SURPRISE!?
Feb 4, 2009 Friendship, I Forgot to Tag, Random, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
I am horrible at surprises. I do not do holiday’s of any kind that have to do with gift giving well. This would explain why I always wait til the last possible minute to purchase gifts. Not because I am a procrastinator, (I am) but because the longer it sits, wrapped and tucked away… The longer I think about what the gift-give-ee’s reaction will be when they receive it.
The thing about it is, I love giving gifts. Like, LOVE it. As much as possible, I try to give someone something thoughtful. But, I have to do it right when I think of it. Otherwise I forget, or get it and then like it so much that I keep it for myself. (shut up) Regardless, I simply need to get the gift and then go directly to the person and hand it over. The “I have a surprise for you” build-up is not how I get down.
Also, I am horrible at mailing things. I have bought people cards and magnets… weird shit like that that I have never mailed. I dont mail Christmas cards, or Bday Cards… usually anyway. The intent is there, I just do not do it. I guess being in the military for as long as I was burned me out on the mail system. When I was out to sea… I lived and breathed for mail call. Literally.
It was like a tiny explosion in my vagina when they would call “Mail Call” over the intercom. Did I run to get mail? You bet your sweet asses I did. Every. Fucking. Day. And when they would call it TWICE?! Ahfuck. Sweet Emotion.
My vagina just had a mini explosion at the memory recall of this.
I am bursting with excitement about a gift that I am soon going to be able to give. I have managed to keep it secret for a couple of weeks now, but I am soon going to burst with excitement. Even after sharing it with someone special… I still want to shout it from the rooftops, sharing my excitement with the receiver (s) of the present. But I wont. It would ruin the moment. I think that if I did tell, it would be selfish. Me needing to share it would ruin their opportunity for the surprise factor. And just because I am not good at it doesn’t mean that they aren’t bad at being surprised.
*sigh*
Dont even ask me. I am serious. Just remind me that it will be better in this situation to just wait it out until it is time to give the gift.
Are you good at keeping those kind of secrets?
What about giving gifts?
Do you like to be surprised?
Have you ever ruined the surprise before? Was it on purpose or by accident?
Tags: gift, giving, mail call, secret, surprise, sweet emotion
My Thoughtful 8 Year Old
Dec 24, 2008 Parenting, Relationships, Thoughts and Perceptions
Tonight X, Charli and I went to finish the last of our Christmas shopping while D took a nap. X got his allowance from the past couple of weeks and we talked on the way there about who he needed to buy for and how much he could spend on each. He and I picked cool gifts out for Charli, and we came up with a really creative idea for the grandparents.
My kid is super creative.
We decided that we would make a goodie basket (tupperware container) with homemade rainbow chip (his idea) cupcakes, chocolate chip cookies, and homemade roca. All made (or at least a huge contribution made) by X. Then we talked about getting inexpensive picture frames and him drawing them their own individual pictures to put inside.
A man playing a musical instrument for his G.P. (d’s dad) He is really into Jazz.
Forks and spoons for his Meemaw and Papa. (My parents.) They have antique wooden forks and spoons all over. Weird, I know.
He came up with both ideas himself. I just added in the detail.
If you werent aware, this little 8 year old has a natural talent for drawing.
So we found frames. $5 a piece.
He tells me that he needs to go and do something ’secret’. Being that we are in the middle of Fred Meyer the day before Christmas Eve, I was extremely pensive to let him wander. But, I take the plunge. I set his watch timer for 30 minutes and we agree to meet back in the same spot we were standing. We pinkie swear that he wont wander off and do other things (the toy section) that have nothing to do with what he was supposed to be doing (buying me a present).
I tried to focus on shopping. I really, really did. I was not successful. I was so worried about him getting snatched up by some molestor who prays Fred Meyer at Christmas time for parents who let their kids have a moment of freedom to do something thoughtful. So really I circled the shoe section where we agreed to meet. I swear I checked my phone for the time every 30 seconds. I was waiting for the intercom to call my name out because he got lost or freaked out.
Instead, my little man sauntered up with a goofy smile on his face. He had a bag behind his back.
“No peeking, Mom.” And a little giggle.
“Never. I wouldnt want to ruin my surprise.” I winked.
He is growing into such an amazing young man. This is the first holiday that he made all of the decisions. I gave him the money and let him use his own creativity to figure it out. Even if he bought me dryer sheets for Christmas, they would be the most awesome dryer sheets ever. Because whatever brought him to that decision was the important part. Not the gift, the thought behind it.
