Allotted Annoyance
Apr 26, 2009 All Things Charli, Current Events, DUH, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, Sound Off/Debate, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked & D Quotables, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
Happy Monday!
In the interest of my current state of monthly allotment of cuntiness, I have created a list of things that are annoying the ever living shit out of me lately.
I encourage you to embrace this blog and make your own list of accumulated annoyances.
1. Obama bashing. This is not because I am this uber-Obama-nutcase who wears Obama attire every day with an Obama bumper sticker on my vehicle. This is because every where I go, someone has a paragraph and a half about how shitty he is and how bad he has fucked everything up and how the 100 days in office are the reason for all of the countries problems. I dont care who the current President is. I really do not. If it were McCain in office right now, I would be just as irritated with the excessive amount of shit-talking. Am I the only person who is considering the fact that there are at least 2 previous administrations before him that have begun the fucking-up.
How can someone make this big of a mess of things in 100 days? Maybe I am politically ignorant… but… It doesn’t make sense.
This is not pointed at any specific party: Shut UP already!
2. Haters. Specifically the silent, sneaky ones. For instance, many of you follow my blogs through Networked Blogs. (Hint Hint if you haven’t you should) I have noticed that people who are listed as “Anonymous FB User” are following my blogs. Really? What reason would you have to follow me anonymously? Why are you hiding behind the FB silhouette? I smell a rat with a funky vagina in the presence of awesomeness.
Also, the haters who smile in your face, but talk shit around you and behind you … and really everywhere else but to your face.
Say what you need to say. To me. Not behind me.
3. Uninvited Pessimism. I get that people dont always agree. I get that my beliefs aren’t that of those who are in my life. However. To attempt to bring down my passion and my dreams because you dont have any? Uncool.
4. App invitations and excessive fan pages. Become a fan of not being on fire? Really? I dont have any desire to do any of the bazillion apps that are sent my way. I dont have time. Stop asking. Seriously. Not Fashion Wars (even though I totally invited a shit ton of people at one point) Not Mafia Wars. Not GreenPatch. None of it. FB is losing its luster. Myspace can still suck it. TRIBE needs to create a social networking site that is not annoying.
5. All things Twitter. Nuff said.
6. My lack of motivation. I am just not in that place right now, and I really really really need to be.
7. The VA bitch at my school. She has to be the most difficult bitch on the planet to deal with on a daily basis. If it isnt one fucking thing it is the other and all I want to do is just go to school. That is it. She doesnt seem to understand that it is not my intention to deal with her regularly. Just certify my shit and get out of my face. GET OUT OF MY FACE.
8. People hurting my friends feelings.
9. Charli. I know. I get it. But I need to share something. She doesn’t sleep through the night. And, when I am home, she literally has to be touching me. From the time I walk in the door until the time she passes out. I need space. Not want, need. NEED. She doesn’t seem to get yet, that her crawling all over me like I am her human catpost… is not my favorite thing.
Sit next to me. Not ON me. At least for like, I dunno, an hour. Shit, 20 minutes. Fine, FIVE minutes. Whatever. I am just feeling extremely claustrophobic.
10. Pretentious-ness. On date night, we went out into downtown Bellevue. For those of you who dont know… it is a little bit boo-jee. Like, dont show up in some Target brand jeans, or drive anything less than a Lexus… boo-jee. Anyway, D and I braved that shit anyway… putting on our Sunday best and simply enjoying each others company. As we left the theatre, and were coming down the escalator… this total fucking douchebag, who was completely wasted, stopped D to comment on his sweater vest. (which is really dope, btw.)
DB: “Duuuuuuuuude! That is a kick ass sweater vest! Where did you get it?”
D: “Thanks Bro.” (Turning to me) “Babe, where did I get it?”
Me: “TJ Max.”
DB: “TJ Max?! No way.”
D: “Yeah.”
