Living Wicked

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Feb 4, 2010 All Things Charli, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Yum... or Lack There Of.

Hello and welcome. Happy motherfucking FRIDAY to you all!

Blind yet? Heh.

Alright. Let’s get on with the open lettering.

Dear IDIOTS,

Idiot #1: You are so fucking stupid. I feel sorry for your kids who have to grow up in an idiot filled environment. Because of you, there is now a clan of idiots roaming the state of Oregon freely and idiotically.

Idiot #2: You are totally unaware of the level of idiot you possess. To have to be near you on a regular basis is fucking paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainful.

Idiot #3: Really?! Lies? All of them? No one feels sorry for you anymore. In fact, it is the opposite. What happens after, is going to be well deserved for all of the lying.

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Dear Everyone,

I don’t give a fuck about the following:

1) The Olympics
2) Your issues.
3) Lost
4) Twilight
5) Avatar

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Dear Sickness in my Throat and Sinuses and Ears and Bodyaches,

FUCK THE FUCK OFF. I am not submitting to your nastiness. I refuse. GET OUT OF MY AREA.

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Dear Self,

You need to stop letting your own doubt prevent you from success. What are you so god damned scared of? What do you have to lose? Just ASK for it. The very worst that can happen is that the answer is no.

Stop giving yourself roadblocks. It is unnecessary stress that you do not need.

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Dear Charli,

Please leave me to sleep alone for like 3 nights a week. That is all I am asking. I love you to death but seriously?! I would like some sleep without you in my personal space. I am over your feet in my back. I am over your face in my face. You are a kicker and a bed hog and I would really like a night of sleep in peace.

I am | | <--- this close to begging for it.

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Dear Writers Block,

Seriously? Get the fuck out of my life. I have the ability to write an entire manuscript of poetry and another SC, which is what everyone is waiting for ... but when it comes down to actually putting content on paper, you are there ... COCKBLOCKING my creativity.

FUCK YOU. FUCK OFF AND DIE.

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Dear You,

Blah. Why is it that half the time I hate you and the other half I dont?

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Dear Tarable,

I am glad you are being an adult. I am proud of you and I love you and I am here for you always.

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Dear Sunshine,

I miss you. Can we catsup soon?

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Dear Inner Fat Girl,

If I could reach inside of myself and stab you to death I would. You are counterproductive to my goals.

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And now for some Friday Eye Candy... Thanks to Cass's recommendation I present Mr. Taye Diggs!

Annnnnd … Ms. Cameron Diaz

There you have it folks. You know the drill … purge your weeks in open letter form, so you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekend!

Tags: cameron diaz, Friday Eye Candy, idiot, open letter, taye diggs

Post Holiday Open Letters.

Dec 27, 2009 All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch

Happy MondayafterChristmas!

I apologize for no Friday Eye Candy … or a venting place for the weekly purges … but it was in fact Christmas … and I figured it would be better to host your weekly venting place after the holidays and the after holiday sale madness.

Good decision?

Commence the open letters:

Tara is chomping at the bit to put some open letters out there into the privacy of her own internet space:

Dear Where Do You Want to Start,

I am fucking over it. I am tired of my busy ass life. I just want to relax with my hot boyfriends dick in my mouth. K!? (Yeah she went there)

I do not want to deal with anymore:
1) Holiday fucking drivers.
2) Excuse: It’s Christmas Time.
3) Ghey ass, unreliable, (don’t make sense) Holiday Hours
4) Even though I love and absolutely adore holiday parties, I am over them. I am sick of every single weekend being booked and having to stress about what to wear, did I already wear that to a holiday party where there were pictures … etc. Not only that, but I am fucking sick of impressing people and hanging out with people that I don’t like. And, I would rather have my hot boyfriends dick in my mouth. Also, get the holiday food out of my face. Because none of it is friendly to my ass size. K?! (cosigning on #4)
5) Done.

Love, Tarable

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Dear Muffin Top,

You hurt my feelings. You are not cute. You make me feel like all of the bitches I make fun of, and not be excited about fitting into my new size 11 jeans. I haven’t been a size 11 since I was born. Even if I bought a bigger size, it would be just as bad because you would move to my ass and make it look like I pooped my pants and that is not fair.

