Living Wicked

Posts Tagged ‘george clooney’

YGWM & Friday Eye Candy (or) 3 days.

Jan 8, 2010 All Things X, Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, DUH, Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, The Tarably Wicked Show, This Thing Called Marriage., Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, You've Got Wicked Mail

Well hello there! Welcome to the first YGWM of 2010. It has been a couple of weeks huh?

Miss me?! Whatever.

You know the drill. Purge your week (s) so that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend.

Dear You.

You are a fucking big pouty baby. Knock it off.

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Dear Mommy,

This is a letter requesting for you to whoop my ass. I would like for you to whoop my ass for the following reasons:

1) For that time I called and pretended to be a kidnapper on the voicemail.
2) For not listening to 3/4 of the things you say to me.
3) For telling half truths.
4) For not doing my chores OR half assing my chores. (i.e. no food in the cat bowl today. or the dirty toilet. or the recycle being left for days on the street.)
5) For fucking with Charli on purpose and then acting like I didnt do anything with a stupid fucking look on my face.
6) For watching American Pie when I knew I wasn’t supposed to.

Please whoop my ass! I am begging you.

Xavier

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Dear D,

Please for the love of God, take a shower and then put it in my mouth in 3 days.

It will benefit everybody.

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Dear Cheeseburger,

(s) Yep. I had 2 of you and I loved every single salivating bite. I chewed each bite approximately 22 times to really taste you in my mouth.

I don’t care if it is me being unfaithful to my phase 1 diet. It was worth it. YOU were worth it.

TarablyWicked

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Dear Lucky Jeans Sales Guy,

I fucking adored your face. Especially when you made me try on size TWENTY NINE even despite my own inner fatty arguing over it. And then, when the size TWENTY NINE fit me, I honestly wanted to hug your fucking face off.

You were the best sales guy ever, giving awesome recommendations when needed without being fucking aggravating and in my face.

Also, a size TWENTY NINE!? That is fucking rad. If it wasnt for you, I would have never even tried them on.

You rule.

Wicked
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Dear Mom

You will be trivial. It could go one way or the other. I don’t want to but I have to. I am gonna take one for the team.

But if you sit at that slot machine at that slot machine like a test lab mouse pushing it for crack, I will leave and find my own fun.

Happy Birthday,

Tara Monique

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Dear Romo,

Don’t fucking blow it. You are my last hope other than the Vikings which I am grandfathered into being a fan of at this point. At least it is for a good reason.

Tarable
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Dear Red Jeep,

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you. I am so fucking sick of your endless fucking problems and your endless drama that I could literally cry.

I cannot wait until I don’t have to drive you anymore. You are the biggest piece of shit ever.

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Dear Jersey Shore,

Why are you such a trainwreck?
Why do I love you so much?

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Dear Jackson,

What in the fuck is wrong with you? Get out of my face, off of my table and out of my house.

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Dear D,

I am excited for you to come home for the following reasons:

1) To put your face in my vagina.
2) To put your dick in my vagina.
3) To put your dick in my mouth.
4) To put the christmas tree away.
5) To deal with Xavier.
6) To sleep in the bed with me.
7) To have a conversation and not be on a time limit.
To sleep in on the weekends. I just want to sleep.

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Dear Hickey on my boob,

I don’t know where you came from or how you got there, but please go away.

Love, Boobs.

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Dear Paycheck,

Really?!

TarablyWicked

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Dear D,

I am happy for you to come home for the following reasons:

1) Courtni & I will no longer be at each others throats … well not daily and multiple times in a day anyway.
2) She will finally take a fucking joke. Because right now, to her, I am talking in literal form. All day.
3) It is like I have no personality and I am not funny. You and I both know this is not true.
4) She will finally not be mad at me for getting some. Because she will be getting lots of somes. Thank god.
5) I will finally have someone else telling me about myself. Because I am honestly done with Courtni telling me about myself. She is mean when she tells me about myself. This is because you arent putting it in her.
6) So you can whoop Xaviers ass. Jesus. He is a good kid but he needs a fucking ass whoopin. Fuck.
7) I value the extra 20 minutes of sleep I get. That is the time it takes to drop Charli off and make coffee and make breakfast. I would like to sleep in.
IF YOU FUCKING HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT THAT YOU ARE A PART OF THIS TEAM, THEN GET A NEW FUCKING BRAIN.

Love and no disrespect because I love you,
Tarable

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Dear You,

Also above and beyond you being a big fucking baby, you need to pick one. This back and forth shit is fucking both annoying and old.

K? K.

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Dear Boyfriend,

Fuck you read this so it is hard to open letter your ass. Even though it is not a bad open letter but our bosses read this too so…. put it in my mouth.

Tarable

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Dear New Guy #1,

I don’t give a good god damn who you think you are. Not even a little bit. Dont act like you are somebody. Because to me, you kinda arent.

Dear New Guy #2,

Your pick up lines are wack. Kinda like your face. Because you look like a dude that was a douche to Tarable.

Dear Mike O,

I love that I am your work boo.

Love Courtni

Dear Mike O,

I love your butt

Love Tarable

Dear Boyfriend,

Dont trip, your butt is cuter and nicer. And I get to touch it whenever I want except during work hours because that is not work appropriate and our bosses read this blog.

Love Tarable

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Dear HenrySan,

We miss the following:

1) your laugh
2) your rice
3) your open eye
4) your face

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Yep I feel better.

Now for the Friday Eye Candy. Since it has been awhile, I wanted to do something special.

A special group eye candy … just for you.