Neurotic Ramblings

Archive for August, 2009

Today is the beginning of the schedule of death.  Starting today I will have my head so far up life’s ass that I will lose myself in my own delusional reality just to escape for seconds at a time.  And you, my friend, get to read aaaall about it.

Because of the S.O.D. I will have to schedule time to spend with kids, family and friends.  My OCD persona likes this.  My “live life this moment” one does not.

Eh, I’ll manage.  Just 3 days of waking up at 6 am and going to bed at midnight with work, school, homework, kids, projects, working out and life all packed into 72 short hours. 

Someone hand me the xanax, plsnthnx.

Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll be so busy I’ll forget to eat and drop a few lbs as a result!  I wouldn’t be too mad about that.  Oh wait, yes I would because none of my damn pants fit me the way I like anymore!!!  I don’t do “loose fit”.  Damnit, I want my ass back and I want it NOW!

 Anyway, I had like a ton of stuff to ramble on but my head is spinning out webs of schedules and spreadsheets and budgets so I can’t really focus it all and get it out quickly enough to make sense of it. 

I can smell cigarette smoke in my office and it’s making me crave one but I’m beggining to get a headache and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Aaaaaanyway.

My page is getting a fabulous makeover thanks to the fabulous Jamie.  If I wasn’t a WordPress rehtahrd I’d totally link her but I don’t know how to so just click on the button to your right.  Do it. 

Oh, and I have a nice little TMI story for you coming on Thursday courtesy of my partner in crime.  (sherapedaboyandhelikedit) and not boy as in “underage”, boy as in “I refer to all potential guys of interest as boys because that’s how we roll” so leave your judgments at the red x. kthxbai.

Ok peoples, back to the grind I go.  Wish me luck or at least to not die the death of a thousand post-its.

Besitos!

This weekend = insanity.

I did sooo much shopping and none of it was enjoyable.  School supplies, uniforms and more school supplies. 

Oh, and new tennis for Kbob and some new padded, yes, padded bras for M.  That girl needs to quit growing.  End of story.

My living room looked like a herd of crazy cows had trampled through an Office Depot.  My OCD was in overdrive trying to get all the supplies labeled, organized and packed but we finished in under two hours which is not bad considering we snuck a last minute trip to Wal-Mart in there in search for non-existant red pens.

So in summary, the kids were dropped off at school this morning, lockers were organized and teachers were greeted.  I cannot wait to pick them up and hear all about their first day. 

In other news, I am happy to say that I am surrounded by the most amazing, caring, selfless, kind people I’ve met in a long time.  My circle of friends is great one.  Something happened this weekend that really made me realize that there are still good people out there who will not think twice about helping a friend out.  Humanity is not lost entirely.

I am sooo looking forward to the end of the workday, picking up my kiddos, and then I’m going to get a well-deserved mani/pedi, buy my books for school and sneak in a bit of shopping for myself.  Can.not.wait.

How was your weekend?

Whoa.

That is the overall sentiment regarding last night.

A few highlights…showing someone a picture of another someone’s torso and it being recognized. I’m cutting my losses short here (again) and not bothering with it anymore.

I have got to stay away from…damnit, I can’t even say keywords, nicknames or give context clues without giving myself away here.

I’m pretty sure I grabbed my ex’s girlfriend when she walked in last night and said “Hey, ma!” very loudly. He looked annoyed. Oh wells.

I danced. Oh.my.gawd. did I dance. And then I stumbledanced to techno. I wonder if I can coin that term. Or if I would even want to…

My phonebook is trouble.

I need coffee in an IV drip. Preferably Flavia’s Intense Dark Roast.

Anything and everything I say after midnight cannot and will not be held against me. This includes texts, emails, phone calls, personal conversations and telepathic glances. The midnight stipulation is null and void if I’ve had more than three shots before midnight at which point the rule applies then and there. I guess I should also include myspace, facebook and twitter communication in here as well.

Ok, now that I’ve had my coffee and I’m eating an Oreo cookie I can go on a proper mini-rant and toot my own horn a bit in the process:

I’m fucking awesome. I know I have my quirks and I’m a bit neurotic at times, but I’m a good person, damnit. Yes, I may be stuck up, but if it weren’t for the narcissist in me I’d crumble at my own insecurities. I’m loud, but not obnoxiously loud. I’m a sweetheart. I really am. I like to make people happy. I’m a people pleaser, sometimes to a fault, and sometimes to my own advantage, but I can’t help it if I want people to like me. I’m pretty. I may not have a perfect body, but I’m pretty fucking hot. I’m a dance machine. I have a bright future ahead of me. I’m not as responsible as I’d like to be, but I’m doing a pretty damn good job with what I have. I call when I say I will and I always return texts. I feel like I should end this with “I like to go for long walks on the beach” (which I do, btw) But seriously guys, I had to write this so I don’t feel insignificant and undeserving. I feel like I should be back in middle school yelling “Why doesn’t he like meeeeeee?!” to my best friend. It’s stupid and fucking ridiculous and this is why it’s reserved to be written on my blog instead of shouted at the top of my lungs.