Get out of here you muffiny fuckin bitch.
Tarable

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Dear You,

I am over it. I am over it for my friend who is also over it. She wants to put it in her mouth but you are being a baby. So why don’t you take your crying tears and your kleenex box and cry about it via text.

Just saying.

Tarable.

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Dear Keanu Reeves,

Can I just fucking touch it? I have been waiting. WAITING. I have wanted to touch it since I was 7. Just let me touch it. Sorry hot boyfriend.

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Dear Tara,

Really? A snorer? Of allll the non sexy things you could ever do? Snore? Now you have to wear Breathe Right Strips for your hot boyfriend whos dick you want to put in your mouth to let you sleep over. Grow up its not that bad.

Tarable

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Dear Wine,

Thank you. (No seriously)

Love, Tarable

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Dear Family,

Thank you for not being crazy, psychotic, dysfunctional fuck faces this Christmas. It was proof that we can always get along.

Love Tara

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Dear Donovan,

Fuck you. (Oh!) I hate you right now. I am gonna write you a letter because I love you but I kinda hate you right now. When you come home you better walk in the door, smile and make it all better (Word) annnnnnnnnnnnnd you better not do this bullshit EVER AGAIN or I will personally do something violent and that will not make you smile to you. You are the one that made the analogy of 5 fingers and then cut your own finger the hell off. On both hands. (Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum) Dont ever do it again. K? Gah. We need you here and if you dont see that … I don’t know what to tell you.

I miss you.

Love Me

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And now for mine.

Dear Tarable,

You need to knock it off. You know what “it” is. You don’t always get your way when you want it. If you did, this one would be less interesting.

Don’t make me tell you again.

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Dear You,

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

And also.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Oh. By the way.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

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Dear Carbohydrates,

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you. I would like to enjoy a slice or 9 of bread without gaining 23537y457754742w3 pounds while doing it.

I LIKE YOU BUT I CANT HAVE YOU AND IT ISNT FAIR AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS.

BLahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhIwantsomechipsahoy.andacheeseburger.andsomepadthai.andsomemacaroniandcheese.andpizza.andstuffing.withgravy.andmashedpotatoes.andbreadandbutter.andpastaexceptforolivegarden.andredlobstercheddargarlicbiscuits.clamchowderinabreadbowl.chocolate.chipsandqueso.girlscoutcookies.alsosourpatchkids.andsoda.andstickyricewithpenutsauceonitandsomesrirachatoo.anythingfried.andagrilledcheesesandwichwithamericancheesepandaexpress.

The end. Love TarablyWicked

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Dear Vagina,

It is almost over. You have gone the long haul and I am sure the big black cardboard check at the finish line will pay the winner (you) really REALLY WELL. Not to mention, you are (not that you werent already) gonna be really tiny. Like as if you had vagina bypass surgery or something. Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenytinyvagina.

I am proud of your sticktoitiveness.

Wicked

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Dear Boyfriend, (From Girlfriend)

It has been several days since we have fucked. I would like for you to meet me in that one place you suggested the other day so you can bend me over and let me have it.

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Dear Xavier,

Knock it the fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are such a little argumentative fucker right now and I dont fucking get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love Tara and Mom!

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Dear Washington Strip Clubs,

Why can’t you show me a pretty vagine? Why are the bitches here skanky, disease infested messes? Can I just come on a Friday night and get an alcoholic beverage while staring at pretty vajay dance all in my business because you do not provide that here.

I am just sayin.

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Dear Hair,

Pick one.

Tarable

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Dear Readers,

Thanks for Reading. Good Night.

TarablyWicked

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And for some Eye Candy: Jamie Dornan

Tags: boyfriend, girlfriend, holiday, open letter, Sex

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Oct 29, 2009 Friday Eye Candy, P.O.E. Biz, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch

Look. I am in no mood for small talk today. Let’s just get on with it.

Dear Life,

How about go fuck yourself right now. K? I don’t need this shit right now.

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Dear Courtni,

You need to get it together. It needs to click. E V E R Y T H I N G depends on it. Like, everything. No one can afford for you to fail at this.

