It Started With a Simple Question …
Feb 2, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., I Forgot to Tag, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions
… that led to this blog.
Do you ever wonder what other peoples “pee faces” look like? I pee a lot lately, and sometimes I know I make the most ridiculous pee faces ever. Especially when I should have peed like 1 hour prior… so I reeeeeeeeealllyyyy have to pee. It is probably closer to an orgasm face than a pee face.
I am so nosy. I would totally be a fly on the stall wall, observing other people’s pee faces; giggling uncontrollably at them squint, and silently sigh as they finally let it all out.
I don’t want to be a fly on the wall for poo faces. No No No. Grunty faces aren’t interesting to me, especially because the present left after the grunts and groans and poots is stinky. I am not interested in being a part of another woman’s poo funk.
I would also be that proverbial fly on the wall during sex.
All sex. Gay sex, bi-sex, old people sex, group sex…. You wouldn’t really get a true idea of what other people’s sex behaviors are if they knew you were watching.
People fart. Unattractive noises are made sometimes during position change. The moaning is not necessarily as pretty sounding as the little girls on the movies. I would perch my nosy, horny ass on their smoke stained wallpaper and watch them go at it.
I have had people watch D and I have sex… which was weird at first, but now that I think about it…. triple rawwwwrr. Watch me! And while you are at it, touch yourself while you are doing it. Why haven’t you joined in yet? I wanna make you call MY name out.
What?? Too bold??
Porn = a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. These sluts know that a camera is on them, so they absolutely put on a show. That is what they are paid for, right? I am inclined to say that porn doesn’t necessarily turn me off… but it isn’t really what I need to get the mood going. Well, with the exception of more than one girl going at it… and then really, it just makes me more mad than anything—because I really would rather just actually be with more than one girl, rather than watch them have all of the fun.
Wouldn’t you?
Sex makes me curious.
How does sonso give head? What is her secret technique to drive hubby over the edge? Does whatsherface like it in the butt? I wonder if thatonedude likes to really get into eating pussy? Or does he half-ass it? How many times does Ol’girl call out my name when she masturbates? Does she use a toy, or is she fingers only? Would thatonebitch really make out with me, or would she chicken out last minute??
I honestly have had at least one sexual thought about each and every one of you little minxes. I have also pictured myself on top of each and every one of you as well… or were you on top of me???
Anysnatch….
Sometimes, when I masturbate I don’t think about anything. More often than not, I am not me… I am in someone else’s body, with their husband… or with more than one person. Sometimes I am the pleaser… sometimes I just lay there and let my fantasy take over and please me.
I am a toy kind of girl; a no-nonsense, get down to business girl who doesn’t waste anytime sending me to that optimum climax. Sometimes I make myself cum more than once in a session. I have sent myself to that point so many times in one session that I cant even pee or wipe or touch it without a pleasure-filled pain involved.
So yeah. One question in my head led to this blogtastrophe. You are welcome.
Would you rather … Be trapped in an elevator with wet dogs or with three fat men with bad breath?
Tags: masturbate, people, porn, Sex
An I Don’t Care About Football Blog Etc.
Jan 24, 2010 Etc., Family, Friendship, Random, Sex
Happy Monday!
If you are looking for some awesome discussion about Sunday’s playoff games … you won’t find it here because I really could give a shit about football. When my kid plays football for school, I will give a shit. Until then, it is of zero concern to me.
What I do think is amusing is the banter and opinions and tempers that go into the football games. I like to subtly antagonize it a little bit where I can get in… but that is as far as it goes.
Friday was our little get together for D’s birthday. I was a tad concerned that no one would show, given the fact that D made the decision on TUESDAY *cough*procrastinator*cough* that he actually wanted to have people over that SAME Friday. But we have some pretty great friends who made it through.
Needless to say, Tarable and I got completely inebriated, stayed up until 4am, and then were worthless pieces of shit on my bed for the remainder of the Saturday.
And then Sunday. I pretty much laid in bed until 2pm. 
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and I whooped both Xavier and D’s ass in Scrabble.
This is how I know I am old. I used to do that shit every single weekend. Sometimes on the weeknights. Puke, rally … repeat. Not anymore. My body pays 10 fold every time I party like a rock star.
Speaking of partying like a rock star … fucking like one is always rad. D and I had the besssssssssssst sex over the weekend. With him adjusting after being gone for 2 months and how hectic our schedule is … and of course how high maintenance my 2 year old is … our sex life has been little to none.
