TMIThursday: 3 Broads and a Little H.J.
Jul 29, 2009 Masturbate-able, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Random, Sex, TMI Thursday's, This Thing Called Marriage., love
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
So. I posted the TMIT where D married a stripper. Unknowingly of course.
This story happened in the same event (read: honeymoon) only in a different location.
We were on our way home from Victoria, B.C., riding the ferry across into Port Townsend. It must have been a busy weekend or something because the boat was packed to the brim with people. If you got a seat, you better stay there or you lost it.
Yeah. Sardine styles.
Anyway, D and I found a seat. We were completely exhausted hungover from the shenanigans that we had gotten ourselves into all weekend long, so we didn’t even think about our booth neighbors. Not even a little bit. ( I dont like to share with weirdo’s. A booth neighbor snob, if you will. If you stink or look like you stink… If you have the sniffles… or anything resembling a sickness that I am not interested in bringing back home with me, I will find another place to sit. End of story)
Shut up.
So as I was saying. We snuggled up on the booth, across from these 3 broads… probably in their late 50’s. We weren’t really talking, but we were not NOT talking either. As I melted into him, my hand automatically traveled toward the penile region. I have noticed that it is like a magnet or something. I get close, and I am junk grabbing. I dont know what it is. Maybe it is just to check to make sure that it is still there, and still large and in charge. Regardless, I do it. And I did it then. He had a jacket covering his crotch-and-more area, and I took it upon myself to start moving underneath clothes and on to hot skin. Heh.
At first, he eye-protested the FUCK out of this business, his eyes darting from me to the broads across from us down to his cahck and back to me. I think he was trying to tell me that it was inappropriate. Not sure, but after about … I dunno … like 5 strokes, you can imagine how his eyes rolled into the back of his head while I handled my business. Or his business. However you want to look at it.
The ladies knew. I know it. Toward the end of this surprise happy hand job treat, my motions under this super cloak of a jacket that I would like to pretend made my hand and its movements invisible (it didnt) got more aggressive. D tried REALLY hard not to moan. I give him an A for effort. But right there, at the end… he let one out. And these broads were motherfucking OFFENDED.
What I did not think about was what to do with the … mess that was made. So, not only did he have to look at them looking at him as he attempted to put it back in his sweats, but he also had to get up and go to the bathroom.
Did we move seats? Nope. Those broads straight got up and moved. I was sure that they reported us. But whatev. D got his, and I am the best wife ever.
The END!
As always, feel free to share your related or non-related TMIT’s!
Tags: ferry, hand job, honeymoon, old woman, TMI Thursday, victioria bc
TMIThursday: D’s in Love with a Stripper?
May 27, 2009 Masturbate-able, Sex, TMI Thursday's, This Thing Called Marriage.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
For our honeymoon, D and I traveled to a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in Victoria, B.C. for a long weekend. We didn’t really have a ton of money, but we were able to dine out and have an amazing steak dinner, find some good ‘Jane’, and some even better sex in our Romeo and Juliet suite.
The second night we were there, we decided to check out this strip club that came highly recommended we passed by in a drunken stooper the night before. So we got all pretteh-fied and pre-funked in the room, and headed out to watch some titties.
We had no idea what we were in store for.
Once we arrived, we I find a nook/booth in the back of the club and we get cozy. Little did I know that D mentioned to the bouncer that we were on our honeymoon (dick) and that we he would love a front row seat when available. Imagine my surprise when the DJ congratulated us on our nuptuals and laced us with the best VIP seats in the house. Oh and dinner was on them too. Gee thanks.
I was apprehensive. I wanted to stay in my safe place in the back corner of the club. But I was a good sport and moved to the front. We watched several choreagraphed shows which were all really good. They were more performances than your traditional skank kabob on stage. The last dancer of the night was this beautiful exotic woman. She had long brown hair and greenish eyes. She came out to “Foxy Lady” and started her routine. D had a boner as soon as she dropped her caramel brown ass like it was hawt in front of our faces.
