Wicked’s Guide to AH-MAZING Cunningulus
May 4, 2009 Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, Wicked Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of., love
I am a tired little minx… and have a shit ton of homework due like last week, so I have found some favorite old blogs to re-post. This is part 1 of 2 instructional blogs on effective oral sex.
If you know of someone in need of a reminder lesson or a lesson in general, pass it on.
*drum roll*
For starters… never, ever go directly to the motherland. A girl likes foreplay.
I know I like foreplay.
* Kiss her, and mean it. To a woman, the kiss is everything. It is more than 2 pairs of lips touching.
* Use your hands. Let your hands show her that she is the most beautiful woman on the planet. Explore every inch of her body, from her fingers to her toes, her plump breasts to her beautiful ass….
* While you are kissing her, work your hands down to her pussy. It should be sopping wet by now. If it isn’t, you didn’t make her feel like the most beautiful woman, so repeat the top two items of business. Take her clit gently between your thumb and forefinger, and massage it. feel it begin to throb, feel the swell of it between your fingers. Deeply penetrate her with your fingers. Explore inside of her, her flesh different than any other flesh you have ever touched before.
* Watch her expressions and her movements… look at her when she smiles. Let her see you looking at her. Play on her reactions…
* Tell her how much you love her body. Whisper it in her ear, while your fingers bring her to her first orgasm. Don’t move your fingers anywhere, until she reaches full climax. (If she likes it, let her lick your fingers….)
Bury your face between her legs, and taste her sweet nectar. The first is always the sweetest.
* Find her clit with your tongue. Suck on it, lick it, nibble on it just a bit…. if you don’t know what makes her crazy, figure it out right now. With women, it is all about paying attention to her reactions to you. Granted, some are less vocal than others, but if you are doing your job, she wont be able to be quiet forever.
* Move your tongue from her clit, tasting her, loving her pussy. Only long enough to tease her a bit, and then move back to her clit– massaging it with your mouth, your nose, and importantly your tongue. As she moves, and moans the more intense your tongue makes love to her.
* Give her the penetration she should be begging you for by now. With your fingers or her favorite toy. You have to make sure that it mirrors what your tongue is doing. The harder you thrust, the harder and faster your tongue should be moving against her throbbing clit.
* Suck on her labia, still finger fucking her while you move back and forth methodically. At this point, your face should be saturated with her secretions.
Don’t give her the big climax just yet. You want to make her beg a little.
* Now, lean back on you knees, and just look at her. My guess is her eyes are closed, her head back…. fists clenched. She will probably open one eye, in a split second of irritation that you took her out of her zone. When she sees you smiling at her expressions, with possibly a wrinkle in her sweat beaded brow… she will instantly forgive you.
* Kiss her. Let her taste how wonderful she is. Let her smell herself on your face, grind your body on her body….
Now is the time for her to let go.
* As ravenous as possible without hurting her; lick, suck, fuck her with your face… your tongue the master. Feel her swelling pussy wrap around your mouth. Feel her clit throb rapidly against your tongue.
* Thrust your fingers (or toy) inside her… driving her to complete and total ecstasy. While she cums, let your face and mouth absorb every last drop of her.
It is possible that she is not all the way done.This is the prime time to penetrate her with your penis/strap-on/favorite toy.
I guarantee that whatever it is will be readily accepted.
Is there a step that I missed?
Anything to add?
What is your favorite part about receiving oral? Giving?
Are you an orally stimulated orgasm person? Penetration stimulated? Both?
Do you like 69? Why or why not?
Stay tuned tomorrow for my instructions on giving good head…
Terminator V: Rise of The Vajay.
Mar 5, 2009 Masturbate-able, Random, Sex
I am not masturbating enough.
I am moody, overly sensitive, cranky… and frankly, a huge cunt lately. I was going to make an appointment for the doctor… and then a lightbulb went off in my vagina.
Err… I mean my brain. Riiight.
Anydiddle… I started to try to remember when the last time was that I did some bean flicking. Key words here: ‘try to remember.’ Then I remembered that I broke yet another god damn vibrator. Which is precisely why I have done little self pleasuring, because when I get the time to actually push one out all by myself… it needs to be a quickie. I dont have time for self-foreplay. It takes too damn long to ‘O’ face when my fingers do all the work. Call me lazy, but I would rather a machine… or ironically a MAN handle the labor in that department.
What is up with me and my vibrator destruction? I am like a clit stimulating terrorist. My vagina seeks to destroy all masturbatory tools.