Not gonna lie, I was starting to get worried a little bit.
Last night, I watched a movie called “Rachel’s Getting Married” with Anne Hathaway. It was a really good movie. I enjoy her acting a great deal. If you haven’t seen it, and you like a good touching movie about family and its dysfunction … I highly recommend it.
Well, that is about all I have got.
How was your weekend?
Would you rather live with no elbows or no knees?
Weekend Poetry: Raw Passion
Jan 9, 2010 Creative Writing/Poetry, Masturbate-able, Sex
sex me.
my toes
nose to nose
no clothes
rapture shows
every breath
I moan…
shallow groan
mind blown
love unknown
unspoken adoration.
speechless joy
girl n’ boy
human toy
together enjoy
raw passion.
Click the link to check out my other Weekend Poetry posts!
Post Holiday Open Letters.
Dec 27, 2009 All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
Happy MondayafterChristmas!
I apologize for no Friday Eye Candy … or a venting place for the weekly purges … but it was in fact Christmas … and I figured it would be better to host your weekly venting place after the holidays and the after holiday sale madness.
Good decision?
Commence the open letters:
Tara is chomping at the bit to put some open letters out there into the privacy of her own internet space:
Dear Where Do You Want to Start,
I am fucking over it. I am tired of my busy ass life. I just want to relax with my hot boyfriends dick in my mouth. K!? (Yeah she went there)
I do not want to deal with anymore:
1) Holiday fucking drivers.
2) Excuse: It’s Christmas Time.
3) Ghey ass, unreliable, (don’t make sense) Holiday Hours
4) Even though I love and absolutely adore holiday parties, I am over them. I am sick of every single weekend being booked and having to stress about what to wear, did I already wear that to a holiday party where there were pictures … etc. Not only that, but I am fucking sick of impressing people and hanging out with people that I don’t like. And, I would rather have my hot boyfriends dick in my mouth. Also, get the holiday food out of my face. Because none of it is friendly to my ass size. K?! (cosigning on #4)
5) Done.
Love, Tarable
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Dear Muffin Top,
You hurt my feelings. You are not cute. You make me feel like all of the bitches I make fun of, and not be excited about fitting into my new size 11 jeans. I haven’t been a size 11 since I was born. Even if I bought a bigger size, it would be just as bad because you would move to my ass and make it look like I pooped my pants and that is not fair.
Get out of here you muffiny fuckin bitch.
Tarable
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Dear You,
I am over it. I am over it for my friend who is also over it. She wants to put it in her mouth but you are being a baby. So why don’t you take your crying tears and your kleenex box and cry about it via text.
Just saying.
Tarable.
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Dear Keanu Reeves,
Can I just fucking touch it? I have been waiting. WAITING. I have wanted to touch it since I was 7. Just let me touch it. Sorry hot boyfriend.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Tara,
Really? A snorer? Of allll the non sexy things you could ever do? Snore? Now you have to wear Breathe Right Strips for your hot boyfriend whos dick you want to put in your mouth to let you sleep over. Grow up its not that bad.
Tarable
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Dear Wine,
Thank you. (No seriously)
Love, Tarable
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Dear Family,
Thank you for not being crazy, psychotic, dysfunctional fuck faces this Christmas. It was proof that we can always get along.
Love Tara
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Dear Donovan,
Fuck you. (Oh!) I hate you right now. I am gonna write you a letter because I love you but I kinda hate you right now. When you come home you better walk in the door, smile and make it all better (Word) annnnnnnnnnnnnd you better not do this bullshit EVER AGAIN or I will personally do something violent and that will not make you smile to you. You are the one that made the analogy of 5 fingers and then cut your own finger the hell off. On both hands. (Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum) Dont ever do it again. K? Gah. We need you here and if you dont see that … I don’t know what to tell you.
I miss you.
Love Me
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And now for mine.
Dear Tarable,
You need to knock it off. You know what “it” is. You don’t always get your way when you want it. If you did, this one would be less interesting.
Don’t make me tell you again.
———————————————————————————————————————
Dear You,
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
And also.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Oh. By the way.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
———————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Carbohydrates,
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you. I would like to enjoy a slice or 9 of bread without gaining 23537y457754742w3 pounds while doing it.
I LIKE YOU BUT I CANT HAVE YOU AND IT ISNT FAIR AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS.
BLahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhIwantsomechipsahoy.andacheeseburger.andsomepadthai.andsomemacaroniandcheese.andpizza.andstuffing.withgravy.andmashedpotatoes.andbreadandbutter.andpastaexceptforolivegarden.andredlobstercheddargarlicbiscuits.clamchowderinabreadbowl.chocolate.chipsandqueso.girlscoutcookies.alsosourpatchkids.andsoda.andstickyricewithpenutsauceonitandsomesrirachatoo.anythingfried.andagrilledcheesesandwichwithamericancheesepandaexpress.
The end. Love TarablyWicked
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Dear Vagina,
It is almost over. You have gone the long haul and I am sure the big black cardboard check at the finish line will pay the winner (you) really REALLY WELL. Not to mention, you are (not that you werent already) gonna be really tiny. Like as if you had vagina bypass surgery or something. Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenytinyvagina.
I am proud of your sticktoitiveness.
Wicked
——————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Boyfriend, (From Girlfriend)
It has been several days since we have fucked. I would like for you to meet me in that one place you suggested the other day so you can bend me over and let me have it.
——————————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Xavier,
Knock it the fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are such a little argumentative fucker right now and I dont fucking get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Tara and Mom!
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Dear Washington Strip Clubs,
Why can’t you show me a pretty vagine? Why are the bitches here skanky, disease infested messes? Can I just come on a Friday night and get an alcoholic beverage while staring at pretty vajay dance all in my business because you do not provide that here.
I am just sayin.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Hair,
Pick one.
Tarable
—————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Readers,
Thanks for Reading. Good Night.
TarablyWicked
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And for some Eye Candy: Jamie Dornan
Tags: boyfriend, girlfriend, holiday, open letter, Sex
Honest Tuesday’s: Hi Hater!
Dec 22, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Honest Tuesday's, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic
Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place to come and be honest about everything you aren’t being honest about … even if I am the only one who knows it.
For today, I will admit that I am a big fat fucking hater.
If you are in love, I hate you.
If you are having regular sex and you like it, I hate you more.
I am pretty sure if I see you on the street all glow-ey like, holding hands with your oneandonlysomeone … I hate you.
I hate you if you are named Ken Adams.
If you don’t go home and drink wine alone …. instead you go home and have someone there to talk to OTHER THAN A CHILD, I hate your face.
If you masturbate because you WANT to and not because you HAVE to … biiiiiiiiiitch I hate you the mostest.
I hate you if you have a unlimited amount of money and you just sit on it all frugal like, and you dont give it to me to buy plane tickets for my friends who I miss the most to fly here and fucking kick it.
I hate you if you have a penis and aren’t sharing it with me.
If you have someone to kiss on NYE, I hate you too.
I hate you if you are all Christmas spirit-y.
I hate you if you are one of the 3 people that I hate at work.
I hate you if you are a generally negative person.
I also hate you if you are a feelings hurter.
If you cannot keep my name out of your mouth, I fucking HATE you.
I hate you if you are stupid.
I hate you if you shoot cops.
And if you are a cop killer affiliate. (i.e.. getaway driver, shelter provider, etc)
I hate you if you are my vagina because you are throbbing like no ones business and it is DISTRACTING.
Lastly, I hate you if you are all “aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwiamsosorryblahblahblahwhateveryouneediwillbetherforyou” and don’t come through.
K?
What haven’t you been honest about this week?
Tags: friends, HI HATER, ken adams, masturbation, Sex
The Many Reasons Why.
Dec 20, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Family, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Parenting, Random, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, love, pillow talk
We are coming down to no time left of D’s extended vacation.
As we approach his return, I have started thinking about all of the reasons why I am so excited for him to come home.
Reason #1: Rhymes with Mex (ican).
Many people have made the comment to me about how the number of days I have gone without or the total number of days that I will have gone without is a drop in the bucket compared to theirs or whatever. Let me break something down for you. I am not living in a sexless, intimacy-less marriage. We (besides our moments of dysfunction…) genuinely love each other. Whether we are in a slump or not … he makes up for it with a good grudge fuck. So to not have it … especially not having it because I have been told that I CANT have it … makes me angry.
You better believe that someone is getting some immediately. Stat. On site.
Reason #2: He is more patient than I am. About everything. (Bitches I know you are surprised about that.)
So for a good couple of weeks, I am not going to be participating in anything kid related. You wanna tattle? Go to dad. You want some more motherfucking juice in your cup? Dad will get it. Period. Idontwantit. I am not participating in anything antagonized argument between these 2 little brat faces.
