Honest Tuesday’s — 3
Nov 2, 2009 DUH, Family, Honest Tuesday's, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, P.O.E. Biz, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Is it Honest Tuesday’s again? Shit what happened to my week?
*sigh*
I am freaking the fuck out.
I took a risk leaving the boring, mundane, non-challenging place of employment that I was financially secure at for my new job. A biiiiiiiig risk. A if-I-dont-make-money-we-live-in-my-car risk. But the risk was one that if I was even remotely worried about my success at it… I probably wouldn’t have taken.
Not because I doubt my abilities. Because I am responsible for 4 fucking people. That is a huge god damned responsibility.
The deal is that my old job sucked. I may have known how much money I was making every 2 weeks … but it literally made me want to shoot myself in the face. That is how god damned non-challenging and boring it was. I H A T E D I T. My new job? I love. Other than the cunt that I hate … (andyouknewtherewasgonnabeoneofthosebitches) I love all of my co-workers. I love the dynamic. The jokes. The laughs and most of all I adore my bosses. It is a place that I actually look forward to spending a bulk of my time at on a daily basis.
I know. It is unheard of to love your job.
Not to mention the fact that I sell happiness every day. Yeah I said it: I sell happiness.
How many people can walk into work, punch the clock and know that the product for sale is making memories with their loved ones? That they sell smiles? That the pictures of happy kids on the beach is because *they* got them there?
Right. Not many people can actually say that. Well, *I* can. The problem is that selling happiness is harder than it sounds in this blog. People are fucking open sores of negativity. Pus-filled abscesses of negative energy. Sometimes, regardless of how excited you are … how happy … how much you believe in something to be so great … Sometimes it is not enough.
If someone doesn’t believe it, then I don’t get paid. Meaning, if I fuck up a call … and a person says no … I lose money. Meeeeeeeeaning, sometimes I have spent all day believing enough for the both of us… I have worked for free. I honestly never expected this to be as hard and as emotionally draining as it is. Every single day. I am absolutely not bitching about it. Simply put: I am living a complete lifestyle change right now, and it is freaking me out.
Did I mention that I was freaking out? I haven’t said much before because I am trying to smile my way through it … and you know … not succumb to the negative cesspool of people that are attempting to consume our society … but we are coming to the deadline and … well … shit is not that great. Financially. Will it get better? Fucking aye. I hope so.
Actually. Fuck that.
Yes. It will get better.
Yes. I will be successful.
Yes. I will rock this risk and not regret it.
But I am going to have to work my ass off for it to get better. Never in my life have I had to work this hard. Soooo the conclusion is that I am going to appreciate the success that much more.
Because I have earned it.
Not because it was given to me.
With that said, I am poor so this is a shameless plug to go and support me and buy my book. It is a great book and … well … hell I need all of the extra money I can get.
Thanks. 
What have you been less than honest about this week?
What is the best compliment that you have ever recieved?
Have you ever played naked Twister or any other game naked?
Do you scrunch or fold your TP?
Happy Weight
Aug 25, 2009 Friendship, I WIN!, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
Not like ‘I weighed myself on the scale’ weight.
Life weight. It seems that it comes in waves, right? I am to the point where when shit is going so good, I almost wince in anticipation of something going wrong. Where it is too good to be true.
It = Happy.
I wrote my own personal to-do list in order to achieve my happiness. I printed it. I saved it to my phone so that I always have a quick reference to what I need to do for me in order to maintain. To be happy. To STAY happy. That is where I am at. Figuring out what it is that I need to do to stay on that level.
The thing that I am realizing is that happiness is not something that is served on a silver platter. Happiness is like a self relationship. It is like a marriage with yourself, that you have to work at just like any other relationship you have. I don’t know a single person … a REAL person … who has a free flowing fountain of happiness. A genuine one, that is.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” –Abraham Lincoln
As most of you know, I am not into fake. I prefer to steer clear of the templated bullshit. It isn’t real. It isn’t me. I don’t do canned. You will never see me spitting some scripted fucking verbiage ever. If I say something, be it good or not … know that it came from my thoughts. My soul. My heart.
When I am happy, it is for real. When I am not… well fuck. I’m not. As much as it sucks to not be happy, I would rather be honest about it and bitch my life away than smile pretty and pretend that there is this rainbow following me around everywhere that I go.
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” -Aristotle
Lately, the weight of life on my shoulders hasn’t been a happy weight. My Tarable has been a hurting unit. My Sunshine has been a hurting unit. Money has not been adding up to the accumulated bills on my kitchen counter. I hate my job. My car kept breaking down. Sex was invisible. Arguments grew louder and more frequent. I was at odds with friends… and I didn’t want to be. I wasn’t sleeping. It broke me down. For just a moment. I let the weight buckle me.
