Living Wicked

It Started With a Simple Question …

Feb 2, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Etc., I Forgot to Tag, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions

… that led to this blog.

Do you ever wonder what other peoples “pee faces” look like? I pee a lot lately, and sometimes I know I make the most ridiculous pee faces ever. Especially when I should have peed like 1 hour prior… so I reeeeeeeeealllyyyy have to pee. It is probably closer to an orgasm face than a pee face.

I am so nosy. I would totally be a fly on the stall wall, observing other people’s pee faces; giggling uncontrollably at them squint, and silently sigh as they finally let it all out.

I don’t want to be a fly on the wall for poo faces. No No No. Grunty faces aren’t interesting to me, especially because the present left after the grunts and groans and poots is stinky. I am not interested in being a part of another woman’s poo funk.

I would also be that proverbial fly on the wall during sex.

All sex. Gay sex, bi-sex, old people sex, group sex…. You wouldn’t really get a true idea of what other people’s sex behaviors are if they knew you were watching.

People fart. Unattractive noises are made sometimes during position change. The moaning is not necessarily as pretty sounding as the little girls on the movies. I would perch my nosy, horny ass on their smoke stained wallpaper and watch them go at it.

I have had people watch D and I have sex… which was weird at first, but now that I think about it…. triple rawwwwrr. Watch me! And while you are at it, touch yourself while you are doing it. Why haven’t you joined in yet? I wanna make you call MY name out.

What?? Too bold??

Porn = a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. These sluts know that a camera is on them, so they absolutely put on a show. That is what they are paid for, right? I am inclined to say that porn doesn’t necessarily turn me off… but it isn’t really what I need to get the mood going. Well, with the exception of more than one girl going at it… and then really, it just makes me more mad than anything—because I really would rather just actually be with more than one girl, rather than watch them have all of the fun.

Wouldn’t you?

Sex makes me curious.

How does sonso give head? What is her secret technique to drive hubby over the edge? Does whatsherface like it in the butt? I wonder if thatonedude likes to really get into eating pussy? Or does he half-ass it? How many times does Ol’girl call out my name when she masturbates? Does she use a toy, or is she fingers only? Would thatonebitch really make out with me, or would she chicken out last minute??

I honestly have had at least one sexual thought about each and every one of you little minxes. I have also pictured myself on top of each and every one of you as well… or were you on top of me???

Anysnatch….

Sometimes, when I masturbate I don’t think about anything. More often than not, I am not me… I am in someone else’s body, with their husband… or with more than one person. Sometimes I am the pleaser… sometimes I just lay there and let my fantasy take over and please me.

I am a toy kind of girl; a no-nonsense, get down to business girl who doesn’t waste anytime sending me to that optimum climax. Sometimes I make myself cum more than once in a session. I have sent myself to that point so many times in one session that I cant even pee or wipe or touch it without a pleasure-filled pain involved.

So yeah. One question in my head led to this blogtastrophe. You are welcome.

Would you rather … Be trapped in an elevator with wet dogs or with three fat men with bad breath?

Tags: masturbate, people, porn, Sex

Fly on the Wall

Jul 27, 2009 DUH, Family, I WIN!, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked & D Quotables

I think people are funny. If I could get paid to watch people all day and write about them … good bad or indifferent … I totally would.

When I was little (read: last week and as often as possible but more often when I was little) I used to carry a notebook and I would try to guess what kind of lives they lived. I could have probably used them in my present creative writing excursions (yes I still write and yes I know you are all wondering wtf is up with Submissive Confessions and I will have more info soon I promise) if I still had the notebook… but as a kid, you never really think ahead to do things like that.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Anyway, my favorite place to guess the lives of the unwilling is at school. As many of you already know, I am not a fan of mixing my work or school life with my social life. It is a rare occasion to meet someone at work or school and bring them into my social circle or me into theirs. I look at the people that I see every single day and I really wonder what if anything is a farce about them. The cool thing about it is that you can really be whoever you want to be. IF you wanted to not allow people to know the real you.

I also enjoy large groups. If I could be invisible; completely chameleon into the concrete, brick or pretty wallpaper and just observe life moving and shaking all around me then that would be my super power.

A fly on the wall. A fly on your wall maybe!? Heh.

I would totally be a Peeping Tom. If you were fucking, I would be watching. Live porn is so much better than the newsfilter badly filmed amateur BS. (If you were 18 and older)

And then, I would leave you little tidbits of advice / thoughts about the performance I witnessed.

“Maybe, next time you might think about going down on her first. You are not new to your smaller than average penis size. Clitoral stimulation BEFORE you “enter” might actually land you a girlfriend long term.” Just Sayin- FOTW

Or

“He knew you were faking. Practice it more in the mirror.” Sincerely- FOTW

I think that my purpose in the world would be to not just drop anonymous FOTW notes in reference to sex, but in every day life as well. People do things when they think that no one is looking that they wouldn’t dare do in a group. People live like slobs, wearing the same underwear as the day before because they got super stoned and forgot to wash a load. For the last 3 fucking weeks. People pick their noses and eat the nasties. People dont wipe properly. (FRONT TO BACK!) People dont wash their hands. Like, ever.

It would also bust chimo pedophiles.

And junk punch rapists with my MIND.

Maybe, my super power would be the little reminder that everyone needed to bring them back to reality for a second.

“Wash your ass.” FOTW

“If you beat her ass one more time, I am pretty sure I am going to castrate you in your sleep.” FOTMFW.

Mmhm. Yes the hell I would. And I would love every motherfucking minute of it.

With that said, D has answered a question:

Me: “What is your favorite non sexual thing about me?”
D: “Nonsexual?! Does it HAVE to be?”
Me: “Yes!”
D: (Thinking. For. Ever.)
Me: “Really? Not one thing?”
D: (cracking up) “That you have an opinion.”
Me: “That is an understatement.”
D: “Maybe it is better said that we have intelligent conversation.”
Me: “So I am not a dumb bitch.”
D: “Pretty much.”

What would your super power be? What purpose would it serve to better the world?
What note would you leave someone if YOU could be a FOTW?

Tags: fly on the wall, marriage, nose picker, porn, purpose, super hero, world

Random Air Humps

Apr 16, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Current Events, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Parenting, Random, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, bitch

Happy Friday!

Woooooooooooooo!

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhht!

(this is about to be the most random blog you have seen from me in awhile. thank lack of sleep and too much shit to stuff into my brain.)

*air humps*

I swear to God, ever since the other day when D thought that air humping about everything was an acceptable answer, I have been obsessed with the act.

*air humps*

I need to make a decision. Like, I love being busy on the weekends, having this thing called a productive life… but at the same time I yearn to be braless on my chaise, remote in one hand… something-chocolatey-and-also-salty in the other (no, not D’s cock… but now that you mention it… *air humps*) laptop… well, on my lap. If I could be lazy and get away with it, I still wouldn’t.

Who actually wants to live their life by the teet of the television/tivo/dvr bullshit?

So I guess this means that I made the decision. I will just long for laziness… while running endless errands.

This decision gets no air humps.

Charli is a fucking crack-up. Yesterday, I yelled for Xavier to get his ass in the house.

Me: (outside yelling for him) “XAAAAAAAAAVIER!!!!!!!!!!”
X: “YEAHHHHHHHHHH”
Me: “IT IS TIME TO COME INSIDE!”
X: “CAN I HAVE 10 MORE MINUTES?!”
Me: “NO! COME ON!!!!!!!!!”
X: “MOMMMMMMM PLEAAAAAASE!?”
Me: “BOY! GETCHOASSINTHAHOUSE!”

For the rest of the night, every time Charli saw X: “BOY! GETCHOASSINTHAHOUSE!”

Clear as a motherfucking bell. Xavier was not amused. Heh. I was.

*air humps*

Speaking of humping:

D: “You are wearing the shorts.”
Me: “Huh?” <— famous last words
D: (all of a sudden on top of me.) “I think you put them on to play pussy games with me.”
Me: (pretending to be unaware of what this means) “Pussy games!?”
D: “Bitch dont play.”
Me: (bending over to pick up a piece of lint on the carpet.) “I am not sure I understand.”

The rest of the convo is considere pornography and could get the site blocked. In case you are lost….

I swear we go through the craziest phases. Sometimes we cannot keep our hands off of each other. Sometimes, I look at him and he looks at me and we give each other the middle finger. Either way, It works. I think right now it is because 1) I am pretty and 2) I am at school again. The less we see each other the more we boogie.

I like it that way.

Speaking of porn, I was watching this clip the other day where I swear to God, this bitch talked through the entire free 5 minute clip of her getting the ever living shit f*cked out of her. What is going on with porn these days? Can I get a free porn clip that does not have this dumb broad holding steady dialogue???

Shut the f*ck up porn star. If we wanted to hear you speak we would watch you on a MOTION PICTURE.

Am I alone in the loathing of the talking porn star?
Is my hand the lone one raised when the question of shut up and get f*cked is asked?!

Sheesh.

Also, my new second favorite word is taint. It is close in the runnings with cunt.

Lastly, (deep breath)

Maybe Jaime Foxx has a point about Miley Cyrus. Maybe it was spoken harshly, but I dont necessarily disagree with the intent.
The Sunday School Teacher that killed that little girl needs to get fucked with a rusty pipe until she bleeds to death.
Hulk Hogan is bat shit crazy, but haven’t we all wanted to murk a bitch?!
Mel Gibson is a douche.
Some one beat the shit out of those 2 Dominoes Pizza employees with a library full of phone books. Dont fuck with peoples food. It isnt funny.
Nobody cares about Bristol Palins baby daddy.

(exhale)

Share your own Friday random.
What are your weekend plans?
Doggy-style or Cowgirl?
What is your favorite word? Why?

Tags: air hump, decisions, kids, porn, Random, taint, tgif

Wicked Masturbatables

Oct 17, 2008 Random, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions

I always get asked the following questions: (no bullshit… people ask me weekly.)

“Do you masturbate every day?”

“How many times a day?”

“What, pray tell, do you masturbate to?”

I think it is funny that people are curious about my masturbation habits. I mean, I know that I am an extremely open person sexually… but I just find it a little bit comical that my self-pleasure has sent wicked wonderings across the country.

So, I am answering these questions for all the world to see.

1: “Do you masturbate every day?” Yes.

2: “How many times a day?” I masturbate at least once at work and once in the shower to wind down at the end of the day. I have been known to push out a self-inflicted “o” face in the car before… I cannot disclose if it involved another party or not.

3: “What, pray tell, do you masturbate to?”

I shall now disclose the top things that I flick my bean to.

girl on girl porn

while my husbands cock is in my hand

while my husband knocks one out of the ballpark

gangbang porn

thinking about me and specific women engaging in full on lesbianisms.

creating a shower scene in my mind (while in the shower)

and… the thing i masturbate the most to… (drumroll please) hahaah

Myself in the mirror. Yep. I get all pretty, and spread out in front of the mirror. I absolutely get off on watching myself cum.

Does anyone ever candidly ask you about your masturbation regularity? Do you answer?

If you never answered before… today is a new day. I pass these uncomfortable, yet arousing questions on to you.

I am interested to know:

“Do you masturbate every day?”

“How many times a day?”

“What, pray tell, do you masturbate to?”

You Go.

Tags: girl on girl, masturbation, o face, orgasm, porn, shower