Offensive Cunt. (or) There is Some TMIThursday in here Somewhere.
Jan 7, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, TMI Thursday's, bitch
For some it is TMI for most it is not. Either way, Lilu always has a great spread of inappropriateness. Check out her blog and the list of TMIT blogs she pimps every week. You are guaranteed to puke in your mouth and laugh.
It has been brought to my attention (for the eleventy millionth time) that I am offensive.
I am offended. I am offended that people are offended by me. Who cares if I am vulgarly stimulated? How does that personally affect you? What does it matter if the word “cunt” makes me wet in the britches?
The fact is, I really get off on watching people squirm in my presence.
When I talk like a trucker, and I see the look on peoples faces… I cum in my pants a little bit. Not a lot. Just a little.
Squirming yet? C’mon baby… give it to me… awww yeah. Jusssst like thaaat.
*ahem*
So yeah. About my offensiveness.
Apparently, bitches are beside themselves with offend. Their offendedness reminded me of this one time at my old job … these one bitches kept looking at me over their computer monitors all nosyevesdropperlike as I told the story of my friend who re-enacted the nip tuck episode with the plastic bag? Yeah, I didn’t know either. Apparently there is an episode where this guy did a chick with a plastic bag over her head.
Anyway, my friend told me that he wanted to try it… and *I* said he couldn’t pull it off. Of course he accepted the challenge… and well, lets just say the pic he sent did the act no justice.
Whatever. These sick things are arousing. Mentally and well… in my panties.
*ahem*
So the friend who I was actually speaking to… not the nosyevesdropperbitches says: “why do you instigate these things? What if she died?”
So I laughed. Loud. My response? “If a person is stupid enough to allow someone to put a plastic bag over their head… and then go even further to allow said person to fucking take a pic of it… while getting rammed from behind … then maybe they are getting what is coming to them if they died.”
Just saying.
I think that was where the offendees had their last listen. I distinctly remember said bitches commence to whispering about me right in front of my face… you know, where they are talking shit and you KNOW they are cause they keep glancing in your direction while doing so??
Yeah. I am different than most. I don’t anxiously look away. I was all in this broads face as she talked shit about my vulgarity. As she glanced, our eyes met. And I didn’t avert. I made damn sure that her eyes moved before mine did… and I hope that she got the point that I aint scared of her or anyone else.
I have been me for this many years, and I will continue to BE me until my last cunt filled breath.
Fact: I like to curse.
Fact: I like to talk about cocks, and face humping.
Fact: I am as vulgar and crass as they come.
Fact: I would put a cock in my mouth in front of just about anyone, and give lessons if needed on how it is handled while in said mouth.
Fact: Watching and being watched while fucking is an amazing discovery.
Fact: Wicked is obsessed with a good fisting.
Wickedpedia Entry: Talking about sex, cocks, cunts, fisting, horny, tits… and anything else porn in nature is what I do. Get over it or stop fucking eavesdropping. That is your punishment for being nosey.
Cunt.
Have you ever actually awakened in bed with someone whose name you didn’t know?
What is your favorite curse word and why?
Honest Tuesday’s — 2
Oct 26, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Etc., Family, Honest Tuesday's, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables
Welcome to round 2 of Honest Tuesday’s. It is kinda like TMIT’s but not raunchy … nor will it make you throw up in your mouth. It is more of a weekly check yourself blog. What are you lying to yourself about? What are you pretending to be okay with but really are not okay with? Who are you really?
So I will go first. You will then read, judge me (yes you will) and then purge your own brutal honesty. Be anonymous if you like. I don’t care. It will feel better to say something honest rather than keep it in and lie to yourself and others forever.
I wont judge. Much. *winkwinkwink*
On this Tuesday, I will admit that I am not as mean, brash, hard core as I may like to come across to others.
Shut up.
Look. I will beat a bitch down if I am 1) instigated against 2) drunk enough and provoked 3) in the mood to.
It is true. I am not a tough girl. All of the time anyway. Don’t get it twisted though. I am not scared of no bitch no how. (It is serious enough to have an intentional grammatical error in my blog to irritate most of you reading it.)
This is the thing though.
I am not young. I seem to have adapted this ability to “assess the situation” with my oldER age of 30. Meaning, if a bitch is all disrespectful like in my face or anyone’s face around me that I give a shit about … I have begun to make a decision based on factors.
FACTORS. Who in the fuck makes a decision based on FACTORS?! Oh that’s right. Adults do. Adults who apparently need to set an example for their offspring do. I have been handed this memo certified letter style by D to remind me of my temper/mouth/flailing fucking fist on too many an occasion.
This memo reads something like this:
Dear Wifey,
You should reconsider your hot headed-ness in the following situations:
1) Grocery stores. (That bitch really was that dumb. I promise. It wasn’t an intentional jam on your ankle with her grocery cart)
2) Public FAMILY gatherings. (It is possible that parents of other offspring do not know what the fuck they are doing. You YELLING it across multiple children in profane verbiage is not appropriate. Yes I agree with you. SILENTLY)
3) In the car. (There are kids in the car with you. THE BITCH CANNOT HEAR WHAT A CUNT SHE IS ON THE FREEWAY IN ANOTHER VEHICLE! Your children however, can hear. When Charli uses the word cunt in front of people … I guarantee you will be mortified.)
Please adhere to the above mentioned guidelines promptly to avoid me laying the smack down on your vulgar ass.
Love, D.
Hmph. So what you are saying is, that I am too old to be vulgar? NEVAH! I get it though. If I want my kids to grow up with more tack than I have, I need to put a mild cork in it. Fine. Fine D. You win this time. But let me get drunk enough around NO KIDS or POLICE or BOUNCERS. SAY I WONT GOD DAMNIT!
Also, along with the not being tough admittance for this Honest Tuesday … I will confess a little about my non-toughness. I am sure all of you beezos will get a big fat kick out of it too.
1) I cry at that one State Farm Commercial where a young M.J. is singing “I’ll Be There” at the very beginning. Every. Single. Time. Single tear styles.
2) When Xavier and Charli hug one another, I cry. Like a baby.
3) I cry at chick flicks.
4) Puppies and kitties melt my heart. So do babies. And love. And sentimental gestures. And poetry. And corny pop songs. Sometimes I cry about one or more of these things.
5) I cry after really great sex.
6) I like to do stupid things for people I like. For instance, every Valentines Day, I buy the little Valentine cards and leave them on my co-workers desks. Or I bring the ladies in my life daisies. Or I draw love notes on the fog in the bathroom for X or D to tell them that I love them when they get out of the shower.
See? Not tough. I am a big fucking sap actually.
Shhhh. No one can ever know this secret about me. Keep it between us, K?
What is your Honest Tuesday Confession???
What turns you off about the opposite sex?
What country would you like to visit most? Why?
Would you give a homeless person CPR?
Tags: fight, honesty, marriage, memo, Parenting, road rage, tough, tuesdays, vulgar
