I dont wanna grow up!
Oct 19, 2008 Parenting, Sound Off/Debate, Thoughts and Perceptions
Lately I have noticed myself really pondering decisions that need to be made on my part. Things that I would have previously just done childishly, are now on the high road. That sucks. I dont want to always take the bigger person route. Sometimes, I want to be the irresponsible cunt and call a bitch on the carpet, even though I am fully aware of the fact that me making that choice wont do a bit of good.
Ugh. It chaps my ass that I am growing up sometimes. Or that I am grown up. Whatev. Boo.
What bugs me more than that are the people who should be grown up but are not even close. They still go and do selfishly. They still make decisions with no regard of those who are affected. (I dont mean those in the sense of the bitches whos asses need to be called to the carpet… but more the people who are affected by there decisions in their lives)
Just because I want to go to the bar every single night after work and every weekend and get hammered with my co-workers and friends, doesnt mean that I will. Why? Well for one, it is not healthy. But for two, because I have kids. And a husband. I enjoy spending time with them. Sober-like. The thing is, when you cross the line over into responsibility…(i.e. job, kids, spouse… etc) you have to own it. Dont do both. It is unfair to the responsibilities that you have to neglect them for selfish reasons.
Don’t get me wrong, if you are selfish some of the time for good reason… that is only healthy. I am ranting about the people who pawn their kids off as much as possible, or they sign their rights away and run off to another state because they “just cant deal with it”. I am referring to multiple DUI recievers who just cannot give someone their keys, and take other peoples lives into their own hands with little regard. I am even referring to the women with revolving doors of men in front of their kids; setting the example that it is perfectly ok to spread your legs for any Tom, Dick and Harry out there.
If you are reading, and this strikes a cord with you… and, you are possibly offended, first click the back button and scroll down to read my “if thine eye offends thee, pluck it out” and then come back and re-read.
1) I dont give a flying fuck if I offend you.
2) You may need to take this blog and figure out how to be more responsible. Your irresponsibility and my offending you because of it is not my motherfucking problem.
3) Make some changes in your life. Start putting your responsibilities first, or at least think about the choices you make before you make the decision.
In conclusion, fuck you for being a cunt. <– This is a message for specific someones in my life that I am not going to start drama with. If you think it is about you, well maybe you should stop being a dumb guilty cunt and act right for a change. Do the right thing.
Do you have irresponsible people in your life?
Wanna leave them a message about themselves?
Have you ever made irresponsible decisions that you now regret? How did you make it right?
Tags: choices, decisions, drinking, dui, hammered, irresponsibility, neglect, parents, responsibility, revolving door
the house that fantasy built.
Sep 4, 2008 Relationships, Sex
I could be so bad. But I am not.
I, unlike some people, make good decisions.
I could stop by the house that I pass by every single morning and every single afternoon, knock on the door, and perch against the door frame as I wait for him to answer the door. I know he is there. I know he is alone. I know that his wife is at work and wont be home for hours. I know that if I pursed my pouty pink lips just right, he’d become a puddle beneath my pretty pink pumps.
But I refrain. I know that my temptation to be bad would effect not only my desires, but the lives and the happiness of many others in it’s path. I am almost 100% positive that he wonders why I don’t perch. It makes me ponder his reaction to not only his thoughts and desires, but to the fact that I do not sneak over and into his once familiar arms.
Does he long for it?
Does he get a pang of excitement when the doorbell rings, and is he then disappointed to find someone else standing where he pictured me to be?
Or does he even want me there?
This, like many other things that I could do but do not, is just one of those that I will never know the answer to.
Who he is doesn’t matter. What does matter is the fact that there are some of us out there that absolutely would take the risk of making that right turn into the space between the red fence, dab fresh perfume where it mattered, and selfishly press the button that echoes the bell throughout the lives of those they desire.
There are many reasons why I don’t do the things I want to do. I am not scared. I am not insecure, or uncertain to whether or not I would be rejected. It isnt because I am happily married. I mean, it is a part of why… because I absolutely respect my husband and our commitment to each other.. but I also prefer to hold the desire close to me, rather than to act on it. I think that if the fantasy were to become reality, it would not be as amazing as it is in my mind. So maybe it is fear. Fear of disappointment. Fear that my imagination would be severely let down… and quite possibly permanently damaged for daydreams of my future.
My mind creates motion picture masterpieces. Oscar winning performances. I don’t want to take the magic away. From myself. Is that selfish?
Am I the only one who makes the decision to make the responsible decision for my own selfish reasons? What even drives me to think about it long enough to come to such a conclusion??? Is it genetic make up that either turns the switch on or off? Are we born with the sense to think of how our decisions affect every single person around us? Or is it how we are raised? Do the actions of the ones who raise us determine how we behave as adults? Maybe it is both. Or neither. Maybe, some of us just cannot fathom anything or anyone outside of our own selfish bubbles. To put it more traditionally: “Cutting off the nose to spite the face”.
Whatever it is, if you are reading, and this resonates within you on an indescribable level… maybe you should slow your roll and think about exactly who and how you are affecting your place in the universe.
Tell me. Do you have a ‘house that you pass’?
Are there temptations and desires that you have that you have or have not acted on?
Why? Why not?
What drives the decision for you?
Tags: choices, Cutting off the nose to spite the face, desire, fantasy, genetic make-up, infidelity, reality, responsibility, selfish, Sex, temptation
Did I miss a ‘buzz-worthy’ moment?
Sep 2, 2008 Parenting
D said to me this morning as he peered through the slits of our dining room blinds… “Are we horrible parents for not walking our kid to the bus stop on the first day of school?”
This question stemmed from watching all of the other parents following protectively behind their kids past our window… the underlying buzz of the first day of school prevalent. My immediate response was the defensive one… “Of course not! He doesn’t need us to stand there next to him at the bus stop!”
However when driving to work, utilizing the little bit of uninterrupted time I am allowed each day to think, I began to question my initial thoughts on the matter. I mean, It is his third year in school. Kindergarten got tears on the first day. First grade… I was excited that he was excited. This year seems more habitual rather than buzz-worthy. These thoughts resonated, leaving me to wonder whether or not we are horrible parents… or if most other parents feel the same way I do.
I don’t cry at every defining moment in my son’s life. School is school. I guess if he were moving from elementary school to middle school… or from middle to high school… I would want to relish that next step with him… but from 1st to 2nd? I think there are moments where he needs to have those to experience without mom and dad all up in his business. I enjoy allowing him a bit of independence from us. I love to see him react without him worrying whether or not mom is in earshot… (whether I am or not remains unknown to him.. 
) and with that independence, builds trust and allows him to differentiate between right and wrong without my prompting.
I just hope that he doesn’t silently want me there. I hope that he doesn’t feel like I am not excited simply because his mom and dad didn’t stand next to him at the bus stop like every other kid. I hope that he is confident in the fact that really, we are slowly and thoughtfully letting the reins loose for him to gradually grow into the responsible little man that I know he is going to be.
Parents, have you been here? Felt this way? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Tags: decisions, independence, kids, Parenting, responsibility, school