Ok…/ pitty-party rant.

I am having quite a dramatic mood swing this morning.  So dramatic in fact, that I considered changing the name of this blog to “Dramatic Ramblings of a Divorcee”  and then decided that “Neurotic Ramblings” would be more fitting since I am slightly crazy and tend to rable often. 

There seem to be too many blogs out there with the Random Musings title and I don’t like it.  It’s like showing up to a party only to discover that three other people are wearing the same dress you thought to be couture and then the shame sets in and you try to find a way to change accessories or hair or something else that will make it stop.  I know some people would find this to be a talking point and engage in conversation and make friends with the people who seem to share a common interest, but we all know I’m socially reatrded when it comes to social networking on the internet so my solution is just to update the name to fit what I do because my typing is not musing, it’s a nice slice of crazy.

I’ve been playing around a lot more on facebook lately and have become quite fond of it, sans the million and one emails I receive everytime someone comments after me on a note, photo, or status update, but I figured how to solve that little problem.  I also discovered my profile or page or whatever it’s called in fb speak, was not private.  Red lights, flags and panic set in but that’s also been taken care of.

I would tell you people about the back to school shopping I did yesterday, but half of you aren’t interested and the other half (the mommies) would think I’m crazy for thinking that I got a bargain when I purchased Ralph Lauren slacks for my 5 yeard old at $20 a pop, but hey, they were marked down from $40 and my little man looked sharp.  M was just happy that she found pants without bell bottoms because as she says “that is soooo three seasons ago mom”.  Yeah, try three or four generations ma. 

Things on the dating front were mute.  WB went moody on me since Friday and I’m not dealing with that much drama when I’ve only known him for like a month, although I will admit I miss him the most.  He’s a charmer when he’s not being all twisty.  My Cowboy, I guess felt neglected or he’s been out fishing too much and I guess finally decided to give me the boot.  Oh, and the boy.  Yeah, haven’t heard from him in ages, yet the fucker manages to randomly pop into my mind at the most inoportune moments and I still haven’t figured out why since it was just a damn fling.  Cocky ass bastards, the three of them.

This is my last week of somewhat normalcy before my schedule goes from busy to insane.  School, school, and more school.  I’m sooo looking forward to it.  I need this to keep my focus off stupid shit, I need it because me being in school is the one of the few times where I get “me” time.  And of course, F.A. money always comes in handy. 

My case of the Mondays is close to non-existant today, but that could be because I’m wearing my 5 inch heels and my make up is flawless.  Also, my anxiety seems to be under control and we all know that’s always a good thing.

How was your weekend?  I want to now all about the shennanigan’s you got yourselves into…

Besitos!

You know what I hate?  Cop outs.  Know what else I hate?  When someone says something as a way of washing their hands by leaving the situation up to you and then avoiding the results of the ourcome.  Wait, I guess that is a cop out. 

I am so over this month.  August, you may now go on vacation.  Nevermind, please don’t go.  I need your next two weeks so I can plan my b-day roadtrip appropriately.  But how can I do that when I’m dead ass broke right now and even thinking about spending $5 makes my head start spinning?  September, please hurry up and be here, love, me. 

OMG, guess what I got called today?  A mean ass.  Yeah, not an asshole, or a bitch or any other run of the mill insult, no, a mean ass.  After I regained my composure from being puzzled and laughing my ass off, I was kind of shocked.  Like, wth, man?  And I wasn’t even mean!  Totes out of left field…

It seems like everyone is doing something cool this weekend like, I dunno, going to NY, camping, visiting friends.  Know what I get to do?  Go school supply shopping.  Yaaaay me!   Hopefully I can sneak in a super cool pen or two for myself.  Then maybe I won’t be so cranky.

I have finally regained control over my google reader.  That thing was insane…telling me I had 243 unread posts.  Pffft.  Well, I caught up last night and now I only 4 more to read so now that the list is small I can access them on my super cool app.  No, it’s not an iphone.  The iphone can suck it.

It’s starting to seem as if I could have posted all this in a series of twits and it would have made more sense, but I’m hating twitter right now because I’m following some really stupid accounts that are annoying the hell out of me and I can’t delete them. 

Ugh.  I’m so done with this workday.  Half an hour more to go.  I don’t even want to go visit my family today.  I just want to go home, crawl into bed and watch tv the rest of the day. 

