YGWM, Oh CRAP & Friday Eye Candy
Jul 30, 2009 All Things X, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, Ranteriffic, Thoughts and Perceptions, You've Got Wicked Mail
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Friday.
I think that I should double up on my daily blogs, saving one and posting one because come September I am going to be back in the place of toomuchtodonotimetodoit (read: school)
I met with the director/advisor/instructor of the program I am working toward. We had a lot to discuss. Before I get into that, he looked at me, chuckled a little and said:
“You look … rested.”
“I am rested.”
“Dropping summer quarter was a good thing then?”
“Yes.”
“I must say. The last time I saw you … and I am using your words … you had “I am fucking over it” written all over your face.”
(cracking up) “I was fucking over it.”
“I didn’t want to tell you that I thought you should take a break. But I could tell you were burnt.”
“Yeah. I needed this.”
Being that I dropped summer quarter… my education plan changed a bit, extending my completion out to the end of spring quarter instead of winter. At first I was disappointed. And then, after pre-planning not just fall … but winter and spring as well … we got on the subject of what I was going to do after I was certified and licensed.
Duhhhhhhhhh, get my Masters. What else would I be doing?
And then he says: “You know, I am not sure if you thought about the length of time that you are going to be in school or not… but because of your mommy, work, and school chaos … you are going to be in school a long time.”
I sat there and pondered this statement. Long time liiiiiiiiiiiiiike ?
And then he answered. (He must have seen the smoke start to escape from my ears) “Long time like 2018.”
Uh. Two Thousand Eighteen?
Blah.
This means that 1) I will have been in school 10 years and 2) I will graduate college the same year that X graduates high school.
I mean, there really is not an other option for me. Me not getting my Masters that is. I am not the one who just gets the minimum certification. I don’t want to just be a CDP. My interest in psychology is much more complicated than that. Not only that but I am not a settler. If I am in school until I am in a walker… then so be it. I think it was the fact that him saying my 2 0 1 8 college graduation reality out loud really resonated. It became tangible. It is going to take me 10 years, but god damnit I am going to fucking finish what I have started.
/realizationofmyrealityrant
Back to your regularly scheduled programming:
Dear 100 + degree heat,
I like you. I really do. I would like you better from the inside of my AC filled house. The problem: Seattle doesn’t have the need for AC on a regular basis. You are like a free stripper on a Friday: A rarity. It would be nice to have a little warning next time. Just saying.
Dear You,
The world is not out to get you. Pretty sure. At least, I am not out to do you wrong, fuck you over, walk all over you. Other people might be, but not me. I am your friend. Period.
Dear Other You,
You are so full of fucking shit. How about try practicing what you preach? How about you take your cookie cutter inspirational statements and shove them up your fucking ass? I am done playing the game. Words will be had. And when they are out in the open, for all to hear … I will wash my hands of you.
Dear D,
I love you.
Now it is your turn. Same as every Friday. Purge your anger here so you are able to thoroughly enjoy your weekend.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd how could I deny you your weekly Friday Eye Candy?
He is a really great actor. He is in one of my favorite movies of all time… Cruel Intentions.
He has a reeeeeee ee e eally nice body. I <3 his infamous 5 o'clock shadow.
Ryan Phillippe
I hope you enjoy your weekends! Dont forget to purge. I know you have at least ONE letter to write.
Tags: Friday Eye Candy, graduation, kids, rant, reality, school
the house that fantasy built.
Sep 4, 2008 Relationships, Sex
I could be so bad. But I am not.
I, unlike some people, make good decisions.
I could stop by the house that I pass by every single morning and every single afternoon, knock on the door, and perch against the door frame as I wait for him to answer the door. I know he is there. I know he is alone. I know that his wife is at work and wont be home for hours. I know that if I pursed my pouty pink lips just right, he’d become a puddle beneath my pretty pink pumps.
But I refrain. I know that my temptation to be bad would effect not only my desires, but the lives and the happiness of many others in it’s path. I am almost 100% positive that he wonders why I don’t perch. It makes me ponder his reaction to not only his thoughts and desires, but to the fact that I do not sneak over and into his once familiar arms.
Does he long for it?
Does he get a pang of excitement when the doorbell rings, and is he then disappointed to find someone else standing where he pictured me to be?
Or does he even want me there?
This, like many other things that I could do but do not, is just one of those that I will never know the answer to.
Who he is doesn’t matter. What does matter is the fact that there are some of us out there that absolutely would take the risk of making that right turn into the space between the red fence, dab fresh perfume where it mattered, and selfishly press the button that echoes the bell throughout the lives of those they desire.
There are many reasons why I don’t do the things I want to do. I am not scared. I am not insecure, or uncertain to whether or not I would be rejected. It isnt because I am happily married. I mean, it is a part of why… because I absolutely respect my husband and our commitment to each other.. but I also prefer to hold the desire close to me, rather than to act on it. I think that if the fantasy were to become reality, it would not be as amazing as it is in my mind. So maybe it is fear. Fear of disappointment. Fear that my imagination would be severely let down… and quite possibly permanently damaged for daydreams of my future.
My mind creates motion picture masterpieces. Oscar winning performances. I don’t want to take the magic away. From myself. Is that selfish?
Am I the only one who makes the decision to make the responsible decision for my own selfish reasons? What even drives me to think about it long enough to come to such a conclusion??? Is it genetic make up that either turns the switch on or off? Are we born with the sense to think of how our decisions affect every single person around us? Or is it how we are raised? Do the actions of the ones who raise us determine how we behave as adults? Maybe it is both. Or neither. Maybe, some of us just cannot fathom anything or anyone outside of our own selfish bubbles. To put it more traditionally: “Cutting off the nose to spite the face”.
Whatever it is, if you are reading, and this resonates within you on an indescribable level… maybe you should slow your roll and think about exactly who and how you are affecting your place in the universe.
Tell me. Do you have a ‘house that you pass’?
Are there temptations and desires that you have that you have or have not acted on?
Why? Why not?
What drives the decision for you?
Tags: choices, Cutting off the nose to spite the face, desire, fantasy, genetic make-up, infidelity, reality, responsibility, selfish, Sex, temptation