Really, that is what all gifts are supposed to be about. The thought.
What is the most thoughtful gift you have ever recieved? Given?
Do you remember that moment as a kid when you were given that independence?
Tags: christmas, dryer sheets, Fred Meyer, gift, its the thought that counts, money, shopping, thoughtful
Random Tea
Nov 15, 2008 Parenting, Random
I get to go out with some ladies tonight. Yay for that.
Even more yay are the super cute jeans I bought at the consignment store that I am wearing tonight. It is nice to have cute going-out jeans.
Yay for a quiet, clean house. Charli is finally sleeping, X is reading and D is out at a BBQ with friends. He needed to geofhere. He was starting to drive me nuts as he became more and more stir crazy. Charli isnt helping either, due to her excessive fucking brattiness.
X doesnt know it yet, but he is busted. His friends mom called me and told me that he has been talking about sneaking this stupid GTA4 game over tonight for his friends slumber party. Sure enough, while X was outside, I checked his backpack and there it was, behind the Kung-Fu Panda movie. Sneaky little fucker. It is a huge no-no at his friends house. Shit, it is a huge no-no at my house too. He also has been telling his friend that D lets him play this offensive and inappropriate game when I am not home. D laughed so hard when I called him. If it wasnt this kids birthday party, X would be going no-motherfucking-where tonight. But this kid doesnt really know anyone here since they just moved here… so I would hate to do that to him.
After tomorrow, he is getting an ass whoopin. And his butt is grounded. I cannot believe the level of sneakyness he is portraying. I may take a picture of the stupid look on his face when I call his ass out.
I really wanna go see a movie with D. We havent been in so god damn long.
We decided to get eachother a gift to the spa for Christmas this year. We are gonna do that, have dinner, see a movie and stay overnight at a hotel. I cannot fucking wait. BrownSugarVanillaBodyScrub&HotStoneMassage&5TotalHoursOfRelaxation here we come.
Christmas is 6 weeks away. W T F. Out of nowhere.
I put my foot down and said we are hosting Thanksgiving here. We have enough space,and I simply do not want to drive an hour.
I am sipping Chardonney as we speak. MmMmMmM.
Should I wear a hat tonight?
I am hungry. I want a cheeseburger. And fries.
Have I mentioned that I need a soul fill up? All my soul sistahs say “HeeeyyyGirlHeeeyyy”!!!
I am jealous of Zoe’s ink.
My landlord is a douchebag.
My co-workers son came home and told his mom that this bully kept calling him a douchebag, so at recess, he said to him “I am a douchebag huh? How do you know what one is? Do you use them? Do you want me to get you a clean one for Christmas? How about some glitter body spray too??” That bully didnt have shit to say. HAH. MY co-worker said she wouldnt be mad if he got this little shit some Massengil for a gag gift either. Even if he got in trouble. I bet that little fucker knocked it the fuck off. I wouldnt be mad either. Serves that bully right.
I need to start primping. Going out beauty takes time. In segments. It is a whole process. I wish Tara was here though, I like getting ready with her.
You go. Pour yourself some Random Tea.
Tags: bully, christmas, douche bag, gift, girls night, going out, GTA, quiet, sneaky, thanksgiving, wine
Breaking Wicked News!
Nov 12, 2008 Random, Thoughts and Perceptions
I AM OFFICIALLY ON THE PATH TO PH-MOTHERFUCKING-BALANCEDNESS!
Yeah shit talkers. Now what are you gonna write blogs and blog comments about now? LMFAO.
Also, if you are a follower of Submissive Confessions, you need to read the following PSA(s):
I am not posting another blog on Myspace. Ever. So going forward, they will be posted here. However, (and this is the important piece. Wake up!) I am not posting until I recieve confirmation that I am fully copyrighted. (which I am in the process of doing right now.)
So.FAQ’s if you will.
No, it isnt going to be months before I post again. We are looking at the latest Monday to be able to read the next chapter.
The projected availability date for purchase is the 8th of December. Truthfully, I would like to do it earlier to give anyone and everyone the opportunity to purchase my book as gifts for family and friends for Christmas! Heh.
And, just to be clear, I am not posting the ending of this story online. You will have to purchase it to read it.
Lastly, A Letter.
