Okay … Okay … You Got Me!
Feb 21, 2010 Family, Friendship, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
Many of you who read this probably already know that Friday night was a planned surprise party to congratulate me on my recent accomplishment.
Having my book picked up by a publishing company (as I have said before and will say eleventy million times more I am sure) is hands down the biggest success of my life professionally. To date anyway.
If you were not privy to the information made public to everyone BUT me … and when I say everyone … I mean everrrrrrrryone. (You know who you are.) Tarable and Mrs. Good planned a surprise shindig. These beezos kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. D kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. Work people kept it from me for 2 whole weeks. And Tarable and I work together. I cannot even imagine keeping a 2 week secret from her.
They pulled it the fuck off. I officially give her the gangsterist best friend award and Mrs. Good the awesomeist best friend award.
So anyway, I got got. When I walked into the door, I was literally confused as to what was going on. Once I realized, I retracted back to my porch, door closed. WTF!
I got GOT!?!?!?! Me!? Really?! People don’t get me! I am always in the know, dammit! (i.e. the shit that is going through my head on my porch the 15 seconds prior to cussing Tarable out for being the co-contributor in my getting got in the first place.)
So I went back inside. And I was surrounded by about 20 people who I love and who love me back. My mom and dad came. My father in law … my boss and his awesome wife … who I consider to be great friends of mine. I knew that I was supported, but to walk into that amount of love was both overwhelming and fucking flat out amazing.
Amazing. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I was, still am and will always be deeply touched.
The best part was that even though for many it was the first time each had met one another, they all laughed and dance and acted a fool as if they were all long lost friends. That made me feel really really great.
I am still in disbelief that I got GOT! 
Damn you sneaky bitches! This means war!
I joke. What I really mean is … Thank you all for being such amazing and supportive friends. I love you all more than you know.
And … it means WAR!!!!!!! *grin*
Would you rather catch your parents having sex or have your parents catch you having sex?
Would you rather date a “Mr. Fix-It” or a “Fantastic Cook.”?
Tags: Submissive Confessions, surprise party, war, would you rather
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s?: Mirrors.
Feb 9, 2010 DUH, Random, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
I think the images that I will use for this week’s Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s will explain why the title of this blog involves mirrors and why I am wondering what in the fuck happened to them.
(In case anyone forgot what a mirror was.)
What I want to know is … do people really have mirrors … and then look into them, and actually make a decision to leave the house looking like this?
Is it just me that thinks that looking like this is not only unacceptable… but also fucking offensive? I swear to fuck if I was at that Walmart when the last bitch was sauntering through the dairy isle … I promise you that I would have let her know about herself. Especially if my kids were with me.
And the bitch with no panties? Really? Reeeeeeeeally? Gah.
We were at Walmart today in fact and in no way was there anything as extreme as any of these images above but … there were some people who I just had to literally take a moment and stop to ponder the lack of decision on their part to find a mirror and realistically make a decision whether or not to fucking change before leaving.
Like the woman who was in possession of some tigolbitties like down to her knees and decided that today was the day to not wear a bra. (or maybe it was every day … I dont know.) How do I know she wasnt wearing one? Because her tshirt was almost see through and her nipples were cutting through it down by her belly button. No lie.
It was like she had 3 outties.
All I am saying is, double check your shit before you leave. Make sure that your unmentionables are covered. Because really? I have no desire to see your beef curtains in the motherfucking paper towel isle.
Now don’t get me wrong … just like the majority of the world … I have made bad leaving the house just to go to Walmart decisions before … but you can bet your ass that I 1) had panties on (or at least something that fully covered my vagina) 2) had some sort of bra on and 3) looked somewhat publicly presentable before I left my house.
I would like to donate mirrors to all of these people who seemingly do not own one. Seriously.
Would you rather find you parents having sex or have your parents find you having sex?
Would you rather have your eye fall out at random times or have uncontrollable constant drool?
Tags: mirror, people of walmart, would you rather
Same Shit, Different Day, Etc.
Jan 27, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Etc., Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Ranteriffic, bitch
I am bored of blogging.
Maybe because the same shit happens every day. Maybe because I feel like I repeat myself all the time lately due to sameshitdifferentdayitis.
Maybe I should quit. Whatever. Suggest some shit. KThx.
I mean, it isn’t like my same shit different day is bad shit … it is just the same. So when you are a daily blogger … and the same shit happens, it is like watching the same episode of Friends that always seems to play at 10pm on TBS. Yeah, that shit is funny … but pretty soon … you can regurgitate all of the banter between Phoebe and Joey or Ross and Rachel. You know when Monica is gonna freak out over a misplaced item in her OCD filled life. Funny? Duh … but same nonetheless.
I was thinking about things that I hate a great deal the other day … which then led me to things that I also like a great deal as well.
