Ha-Ha Romantic
Apr 13, 2009 I Forgot to Tag, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked Wisdoms, love
As I sit here, in my towel, dreading the time to come when I would have to leave my cozy abode and go to school… the following conversation commenced.
D: (peeking around the corner) “Hey there! Heh Heh. How YOU doin?”
Me: (looking up from my usual position in front of the laptop) “Huh?”
D: (raising his eyebrows in an attempt to hint at something) “So, uh, what time do you have to leave to go to school?”
Me: “in an hour, why?”
D: (humping the air)
Me: “really?”
D: (still air humping)
Me: “wow. You are so romantic.”
D: (leaning down to blow his pico de gallo breath in my face) “how is that for romantic?”
Me: (gagging) “Yeah. I cannot resist your onion-breath-aphrodisiac”
D: “I am ha-ha romantic. Now lets go bump uglies.”
I love his quirky idea of romantic ways to get me into bed.
Like how sometimes he will just poke me with his cock. At the grocery store. Or pretty much any time he catches a glimpse of my tits/ass/vag he will assume that it is perfectly acceptable to grab-ass at his leisure.
Last night, I politely asked D to put ointment on my tattoo, because I had gone in for a session earlier that day. My tattoo is a full back tattoo. I have to take my shirt off in order to get the ointment application accomplished. So there I am, shirtless and bent over the bed so that he can apply the ointment evenly.
D: “You are so fucking easy.”
Me: “Huh?” <— notice a trend here?
D: (stripping off all of his clothes) “You know what the fuck I said”
Me: “I love it when you cuss at me naked”
D: “As opposed to fully clothed?”
Me: “Just stick it in already. God.”
The next morning.
Me: “Good morning, stud”
D: “Meh. My performance was subpar.”
Me: “What? You gave me a good pounding.”
D: “Really? Seemed to be over as fast as it started.”
Me: “Whatever. I came. I dont need movie sex all the time baby.”
D: “Really? You came?”
Me: “I informed you when it was happening, didnt I?”
D: “I thought you were just being polite.”
Me: “When am I ever polite?”
D: “Good point.”
I used to view romance like it is in romantic chick flicks. Really that is a bunch of pre-written bullshit that sets all of us women up for romantic FAIL. We look to the Sleepless in Seattle’s to define what romance should be. Truth be told, that Empire State Building, You Had Me At Hello bullshit can stay on the big screen.
What is the most Ha-Ha Romantic moment that you have ever experienced or have been told about?
Do you prefer the cheeseball romance or the vulgar romance?
What is your favorite chick flick of all time?
Tags: big screen, chick flick, ha-ha romantic, love, romance, Sex, sleepless in seattle, theatre
The Significance of Ice Cream
Apr 2, 2009 All Things X, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
This started off differently.
I was fighting with D when I finally got a chance to blog this evening.
I hate it when we fight. I hate that he is right more than I am. (I will only admit this to you.) I hate that he has the ability to make me feel so small with a simple statement. At the same time, I hate that I say hurtful things. But sometimes, when I get angry… They just fall out of my mouth like marbles.
Especially when I feel attacked.
Then, as I laid here in the dark spewing randomosity in the form of a blog-list, (which is what I do when I don’t have anything of substance to blog about but I feel like I should be blogging) he appeared in the doorway to our bedroom.
“I come in peace.” He said.
In his hands he held a scoop of chocolate chip ice cream. Just 1 scoop. In a pretty pink and white cardboard cup with a matching pink plastic spoon.
*sigh*
What is so significant about the ice cream?
There are 2 reasons why it is so thoughtful:
1) Chocolate Chip is the only ice cream that I really like, and not very many brands sell it. If they do, it really isnt very good.
2) When I was pregnant with Xavier, D would bring me a scoop of Baskin Robbins chocolate chip ice cream every night after work. We were literally dirt poor because we lived in a small military town… so while he was looking for a job, he would get up at 5 am and go to Labor Ready, even if it brought just enough money for gas and dinner.
It doesn’t even matter what he said or why I got mad. What matters is that when it is time to say “I’m sorry”, he knows exactly what to do to melt the icy, silent exterior around my heart. Not many people really know how to do that.
It seems silly to some but these little things are precisely why I married him.
I have never been the girl who needed dozens upon dozens of roses, or lavish gifts from the person I love. I just need a little token. A thoughtful gesture that says everything I need to hear at that moment.
Anyway, all of the sarcasm and jokes aside… he is the jelly to my peanut butter. I am truly blessed to have such a funny, sexy, doesn’t-put-up-with-my-shit and thoughtful husband…
Our love is hands down the reason why I believe in true love as much as I do.
Happy Friday!
What is the most romantic “little thing” that you have done for someone you love?