DB: (laughing) “I guess it isnt as kick ass as I thought it was.”
Me: “I am glad we are not out to impress you then. Dick.”
Right. How does an item of clothing lose its kick-assness based on where you purchase it at? DKNY is DKNY no matter if you paid full price or not. In my opinion, the less you spend on name brand the mother fucking better.
Suck it douche bag. But hand over the keys to your over-compensating-vehicle and your platinum credit cars first before you do.
Do you have a list of annoyances?
Wanna add comments to mine?
What did you do this weekend?
Tags: annoyance, facebook, friends, McCain, motivation, myspace, networked blogs, obama, pessimism, pms, politics, tribe, twitter
‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
Dec 1, 2008 Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Late for work.
X missed the bus.
My coffee was gross.
The sweater I just bought made me feel like a chocolate striped whale.
My computer crashed 3 times.
Didn’t get to go to the gym at lunch because I worked through lunch because I was late.
Mad at D. Why? Because he has a penis. If you are reading this, and have a penis… chances are I hate you too.
I have officially self diagnosed myself with PMS, given the above listed things. Specifically the last one. When Mother Nature and I meet in the boxing ring once a month, D is usually the one who is dodging the blows. Not that bitch. She stays over in her corner, cackling at my crampy bitchy CUNTY disposition. for 3 weeks and at least 2 days of my PMSisode, I kinda feel sorry for him. Then again, he is a moody mofo himself… so I am pretty sure he deserves a boxing match a month. AT LEAST.
Anyway, back to this bitch Mother Nature.
I would like to kick the shit out of that bitch. I mean really kick her fucking ass. Ol’ School style. Meet her at the bike racks with 35 surrounded by a bunch of other pmsing bitches screaming ‘fight! fight! fight!’ while I bitchhandle her to the ground. I would have Rach hold my necklace and earrings ’cause if it got to the point where I needed my girls to jump in on it, she would already have a pre-planned stash spot for the goods. I know this because that is how my bitch rolls. All premeditated and shit. And she wants to kick the shit out of Mz.Nature her damn self. If the timing was right, she mighta been the instigator in the fucking first place.
I wanna pull handfuls of her hair out.
I wanna bite her.
I wanna curb stomp her face.
I wanna straddle her neck with my crotch and punch her in the face repeatedly.
Mother Nature is the bitch that I mean mug at the mall. Or anywhere I go where she is all up in my business like she does. Nosy bitch. Nosy meddling fucking bitch. Who does she think she is anyway? I bet, if all of us women got together and jumped her skank ass she would leave us alone. If we just backed her ass in a corner and let her know that we were not gonna put up with these cramps anymore. No more moodyness. She can keep the bloated uncomfortable bullshit. No more man hating… (actually… … … I wont fault her for that one.) I am taking a stand against that bitch Mother Nature, and if she doesnt comply with my requests… I am going to kick the shit out of her. Plain and fucking simple.
Mz.Nature, if you are reading this… I suggest you take some time to really think about who you are fucking with here. We are some emotional, moody, cranky bloated bitches. We are stuck between a diet rock and a chocolate covered salt lick hard place. It isnt fair what you continuously do to us on a monthly basis. Does my name even remotely sound like Eve? No. It doesnt. I dont even like apples all that much, and sure as hell wouldnt have eaten that shit if I were her. If it were a chocolate covered pretzel, maybe. But an apple? Pfft. Ya’ll coulda kept that shit.
Take your tampax and always maxi pads and shove em up your old raggedy cobweb havin’ ass.
The End.
What would you like to add to this hateblog addressed to Mother Nature?
What cravings do you have when PMSing?
Are you normally a man hater? Or just an imonmyperiodgetyourpenisawayfrommebeforeicutyou man hater?
Is there anything you need to rant about today?! Here is the place to do it, and leave laughing. 
Tags: always, chocolate, fight, hate, maxipad, mother nature, period, pms, rant, tampax