K?
Reason #3: I am lonely. (sadface)
My evenings usually consist of he and I in some sort of conversation. I don’t know about you all who are in relationships, but I actually enjoy spending time with my husband. We laugh our asses off. (Hello have you not read any of the Pillow Talk blogs?!)
Exactly. If anything, him being gone is a disservice to you as my loyal readers. Who looks forward to the next installment of our conversations?!
(me too. D is hilar)
Reason #5: I am tired of cleaning this fucking house.
I swear to Baby Jesus himself that I walk in circles around here picking shit up. Blocks. Socks. Paper. Crayons. Dishes. Fucking sucker sticks. (Thanks Ms.Moon) I get all excited that my house is FINALLY clean and then BLADAAAAAAW! More motherfucking blocks. More motherfucking SOCKS. More motherfucking dishes. Gah. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
It wouldn’t be so bad if that is ALL I FUCKING DID. But it isn’t. So, I think I dont want to anymore. K?
Reason #6: I don’t have time to cook.
So therefore I don’t eat as healthy as I would like to. This means I have gained some weight back. Not a lot, but still. I can tell a difference and I don’t like it. D cooked his awesome ass off, making sure that there was always something that I wanted to eat that I could eat with South Beach. Being that I am on the go all god damn day … I rarely have time to really think that far in advance. Ya dig?
Reason #7: Someone needs to have “The Talk” with Xavier.
Being as I don’t have a penis … (at least not one that is permanently attached to my body) … I dont think that I should be the one to do it. Just like I wouldn’t expect him to talk to Charli about female issues …
Bottom line: D needs to get some birds and bees business out in the air with Xavier. Pronto styles.
Reason 7.1: Charli misses the shit out of her dad.
Reason #8: I want to sleep.
Reason #9: Did I mention the SEX!?
Fucking aye.
I plan on:
picking a fight with his ass so we can have make up sex
lighting some candles so we can have that sweaty making love soap opera sex
putting on my candy apple red JSimpson FMP’s with some school girl stockings so we can have some inappropriate role play sex
wearing one of my fedora’s and an over sized white button up with my new HOT BOOTS so we can have some smooth criminal sex.
leaving for the weekend so we can have some all over the condo butt naked push the shit off the counter give it to me sideways sex.
a great deal of putitinmymouth oral sex.
And that is just the first few days. K? K.
Annnnnnnnnnnd Reason #10: I am spoiled.
I never saw it before. I am so god damn spoiled that it is stupid. I work my ass off every day and he takes care of everything the hell else.
I can honestly say that I am lost without him. So, a bitch is starting to count down. Get ready. It is about to get ugly.
Have a happy MondayBeforeChristmas!
Are you done shopping?
Have you been naughty or nice?
What have you asked Santa for this year?
Tags: birds and bees, Family, jail, marriage, Sex
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Dec 18, 2009 All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, Relationships, Sex, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love
TGIMFF!
You know the drill. Purge your week so that you can officially enjoy your weekend!!!
Dear Tarable,
I understand that you are having really good sex. I am really really really really happy for you. However. I am not having it. It = the sex. I would appreciate it if you would stop rubbing it in. Ok? Ok.
————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Owner,
I need to say this bluntly: It is offensive for you to blame our company for your addiction to food. There is nothing wrong with being a bigger size. Furthermore, I completely relate to us all not fitting the societal mold of a size 2 runway model. But to have the audacity to sit on the phone with me and blame this company for your obesity is offensive and completely out of line.
It is not my fault that you need to buy 3 plane tickets for you and your spouse in order to travel. Period. It is also not my fault that you are uncomfortable with your travels because of your size. How about rethinking that Big Mac with extra special sauce next time?
If you are mad about being obese … then maybe you should order a salad. Maybe … just maybe … you shouldn’t blame people i.e. your account manager for the woes you have experienced. The bottom line is: You are mad that you are obese. Either own it or fix it.
Love Tarable
————————————————————————————————————–
Dear Mister,
Go ahead and let it out. Just do it. Like Nike. It is going to happen eventually. You and I both know that it is inevitable. I am patiently waiting for the words to come out of your mouth. Because I refuse to be the one to say it first.
Yours always, Tarable
—————————————————————————————————————
Dear You,
It is inappropriate. Period. All of it. Every bit. Blah.
