob’s karate lessons, M’s soccer league, Kbob possibly being in baseball, and school, school and more school.  Whew!

Anyhoozles…how in the hell have YOU been?!

Apparently my titles only consist of adjectives now.  How fitting.

First off, Happy 2010 to you all!

Secondly, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am incapable of being happy or accepting things/people that are good for me.  I start to self-destruct and bring everything down around me.  That being said, I’m not unhappy.  I’m just…blah.

As 2009 came to a close and a new year approached with the promises of new beginnings and potential awesomeness, I realized that I’m not ready to share myself fully with someone.  It’s a sucky thing to realize, but one that makes things much more clearer.

I can’t say that I’m focused on something in particular right now as this whole last week has been lived in a sort of hyper-reality being that the kids have been gone and my mom has been out of town so it’s just been me and my friends and I know damn well that’s not my reality, but it has been a week of relaxing and thinking about absolutely nothing but the little things in life that I don’t get to enjoy everyday like sleeping in till 10 am, taking naps at random times and just getting up and going shopping for things for me.  Damn, that was a long sentence.

So in other words, this year has had a bittersweet start, but that’s a good thing.  I have a sense of self I hadn’t had in so long because I was looking for something that I didn’t really want and now that I’ve realized that I can move on and take things as they come.  That makes no sense because I can’t really put this feeling of weightlessness into words, but I hope you get what I’m saying.

In any case, I hope all of you find what you are looking for and reach your goals and have peace of mind in 2010.  A cluttered mind makes for a messy soul.

Love you guys…besos.