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Dear You,

I don’t like your attitude lately. Get out of my face with that shit.

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Dear D,

I am not frustrated with your current choices. You have finally figured out what the right thing to do is and you are finally doing it. Thank you for that. What I am frustrated and worried and freaking out on the inside about are the past choices that are creeping up on us and affecting the entire family. I am unable to do it all by myself. Literally.

I am behind you. I am just in silent wtfarewegonnado panic mode right now. Especially because the answer is not coming to me.

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Dear Same Pants Guy,

I really adore you. Especially considering that you wear different pants now.

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Dear “You Just Think You Are Funny” Bitch,

Hi Hater!

I have decided that I am no longer bothered by you. I have officially become immune to your 1) horrific homemade outfits and hooker footwear 2) your face 3) your presence & 4) your voice. Fuck yourself kindly. I am planning my witty, non violent, unfireable demise. You have no idea how creative and manipulative I can be.

You have officially fucked with THE wrong bitch.

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You go. Let it out. Vent away your frustrations so that you can officially enjoy your Halloween weekends.

Friday Eye Candy is one that I have pondered doing before and haven’t. Why? Because he is obvious. But, I am tired and cranky and freaking out and stressed and fucking over it so this is what you get.

Mmmmm…. I almost … ALMOST … feel better.

If you are passing through a hallway and there’s an open door, do you look through it?
What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid?
If you could travel through time and meet yourself when you were a kid, what would you say?

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, justin timberlake, open letter

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy

Sep 24, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail

Happy Friday! WOOOOOOOOOO!

This week has been my first week on the floor of my new mystery job. I will say that it isn’t as easy as I hoped but it has also been such a kick ass challenge … that I am happy that it is not easy. I am forced on my tippy-toes all day every day. By the end of the day I am dead to the world.

Anyway, I haz letters.

Dear Same Jehovah Witness:

Um, no. I slammed the door in your face. So, when you see me at Walgreens, it is NOT a good time to talk to me about my belief or disbelief in God or Baby Jesus. The fact that you started the sentence with “I remember you, I bet we are neighbors” didn’t make me any more fuzzy about your fucking face in my face.

Furthermore, if you plan on having your face in someone else’s face, chew gum. K?

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Dear D,

You are the best house husband ever.

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Dear Same Pants Guy,

WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I almost fell out of my chair when you walked by me with different pants on yesterday. Thank you. I was worried that you actually thought it would be acceptable to actually continue to wear them forever. Because it isn’t. Ever.

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Dear Sheesha,

Playing “Boom I Got Your Boyfriend” doesn’t make your fantasy that Jax is your man truth. I am sorry that Jax is mine and you are stalking him “reee reee reee” styles … but I think it might be time to throw in the towel. K? K.

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Dear Charli and Xavier,

I miss you. This new schedule is hectic but I know that in the long run it will be worth it. Bear with me.

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Dear DC Bitches and Just A Girl,

Fuck. You. Sideways. I am so butthurt, bitter and angry that I am missing this “shindig”. Like, I don’t want to talk to any of you for like 5 minutes after forever.

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Dear Ron Jeremy,

Um, rechargeable means just that. RE CHAA RRR GGG EEE AAA BBB LLL EEE. Don’t make me fucking grab the definition for your ass. This shit you sent me is 1) Not strong enough and 2) NOT RECHARGEABLE. How in the fuck are you gonna act like it is? If I wanted some cheap-o vibrator I would have walked to the Lover’s Package by my house and bought one there.

Boooooooooo Ron Jeremy on the false advertisement. Motherfucking Boo. My clitoris is not a happy customer. She would like me to let you know that she will not be a repeat customer and you just lost $67775689908923456.00 worth of business.

Yeah Ron Jeremy, my clitoris is an avid and experienced masturbator. It requires top of the line equipment, and a level of royalty that most cannot handle. You have failed my clitoris, Ron Jeremy. VIBRATORFAIL!