Dear Catering Companies,
Not everyone likes mayonaisse on their sandwiches. I personally do not enjoy a mouthful of the nasty white substance that squirted from a breadpour in my provided BLT from my meeting today.
I thank whomever is responsible for paying for this lunch, and I appreciate the effort and thought put into having the limitless sandwich selection for the vegetarians, vegans, health concious groups in our office. Greatly appreciate it. But, have you ever heard of a motherfucking mayo packet? Is it fathomable to you idiots that even those who enjoy the aforementioned mayo squirt to the back of the throat might appreciate the control of how much mayo they get to spread on the bread??? Or even that possibly, mayo makes even the sourest of sourdough soggy after marinating in the packaging for over 5 hours???
My mayo logged bread and tomato do not thank you for this oversight. Neither does the snickerdoodle, apples and bagle w/creamcheese that I vomited up after realizing the amount of mayo I had in-fucking-gested unknowingly and unwillingly.
Fuck off, Mayo Nazis.
Wicked Fuckin’ Game
Feel free to contribute your own letters, and FAQ’s about SC
Tags: christmas present, free, gift, mayo, sandwich etiquette, Submissive Confessions, vagina
Bookworm Buzzkill.
Sep 5, 2008 I Forgot to Tag
I love bookstores. I could spend hours inside, picking up and setting down a plethora of books while I make a decision on which one/s if any to purchase. So to an employee, it may look as if I am in shoplift-preparation.
Today, on a top-secret gift mission, I took my sweet lunchbreak time browsing to find the perfect book. The one that shouted “Hey! YOU! Pick me up! I am the perfect book for _____!!” So I browsed and flipped through at least 25 different picture books, journals, self help books and cookbooks. At one point I probably had 6 books piled on top of each other in my arms.
It was a bookworm-gasm. Novel bliss.
And then I saw it. The one. It yelled and danced and twirled about on the shelf to get my attention. It was a moment comparable to when Cordeuroy the Bear met his owner Lisa. Do any of you remember that story?
Anyramble, I found it. Annnnnnnnnnnd, I found another Marilyn Monroe coffee table book for myself. Her life in pictures.
I.was.tingling.
So I browse a bit more while waiting in line, my euphoric feeling present throughout my pores and skin. I could not wait to not only give the perfect gift, but to spend time thumbing through my new picture book. Were there any new pictures of her that I had never seen before?
Will there be pictures of her as a baby? A teenager??
The suspense was killing me.
I dont know about you, but I prefer not to suffocate my new book purchases in a bag. I like to hug them; press them close to my bosom as I walk out to my car. It reminds me of when I was a little girl leaving the library. I loved holding my books like they were babies. Tucked safely under my arm while I anticipated the Once upon a times and The End’s to come. In the back seat of my mom’s forest green Ford LTD, I would bury my face in them, breathing in their pungent aroma.
After I paid, nature called. I ran back to the bathroom to pee, carefully balancing my new purchases on my bare legs. As I was leaving the bathroom, I ran into an employee. She looked at me skeptically, running her eyes from my books to my face and back down again. I paid that broad no attention. I was too excited. Too pumped with bookworm euphoria to even think that she may have been wondering why I had these books with no bag in my arms as I was leaving the restroom.
So, I pushed past her, random displays of non-fiction new releases, other browsing customers and through the oak double doors into the sunshine. I was triumphant! My books and I were on our way home, and into the hands of their new proud owners.
Out of no where, I feel a strong hand press on my shoulder and pull me a step backward.
“Ma’am, I am going to need to see your receipt for these books.” Her manly voice boomed into my left ear, causing me to almost drop them onto the pavement.
I looked at her sweetly as I handed her the receipt. Smiling, I replied.
“Here you go. And hey! Thank you for accusing me of shoplifting! Now get your hands the hell off of me, and have a nice day!”
A couple of onlookers giggled at her expression while I walked toward my Jeep. She, flabbergasted and embarrassed stood there and stared at me, unable to respond. I waved, receipt still in hand as I drove past her. As a sat at the stoplight, I wondered why I was so angry. I realized that it wasn’t because she accused me… it was because she ruined my bookgasm.
It would be like having the most amazing sex with someone, and, while you lay there and enjoy the tingles and the after affects of your bliss, have them accuse of faking your orgasm.
Fucking bliss-stealing Bitch.
Have you ever been falsely accused of something so blatantly?
How did you react?
