TMIThursday: D’s in Love with a Stripper?
May 27, 2009 Masturbate-able, Sex, TMI Thursday's, This Thing Called Marriage.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
For our honeymoon, D and I traveled to a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in Victoria, B.C. for a long weekend. We didn’t really have a ton of money, but we were able to dine out and have an amazing steak dinner, find some good ‘Jane’, and some even better sex in our Romeo and Juliet suite.
The second night we were there, we decided to check out this strip club that came highly recommended we passed by in a drunken stooper the night before. So we got all pretteh-fied and pre-funked in the room, and headed out to watch some titties.
We had no idea what we were in store for.
Once we arrived, we I find a nook/booth in the back of the club and we get cozy. Little did I know that D mentioned to the bouncer that we were on our honeymoon (dick) and that we he would love a front row seat when available. Imagine my surprise when the DJ congratulated us on our nuptuals and laced us with the best VIP seats in the house. Oh and dinner was on them too. Gee thanks.
I was apprehensive. I wanted to stay in my safe place in the back corner of the club. But I was a good sport and moved to the front. We watched several choreagraphed shows which were all really good. They were more performances than your traditional skank kabob on stage. The last dancer of the night was this beautiful exotic woman. She had long brown hair and greenish eyes. She came out to “Foxy Lady” and started her routine. D had a boner as soon as she dropped her caramel brown ass like it was hawt in front of our faces.
He grabbed out an American $5 (back when US currency was actually worth a shit in Canada) and attempted to give it to her. She smiled, took it, and shoved it down my shirt, proceeding to take it from me with her teeth. As annoyed as D was pretended to be, he kept feeding her money. Each time, she would take it from him, and give it to me, only to take it with various parts of her body.
The last time she took his money, she leaned in to whisper something to him. D looked at me, looked back at her, shrugged his shoulders and said “Go ahead.” So she put the money where she put it at, and reached down for my hands. I looked at D to try and figure out 1) what she asked 2) what she could “go ahead” and do 3) why he was taking my shoes off of me and 4) why I was being pulled on stage.
Yes. She was pulling me on stage. ON STAGE.
This strip club was packed to the maximum capacity.
There I was, vehemently shaking my head no… insisting that it was really okay… that I did NOT need to get on stage. Frantically, I looked back at D to get some sort of support from my new husband.
Ask me what he was doing. G’head.
He was chanting with all of the other boners in the club. “GET ON STAGE! GET ON STAGE! GET ON STAGE!” and “SHOWER! SHOWER! SHOWER!”
The next thing I knew, I was almost fully naked in this shower on stage. I couldn’t hear the music, or myself think because the pervs in the place were roaring louder than anything I had ever heard in my life. This broad was doing things to me that (at the time) I had never really done before, giving these fools an unforgettable show. I don’t remember if I had the opportunity to cum or not, if I sucked my stomach in or not… and I sure as hell don’t remember giving her or anyone permission to take my clothes off in front of everyone.
But the aftermath of the impromptu girl-on-girl action was worth every second. D was treated like a king, getting all kinds of love for having such a kick ass wife. He definitely got an ego stroke that night… and he still brags about it to this day.
Tags: honeymoon, newlywed, shower, stripper, TMI Thursday, victoria
TMI Thursday: With Her Vagina!
May 6, 2009 Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Sex, TMI Thursday's, The Tarably Wicked Show, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
For most of you who know me… I have a stripper/prostitute/escort/lady of the night fascination. It started longer ago than I can remember. Maybe it was when my friend and I snuck in to the obviously too-old-for-us-R-rated movie “Pretty Woman”. We loved Vivian Ward so much that we played “Pretty Woman” Barbie forever after we saw it.
It is one of my all time favorite movies in the history of forever.
Anywhore, the first time i can remember hootin’, hollerin’ … and throwing dollars (well Thai currency anyway) at stripper poles was when we visited Thailand for my very first 6month deployment. one of my senior chiefs thought it would be funny to take me to an ‘authentic’ strip club.
Heh. Ask me where we sat. G’head. That’s right… front and center.
So there we were… watching the things you watch… when the ‘feature dancer’ was introduced. She sauntered her petite behind on stage and began to do her thing. Before i knew it, she was crawling across the stage like a wildcat on the hunt for its dinner toward our table. She leaned in to my Sr. chief, and he reached into his pocket… handing her a cigarette and a lighter.
Then she did something that made my jaw drop to the sticky strip-club floor: She leaned back, placed the cig in her vagina hole… and lit that mofoing cig right in front of my face.
With her vagina.
And then… she proceeded to blow smoke rings. In different sizes. Right in my face.
With her vagina.
Raise your hand if you volunteer to offer her some good quality cunnilingus.
No? You sure?
The group of salty sailors I was partying with thought my horror and my inability to look away was hilarious. Like LMFAO hilarious.
I wish taking pics was as cool then as it is now…
When I was talking to Tarable about my TMI post this week and recapped my awesomely nasty stripper-smoke-rings- story… she gleefully reminded me of the time when she was in Naw’lins and her then-boyfriend-now-douchebag went to the strip club. Instead of using her fingers or mouth to pick up her hard earned scrilla… she used her vagina to do the work for her.
Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack??
She also reminded me of the time when she was in Vancouver at a strip club… and the fine performer at that classy establishment gave the entire front row a parting gift when she shoved her entire hand into her vagina and flung the wetness at them.
Tarable said… and I quote: Tara: you can also add about mine in Vancouver, when the stripper put her hand all the way in her cooch and then flicked it on the crowd… and by flick I mean she was makin it rain.
Happy TMI Thursday peeps! I know that it is not gross like previous TMI’s… but definitely entertaining, funny and brought back a hilariously traumatizing memory for me.
I know you beezos have stripper stories. If not something you have experienced personally…. but a story that you have heard from someone you know.
Share in the Stripper TMI!
Tags: barbie, cigarrette, dancer, dollar bill, julia roberts, make it rain, navy, performer, pretty woman, sailor, story, strip club, stripper, thailand, vancouver