I have Terminator V: Rise of the Vajay in my pants right now.
Scared!? Dont vibrate anywhere near a bitch and you will be safe from certain death.
Dont get me wrong, my glass dong is pretty kick ass, but I have found it more useful when I have play dates with others. There is not a vibrating feature… with several speeds… that fits in my purse. I need an indestructible vibrating device. That I can slip in my purse and bust out at will.
That doesn’t sound like a freaking chainsaw.
So that is the diagnosis. Wicked – regular masturbation rituals = big fucking beeyotch.
I prescribe me a new vibrator.
Here is the criteria:
1) cordless
2) powerful
3) clitorally driven
4) not bumpy, with added appendages, or extra shit that i dont need.
5) INDESTRUCTIBLE.
Go. Lead me to this vibration.
LEAD ME TO MASTURBATION SALVATION!
Happy Friday by the way. Heh.
Tags: masturbation, o face, orgasm, Sex
3:30 AM Sex Me.
Nov 16, 2008 Relationships, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions
3:30 AM sex is an intensity that only those who know what kind of 3:30 AM sex I am referring to feels like.
Unsure? I see some of you re-reading the above statement with bewildered expressions.
“Are there actually differences in the types of 3:30 AM sex?” Oh yes. There absolutely are more than one standard type of 3:30 AM sex.
I am not talking about the ‘been up all night partying’ 3:30 AM sex.
I am not talking about the ‘I have to get up and go to work’ 3:30 AM sex.
I am not talking about the ‘one person is up and wakes the other person up to have sex’ 3:30 AM sex.
I am talking about the “both fast asleep, wake up nearly simultaneously with sex on our collective minds’ 3:30 AM sex.
Oh. Yessssss.
You aren’t even really awake either. Either of you. You kinda just meet in the middle of the bed in this smooth, methodical motion… eyes closed, hands exploring these unsurprising wetness and erection situations that are taking place in your ‘corners’ simultaneously. Your mouths meet, and the fact that you have sleep breath is a non issue. They are wet kisses. Soft intimate kisses, while his cock finds your pussy. No effort, no struggle.
It is this meeting of passions. This colliding of half-sleep arousal. Your movements are so mellow and gentle. His movements reciprocate. The sex is only a part of the climax. The unified thoughts, shared intimacy and understood rhythm that really wraps this ‘o’ face up with a pretty bow. When climax happens it is together, a union of mind, body and soul.
I compare it to a Lucid Dream. You are there, in the moment. But at the same time it is almost as if you are out of your bodies, watching and feeling at the exact same time.
Stellar. Amazing. Beyond. Intimate Bliss. Love Making at its fucking finest.
You go.
Tell me about the sex. The kind that lifts you out of your own body.
Was it with a long lost lover? Or is it a common occurrence?
Relive that feeling. And then go find a corner to diddle it out. Heh.
Tags: bliss, intimacy, lover, lucid dream, o face, orgasm, out of body experience, Sex
Wicked Masturbatables
Oct 17, 2008 Random, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions
I always get asked the following questions: (no bullshit… people ask me weekly.)
“Do you masturbate every day?”
“How many times a day?”
“What, pray tell, do you masturbate to?”
I think it is funny that people are curious about my masturbation habits. I mean, I know that I am an extremely open person sexually… but I just find it a little bit comical that my self-pleasure has sent wicked wonderings across the country.
So, I am answering these questions for all the world to see. 
1: “Do you masturbate every day?” Yes.
2: “How many times a day?” I masturbate at least once at work and once in the shower to wind down at the end of the day. I have been known to push out a self-inflicted “o” face in the car before… I cannot disclose if it involved another party or not.
3: “What, pray tell, do you masturbate to?”
I shall now disclose the top things that I flick my bean to.
girl on girl porn
while my husbands cock is in my hand
while my husband knocks one out of the ballpark
gangbang porn
thinking about me and specific women engaging in full on lesbianisms.
creating a shower scene in my mind (while in the shower)
and… the thing i masturbate the most to… (drumroll please) hahaah
Myself in the mirror. Yep. I get all pretty, and spread out in front of the mirror. I absolutely get off on watching myself cum.
Does anyone ever candidly ask you about your masturbation regularity? Do you answer?
If you never answered before… today is a new day. I pass these uncomfortable, yet arousing questions on to you.
I am interested to know:
“Do you masturbate every day?”
“How many times a day?”
“What, pray tell, do you masturbate to?”
You Go.
Tags: girl on girl, masturbation, o face, orgasm, porn, shower
