‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
Dec 1, 2008 Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Late for work.
X missed the bus.
My coffee was gross.
The sweater I just bought made me feel like a chocolate striped whale.
My computer crashed 3 times.
Didn’t get to go to the gym at lunch because I worked through lunch because I was late.
Mad at D. Why? Because he has a penis. If you are reading this, and have a penis… chances are I hate you too.
I have officially self diagnosed myself with PMS, given the above listed things. Specifically the last one. When Mother Nature and I meet in the boxing ring once a month, D is usually the one who is dodging the blows. Not that bitch. She stays over in her corner, cackling at my crampy bitchy CUNTY disposition. for 3 weeks and at least 2 days of my PMSisode, I kinda feel sorry for him. Then again, he is a moody mofo himself… so I am pretty sure he deserves a boxing match a month. AT LEAST.
Anyway, back to this bitch Mother Nature.
I would like to kick the shit out of that bitch. I mean really kick her fucking ass. Ol’ School style. Meet her at the bike racks with 35 surrounded by a bunch of other pmsing bitches screaming ‘fight! fight! fight!’ while I bitchhandle her to the ground. I would have Rach hold my necklace and earrings ’cause if it got to the point where I needed my girls to jump in on it, she would already have a pre-planned stash spot for the goods. I know this because that is how my bitch rolls. All premeditated and shit. And she wants to kick the shit out of Mz.Nature her damn self. If the timing was right, she mighta been the instigator in the fucking first place.
I wanna pull handfuls of her hair out.
I wanna bite her.
I wanna curb stomp her face.
I wanna straddle her neck with my crotch and punch her in the face repeatedly.
Mother Nature is the bitch that I mean mug at the mall. Or anywhere I go where she is all up in my business like she does. Nosy bitch. Nosy meddling fucking bitch. Who does she think she is anyway? I bet, if all of us women got together and jumped her skank ass she would leave us alone. If we just backed her ass in a corner and let her know that we were not gonna put up with these cramps anymore. No more moodyness. She can keep the bloated uncomfortable bullshit. No more man hating… (actually… … … I wont fault her for that one.) I am taking a stand against that bitch Mother Nature, and if she doesnt comply with my requests… I am going to kick the shit out of her. Plain and fucking simple.
Mz.Nature, if you are reading this… I suggest you take some time to really think about who you are fucking with here. We are some emotional, moody, cranky bloated bitches. We are stuck between a diet rock and a chocolate covered salt lick hard place. It isnt fair what you continuously do to us on a monthly basis. Does my name even remotely sound like Eve? No. It doesnt. I dont even like apples all that much, and sure as hell wouldnt have eaten that shit if I were her. If it were a chocolate covered pretzel, maybe. But an apple? Pfft. Ya’ll coulda kept that shit.
Take your tampax and always maxi pads and shove em up your old raggedy cobweb havin’ ass.
The End.
What would you like to add to this hateblog addressed to Mother Nature?
What cravings do you have when PMSing?
Are you normally a man hater? Or just an imonmyperiodgetyourpenisawayfrommebeforeicutyou man hater?
Is there anything you need to rant about today?! Here is the place to do it, and leave laughing. 
Tags: always, chocolate, fight, hate, maxipad, mother nature, period, pms, rant, tampax