—————————————————————————————————————
Dear Wicked,
I love you, first and foremost. I am so glad that you admitted the weakness that it was and that you are bigger and better for it. You are truly my best friend in every way shape and form … and know me better than anyone else does. WE will get through the hard times together. No matter what happens. Goodnight and goodbye … ooooh ooh ooh. Because when it truly comes down to it, you are there. Quit looking at your cell phone. K?
Tarable.
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Dear Tarable,
You are not allowed to make me cry on my own blog. I am so proud of you and also so happy for you for finding someone to make you happy. I love you. Forever. I cannot wait to have my moment to honor you.
—————————————————————————————————————
Dear Ken Adams,
I may or may not have a crush on you.
Love, Regina Philange
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Dear Bosses,
I am stoked to be a part of the team. Know that I am gonna work my ass off. Period. Because that is what I do.
—————————————————————————————————————-
Dear New Bitch,
Get out of my face. I am not interested in being nice to you. Ever.
—————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Carol, Squish, Tori, Q, Chrissie, Cassie, Chrissa,
I motherfucking miss you. So bad that it hurts.
—————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Vagina,
OMG STOP TRYING TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot listen to your manipulativeness. CANNOT.
—————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Manipulative Fucking Bitch,
He is going to leave you if you don’t knock it off. We don’t believe you. Whether you are in the picture or not, we will be friends. Period. It is all innocent and not at all what your insecure ass thinks that it is. K? K.
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Dear Xavier,
Thank you so much for trying. You really are a wonderful kid.
Love, Mommy
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Dear Wicked,
You will get there I promise. You need some strong something or other pushing you towards the finish line….I love you. You pretend like you can handle anything and everthing but you need help and when you ask for it it is hot. You can never be replaced. Even with you texting shit eating grin on your face. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dear D,
God damnit I fucking miss you. On a level that is not able to be verbalized.
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This Friday, I am undecisive on the hottie. So Tarable hit “Random Hottie” in Google .. .so this is what you get:
Have you ever been left speechless? What put you in a position where you were without words?
Tags: Friendship, random hottie, Sex
TMIThursday: Eye Will Try Anything … Once.
Dec 17, 2009 Masturbate-able, TMI Thursday's, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables, Yum... or Lack There Of., love, pillow talk
Welcome to TMIThursday!
It is a place where what I write may or may not make you throw up in your mouth, cringe and laugh all at the same time. Make sure to check out Ms. Lilu’s blog and her list of TMIT’s for the week. Word?!
I am going to forewarn you. This blog is one that some of you probably NEVER want to read about me. So you have the option to click the red X in the top right hand corner right now. If you continue, I don’t want to hear it. K? K.
(also some of you may not be surprised in the least. Just saying.)
This conversation comes after many many many many many conversations prior to it where a certain someone would beg me to let him do it and I would vehemently shoot down his dreams of doing it over and over and over and over and over again. With me?
*ahem*
D: “You should let me do it. Just once.”
Me: “NO! I have no desire! None!”
D: “Puhleeeeeeeese!!!!!!!! Just like with food, you need to try everything at least once!”
Me: “No.”
D: “C’mon. You know you wanna try it.”
Me: “No.”
D: “Fine I am just gonna do it without your permission. Then what will you do?”
Me: “Divorce you. But I would punch you in your junk first.”
D: “You won’t.”
Me: “YOU wont.”
Hours later… we are doing the do. Makin’ babies or some corny way to say “fucking”. I had completely forgotten about the previous conversation. Ask me if D did. Of course he didn’t.
So there we are, midbone when he whispers “I wanna cum in your mouth.” Ask me if I let him. Of course I did.
Or so I thought that is what I was doing. Before I knew it, this son of a bitch was busting. All over my face. Not just in my FACE but in my EYE as well. My open, virgin, unexpecting EYE! At first he stood there, all smirky face like he just conquered this mission. Until I was screaming about my fucking EYE burning from having a load sprayed in it. Ask me if he felt bad. Of COURSE he did! He was all in my business talking about “OMGAREYOUOKAY?!” “Can I help?” “Do you need some ice?”
Do. I. Need. Some. ICE?! I shot up from the bathroom sink, my one EYE all red and irritated from the little tadpoles that were rocket launched into it … the other EYE all red from the rage I felt in the pit of my stomach. “What I need from you … D … IS TO NOT SURPRISE MY EYE WITH A CUMSHOT!”
D: “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Me: “Get out of my face right now.”
