YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Jan 14, 2010 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., You've Got Wicked Mail, bitch, love
Happy Friday!
You know the drill … come here, purge your bullshit so that you can enjoy the weekend.
Dear You,
Thank you so very much for knocking it the fuck off. You are much more pleasant to be around when you are not being a fucking baby.
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Dear D’s Penis,
Thank you for the meeting. I forgot that you even existed. Shit, I forgot that I even existed.
Love, Wicked’s Vagina
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Dear Bank Account,
I am really sorry. It is not my fault that you are overdrawn. Soon this will all be resolved and we wont be poor.
Wicked
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D,
I am so so so so so happy you are home. In the past week, you have made such an impact in the house. We all appreciate every single thing that you do for us. I missed you more than you will probably ever know.
PeeEss … thanks for the sex.
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Dear Miley Cyrus,
I am pretty sure none of us believe that you are even close to a virgin. You are going straight to hell for lying about your aforementioned faux-ginity to you millions maybe even billions of fans.
Just admit that you have had some of the cahck.
P.S. If I hear you “singing” that “bumpin jay-z” song one more mother fucking time I may have a credit melt down. You suck.
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Dear Baby Jesus,
There are several reasons why we need to have a conversation.
1) I am not the one.
2) Virginity movement?! Really?
3) Keep it pushin.
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Dear Tara,
Where did your wit go?!
Love Tarable.
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Dear D,
Thank fucking sweet baby jesus that you are home.
Love, Tarable.
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Dear Haiti,
I wish that I could swoop in and give you all of the food in the world. All of the food and water and money to fix it. But I don’t have it. My heart goes out to all of you and all of the families who lost someone.
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Dear Porn Movies,
Shut up. No one wants to hear you talk. We just want to see the sex. All of the sex. We don’t care about the plot or the story line or the climax … that is … unless the climax consists of a dude climaxing on a bitches face.
K?
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Dear Boyfriend,
I hope you have a fantastic time. I will miss you. Be safe. Look at all the boobs you can but reserve it for me.
Love Tarable
Pee Ess. We are having the sex when you get home. Like put it in my mouth.
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Dear Mike O and Boyfriend,
You motor boatin’ sons of bitches.
Love Tarable
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Dear D,
Did I mention, thank fucking GOD you are home!?!?
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Dear New Bitch,
I am SO FUCKING GLAD YOU ARE NOT HERE ANYMORE.
BYE BITCH BYE!
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Dear Ken Adams,
Heh.
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Dear Cari and Jim,
Congrats on the news that you are having a BOY!!!!!!! Baby Bush is more lucky than he knows to have such awesome people as parents.
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd for some CLASSIC eye candy!
Denzel Washington
Annnnnnnnnnd… Julia Roberts
As always … Friday Eye Candy suggestions are needed. 
TMI Thursday: With Her Vagina!
May 6, 2009 Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Sex, TMI Thursday's, The Tarably Wicked Show, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
For most of you who know me… I have a stripper/prostitute/escort/lady of the night fascination. It started longer ago than I can remember. Maybe it was when my friend and I snuck in to the obviously too-old-for-us-R-rated movie “Pretty Woman”. We loved Vivian Ward so much that we played “Pretty Woman” Barbie forever after we saw it.
It is one of my all time favorite movies in the history of forever.
Anywhore, the first time i can remember hootin’, hollerin’ … and throwing dollars (well Thai currency anyway) at stripper poles was when we visited Thailand for my very first 6month deployment. one of my senior chiefs thought it would be funny to take me to an ‘authentic’ strip club.
Heh. Ask me where we sat. G’head. That’s right… front and center.
So there we were… watching the things you watch… when the ‘feature dancer’ was introduced. She sauntered her petite behind on stage and began to do her thing. Before i knew it, she was crawling across the stage like a wildcat on the hunt for its dinner toward our table. She leaned in to my Sr. chief, and he reached into his pocket… handing her a cigarette and a lighter.
Then she did something that made my jaw drop to the sticky strip-club floor: She leaned back, placed the cig in her vagina hole… and lit that mofoing cig right in front of my face.
With her vagina.
And then… she proceeded to blow smoke rings. In different sizes. Right in my face.
With her vagina.
Raise your hand if you volunteer to offer her some good quality cunnilingus.
No? You sure?
The group of salty sailors I was partying with thought my horror and my inability to look away was hilarious. Like LMFAO hilarious.
I wish taking pics was as cool then as it is now…
When I was talking to Tarable about my TMI post this week and recapped my awesomely nasty stripper-smoke-rings- story… she gleefully reminded me of the time when she was in Naw’lins and her then-boyfriend-now-douchebag went to the strip club. Instead of using her fingers or mouth to pick up her hard earned scrilla… she used her vagina to do the work for her.
Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack??
She also reminded me of the time when she was in Vancouver at a strip club… and the fine performer at that classy establishment gave the entire front row a parting gift when she shoved her entire hand into her vagina and flung the wetness at them.
Tarable said… and I quote: Tara: you can also add about mine in Vancouver, when the stripper put her hand all the way in her cooch and then flicked it on the crowd… and by flick I mean she was makin it rain.
Happy TMI Thursday peeps! I know that it is not gross like previous TMI’s… but definitely entertaining, funny and brought back a hilariously traumatizing memory for me.
I know you beezos have stripper stories. If not something you have experienced personally…. but a story that you have heard from someone you know.
Share in the Stripper TMI!
Tags: barbie, cigarrette, dancer, dollar bill, julia roberts, make it rain, navy, performer, pretty woman, sailor, story, strip club, stripper, thailand, vancouver
