Living Wicked

Honest Tuesday’s: Hi Hater!

Dec 22, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Honest Tuesday's, Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic

Welcome to Honest Tuesday’s! A place to come and be honest about everything you aren’t being honest about … even if I am the only one who knows it.

For today, I will admit that I am a big fat fucking hater.

If you are in love, I hate you.

If you are having regular sex and you like it, I hate you more.

I am pretty sure if I see you on the street all glow-ey like, holding hands with your oneandonlysomeone … I hate you.

I hate you if you are named Ken Adams.

If you don’t go home and drink wine alone …. instead you go home and have someone there to talk to OTHER THAN A CHILD, I hate your face.

If you masturbate because you WANT to and not because you HAVE to … biiiiiiiiiitch I hate you the mostest.

I hate you if you have a unlimited amount of money and you just sit on it all frugal like, and you dont give it to me to buy plane tickets for my friends who I miss the most to fly here and fucking kick it.

I hate you if you have a penis and aren’t sharing it with me.

If you have someone to kiss on NYE, I hate you too.

I hate you if you are all Christmas spirit-y.

I hate you if you are one of the 3 people that I hate at work.

I hate you if you are a generally negative person.

I also hate you if you are a feelings hurter.

If you cannot keep my name out of your mouth, I fucking HATE you.

I hate you if you are stupid.

I hate you if you shoot cops.

And if you are a cop killer affiliate. (i.e.. getaway driver, shelter provider, etc)

I hate you if you are my vagina because you are throbbing like no ones business and it is DISTRACTING.

Lastly, I hate you if you are all “aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwiamsosorryblahblahblahwhateveryouneediwillbetherforyou” and don’t come through.

K?

Tags: friends, HI HATER, ken adams, masturbation, Sex

Play That Funky Music, White Girl

Jun 7, 2009 Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Ranteriffic, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, bitch

How was your weekend? What did you do? Mine was jam-packed, but not in a bad way.

Apparently I missed the memo that covered the following:

1) People are fucking negative
2) We are not, for any reason what so ever, allowed to have any fun on a beautiful day… especially not a Friday.
3) Haters are taking over the world.

On Friday, Tara came and picked me up from work to go hit up this place in Ballard that had been abandoned by tenants and the landlords had posted an ad on craigslist to offer up the goods for free. Tara desperately needs a couch, so it was totally worth going by to check it out. No couches worth snagging, but we got a dresser for Charli. All it needed was a new coat of paint. (which I did today because I am so productive and awesome.)

On our way there, we were listening to … rap music … loudly … like good little girls do on a sunny Friday in Seattle. (if you have never been to Seattle on a beautiful day… words do it no justice.) Our windows down, music blaring… singing with pretend microphones as if we were in concert… and we started noticing dirty looks, upturned noses and people rolling their windows up (read: 7). <— REALLY?!

To all of you fucking Negative Nancy’s and Norman’s out there: “K.I.M.B.A.” (kiss it: my beautiful ass.)

I am so sick of the negativity in the world today. Like, soooooooooo o o o o o sick of it.

SO WHAT if the music is blaring?

SO WHAT if it isn’t your genre?

SO WHAT if I am singing like a stray cat in heat at the top of my lungs.

Just allow 2 amazingly beautiful, positive girls to live their lives and have a little bit of fun. That is all I am saying.

This weekend taught Tara and I that our friendship isn’t flawless. We had a misunderstanding, and realized that as much as we thought we could just look at each other and just know what the other person is thinking… sometimes we don’t. And that is okay. It is humbling to know that if I need to tell my best friend about herself, I can and she will accept it for what it is, and vice versa. We also learned that it is okay to be mad as long as we talk about it and move forward.

I think our friendship went a little deeper than before this weekend. She is my Louise. <3

Lastly:

(While watching Kendra. YES I watch Kendra. She is funny, so shutit.)

Me: “If we had a bachelorette pad, we would have a stripper pole.”
Tarable: “Yep. And a double shower.”
Me: “With glass doors. We would have big fat shower orgies.”
Tarable: “I want mirrors everywhere.”
Me: “I want mirrors in the shower.”
Tarable: (cracking the fuck up.) “You are SUCH a slut.”
Me: “WHAT!?”
Tarable: “SUCH a slut.”

