Neurotic Ramblings

Okay, so let me set the story for you.  I had been “seeing” this guy for awhile…like three-four months and the sex was amazing.  I’m talking makeucumassoonasitsin leavesyoubreathlessfromallthemoaning type good.  It was just awesome.  But I had a little problem…I couldn’t get wet.  Like, at all.  Even when he went down…nothing.  It got to the point where it would hurt so bad that we’d have to stop. 

It freaking sucked because it still felt great and I still had multiple Os…but we had to use lube. 

I’m no t a fan of using lube.  It’s smelly and sticky and I’m only 24* for fuck’s sake…I shouldn’t have to use it.  And I never have had to before, in fact, the ex in this story could tell you a story about a puddle, but we’ll just save that one for another Thursday. 

So because this was never an issue for me I start freaking out.  Is it the new body wash I’m using?  Maybe it’s too harsh…so I try hypoallergenic soap.  Nope, that wasn’t it.  Ok, maybe it’s because I’ve been going commando for awhile?  Nope.  The detergent on my sheets?  Nah.  Maybe my landing strip needs some tending…so I take it all off…still nothing.  Damnit.  And theeeen I think “well, maybe it’s the guy…” so I go to town myself and nada…zilch…Sahara desert type dryness. At this point I’m in tears and calling my gyno to make an appointment so he can fix this horrible ailment.

Fast forward a few weeks and me and the ex are on my couch talking and playing down the sexual tension between us when I blurt out “we can’t….it would be weird”.    Oh, irony, you slay me.

Next think I know we’re in my bed and it’s all kinds of good and I’m more like Niagara Falls than the Sahara Desert so when we’re done I mindlessly breathlessly mutter “well THAT saved me a visit to the doctor!” ohmygawdIdidNOTjustsaythatoutloud…

He whipped his head around so fast I thought it was going to spin on his neck.  Yeah, the look on his face was one of puzzlement, curiosity and might I even say a little fear…  I explain the thoughts behind the statement and he starts cracking the hell up because what guy can be mad about solving THAT type of girl problem???

So now every time we talk he offers to save me a visit to the Dr. and we have our laughs about how I was the one worrying about things getting weird but ironically was the one who contributed the weird factor with my little gem of information.  Oh well, at least I got my mojo back!

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