HAVE AN AWESOME WEEKEND my lovelies.  I promise I’ll be back in a better mood whenever I’m back.  Well, unless it’s Monday.  Everyone know I don’t “do” Mondays.

Besitos!

Not fully awake.  Barely focused.  Hungry as hell. 
Yeah, that’s me.
I went to bed early last night.  Out cold by 11 pm only to be awakened at 1 am by anxiety that stemmed from nowhere.
Still, I would say I got a great night’s sleep.
So why are these dark circles under my eyes?  Why does my brain feel only half wired?
Well, if I knew the answer you best believe I’d change it because dark circles on my light complexion do not a good look make.
 
I’ve been thinking lately, and it’s probably not a good thing.  Ha.  Anywhoozle.  This whole “timing” thing really blows. 
“The timing is off”
“We should have met a year ago”
“Our timing always sucks”
 
Bull.shit.  How about this:  It will never be the “right time”; perfect timing doesn’t happen.  You work with what you’ve got and you enjoy it till it’s gone. 
If someone doesn’t make time for you, then they’re not worth your time. 
End of story.
 
I refuse to put myself in another situation with a time frame. 
I know inevitably all realtionships come with an unspoken time frame, but when you know the limit on yours, it’s time to move on.
 
I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life.  I have a friend who is aching so badly to settle down.  She wants a husband and house and the whole nine yards and she wants it now. 
 
I don’t.  I’m not looking for the person who I’m going to “spend the rest of my life with” which is a concept I dont’ believe in anyway.  I’m 23, sure I have kids, but I have my whole life ahead of me. 

I’m enjoying this part of my life where I have to respond to no one.  Dating is apparently out of the question because, well, the timing is always off!  LMAO.  Excuse me while I laugh at that. 
I guess there’s something about knowing that every person you get involved with will eventually piss you off or you them and whatever was going on will spontaneously combust.  But that’s also a good thing. 

I don’t to have to worry about the “where is this going?” and the “will this eventually lead to a serious thing” type questions.  All I want to know is that someone cares enough and finds me awesome enough to want to hang out with me.  That someone respects me enough to tell me when they’re ready to move on.  Someone who can be comfortable with seeing me exclusively even though I can’t devote more than 10% of my time to them. 

I don’t know. I’ve done the marriage thing and while the situation wasn’t perfect, the concept was the same.  I’d rather not go through that again. 
You want eggs and pancakes in the morning?  You get your ass up and make them yourself.  Oh, and pick up your damn socks!  You’re not a molting snake, damnit!!!  (ha, constant arguments, child on the side and the one thing I choose to complain about is the socks? you gotta love me!!!)

 
So no, I don’t believe in this whole perfect timing bullshit.  People are always busy these days and you’ve gotta work with what you’ve got.  I, apparently, seem to attract or be attracted to (can’t decide on this yet) the guys who are ready to leave this place.  Move on to bigger and better things.  I’m taking that as a good thing for now because I’ll take one of those guys over one that sees no problem with living in Brownsville for the rest of their lives anyday.  I’ve got to respect ambition. 

But I will admit that it fucking sucks.  You meet someone you’re attracted to and they say all the right things, do all the right things, and you start liking them more and more everyday and them bam!  They’re moving.  And then comes the whole “this sucks, I hate it, you’re amazing, blah blah blah….” conversation that I’d really rather not have because it doesn’t serve a purpose.  I already know I’m amazing, you don’t need to tell me.  Yes, it does sucks, but you’re bettering yourself and you’re saying what you’re saying for my sake and I don’t apreciate it very much.  I’m leaving this place too; I’m just on a different time frame. 

First off, fuck you Mother Nature.  You fucking suck.  I hate you.
 
If I can channel this sad, mopey mood into an agry one I’ll be ok.  I’d rather be a raging bitch.
 
So…to combat these hormone induced moods here’s today’s version of Thursday Thirteen:  13 things that make me feel sexy
 
1.  FMPs.  Yep, there’s nothing sexier or better at improving a girl’s mood than strutting in some killer fuck-me-pumps.
 
2.  Making his toes curl 
 
3.  Going out dancing with my girls.  
 
4.  Tight jeans.  The right pair can make any girl feel like a million bucks.
 
5.  Red lipstick.  Enough said.
 
6.  Freshly done nails in bright colors. 
 
7.  Cocktail rings to go with pretty manicures.
 
8.  Sexy undies under my favorite pair of comfy jeans.
 
9.  Middle of the day sexy texts.
 
10.  Wearing my hair down when I’ve just blown it out.
 
11.  Bedroom eyes.
 
12.  Boobalicious shirts.
 
13.  And the most important one:  feeling comfortable and confident in who I am.
 
 
Wow, that helped.  Ok my darlings, I’m off to bitch someone out for not putting enough caffeine in my coffee.  Love, love, love!
 
Besitos!