What is your favorite movie?
Would you have a stripper pole in your house?
What about mirrors in your shower?

Do you need to tell someone to K.I.M.B.A today?

Tags: HI HATER, music, negative, road trip, seattle, thelma and louise

Hi Hater!

Jan 21, 2009 Friendship, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms

For those of you who know me, I am an extremely sentimental person. I reflect on my past a lot, and really revel in the times that I am able to reconnect with someone from my past. I can’t help it, because it is who I am. Part of my hard wiring. You also may already know about my 4 years served in the military. That time period in my life is something that I hold near and dear to my heart. I grew so much in that period of my life. I connected with lovers, friends and myself.

Furthermore, if you have partied with me… you also know that 99% of the time, I am a fun drunk. A happy, flirty, loveable drunk. I dont do drama. If I am out, it is kick it time. I dont get many of these moments to really let loose, so the last motherfucking thing I want to deal with is a dramafest. Not mine, not yours, not anybodies.

Where are you going with this, you ask? Well I will tell you. Heh.

This weekend I went on an overnight trip with Tarable and her mom for her mom’s birthday. Girls only, drunk fun. We rode the ferry over to a beautiful resort/casino and stayed in the Presidential Suite as if we were rock stars. We all kind-of needed to deflate for our own separate reasons, but it worked. We drank and ate and dolled the fuck up to go gamble on our coin-starred change.

When we arrived, we passed 2 guys. I immediately recognized him, but I could not put his face with where I knew him from. We stepped into the elevator and started our girls trip. I totally forgot about me running into him and commenced to vodka-ing with my girls. After hours in the casino, we made our way back to our room. Wasted. Like blurry wasted. As we were stumbling down the hallway, I ran into this guy again. This time, my endless shots of Stolichynaya jogged loose the brain cell that connected what time period he came from.

The Navy. The USS Carl Vinson, to be exact.

“Oh SHIT!” I slurred. “Daniel Floyd!” (Name changed to not get sued or whatever happens to people who use real names without expressed consent)
“I thought I knew you.” he smiled.
“OMG!! How have you been?! What have you been up to since you got out?”
“BlahBlahBlah… YakkitySchmakkity”

Some more “BlahBlahs and YakkitySchmakkitys” commenced before he asked: “Are you married?”

This is where all hell turns loose. Apparently his cunt of a fiancee was eavesdropping on our conversation. Or, she walked out shortly before he asked if I had a husband. Regardless, the skank starts yelling at him about being a son of a bitch and some more drama that I was not trying to be a part of.

What did I do? Walked the fuck away. Back to my room, my party, my fun. This dude’s sister in law comes to the door, asking what happened because apparently:
1) My Navy friend (duh) has a history of cheating.
2) The fiancee is convinced that we were going to fuck right there in the hall.

So my drunk self gets all lovey and “Oh no! It wasnt even LIKE that!!!” and we make our way to their room so I can apologize to the cunt fiancee about the misunderstanding. We go, I apologize… and somehow I offended this stupid cunt. I do not remember how or why… but I DO remember being physically removed from their room and called a whore.

Um.

Begin drunken offended and humiliated tailspin. I was so upset and offended that I brought this back into the party. Thank goodness for my best friend. She reminded me that I am better than that drama, and even though it was humiliating and offensive… I know that what I did in the situation was not wrong. She also reminded me that we were fucking hot bitches, and they were haters. Like, “Hi Hater” haters. Like, really fucking hating on the fact that her man cheats and probably with girls prettier than her trashy self. Yep, you put your hands on me and call me a whore when I am trying to be the bigger person, and I am gonna point the flaws.

Lesson Learned: Don’t answer the door. Just let them knock and think whatever they want to think, because no matter the amount of class and respect you try to have… you cannot force a trashy, sloppy, hater cuntskank to think anything different than what she already thinks.

Fucking Skank. That’s why your ‘man’ probably is still thinking about me.

Have you ever experienced Haterism?
Have your intentions ever been misunderstood?
Did you try to make it right with the person? Did it backfire?
Have you learned a life lesson recently? What was it?

Tags: best friend, cvn 70, girls night, hater, HI HATER, party, reconnection, sentimental, uss carl vinson