There’s a Thin Line Between Self-Love/Hate
Apr 8, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friendship, I WIN!, Out of Wicked's Mouth, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
I have a love/hate relationship with the woman I am becoming. I see myself growing and changing every single day… and no matter how hard I try to fight it… Lately, I seem to be making decisions with a great deal of thought behind them.
This is not the norm for me.
It used to be that when my hot buttons were pushed, I would snap and react based on how hard, and what specific button was pushed. I used to fight. If a bitch as much as looked at me sideways… words were spit like hot venom, and 7 times out of 10… That same bitch got her ass beat.
Right, wrong or indifferent… It was the way of my world.
So I have been battling with myself back and forth about whether or not I would write a blog about the disrespectful bitch from the wedding I attended this last weekend. It has been bothering me. I’m not gonna lie. The whole stupid situation as a whole has replayed over and over since it happened. What I should have said… how I should have responded. (I am so much more witty with a couple of replays under my belt.)
Anyway, I wrote an “I’m-angry-I-will-f*ck-you-up-on-sight” blog the next day. Complete with threats of curb stomps and elbow drops if I ever saw her on the street.
I didnt post it because as much as I would like for it to be… it just is not me.
Not anymore.
Dont get me wrong though, it isn’t like I have curled up under a pussy-rock and the fight inside of me has died out. If any one of my bitches (Rachael’s/Tara’s) loud mouths got them in the center of the bar fight … I will pull off earrings and jump in. In a mother-f*ucking heartbeat. Without hesitation.
So I deleted the blog. It didn’t have a productive outcome like it should have. It didn’t read like I had learned anything about myself. And I did. As much as it pissed me off, and as shaking livid as I was… I know what the lesson was.
Do you want to know? Of course you do.
The lesson is that no matter how hard your buttons get pushed… no matter how livid you get… kicking the living shit out of a bitch only leaves you winning for that moment. In the long run, the real win is the ability to smile, do the right thing… and let the button pusher look like the trashy f*ucking bitch in the situation.
What does a completely hypothetical and generally specific trashy f*ucking bitch look like if you were a fly on the wall?
Try having her completely ignorant to her surroundings (i.e. swanky bar) and then watch her scream profanities at another person, literally for no reason what-so-ever. Then watch the person she is yelling at try to diffuse the situation, in an ADULT-LIKE manor… only to have this trashy bitch stand up on the swanky bar’s furniture… as the person is walking out of the bar… with at least 15-20 people between them and say yell:
“Bye BITCH! Thats right! Get the fuck out of here, BITCH! You aint SHIT, BITCH” over and over. While blowing kisses like she was cute.
It literally took every ounce of strength that I had inside of me to walk out of the bar, and not come across the table so that my angry fist could meet her ugly shit-talking fucking face. To the point where my entire body was shaking, and when I got into the confines of my own home and into bed… I cried so fucking hard. Not because I was scared. Not because she hurt my feelings. Because she blatantly disrespected me. Publicly. In front of some of my friends and a shit ton of people who I had just met. And there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it.
Even though I can look back today and say that I am completely positive that I did the right thing by leaving, and not letting my actions be the bad memory stamped on those who were there to see… and of course for my good friend and his new wife… It was hands down one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.
But I did it. I defeated a part of me that had a tendancy to rear its ugly head unexpectedly, leaving me looking like the trashy one. Not this time. I have taken the plunge into a place where that kind of behavior is unacceptable and not a part of who I am. And, after 4 days of thinking about it… I am really proud of myself.
Like, REALLY proud of myself.
Have you ever walked away and been the bigger person… even though it was not what you wanted to do???
Has someone ever disrespected you to a point where you had to make a decision on how to react? How did you react?
Have you taken any plunges in the right direction recently? Share them here.
Tags: bitch, blow kisses, disrespect, hate, love, mirror, self respect, trashy, wedding
‘FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!’
Dec 1, 2008 Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Late for work.
X missed the bus.
My coffee was gross.
The sweater I just bought made me feel like a chocolate striped whale.
My computer crashed 3 times.
Didn’t get to go to the gym at lunch because I worked through lunch because I was late.
Mad at D. Why? Because he has a penis. If you are reading this, and have a penis… chances are I hate you too.
I have officially self diagnosed myself with PMS, given the above listed things. Specifically the last one. When Mother Nature and I meet in the boxing ring once a month, D is usually the one who is dodging the blows. Not that bitch. She stays over in her corner, cackling at my crampy bitchy CUNTY disposition. for 3 weeks and at least 2 days of my PMSisode, I kinda feel sorry for him. Then again, he is a moody mofo himself… so I am pretty sure he deserves a boxing match a month. AT LEAST.
Anyway, back to this bitch Mother Nature.
I would like to kick the shit out of that bitch. I mean really kick her fucking ass. Ol’ School style. Meet her at the bike racks with 35 surrounded by a bunch of other pmsing bitches screaming ‘fight! fight! fight!’ while I bitchhandle her to the ground. I would have Rach hold my necklace and earrings ’cause if it got to the point where I needed my girls to jump in on it, she would already have a pre-planned stash spot for the goods. I know this because that is how my bitch rolls. All premeditated and shit. And she wants to kick the shit out of Mz.Nature her damn self. If the timing was right, she mighta been the instigator in the fucking first place.
I wanna pull handfuls of her hair out.
I wanna bite her.
I wanna curb stomp her face.
I wanna straddle her neck with my crotch and punch her in the face repeatedly.
Mother Nature is the bitch that I mean mug at the mall. Or anywhere I go where she is all up in my business like she does. Nosy bitch. Nosy meddling fucking bitch. Who does she think she is anyway? I bet, if all of us women got together and jumped her skank ass she would leave us alone. If we just backed her ass in a corner and let her know that we were not gonna put up with these cramps anymore. No more moodyness. She can keep the bloated uncomfortable bullshit. No more man hating… (actually… … … I wont fault her for that one.) I am taking a stand against that bitch Mother Nature, and if she doesnt comply with my requests… I am going to kick the shit out of her. Plain and fucking simple.
Mz.Nature, if you are reading this… I suggest you take some time to really think about who you are fucking with here. We are some emotional, moody, cranky bloated bitches. We are stuck between a diet rock and a chocolate covered salt lick hard place. It isnt fair what you continuously do to us on a monthly basis. Does my name even remotely sound like Eve? No. It doesnt. I dont even like apples all that much, and sure as hell wouldnt have eaten that shit if I were her. If it were a chocolate covered pretzel, maybe. But an apple? Pfft. Ya’ll coulda kept that shit.
Take your tampax and always maxi pads and shove em up your old raggedy cobweb havin’ ass.
The End.
What would you like to add to this hateblog addressed to Mother Nature?
What cravings do you have when PMSing?
Are you normally a man hater? Or just an imonmyperiodgetyourpenisawayfrommebeforeicutyou man hater?
Is there anything you need to rant about today?! Here is the place to do it, and leave laughing. 
Tags: always, chocolate, fight, hate, maxipad, mother nature, period, pms, rant, tampax