He grabbed out an American $5 (back when US currency was actually worth a shit in Canada) and attempted to give it to her. She smiled, took it, and shoved it down my shirt, proceeding to take it from me with her teeth. As annoyed as D was pretended to be, he kept feeding her money. Each time, she would take it from him, and give it to me, only to take it with various parts of her body.
The last time she took his money, she leaned in to whisper something to him. D looked at me, looked back at her, shrugged his shoulders and said “Go ahead.” So she put the money where she put it at, and reached down for my hands. I looked at D to try and figure out 1) what she asked 2) what she could “go ahead” and do 3) why he was taking my shoes off of me and 4) why I was being pulled on stage.
Yes. She was pulling me on stage. ON STAGE.
This strip club was packed to the maximum capacity.
There I was, vehemently shaking my head no… insisting that it was really okay… that I did NOT need to get on stage. Frantically, I looked back at D to get some sort of support from my new husband.
Ask me what he was doing. G’head.
He was chanting with all of the other boners in the club. “GET ON STAGE! GET ON STAGE! GET ON STAGE!” and “SHOWER! SHOWER! SHOWER!”
The next thing I knew, I was almost fully naked in this shower on stage. I couldn’t hear the music, or myself think because the pervs in the place were roaring louder than anything I had ever heard in my life. This broad was doing things to me that (at the time) I had never really done before, giving these fools an unforgettable show. I don’t remember if I had the opportunity to cum or not, if I sucked my stomach in or not… and I sure as hell don’t remember giving her or anyone permission to take my clothes off in front of everyone.
But the aftermath of the impromptu girl-on-girl action was worth every second. D was treated like a king, getting all kinds of love for having such a kick ass wife. He definitely got an ego stroke that night… and he still brags about it to this day.
Tags: honeymoon, newlywed, shower, stripper, TMI Thursday, victoria
Sex in Some Strange Place
Jan 6, 2009 Masturbate-able, Random, Relationships, Sex
D and I have the silliest comversations on the planet. Mainly because he is a pervert and turns everything into a sexual innuendo.
Example: This evening D was walking around the house singing “She’s got cakes like hostess.” after fondling my ass every 5 seconds as soon as I walked in the door from class. (Which was great BTW… the class not the fondling) Anyway, it has been 2 hours since this new hit single came out of his mouth, and he is still creating new variations of the kinds of ‘cakes’ she has. “Cakes like Lil Debbie and I wanna lick the frosting.” Right. This is what I live with on a day to day basis.
So from here we start talking about all of the wicked hot and random places we have fucked. After bantering back and forth for awhile, I realized that we are borderline exhibitionists. Or were, anyway.
We have had sex in the following random places:
the Macy’s dressing room
on the ferry (once was in my T-bird the other was a hand-job next to 2 old ladies on our way back from our honeymoon)
the staircase outside of our apartment in broad daylight.
in front of The Mirage in Vegas
at the recently built park down the street from our house
countless road head and pullover fuck-fests.
my shower sexcapade in a Victoria BC strip-club on our honeymoon.
This lead to the moment where we reminisced about what our sex life used to be, and what it has become. The days of 6 times a day all over our apartment have long since come and gone, but one thing still remains between us: Our love for sex with one another. As much as we strive for more frequent O-faces together, we both kinda get the fact that it is not always about us and that. So when we get the time, we savor it. There is never a blah-face. Always a Fuck-Yeah!-Face. My point is that real life and responsibility are so important… but so is intimacy with your significant other. Appreciate it if you are a 6 times a day bitch, because one day you will not have the freedom to fuck like porn stars.
I look forward to the days when my rugrats are off to college and viagra flows freely from the faucet. We will be old and grey and naked, and we wont give a shit who knows it. You better call before you drop by with your bridge games and cookies, or you might find D and my old wrinkly asses on the couch in a weird tantric position we learned in our old people sex refresher course. How’s that for a mental picture?
I’m just saying.
Where is the most random place that you have had sex? Did you get busted?
Tags: couple, freedom, honeymoon, naked, Random, Sex, sexcapade, strip club, Vegas, viagra