Unhappiness reigned supreme.
Not anymore. Not for me. Like love, change is in the air. Good things are happening. Because, you know what? When you are a genuinely good person, with genuinely good intentions … good things will happen for you. The key is, that you… I… we… we have to want them to happen. We have to fight for them to happen. We have to see the bait hanging in front of our faces … and grab it and fucking run.
I hate running. But let me tell you. I have been presented with this ticket. Not a golden ticket. It is a blank piece of paper. Next to it is a box of Crayola’s. It is up to me to pick a color. A N Y color. I don’t know what color I am going to pick out of the box yet.
What I do know is that for once… I am the controller of my own destiny now and I am going to motherfucking run with it.
“Man is the artificer of his own happiness.” – Henry David Thoreau
Realistically, no matter if I follow my to-do list to the tee, I am not going to be happy 100% of the time. I am human. It isn’t always going to be easy. There aren’t gonna be glittery butterflies and The Carpenters as my theme song every day. But I feel like, if I make it a conscious effort to spend the majority of my day … my life … fighting for what happiness means to me … then I have a really awesome chance to ultimately live a life of happiness.
I owe my kids at least that much.
Happiness. You should consider it.
“Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.” -Storm Jameson
What does happiness mean to you?
What crayola would you pick to color your own blank ticket?
Tags: abe lincolin, golden ticket, happiness, job, opportunity, POE, scale, weight
If you’re happy and you know it…
Nov 20, 2008 Friendship, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
We are all on the freeway of life. Some days are faster moving than others. We make pit stops, hit traffic jams, even get off on the wrong exit every once in awhile. If only GPS worked as well for life as it does for directions to the nearest Carls Jr.
Our destinations vary in the small picture. In the big picture though, we are all heading in the direction toward this pursuit of happiness. All of our maps look a little bit different… in that we dont all turn right at the light, or we do not all necessarily get off on exit 169B. But we all are seeking the same general result.
Happiness.
I have been driving through life a long time. I have hit some really shitty weather conditions and passed by 52 car pileups… hell I have been in some of those terrible accidents… but the knowledge that every single day I travel in life will eventually bring me to my destination gets me back on the road, map in hand.
What is my end, you ask? I truly am not sure that I have defined what will fulfill me to the point of ultimate happiness. I am a Gemini, so my personalities switch at the drop of a dime, and my focus tends to vary depending on who is running the show in my heart on any given day. If I used my metaphor of travel in regard to my personal pursuit… I would say that I am the wanderlust. I am not homeless, however I do not really have a specific itinerary mapped out with bullet points and times of arrival. My pursuit takes me through the peaks and valleys, beaches and wetlands, deserts and meadows. My pursuit leads me to new adventures every single day.
I think though, that I will eventually end up happiest surrounded by family and traditions that start with me. I long to have the feeling back from when I was a little girl; with a house full of laughter and love, family and friends. Seems these days I am in the desert; alone with only my thoughts and hopes.
Dont get me wrong, I am happy. I wake up every morning… well most mornings anyway, with a smile on my face and an appreciation for life that I did not have 2-3 years ago. I know that I will blow past these cacti soon enough and my pursuit will lead me to a ravine full of the purest connections to fill my soul with.
The things that make me happy in this moment in my life include (but are not limited to):
My kids.
My husband, and learning new things about his heart… even after knowing him for more than a decade of my life.
Phone conversations with my soul sisters.
School.
New found friends.
Shoes.
Amazing conversation.
True friendship, and the knowledge that it is out there, no matter the distance between it.
Seeing others fall in love.
Helping people.
Writing.
Pedicures.
Exercise.
The ability to look in the mirror and feel good about who I see in the reflection.
Hearing ‘I love you’ from people who really mean it.
Good food.
My home.
Watching my friends kids grow as quickly as my own.
Music.
Good wine.
Phenomenal sex, and the ability to talk about it with others.
Planned trips.
Seeing my goals and aspirations come together.
Shopping.
Cooking.
Sleeping. (when I get it)
Dancing.
Loving. Just plain loving.
Where do you think your pursuit is taking you?
Where are you in your pursuit today?
Are you off course?
What makes you happy in this moment in your life?
You GO.
Tags: beach, desert, freeway, Friendship, GPS Navigation, happiness, love, maps, peak, Sex, the pursuit of happiness, trips, valley, wanderlust
