Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: My 9 Year Old
Feb 23, 2010 All Things X, Current Events, Family, Parenting, Ranteriffic, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms
Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
Don’t worry, my child is not literally missing. Figuratively though … I cannot for the life of me find him anywhere.
Let me explain. Since the bringagoddamnpornomagtoschoolandgiveittohisfriend incident, Xavier has continued to act a fool at school as well as at home, lying about the stupidest fucking shit imaginable and has been suspended 2 more times.
Right?!
He has told liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies. From “the garage just smells like something is burning, I didn’t burn anything”
when he really found a lighter and was fucking around in the garage to “my hair is just like this” when he really used a beard trimmer to shave his head partially because he “didn’t like the way his fade was lined up” or maybe how his daily progress report was “all smiles because he had a great day at school” when he really altered it so he wouldn’t get into trouble at home.
So when I asked him to write a letter to the teacher to apologize for forging the fucking progress report, he had the audacity to say the following:
“I was really shooting for all smiley faces but you gave me 2 straight faces and I didn’t really like that so I changed the straight faces to smiley faces, but what I did not know is that it would be felony: forgery when I did that. I only changed it because my dad said that if I dont get a really really really really good report I would have to run a bunch of laps around my back yard and I really didn’t want to run anymore laps because I was sore enough from running like 150 to 200 laps this last weekend.”
I am dying. I am so happy that he was not awake when I read this because I am literally falling out laughing at his logic.
1. He is not taking A N Y responsibility for the forgery.
2. He is totally blaming D for his forgery.
Fucking seriously? You wanna snitch on your dad? It was MY idea! Yeah his ass ran some laps. 20 laps a pop to be accurate.
I catch you in some shit? Get to running.
6AM? Keep it pushin’ around the backyard.
You wanna half ass your chores? Kick up dust. In the tune of 20 laps.
GO!
Not only that, but he thought it would be appropriate to just pull his pants down and sit in class at his desk with his brown ass out. Then, when he got caught … he tried to act like the teacher was seeing things and then changed his story to be that “his pants and underwear accidentally fell down.” REALLY?! Do I look that fucking stupid?!
But wait! There’s more! 30 minutes after he got caught, he did the SAME shit, mooning some kids while he “acted like he picking up some paper”
Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
Laps. Pushups. Laps. Pushups. Repeat.
Gone are the days of conversation. Gone are the endless surprise ass whoopins. Now– there is no talk, other than “Save your faulty explanation and go run it out.”
So whatever happened to him? Have you seen my 9 year old? The one who was a good kid that I got to actually talk to and spend time with? The one who I didn’t spend most conversations yelling at him?
I miss him. I miss my kid. I really really really really really miss him.
If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?
If you could be invisible for a day what would you do and why?
If the whole world were listening, what would you say?
Tags: creative parenting, Parenting, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: Knowing Your Place
Feb 17, 2010 Current Events, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
This week is about a little thing called “Knowing Your Place.” Ever heard of it? I know I have.
Some people have never in their lives heard of it. Wanna know how I know?! I am glad that you asked.
Exhibit A: Assuming that you can walk in the door and be above the rules. In ANY situation.
Know your place. Follow the rules. Show up with the correct attire. Accept the fact that you are low on the totem pole. Submit to not knowing everything and fucking LEARN something for a change. Understand that there were others before you.
Just saying.
Exhibit B: Your foot doesn’t belong in your mouth. I promise.
Know your place. Sometimes … it is okay to shut the fuck up. You may even gain a little bit of respect from someone if you say nothing rather than everything. Take it from me. I have learned this lesson the motherfucking hard way.
Just saying.
Exhibit C: If you are a parent … then BE one.
That means that you absolutely H A V E to be the motherfucking bad guy sometimes. It is a part of parenting. If you aren’t ready to be the bad guy, and if you are okay with a child running you like a pimp does a hoe on Sunset Blvd… then use some motherfucking birth control.
Just saying.
Exhibit D: Assuming that you are better than everyone else around you.
i.e. No one cares about your motherfucking Lexus. Nor do they give a fuck about how bored you are or how qualified you think you are. Not a one of us.
Just motherfucking saying.
To all of you bitches who don’t know your place …
The end. (Unless I missed an exhibit where a bitch doesn’t know their place.)
Would you rather be forgotten or hatefully remembered? Why?
Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Why?
Tags: chuck norris, know your place, lexus, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Whatever Happened to? Wednesday’s: Playing Outside
Oct 6, 2009 DUH, Etc., Fitness Forward, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
Happy Hump Day! Welcome to the 2nd installment of Whatever Happened to? Wednesday’s!
This is a new weekly blog theme that I am testing out to see if it is 1) fun, 2) liked by you, and 3) not too time consuming. Feel free to take this idea and use it in your own blogs and/or leave feedback and suggestions for future blogs!
I recently saw this commercial on TV about this Fisher Price Bike video game fucking bullshit. Have you seen it?
Look. I get the intent. Learn while exercising. But really? An exercise bike for kids? That is plugged into the television? Gah!
Whatever happened to playing outside? When I was little, I had an actual bike that I rode. Outside. Sometimes I had hands on the handlebars. Most times I did not. I rode and rode and rode until my legs felt like jello. It was important to feel the air hit my face as I cruised down the big hill that ended at my house.
Me. Bike. Outside. Just saying.
When I was a kid we played with sticks. And rocks. And dirt. Sometimes I had an old margarine container or a Quaker oatmeal cylinder. The point is, I was outside. Alllllllllllllllllllllll day.
Whatever happened to that?
Whatever happened to finding a place under a tree in the warm breeze with an amazing book and learning about someone else’s perspective on the way the world worked in whatever context the book was written in?
Whatever happened to learning by conversation with others?
Whatever happened to contact sports? Hide and go seek? Tag? Red Rover? Puzzles? Charades? Getting a band together using homemade instruments? Dancing? Making mud pies??? Playing doctor in the coat closet?!
Is it just me?
I am not the one to say no to video games all together. I think that they, just like everything else is good in moderation. But it seems like our society is doing nothing else but scratching this itch. This sick itch that our youth has to be glued in front of the computer or TV playing goddess knows what kind of game for hours upon end. And now this? A bike attached to the TV? No. Absolutely not.
If your kid is obese, SEND THEIR ASS OUTSIDE TO RUN SOME MOTHERFUCKING LAPS!
Call me old fashioned. Call me a meanie. I dont care. Kick their asses out. Outside I say. I don’t give a damn if that kid has a fit and tries to shove a remote up their ass over it. Get. The. Fuck. Outside. GET OUT. GO. Right now.
What games did you play as a kid?
Tags: fisher price, hide and go seek, play outside, read a book, red rover, video games, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays
