YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 28, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch
Hello! Happy Friday! Without further ado, I shall open the floor for some much needed open letters.
Dear New Guy,
If you keep that attitude up, I promise you won’t last. When a person says hello to you, it might behoove you to fucking acknowledge them. Especially being that you are the new guy. The rookie. The green one. I don’t know and really don’t care if you worked here before or know someone who works here. We are family on this team. Find the place in it where you fit or get the fuck on.
Word?
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Dear Fucking Douchebag,
I am beyond disgusted with what you did to my friend. I am almost positive that I have never known of a more fucked up situation where a supposed friend takes complete advantage in a time of grief. You are going straight to motherfucking hell for this.
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Dear Charli,
I had a crappy day and making silly faces with you made me feel so much better.
I love you.
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Dear Courtni,
You need to get it together. Seriously. This lack of confidence is fucking bullshit and furthermore, it isn’t YOU to not have any. What is wrong with you? Figure it the fuck out already before I slap the shit out of you.
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Dear Arch Enemy,
Everywhere I go, I am convinced we will meet face to face again. Then the communication between yours and mine on a more frequent basis nails yet another in the coffin of what is going to happen.
This time though, there will be no bitch moves. Nope. What is going to happen is that you are going to get yours for the fakeness that you are. Your fake happy little life is about to get revealed. I cannot wait to clown you.
And, once and for all you will be put in your fucking stupid fake place.
Know that.
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Dear Henrysan,
You are hands down the sweetest guy I know. I can’t wait til I am able to spoil you a lil bit like you spoil your friends.
Thanks for being such a great friend to me. I don’t think I tell you enough.
Oh and PeeEss: OPEN EYE! 
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Dear You,
God you are such a moody baby sometimes.
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Dear Fat Girl,
Stop taking over my normal thought process. I DO NOT WANT A CHEESEBURGER. K?
Wicked
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Dear D,
I am so appreciative of you. I hope you know it.
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Dear X,
Please keep up the effort. I know you aren’t perfect … but I am happy to have had no calls from the principal in a week. I love you no matter what but I like you that much more when you aren’t in trouble.
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Now … for the Eye Candy
Jensen Ackles. Who IS this guy? I just started looking for hotties because I am out of ideas and NO ONE HAS SUGGESTED ANY (hinthint) and he popped up. Yum.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Mila Kunis. I <3 her.
Alright ladies and gentleman … you know the drill!
Purge your weeks frustrations in the form of open letters so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekends!
Tags: jensen ackles, mila kunis, POE, work
Offensive Cunt. (or) There is Some TMIThursday in here Somewhere.
Jan 7, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, TMI Thursday's, bitch
For some it is TMI for most it is not. Either way, Lilu always has a great spread of inappropriateness. Check out her blog and the list of TMIT blogs she pimps every week. You are guaranteed to puke in your mouth and laugh.
It has been brought to my attention (for the eleventy millionth time) that I am offensive.
I am offended. I am offended that people are offended by me. Who cares if I am vulgarly stimulated? How does that personally affect you? What does it matter if the word “cunt” makes me wet in the britches?
The fact is, I really get off on watching people squirm in my presence.
When I talk like a trucker, and I see the look on peoples faces… I cum in my pants a little bit. Not a lot. Just a little.
Squirming yet? C’mon baby… give it to me… awww yeah. Jusssst like thaaat.
*ahem*
So yeah. About my offensiveness.
Apparently, bitches are beside themselves with offend. Their offendedness reminded me of this one time at my old job … these one bitches kept looking at me over their computer monitors all nosyevesdropperlike as I told the story of my friend who re-enacted the nip tuck episode with the plastic bag? Yeah, I didn’t know either. Apparently there is an episode where this guy did a chick with a plastic bag over her head.
Anyway, my friend told me that he wanted to try it… and *I* said he couldn’t pull it off. Of course he accepted the challenge… and well, lets just say the pic he sent did the act no justice.
Whatever. These sick things are arousing. Mentally and well… in my panties.
*ahem*
So the friend who I was actually speaking to… not the nosyevesdropperbitches says: “why do you instigate these things? What if she died?”
So I laughed. Loud. My response? “If a person is stupid enough to allow someone to put a plastic bag over their head… and then go even further to allow said person to fucking take a pic of it… while getting rammed from behind … then maybe they are getting what is coming to them if they died.”
Just saying.
I think that was where the offendees had their last listen. I distinctly remember said bitches commence to whispering about me right in front of my face… you know, where they are talking shit and you KNOW they are cause they keep glancing in your direction while doing so??
Yeah. I am different than most. I don’t anxiously look away. I was all in this broads face as she talked shit about my vulgarity. As she glanced, our eyes met. And I didn’t avert. I made damn sure that her eyes moved before mine did… and I hope that she got the point that I aint scared of her or anyone else.
I have been me for this many years, and I will continue to BE me until my last cunt filled breath.
Fact: I like to curse.
Fact: I like to talk about cocks, and face humping.
Fact: I am as vulgar and crass as they come.
Fact: I would put a cock in my mouth in front of just about anyone, and give lessons if needed on how it is handled while in said mouth.
Fact: Watching and being watched while fucking is an amazing discovery.
Fact: Wicked is obsessed with a good fisting.
Wickedpedia Entry: Talking about sex, cocks, cunts, fisting, horny, tits… and anything else porn in nature is what I do. Get over it or stop fucking eavesdropping. That is your punishment for being nosey.
Cunt.
Have you ever actually awakened in bed with someone whose name you didn’t know?
What is your favorite curse word and why?
I Spy an Ass Whoopin.
Nov 17, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, I WIN!, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, The Tarably Wicked Show, bitch
Happy Hump Day!
How goes it? What is new?
Life is hectic. I am missing 1/2 of me. He has taken a trip that has left us all kinda in limbo for a 90 day period. Read between the lines. If you know anything about me, you will get it. Furthermore, I am financially fucking strapped. My new job kicks all sorts of ass (i.e. me and Tarable kicking our bosses asses on a consistent basis) but like I have said before, it is slow to start money-wise. Therefore, I am creatively surviving. If you know of any ways to make money (other than selling my pretty vagina which again if you know anything about me I am not necessarily opposed to, given the circumstances) and legitimately please let me know. Thanks.
Moving on.
What is most awesome about my job is the limitless fun we have. Granted, there are a couple of people that I would absolutely LOVE to 1) punch in the face and 2) see get fired or 3) quit but that goes with any job.
Especially MakesHerOwnClothes broad. That bitch has no clue. None. She consistently assumes that I am in fact the motherfucking one when I am actually NOT the one. Like, so not the one that it isnt even funny. She runs around thinking she is so fucking great, when in all honesty, she is so far from great that it is comical.
It took me everything not to fuck her up on Monday. Why do ignorant people get to pull off the dumbest fucking things and GET AWAY WITH IT?!
Example: I am mid conversation when she runs up and elbows me out of the way, INTERRUPTS my conversation only to start a conversation with the person I was having a motherfucking CONVERSATION WITH.
Um. Really?
1) I was in front of the HR office.
2) I need my job.
3) It would be kinda silly to beat her ass in the middle of my place of employment.
Even thought I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally fucking wanted to. Like, R E A L L Y.
/sigh.
It sucks being an adult sometimes. Given my temper. Given my complete and total gangsterness that pumps through my veins on a daily motherfucking basis.
Sometimes. I. Just. Want. To. Freely. Beat. The. Shit. Out. Of. Stupid. Bitches.
She is lucky that I have 2 little baby bird’s mouths to feed. She is also really lucky that I respect my bosses and value their opinions as much as I do. This takes me back to my blog about adulthood and how sometimes it would really be nice to have a free punchabitchintheface card. Or a day a year where you can just punch people freely in the face and have absolutely NO consequences.
Who is with me?
I motherfucking thought so.
Who would YOU like to punch in the face right now?
When is the last time you played the air guitar?
What’s the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Have you ever called out the wrong name while having sex?
Happy Weight
Aug 25, 2009 Friendship, I WIN!, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
Not like ‘I weighed myself on the scale’ weight.
Life weight. It seems that it comes in waves, right? I am to the point where when shit is going so good, I almost wince in anticipation of something going wrong. Where it is too good to be true.
It = Happy.
I wrote my own personal to-do list in order to achieve my happiness. I printed it. I saved it to my phone so that I always have a quick reference to what I need to do for me in order to maintain. To be happy. To STAY happy. That is where I am at. Figuring out what it is that I need to do to stay on that level.
The thing that I am realizing is that happiness is not something that is served on a silver platter. Happiness is like a self relationship. It is like a marriage with yourself, that you have to work at just like any other relationship you have. I don’t know a single person … a REAL person … who has a free flowing fountain of happiness. A genuine one, that is.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” –Abraham Lincoln
As most of you know, I am not into fake. I prefer to steer clear of the templated bullshit. It isn’t real. It isn’t me. I don’t do canned. You will never see me spitting some scripted fucking verbiage ever. If I say something, be it good or not … know that it came from my thoughts. My soul. My heart.
When I am happy, it is for real. When I am not… well fuck. I’m not. As much as it sucks to not be happy, I would rather be honest about it and bitch my life away than smile pretty and pretend that there is this rainbow following me around everywhere that I go.
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” -Aristotle
Lately, the weight of life on my shoulders hasn’t been a happy weight. My Tarable has been a hurting unit. My Sunshine has been a hurting unit. Money has not been adding up to the accumulated bills on my kitchen counter. I hate my job. My car kept breaking down. Sex was invisible. Arguments grew louder and more frequent. I was at odds with friends… and I didn’t want to be. I wasn’t sleeping. It broke me down. For just a moment. I let the weight buckle me.
Unhappiness reigned supreme.
Not anymore. Not for me. Like love, change is in the air. Good things are happening. Because, you know what? When you are a genuinely good person, with genuinely good intentions … good things will happen for you. The key is, that you… I… we… we have to want them to happen. We have to fight for them to happen. We have to see the bait hanging in front of our faces … and grab it and fucking run.
I hate running. But let me tell you. I have been presented with this ticket. Not a golden ticket. It is a blank piece of paper. Next to it is a box of Crayola’s. It is up to me to pick a color. A N Y color. I don’t know what color I am going to pick out of the box yet.
What I do know is that for once… I am the controller of my own destiny now and I am going to motherfucking run with it.
“Man is the artificer of his own happiness.” – Henry David Thoreau
Realistically, no matter if I follow my to-do list to the tee, I am not going to be happy 100% of the time. I am human. It isn’t always going to be easy. There aren’t gonna be glittery butterflies and The Carpenters as my theme song every day. But I feel like, if I make it a conscious effort to spend the majority of my day … my life … fighting for what happiness means to me … then I have a really awesome chance to ultimately live a life of happiness.
I owe my kids at least that much.
Happiness. You should consider it.
“Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.” -Storm Jameson
What does happiness mean to you?
What crayola would you pick to color your own blank ticket?
Tags: abe lincolin, golden ticket, happiness, job, opportunity, POE, scale, weight
my wickedly itchy vagina.
Nov 11, 2008 Random
I think that I am going to kill a bug in a really angry way.
Hurry. Someone go email my boss and tell them that I am mentally unstable. 
I could live without fucking meetings.
I do not need to take an entire hour out of my day to go to a meeting. How about send me a powerpoint presentation on the important bullet points of the meeting. Minus the ‘what ifs’ and ‘hypothetically speakings’. Definitely minus the bullshit unimportant information that is just filler for the hour.
I do not need another person to point out how big my pants are and the fact that they make me look like I have a penis.
Pointing out the negative is not the same as a compliment. Just saying.
Question: Wicked, why are your blogs always about you?
Uhm. Pretty sure that this is my blog, so that gives me the right to write about me.
I wish that I worked at ‘The Office’.
I do not wish I worked at ‘My Current POE’. (That doesnt mean I want to get fired, laid off or ‘let go’ either. A bitch gotta eat)
I need a soul fill-up. I can feel my negative sarcastic ways washing over me like a flesh eating virus.
Apparently working out cures constipation.
If I worked out more often… I am sure I would be less bitchy.
If I could just get one more hour. I wouldnt work out. I would sleep.
So 2 more hours. Just 2 more hours.
I would still sleep.
I am starting a coalition against dumb bitches.That is not directed just at females either. Wicked Against Dumb Bitches. WADB. No. Wicked Against Bitches Who Are Dumb. WABWAD.
YES!!! WABWAD. Who is in?
Oh. What did you say?? What does this blog have to do with an itchy vagina? Because I have one. Yep. My vagina itches.
Why does it itch, you ask? Nope. Not cause I am a dirty non-showering slore. Nope, of course you would think that. Actually, and I quote. “It is because you are TOO clean.” WTF. I am damned if I do and damned if I dont. So dont be a super dirty bitch OR a super clean one either. One must find the perfect ‘ph’ balance between clean and dirty.
This is what eve did to us bitches. This and pushing a human out of our vajays. Oh and the movie Carrie once a month. Thanks bitch. Appreciate it.
The end. You go.
Tags: meetings, POE, rant, the office, vagina