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Dear 10 pounds of douche in a 5 pound bag,

I. Don’t. Fucking. Like. You.

It isnt a joke. I am not kidding when I say that you are a fucking tool. How about get out of my face and get on the phone. How about you are late to work every day and it is only week 2? How about no one wants to talk to you and your Cougar banner sucks? How about your jokes are not funny? Howwwwwwwww about get out of my almonds without asking me first, grabbing my shit like we are friends and I okayed it. Pretty sure I didn’t. Pretty sure that I would rather you just take the whole fucking bag and not give me peehandalmonds back. I dont like my own pee hands, so why in the fuck would I want your nasty, germy, pee-y hands on my almonds?

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Eye Candy.

By popular demand, I give you L.L. Cool J:

He is the Godiva of man chocolate. As gourmet as it gets. Get naked LL. Get naked and let me fuck your face off while watching your beautiful body in the mirror while I do so. I promise that I will fuck your face back on just as good and you wont protest one iota as I repeat the process.

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, jehovas witness, ll cool j, open letter, ron jeremy

YGWM, Friday Eye Candy, and I LOVE Camping!

Aug 13, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Family, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, You've Got Wicked Mail

Sup Bitches?

In T minus 14 hours I will be off of work and heading out with a kick ass group of friends on a camping trip!

I love camping. LOVE it. I love s’mores, tent-sex, spoadies… and camp-fires.

I am stoked to get there. To set everything up, watch the kids play… and really enjoy my family and I’s first camping trip together.
With that said, I am quite positive that you will have the pleasure of a TMIT or 2 and some funny conversations due to the nature of this trip.

Now… without further adeau….

Dear Tyrese and Jeremy Piven,

I need to know if we are dating. As far as I am concerned, since I started following the both of you on Twitter, we are dating. Your lack of engagement in this relationship (i.e. RTing to my @’s and #’s) is quite disheartening. I am starting to wonder if maybe you think that you are too good to be my boyfriends.

Are you new? I have been crowned the Queen of Awesome.

This means that you need to recognize and bow at my feet of awesomeness. Get it together if you know what is good for you.

Dear POE,

I can think of sooooooooooo many more interesting things to do with my life than being an over paid data entry specialist.

1) Pull my hair out, strand by strand
2) Reading the phonebook
3) Counting rice granules

Lets try this: pat your folks on the back once in awhile. OR maybe have a leeeeeeeeeeeeettle bit of an idea as to what you are doing? Maybe some organization? MAYBE something to work toward?

I am bored. Challenge a bitch. K?

…. How do I tell you that you are being a cunt ….?

…. Yes, I really DID stop and get coffee this morning, KNOWING that I would be late to this meeting …. and no I do NOT care.

…. STOP BEING AN IDIOT! ….

…. DIVORCE ALREADY! I am sick of the rationalizations and justifications of why your marriage “isnt that bad” … HE DOESNT COME HOME. HE FUCKS OTHER WOMEN. REGULARLY. YOU KNOW IT.

…. You are not as cute as you think you are ….

…. I know you lied ….

…. if you don’t stop peeking over my shoulder. I KNOW YOU ARE TRYING TO SEE WHAT I AM DOING …

…. Okay, if we fuck will you stop drooling already? ….

Annnnnnnnnd the Friday Eye Candy is…. Bradley Motherfucking Cooper. He was a complete asshole in Wedding Crashers, but his performance in He’s Just Not That Into You won me over. Annnnnnnnd I hear he was hilarious in The Hangover.

Alright folks… you know the drill: Vent your week away so you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.

Tags: camping, mail call, open letter, tgif

YGWM Friday & Oooooooh Xaaaavierrrrrr! (Etc.)

Jun 18, 2009 All Things X, Etc., Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch

TGI MF F to you all.

Welcome to my own special regular Friday blog where I open the ‘floor’ to give you all the opportunity to cuss out whomever royally pissed you off this week so that you can let it go and truly enjoy the weekend.

That is all we really want to do right?!

Dear POE,

I have been a part of many organizations. I get that with every big deal signed, there is a level of ass kissing metrics that have to go along with it. I really do get it. But I have never, ever had this level of juvenile hand holding in a group of adults. Ever.

