Today is Tuesday
Nov 24, 2009 DUH, Etc., Honest Tuesday's, Masturbate-able, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
Or the 13th day since I have seen D.
Or 77 days until I get to see him again.
Or another work day. (at least it is not my last day)
Although it could be someones last day … somewhere.
Which would arguably mean that it would also be someone’s first day as well.
It is also the day that my cat woke me up at 6:30 to let his whiny ass out.
That may or may not be every day though.
Today I wish it was my birthday.
Or today could be another special day if I wished it hard enough.
Maybe today is a special day and I just don’t know it yet.
Today someone is falling in love.
One could also mention that today someone is telling someone that they are not in love with them anymore.
Today I caught up on my favorite blogs.
Today I considered finding a poor sap to use him for his member because I really really really really really want to have the sex.
I then considered the fact that I am married and it probably wouldn’t be a nice thing to do.
So then I diddled.
Then I decided that I am going to buy myself a new vibrator.
Today I got a letter from D. I haven’t read it yet.
Today I realized how poor I actually am.
And then I remembered where I work and how that fact is only temporary.
I still cried about it though.
And then I felt empowered.
Today I am sad and lonely.
I also feel like jumping off of a building.
Or finding a hole to crawl into.
Or both.
Today I am mad.
Although a good music-filled house cleaning should help all that.
And another diddle before work. Heh.
What is going on in your world today?
If you could ask me one question, and I was guaranteed to answer it, what would you ask me?
What is your favorite quote today?
Randomly Observant.
Oct 12, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, I WIN!, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Relationships, Sex, The Tarably Wicked Show
I like to observe people. People observation is a big fat WIN in my book. Annnnnnnnnnd, my new POE has given me much to observe.
Let me tell you … I get to watch …
People interacting with other people.
People interacting with themselves. Yes in that way too. I may or may not enjoy watching masturbation. (No this doesn’t mean that I have watched someone at my new POE masturbate.)
People having (insert air quotes) secret interactions.
People being catty fucking bitches to other people when they think that people aren’t people observing them. (hypothetically speaking)
The best part? That people have no idea when and where I get my observe on. I am that slick. No lie. Ever since I was little, I have had the ability to eavesdrop/people watch unnoticed. Undetected. If we have been in the same general vicinity ever in life I probably have done it to you without even realizing it.
It is like my brain never stops.
For instance: I know that this one broad l o a t h e s this other broad that I know. Like, drinks a big glass of haterade every morning with her name on it. Whenever the one broad isn’t looking, this broad is all kinds of ‘ihateyoubitch’ eyeballing her. And then smiles in her face all cheeky-like.
The funniest thing about this is that the catty broad doesn’t fucking know. What specifically doesn’t she know, you ask?
1) That the other broad is not the one
2) That neither am I
3) That catty-ness is not cool.
4) That if she continues to be a cunt I will most likely tell her about herself.
Also, I am absolutely in the know when a person wants to stick their penis into someones vagina. I thoroughly enjoy watching this kind of interaction between 2 people. It is like watching 2 sticks rub together, trying to make a friction fire.
Not only that but I also know what size the penis is without seeing it. Tarable can cosign. Furthermore, I pretty much picture what every person I meet ’s privates when I see them. That, and them having sex too.
I know right!!!!!? I haz talents.
With that said, I am taking my random ass thoughts to bed with me. I need to rest my head in order to give 150% at work tomorrow. Apparently 110% doesn’t work in this business.
What is your name spelled backward?
What is your favorite pizza topping?
Have you ever ordered something off of an infomercial? If so, what?
Tags: i haz talents, masturbate, paris hilton, penis, people watching, Random, vagina, work
Random Air Humps
Apr 16, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Current Events, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Parenting, Random, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, bitch
Happy Friday!
Woooooooooooooo!
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhht!
(this is about to be the most random blog you have seen from me in awhile. thank lack of sleep and too much shit to stuff into my brain.)
*air humps*
I swear to God, ever since the other day when D thought that air humping about everything was an acceptable answer, I have been obsessed with the act.
*air humps*
I need to make a decision. Like, I love being busy on the weekends, having this thing called a productive life… but at the same time I yearn to be braless on my chaise, remote in one hand… something-chocolatey-and-also-salty in the other (no, not D’s cock… but now that you mention it… *air humps*) laptop… well, on my lap. If I could be lazy and get away with it, I still wouldn’t.
Who actually wants to live their life by the teet of the television/tivo/dvr bullshit?
So I guess this means that I made the decision. I will just long for laziness… while running endless errands.
This decision gets no air humps.
Charli is a fucking crack-up. Yesterday, I yelled for Xavier to get his ass in the house.
Me: (outside yelling for him) “XAAAAAAAAAVIER!!!!!!!!!!”
X: “YEAHHHHHHHHHH”
Me: “IT IS TIME TO COME INSIDE!”
X: “CAN I HAVE 10 MORE MINUTES?!”
Me: “NO! COME ON!!!!!!!!!”
X: “MOMMMMMMM PLEAAAAAASE!?”
Me: “BOY! GETCHOASSINTHAHOUSE!”
For the rest of the night, every time Charli saw X: “BOY! GETCHOASSINTHAHOUSE!”
Clear as a motherfucking bell. Xavier was not amused. Heh. I was.
*air humps*
Speaking of humping:
D: “You are wearing the shorts.”
Me: “Huh?” <— famous last words
D: (all of a sudden on top of me.) “I think you put them on to play pussy games with me.”
Me: (pretending to be unaware of what this means) “Pussy games!?”
D: “Bitch dont play.”
Me: (bending over to pick up a piece of lint on the carpet.) “I am not sure I understand.”
The rest of the convo is considere pornography and could get the site blocked. In case you are lost….
I swear we go through the craziest phases. Sometimes we cannot keep our hands off of each other. Sometimes, I look at him and he looks at me and we give each other the middle finger. Either way, It works. I think right now it is because 1) I am pretty and 2) I am at school again. The less we see each other the more we boogie.
I like it that way.
Speaking of porn, I was watching this clip the other day where I swear to God, this bitch talked through the entire free 5 minute clip of her getting the ever living shit f*cked out of her. What is going on with porn these days? Can I get a free porn clip that does not have this dumb broad holding steady dialogue???
Shut the f*ck up porn star. If we wanted to hear you speak we would watch you on a MOTION PICTURE.
Am I alone in the loathing of the talking porn star?
Is my hand the lone one raised when the question of shut up and get f*cked is asked?!
Sheesh.
Also, my new second favorite word is taint. It is close in the runnings with cunt.
Lastly, (deep breath)
Maybe Jaime Foxx has a point about Miley Cyrus. Maybe it was spoken harshly, but I dont necessarily disagree with the intent.
The Sunday School Teacher that killed that little girl needs to get fucked with a rusty pipe until she bleeds to death.
Hulk Hogan is bat shit crazy, but haven’t we all wanted to murk a bitch?!
Mel Gibson is a douche.
Some one beat the shit out of those 2 Dominoes Pizza employees with a library full of phone books. Dont fuck with peoples food. It isnt funny.
Nobody cares about Bristol Palins baby daddy.
(exhale)
Share your own Friday random.
What are your weekend plans?
Doggy-style or Cowgirl?
What is your favorite word? Why?
Sex in Some Strange Place
Jan 6, 2009 Masturbate-able, Random, Relationships, Sex
D and I have the silliest comversations on the planet. Mainly because he is a pervert and turns everything into a sexual innuendo.
Example: This evening D was walking around the house singing “She’s got cakes like hostess.” after fondling my ass every 5 seconds as soon as I walked in the door from class. (Which was great BTW… the class not the fondling) Anyway, it has been 2 hours since this new hit single came out of his mouth, and he is still creating new variations of the kinds of ‘cakes’ she has. “Cakes like Lil Debbie and I wanna lick the frosting.” Right. This is what I live with on a day to day basis.
So from here we start talking about all of the wicked hot and random places we have fucked. After bantering back and forth for awhile, I realized that we are borderline exhibitionists. Or were, anyway.
We have had sex in the following random places:
the Macy’s dressing room
on the ferry (once was in my T-bird the other was a hand-job next to 2 old ladies on our way back from our honeymoon)
the staircase outside of our apartment in broad daylight.
in front of The Mirage in Vegas
at the recently built park down the street from our house
countless road head and pullover fuck-fests.
my shower sexcapade in a Victoria BC strip-club on our honeymoon.
This lead to the moment where we reminisced about what our sex life used to be, and what it has become. The days of 6 times a day all over our apartment have long since come and gone, but one thing still remains between us: Our love for sex with one another. As much as we strive for more frequent O-faces together, we both kinda get the fact that it is not always about us and that. So when we get the time, we savor it. There is never a blah-face. Always a Fuck-Yeah!-Face. My point is that real life and responsibility are so important… but so is intimacy with your significant other. Appreciate it if you are a 6 times a day bitch, because one day you will not have the freedom to fuck like porn stars.
I look forward to the days when my rugrats are off to college and viagra flows freely from the faucet. We will be old and grey and naked, and we wont give a shit who knows it. You better call before you drop by with your bridge games and cookies, or you might find D and my old wrinkly asses on the couch in a weird tantric position we learned in our old people sex refresher course. How’s that for a mental picture?
I’m just saying.
Where is the most random place that you have had sex? Did you get busted?
Tags: couple, freedom, honeymoon, naked, Random, Sex, sexcapade, strip club, Vegas, viagra
