the house that fantasy built.
Sep 4, 2008 Relationships, Sex
I could be so bad. But I am not.
I, unlike some people, make good decisions.
I could stop by the house that I pass by every single morning and every single afternoon, knock on the door, and perch against the door frame as I wait for him to answer the door. I know he is there. I know he is alone. I know that his wife is at work and wont be home for hours. I know that if I pursed my pouty pink lips just right, he’d become a puddle beneath my pretty pink pumps.
But I refrain. I know that my temptation to be bad would effect not only my desires, but the lives and the happiness of many others in it’s path. I am almost 100% positive that he wonders why I don’t perch. It makes me ponder his reaction to not only his thoughts and desires, but to the fact that I do not sneak over and into his once familiar arms.
Does he long for it?
Does he get a pang of excitement when the doorbell rings, and is he then disappointed to find someone else standing where he pictured me to be?
Or does he even want me there?
This, like many other things that I could do but do not, is just one of those that I will never know the answer to.
Who he is doesn’t matter. What does matter is the fact that there are some of us out there that absolutely would take the risk of making that right turn into the space between the red fence, dab fresh perfume where it mattered, and selfishly press the button that echoes the bell throughout the lives of those they desire.
There are many reasons why I don’t do the things I want to do. I am not scared. I am not insecure, or uncertain to whether or not I would be rejected. It isnt because I am happily married. I mean, it is a part of why… because I absolutely respect my husband and our commitment to each other.. but I also prefer to hold the desire close to me, rather than to act on it. I think that if the fantasy were to become reality, it would not be as amazing as it is in my mind. So maybe it is fear. Fear of disappointment. Fear that my imagination would be severely let down… and quite possibly permanently damaged for daydreams of my future.
My mind creates motion picture masterpieces. Oscar winning performances. I don’t want to take the magic away. From myself. Is that selfish?
Am I the only one who makes the decision to make the responsible decision for my own selfish reasons? What even drives me to think about it long enough to come to such a conclusion??? Is it genetic make up that either turns the switch on or off? Are we born with the sense to think of how our decisions affect every single person around us? Or is it how we are raised? Do the actions of the ones who raise us determine how we behave as adults? Maybe it is both. Or neither. Maybe, some of us just cannot fathom anything or anyone outside of our own selfish bubbles. To put it more traditionally: “Cutting off the nose to spite the face”.
Whatever it is, if you are reading, and this resonates within you on an indescribable level… maybe you should slow your roll and think about exactly who and how you are affecting your place in the universe.
Tell me. Do you have a ‘house that you pass’?
Are there temptations and desires that you have that you have or have not acted on?
Why? Why not?
What drives the decision for you?
Tags: choices, Cutting off the nose to spite the face, desire, fantasy, genetic make-up, infidelity, reality, responsibility, selfish, Sex, temptation