What gets me is that your selling point in my interview was the fact (and I remember that it was repeated across the 3 people who separately interviewed me) this establishment prides itself on zero micromanagement. That, we are all adults and it is not a babysitting organization.

Tell me, what would you refer to this as then? Nannying? Adult Care?

I call it babysitting. Like with a motherfucking baby monitor by your ear so that you don’t miss a single motherfucking breath taken.

There are ways to go about what you are trying to do without handcuffing us all and making us feel like we are trapped in little boxes full of ticky tacky.

I am just saying.

Dear Gym Rat,

1) your Nike napsack on your back is not cute. It doesnt hold your water. Wanna know how I know? Because you kept “dropping it” on the floor so you could bend over and pick it up in front of the personal trainer that all of the ladies at the gym drool over every single day.

2) He is out of your league. Shit, he is out of my league.

3) if you aren’t going to work out, then leave. You doing circles around the cardio area made me nauseus and furthermore you were wasting paper towels too. You werent even using the cardio equipment that you wiped down. I am no tree hugger and even I know that is plain ignorant and wasteful.

4) You need to be working out because you are not cute. Neither is the way you switch your hip in front of the aforementioned PT. I am pretty sure I watched him throw up in his mouth the last time you shook your nasty booty in his face.

Bottom Line: Not cute. Not one iota. So knock it off before you catch me on an outwardly bitchy day and I tell you about yourself.

Dear Tarable,

I miss you.

Dear KittyFace,

I want them to come home too. Tripping me and breaking my neck isnt going to make them come home any fucking faster. GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS. BLAH.

Alllllllso as promised I am gonna in a nutshell call X’s out.

He ‘found’ $50 in his pocket. After further investigation, he did not actually find it in his pocket. He stole that shit from someone who it was given to as a graduation gift.

Right.

1) He did come clean about it.

2) He apologized to those who he affected by doing it.

3) Kanisha gave me the best idea for creative punishment ever: He will wear a sign that reads “I am a thief” one day when we have a bajillion errands to run. I may also make him write a couple of sentances to carry with so when people ask him questions, he will have something to answer with other than “I dont know”. We will see.

Kanisha rules. The end.

Lastly, before the Friday Eye Candy, I just want to say that I truly appreciate all of my friends. The ones who listen. The ones who let me cry. The ones who let me be a cunt when I need to be one. Especially the ones who respect me and understand me. I am finding thorns in my friend-bush and I am frustrated and confused as to how to help our friendship grow into pretty flowers.

I dont know. I just needed to put it out there in the universe. It helps me clearly figure out what I need to do.

And now. Friday’s Eye Candy is:

Paul Walker. His piercing blue eyes make my naughty bits tingle a lil’ bit. A lot bit actually. My favorite are pics when he has a bit of a scruffy face. Like this one:

Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Feel free to email OR comment me with Friday Eye Candy suggestions.

Now it is your turn. Its MAIL CALL BITCHES!

(Pee ESS: Happy 1 year anniversary Lilu and B!)

Tags: Friday Eye Candy, open letter, paul walker, rant, tgif, weekend, work

AllByMyselfania: Day 1

Jun 12, 2009 Etc., Fitness Forward, Friday Eye Candy, Masturbate-able, Plunges, Random, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions

(As David sweetly titled it this morning)

Yesterday didn’t count really as actual vacation. It was the “Travel Day” of the vacation, and last night I checked into the “hotel” and got settled.

It is nice to have my house to myself. I layed in bed naked and walked around naked and watched TV naked and talked to Tarable naked and slept under D’s blanket (shutup) naked. I like being naked. This picture is how I feel when I am naked in bed. (heart)

The rush of the day left my house a sty when I got home from school. I rocked the final, and decided to do a little bit of celebrating with a couple of glasses of wine. Yeah, it is cheating but I don’t feel guilty. I have successfully changed my diet and am sticking to healthy eating… going on to week 3 with little slips and a lot of successes. The one thing I did notice about drinking while SB’ing… you get drunk way faster than normal due to zero carbs in your system.

I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Today I say it is not a good thing. My stomach is demanding bread and I am fighting the urge to not give in. I know it would make me feel better.

Its cool, I deserve it.