Hours later …
D: “I don’t think I liked cumming on your face. It felt kinda dirty.”
Me: “Oh you mean the suckercumshot?!”
D: “I told you I was sorry.”
Me: “Maybe I will surprise cum in YOUR eye next time. See how you like it.”
D: “Heh.”
Me: “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
I may have been psychologically damaged from the event, but my EYE lived happily ever after.
Have you ever been unpleasantly surprised in the bedroom?
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: ForREAL Casual Sex
Dec 16, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays, bitch
Happy HUMP Day peeps! Welcome to Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s!
In my nightly evening vent session with my Tarable, we started talking about what I was gonna blog about today. I hadn’t had any ranty … funny … or inappropriate blogs in a few days due to life circumstances so I really wanted to let loose (no pun intended) on a awesome subject. Especially considering that it has been a hot minute since my last WeHtW.
So she and I were talking about specific Whatever Happened to’s. A few good ones came up in conversation, but then we started talking about sex. (duh) About how everyone can talk a great game about how they are all about some casual encounter type bullshit but when it all boils down to it … about 2% of people actually have it in them to keep it casual. No strings. Booty-call-esque.
I listen to all of these single and available bullshitters every day. On Facebook, at work … pretty much wherever I go. They talk about all they want for Christmas is some strange. But really?! When it all boils down to it, these people get the strange and then they fuck it alllllllllllll up with feelings.
What happens next?
Traps are set. Like, “I think I am pregnant.” Or, attempting to make a motherfucker jealous by “showing up” at the same bar with some douchebag. Or … stupid shit like “being in the same neighborhood” and “just dropping by”
Really?
Let me tell you idiots who lie about being capable of casual sex a little something:
You are only doing YOURSELF a disservice by lying to yourself. Not the other person. They are going to fuck you and leave you every single time. I guarantee it. Have you found yourself bawling “Why ME!?” to the heavens when that one person who you originally agreed to fuck stringlessly simply stopped calling? Or returning your calls? Or acting like they don’t know you because you are a REE REE REE stalker, perched outside their house trying to figure out what OTHER booty call they have lined up on the nights they are too busy to see you?
It is okay to be incapable of the booty call. I promise. No one will judge you for being a mate seeker. Dont waste anyone’s time by lying. Seriously.
My casual sex days may have been laid to rest because of the schematics of marriage and kids but let me tell you this. When my days of frequent strange was on and poppin … I stayed true to my word. Sex is just sex. Period. Fuck me and get out. No I don’t want to call you later. I would prefer it if you did NOT bring me flowers or try to woo me. If I wanted a motherfucking relationship … we would have had a completely different conversation.
Like the sharing of last god damn names.
Do I wish I was a booty call-er? Hell to the no. I am happy to not have to deal with man stalkers showing up in my life all late night styles and trying to play like they were just in the area. Because that shit has happened. And, like I have stated eleventy million times before … I am not the fucking one.
Men are the worst. I swear. They ALL LIE about the love of strange and sex being just sex and blah blah blah but as soon as they get a taste of the vagina … it is over. TKO. The ultimate douchebag is released from the wild.
Bottom Line: Mate seekers stick with fellow mate seekers because 9 times out of 10 you will be all emo crying sad and shit over the one who you thought was “the one” dumping your pathetic ass on the concrete and moving on to the next piece of ass that they are HOPING isn’t all about marriage and kids and exclusive.
Or, at least do us all a favor, and shut the fuck up about it already.
Ya dig?
If you have any WeHtW suggestions … lay them on me.
Are you a casual sex person or a mate seeker?
Any crazy stalker stories to share? Yours or others are welcomed.
Weekend Poetry: Prolific Professions
Dec 12, 2009 Creative Writing/Poetry, Masturbate-able, Relationships, Sex, pillow talk
I’m perched and prepared to pounce.
you possibly are perplexed but
probably can be persuaded to play
my
perfectly
planned
game of prowl and prevail.
I purse my pouty lips.
“please pull down my panties” I plead.
Pointedly, you perpetuate.
“plots and ploys my pet?” you pry
I smile, prettily.
“precisely.”
You pause, pondering my proposition.
Politely, you peel my pretty plaid purple and pink panties off,
pushing me proficiently against painted paneling.
Punditly, you penetrate my palpitant pussy properly.
Panting, I plead for more penis; you provide my petitions perfectly.
I am pleased.
Tags: poetry, Sex, the letter p
