TMIThursday: M is for Maggot
Jun 10, 2009 DUH, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Random, TMI Thursday's, Wicked & D Quotables, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
Once upon a Wicked-time (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before there was a baby Charli) D, X and I lived in a pretty green house on a hill incline. We were mid-way through the party phase of our life … during my daily experimentation with substances that shall remain nameless (read: blow). Needless to say, our attentiveness/remembrance to the little things (read: when the trash was supposed to be on the curb) was a blur of wastedness.
So needless to say there were a couple of times that we would miss the garbage man.
One overly muggy and hot August evening, D and I and friends were up til sunrise doing what party people do. We were hanging out, yakking it up while D stood in the doorway of the patio smoking a cig. The mixture of the moonlight and the light from the neighbors patio hit the concrete.
The ground was moving. Like a wave of movement that looked in the shadow as if someone had left the garden hose on and water had flooded the patio.
Me: “D! Do you see that?!”
D: “What?”
Me: “The concrete is moving!”
Friend: “Courtni is fucking CUT OFF!”
Me: “Shut up. I am serious. D turn on the flood light.”
D, looking at me like I was crazy on too many drugs reached to flip the switch.
D: “JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST!”
All of us: “OMG WHAT IS IT!?”
D: “You HAVE to fucking see this.”
So we all get up from our perches and rush over to the window, only to see what could possibly be the nastiest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life:
A sea of maggots.
Yes. You read that correctly.
All over my patio were hundreds of little fly larvae, squirming around on top of one another… making every hair on my body stand at attention. D and I look at each other, completely bewildered as to how in the hell it happened. D, the brave one in the bunch (because there was no way in hell I was going out into the maggot-battlefield) grabbed his mag-lite and began inspecting while us pussies watched from afar inside behind the glass window.
Horrified, D points the flashlight at the garbage can.
D: “Can you fucking SEE that?!”
We all look toward the light, and, even nastier than Maggot Sea on my patio was the fact that they were spilling out of my garbage can. (I totally just fucking cringed at the memory of this) These little fuckers were SPILLING out of the garbage. Picture boiling macaroni. When the water boils over and the white foam SPILLS over the side of the pan?! Okay so that, but MAGGOTS.
Get the picture?
I know, right!?
D tried bleach. He tried Lysol. He tried to sweep them up with a push broom … but they wouldn’t die. So one of our friends gets the bright idea to use gasoline and set them on fire.
You laugh. I know. I laughed too. But that shit worked, and it was also really funny to watch these 3 drunk boys light bugs on fire. In fact if I do remember correctly, one of my friends caught himself on fire while doing it. I don’t know if I would have found it funny now, but hey we were young and dumb. It was funny to watch him run around my patio trying to pat himself down.
So the gasoline and fire killed them… and we the 3 boys had to spray the patio down to rid ourselves of the remnants of them.
As far as the trash is concerned? Well 1) we never ever forgot to take that shit out after that and 2) D dumped gas in to the can and took it down to the curb.
Ick. I hate bugs. Especially fly babies.
I just Googled “How to kill a maggot” and got this result which I thought was gross but funny:
Foolproof Natural Organic Maggot elimination technique:
1) Place Maggot between thumb and index finger.
2) Rapidly bring thumb and index finger together.
3) Wipe hands on pants.
4) Repeat steps 1-3 until maggots are eliminated.
How about NO.
First of all … GROSS … and second of all somehow I dont think that would have been an effective way of eliminating the maggots that were trying to take over my patio.
Tags: fire, garbage man, gasoline, maggot, trash