Today I am gonna do something different and journal it. I am not quite sure what yet, but I am gonna try to do something different every day on my mini vacation, journal it and then blog about it for you! (Thanks Sunshine!)

So far, on the agenda:

*Finish work (I HAD to come in for a couple of hours)
*Run a couple of errands and pay bills
*Gym
*Pedicure/Manicure
*Tanning
*TAKE A NAP (naked)
*Masturbate
*Not rush anywhere OR do anything I dont want to OR feel pressured to do something that I dont want to do.
*Cook something new.
*Read a book. Or at least start one.
*Spend some time alone at home.
*Stop at a couple of garage sales.

Happy Friday, Friends! From this Friday on, I will have Friday eye candy.

This Friday’s eye candy is Tyrese. I dont give a damn if chocolate is your favorite … you cannot deny those abs. Yum!

What new thing should I try this weekend?
Do you have a SB friendly recipe suggestion?
Open Letter Friday is part of today’s blog… but I don’t have one to share today. That doesn’t mean that you can’t. Do you need to tell someone about themselves and cant? Do it here so you can fully enjoy your weekend.

Tags: candy, eye, journal, naked, open letter, tyrese gibson, vacation

You’ve Got Wicked Mail!

Dec 22, 2008 Random, Ranteriffic, You've Got Wicked Mail

It is open letter day! I have decided to make this a regular, weekly occurrence on my blog… so save yours for my forum. Enjoy, and please include yours!!!

Dear F-UPS,

I would like to send you a friendly fucking reminder as to what day it is today. Today, is in fact Monday. I am still impatiently waiting for that ‘guaranteed’ package. It was ‘guaranteed’ for Friday. Saturday, you couldnt find my package, so it was ‘re-guaranteed’ for today. FYI, today is almost motherfucking over. Still, no package. I am baffled at the fact that you have these monster sized delivery trucks, yet you cannot make it anywhere in the snow to honor your delivery commitment. As far as you are concerned, my long anticipated, much needed romantic Saturday sex-fest with my husband was ruined because of your poor communication and lack luster customer service.

Furthermore, you should fire the fucking person in charge of the Redmond, Washington shipping center. Who has ONE employee working the register for BOTH deliveries AND package pick-up on the Saturday before Christmas? We watched person after person get denied their packages because the douche-sicles you have working the tracking procedures at the wherehouse simply ‘couldnt find the packages’. Really? What is the motherfucking point of a TRACKING NUMBER?!?! Is there no organization?

Thank you for not doing the right thing and refunding me my $25, due to ‘weather conditions beyond F-UPS control’. That was extremely customer friendly of you. Considering the fact that you redefined the definition of ‘guaranteed delivery’ to ‘if the driver remembers to’.

I will never use F-UPS ever again. I will tell all of my friends and co-workers and blog readers of your piss poor services, horrible orginization and planning skills, and potentially runing the one night in almost 2 years with my husband.

Fuck Off,

WickedCourtni

Dear Eastside Oasis Day Spa,

I hearby honor you with the “Worst Customer Service Ever In My Fucking Life” Award for closing your establishment down and not bothering to call your scheduled appointments to let them know.

Why is it that you hold your guests to a cancellation policy, yet you cannot abide to the same standards? I should charge your ass 50% for not giving me the courtesy to let me know ahead of time. I had to scramble to make my plans happen, and stress out to try to find a suitable day spa at an affordable rate with only 3 hours notice. Luckily I was able to, but do not for one minute think that I am through with you. When you finally re-open, I am gonna have your ass in a sling so fucking fast and gangster, that I hope tears commence.

Fuck yourself with your White Tea body scrub. Right in your uncustomer friendly ass.

WC

Dear Snow,

I am breaking up with you. Your previously requested services of a “White Christmas” are no longer needed, wanted, or even desired. Pack up and kick snow covered rocks. Dont let the frozen door hitcha where Frosty the Snowman splitcha.

GEOFHERE,
WickedFrozen

Need to vent? Do you have your own open letter you need me to stamp?
Rant away peeps. I need to see more than 16 mofoin comments, dammit!

Tags: bad customer service, open letter, spa, ups