For instance:
I hate deadbeats. Not just “parents” … but deadbeats in general. To me a deadbeat is anyone who 1) doesn’t own their responsibilities 2) trys to abusively control another human being OR 3) has nothing in life but a negative ass mouth piece and tries to bring others down with their sorry deadbeat asses.
On the same token:
I like them. I like having them around to fucking clown on or bitch about when I want to feel better about my sameshitdifferentdayitis. If it weren’t for them, we would have no one to talk about. And to be honest, I like talking about folks who deserve it.
I also really really hate liars. Like for no reason bold faced fucking liars. They could almost be put into a deadbeat category … but not always. I happen to know for a fact that there are some bold faced fucking liars who are upstanding citizens in all other ways BUT their lies. The only time lies are acceptable are when you are telling kids that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy etc exists or when bill collectors keep blowing your shit up and you dont have any money to pay them so you act like “Alicia” and “just got this number yesterday so you have no idea who so’n’so is and stop calling.” “Alicia” may or may not be my fake name for bill collectors. Just saying.
Anyway, Liars suck. The end.
Speaking of sucking, I really like sucking. Literally. Not like sucking at life sucking … but suuuuuuuucking. On lollypops or dripping ice cream or penis or … yeah that.
I also like lint brushes. Nothing says bad sameshitdifferentday than lint all over the place.
I hate when I get out into “natural light” and my outfit looks like my cat dry humped it all over the place. Orange hairs all over the place. That fucker waits until I get my shit set out to come and purr all on it like it is his special bed. Helllllooooo spray bottle … meet Jacksons in my business ass.
I like D fat. He is a fatty and I love every fat inch of him. He is not allowed to get skinny again.
I hate that Charli doesnt sleep through the night yet. It is all my fault too.
I hate processes.
I hate how it takes someone super quick to take your money but fucking forever to give it back.
I like getting paid every week.
I also like my co-workers. Especially the non baby ones. (heh.)
I like my job. When someone closes a deal and rings that bell … that shit rules. Why? Because we all rally and make that person feel awesome for their accomplishment. FIST BUMP!
So yeah. That is where I am at. I am also at LMFAO at this pic:
Does anyone else feel the sameshitdifferentdayitis? Tell me about it.
Also, would you rather be … born with an elephant trunk or born with a giraffe neck?
Tags: friends, lint brush, monica, ocd, phoebe and joey, ross and rachel, same shit different day, would you rather
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Oct 15, 2009 All Things X, Family, Friday Eye Candy, I WIN!, Parenting, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, You've Got Wicked Mail
Sup Bitches?
I don’t really know what else to say about this week but I will tell you that I am really fucking glad that it is Friday right now.
How about you?
Right. Happy motherfucking weekend. You know the drill. Purge your week in the form of an/many open letter/s so that you can jump in your weekends and enjoy them to the fullest. K? K.
Dear You,
I think that you are funny. Funny like “Really?” funny. I know what you want. I know what I want. So lets just do it already. Whip it out and lemme see it. K? K.
Just saying.
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Dear Baby Jesus,
Do you hate me? Is it your life mission to hurl individuals at me who have this preconceived notion that I am the fucking one, when in fact I am actually not.
Is it that you are one of these individuals? Do you think that I am the one? Because, Baby Jesus … I am in fact NOT the fucking one. I promise you.
You know who else is not the one? Tarable. I am about to find you, Baby Jesus and beat some sense into your infant sized body if you do not fix this incessant problem with the individuals assuming that I am the one.
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Dear Friends,
I miss you dearly. Each and every single one of you. Once I figure this out, I will make it up to each of you. I promise.
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Dear Kanisha,
Jax is not yours. I wish that you would just bow out already. He told me 5 minutes ago to tell you that he has had about enough of you harassing me about this wild made up story in your head that you and he have some sort of relationship going on when he and I are obviously in love.
I am sorry. You definitely will receive an invitation to the wedding. You dont even have to bring us a present.
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Dear Xavier,
Really? I mean … really?!
I am unsure who lied and told you that it would ever be appropriate to say “Suck my penis” but it is not. Ever. Like ever. I don’t care who said it first. Like, not even a little bit.
So, I want to allow you an opportunity to pick your soap. Because you are about to eat an entire fucking bar of it.
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Dear Husband of Mine,
Thank you kindly for that 3AM business. I am so happy that you took my advice and shaved your face because 1) I would have stood firm in my “your hairy fucking face wont go near my vagina stance and 2) I would have unfortunately had to have grown my legs/vag out in protest of the beard you thought was cute.
I know you know I was serious because you shaved.
I win!
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Dear Pedicure,
I fucking love you.
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd for the Friday Eye Candy. This one was by request.
Channing Motherfucking Tatum.
Do you talk dirty during sex or are you quiet?
Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others.
As a man, would you rather wake up to find you have grown nonremovable D cup breasts or that your testicles have disappeared?