Has anyone done a thoughtful “little thing” for you?
Tags: argument, baskin robbins, chocolate chip, fight, ice cream, labor ready, little thing, love, make-up, marriage, Relationships, right, romance, sarcasm, thoughtful, token, wrong
How To Make Strawberry Lemonade
Dec 21, 2008 Relationships, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions
Sometimes the littlest happening can make the biggest difference. When you know that you love someone, it is hard to accept the fact that you are in a rut/dry spell. It is even harder to figure out that balance to bunker down and work through it, while still keeping all of your life’s balls in the air.
I have noticed our rut. He noticed it too. It made for silly disagreements over the smallest things, and tension between us. In truth, we have been in a romantic rut for several months. But with life/kids/work/school/stress/money….. just jumping back into the romance and spontaneity that is common between 10+ years of our lives together is not the easiest thing to do.
This Christmas, D and I decided to combine our gift budget and plan something to do together. I wanted spa, he wanted good food… we both wanted a whole night of no kids. Done, Done and motherfucking Done. I woke up Saturday morning to snow flurries and possible 90 mph winds. Great. I also woke up to no package on my doorstep after 3 calls and 2 manager escalations with F-UPS. All 3 promised me that my package with my sexy lingerie was 100% guraranteed to be delivered before 12AM on Saturday morning like I paid extra for. Boo. I called the spa to just double check our appt time. On their answering machine it stated that they had closed due to projected bad weather conditions. Did they call and let me know? Uhm No. So if I hadnt called.. . . we would have driven there to a sign on the door. And would have been screwed.
*insert many cusswords*
After I threw a tantrum, I decided to search high and low for an affordable and similar spa experience. After weeding through the bullshit, I found an extremely nice woman who was kind enough to hear my sob story. In my teary state, I explained to her the happenings vs. the plans. She found a way to squeeze us in between appointments for a 3o minute massage and 30 minute peppermint body scrub. Yay! This left me seething about my package. So my friend Lisa and I fly as fast as we could to the shipping center to try to get it. Ri i i ght. There were 30 people in front of us, and 1 person working. We stood there for 10 minutes while we watched poor soul after poor soul get sent away because the dumbshits at F-UPS ‘couldnt find their packages’.
What is the point of a motherfucking tracking number?
With less than 2 hours to spare before our appointment, we decided to bag that idea and search for something similar. As much as I didnt want to spend more money on something I had already purchased, my plans were to give D a special treat… and I didnt want that to not happen. So I found a sexy black satin robe. It was a short one, and it looked really good with the stockings and shoes. I was happy (er) than before.
The spa was amazing. They treated us so well, and took extra care in making our first spa experience an amazing one. We will be visiting them again in the near future. D did not pre-absorb the nude aspect of the body scrub, and was totally uncomfortable and nervous at first. HAH. Even the estitition said that she wouldnt recommend the body scrub for the first spa visit… HAH! D is super brave.
The hotel was even better. Taking the weather into consideration, we almost didnt make it. We were gonna just stay home. But I was really set on spending this time with D. Especially considering the fact that I had driven to the ends of the earth to get this damn sexy attire together last minute. Yep. I was willing to risk the blizzard so I could seduce my husband. What a wonderful wife I am. 
We checked in, got a free upgrade to a suite, (thanks Ruben!) and headed down to the hotel restaurant to have dinner. The food was spectacular. I was concerned because the menu was so small… but they did a kick ass job.
It took me practically begging D to go down to the bar to get a wine opener so that I could do a quick change into my outfit. I plugged up my ipod (cause you know I pre-made a slow jam playlist) and lit some candles, turning off all the lights. When he opened the door, there I was perched with my sexy stockings and shoes. He was beaming from ear to ear. After we *m a d e * l o v e*, I told him about the whole fiasco with F-UPS and the lengths I went to to pull it off. Needless to say, it was greatly appreciated.
The rest of the night was spent naked in bed while we talked and touched and just were. Together. We were probably asleep before midnight. We woke up making love. We ate breakfast and then made love. When I say ‘made love’ I dont necessarily mean the sex part either. Just loving him is making love in my eyes. As important as the sexual relationship is to the both of us, our marriage is more than that.
Not only did this kickstart our sex again… It lit a flame under our heart connection. We desperately needed that.
Life’s lemons and our love made some amazing strawberry lemonade.
I hope that you take a sip of ours, and figure out how to make some of your own.
Have you ever had to make plans work, even when all signs pointed to the plans not being meant to happen?
What kind of lemonade do you make when life hands you lemons?
Other than sex, what is another way that you ‘make-love’ with your partner?
Tags: date night, lingerie, making love, romance, rut, Sex, strawberry lemonade, ups, when life gives you lemons
