YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Dec 11, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, DUH, Etc., Family, Friday Eye Candy, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, P.O.E. Biz, Parenting, Random, Ranteriffic, The Tarably Wicked Show, You've Got Wicked Mail
Happy Motherfucking Friday! Tonight is my department’s holiday party. I am super excited to get out of the office, out and about … and hang with the cool peeps that I work with.
With that said, it is the same this week as it was last week and the week before that … repeat. Purge your weekly frustrations out on this blog so that you can go and thoroughly enjoy your weekends!
Dear Foot,
Really? I mean … R E A L L Y?!
I know that my putting you in stiletto’s on a daily basis for a minimum of 9 hours is maybe something that you might be spiteful for. But … completely giving out on me while in said heels?! While I was walking?! AT WORK NO LESS!?
Fuck. If that wasn’t bad enough, you brought my knee into the hate by scuffing it all up and leaving rug burn on it as if I were the star of some blow job themed porno. (I am not.)
All I am saying is a little warning would be nice.
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Dear Carol,
Thanks for the surprise phone call. I was so happy to have heard your voice today. Love you.
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To My Tarable,
I love you and I am sorry that you are dealing with yet another loss. I know you are trying to fake the “I’m okay” funk but I know you are hurting. Whatever you need … I am there.
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Dear Xavier,
I am proud of you for trying. You are not perfect and that is okay. We are gonna get you back on track. I promise.
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Dear Charli,
God I wish I could bring your daddy back. I know you miss him.
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Dear Vagina,
You are not allowed to take over my ability to make good decisions. No matter how hard you try to convince me. NOT ALLOWED.
Not even if the penis is platinum plated and cums diamonds. (Well maybe then. BUT ONLY THEN.)
K!?
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Dear DumbShit,
We are all so much better off now that you are gone. Like, SO.
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Dear You,
I just want to fucking SEE it.
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New Girl,
Um, you must not have had a conversation with Baby Jesus yet. Because if you had … He would have told you specifically that I am not the motherfucking one. And then you would have known not to 1) slow eye roll me when we ACCIDENTALLY bumped into one another … as if it was my fucking fault that your ass is too slow and also kind of as wide ass the doorway. 2) come to my area and try and tell me that I “actually sound good on the phone.” Um … is that supposed to be a compliment? Hello!? Have you ever in your life spoken to another person before in person? Because had you … you might have reconsidered approaching me with some bullshit like that. Because … um … I know that I sound good on the phone. There is no surprise there. Furthermore, you are new. I don’t need a god damn baby jesus bit of advice from some new fucking doormat personality bitch about how my pitch sounds.
Make it through 90 days of employment first. Then you can come to me with some words of wisdom. Until then, keep your commentary AND YOUR MOTHERFUCKING EYEROLLS to yourself.
Capeche?
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the Friday Eye Candy!
Boris Kodjoe. Um HELLO HOTTIE. My vagina loves and thanks you.
A classic hottie. Carmen Electra.
If you stumbled upon a genie in a bottle … what would your 3 wishes be? (You cannot wish for more wishes)
If you had a crystal ball … what or who would you look at in it?
Tags: boris kodjoe, carmen electra, eye candy, work, you've got mail
YGWM & Friday Eye Candy!
Sep 17, 2009 Friday Eye Candy, Masturbate-able, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Suck It!, Thoughts and Perceptions, You've Got Wicked Mail
Happy Friday! Who is excited for the weekend?!
Meeeeeeeeeeeeee too. This week has been a long one. I am ready to chill out for a couple of days. Although Sunday is gonna be busy, only because I promised X that he and his friend could go to the fair. (Notice my excitement.) Don’t get me wrong, I love the fair. I would just love to have it all to myself, instead of having to deal with non attention paying idiots. Yadigg?
Dear 3 Day in a Row Pants Guy,
Really? I have a hard time believing that you are this suave, big baller shot caller guy when you wear the same pants every day. The same grey, wool, too short, too tight pants. Every day. I would like to inform you that you do have an option to get new pants. And for not even that much money either. Shit, for MY OWN SANITY, I will buy you a couple of pairs myself.
I am pretty sure your ballsack hates you for doing that to it every single day. I swear to God if I come in today and you have the same fucking pants on … I am going to say something.
Change your pants. At least alternate every OTHER day. At leas, if you are going to own the Same Pants Guy status, make them black slacks. Not some identifying pants that will get you called out.
K? K.
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Dear FaceBook,
You fucking suck. I dont even know how else to express it. The errors are so beyond aggravating that I kinda want to shoot you in the theoretical fucking face. Gah.
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Dear Baby Jesus,
Help guide the people. Help them learn that I am not the one. Because every time I turn around, the assumption is that I AM ACTUALLY the one. This is false information Baby Jesus. They are not in the know of ones. You are. Show them the way.
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Dear Masturbation Anonymous,
I do NOT have a problem. I am NOT powerless over it. I am definitely NOT in denial. Stop sending me fliers.
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Dear Jehovah Witness Guy,
I would like for you to re-think something for me. Rewind today back to 8:01 am PST when you knocked BANGED on my door like the po-po. Did you see my face? That face is the face of me planning to cut you the next time I see your overly perky face in my face that Jehova Damned early in the morning.
Let me re-iterate me not being the one. And, DO NOT try and leave me fliers on my doorstep after I vehemently told your ass NO when you tried to shove them in my door while I was slamming it in your face.
K?
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Dear Baby Jesus.
The above instance is a FANTASTIC example of me not being the one and you needing to guide him before he ends up on YOUR doorstep at 8:03 AM PST.
Just saying.
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Since I know that really, the hot pieces of ass are the only reason why you click on this blog every Friday … I promise that THIS blog will at least happen every week.
So, I love this man. His music. His style. His personality. His tattoos. He isn’t the buffest most whatever, but he is that kind of sexy that is all inclusive.
Pharrellllllll baby. Give me some of that. 
Tags: eye candy, jehovas witness, mail, masturbate, pay attention, pharrell williams, sweet baby jesus, TGIF. fashion
