If You Think You’re Lonely Now
Nov 25, 2009 DUH, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Random, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
It is hilarious the games couples play.
Even if you don’t want to admit you are said couple… (you know “we are just fucking”…. *yawn*) you are. When you engage in an intimate act, something is formed, that is, unless you don’t remember the person’s name, or what exactly happened because you vaguely remember someone in your bed the night before… and, shockingly… you wake up alone instead.
Yeah, not those instances.
I am more referring to those who are frequently engaging in “ass” with another person. Or people. Whatever. I have done it, and I have witnessed so many other (women specifically) doing it as well.
Example:
“I am going out with the boys.” He says timidly, trying to sound confident in his statement.
“Um, I thought we would snuggle together, watch a movie tonight, and more.” Her voice hinting the decision she thinks he should make.
“It is Mikes last time out as a single man, so we are celebrating. I will be home early.”
“Fine.”
“Are you mad?”
“No.”
“I can stay if you want me to…”
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Okay, see you later.”
“You aren’t getting any tonight. So don’t come home expecting anything.”
We have ALL been here on one side or another.
One of 3 things are going to happen. You pick the most likely.
a) He cheats, which he was probably going to do anyway… but given the fact that his broad was being a CUNT with a capital C before he left… it is now something he is actively seeking to do.
b) She gives up the ass anyway. This is a HORRIBLE option, because now she has opened the door to inconsistencies, and which will make for him never taking any of her threats seriously. (because there are certain situations where this is a viable and necessary threat to make)
3) He is a pussy and doesn’t cheat… and comes home early with his tail between his legs… which in the spectrum of pussy games is a TOTAL turn on to her… but she is stubborn doesn’t give up the butt anyway.
In my experience in my own relationships, 3 has been the option I have stuck with. That is because I am a stubborn bitch, and I would rather be right than give us both something we want. In my experience in observing relationships… B is the most picked option.
That. Shit. Pisses. Me. Off.
Don’t say “no sex in the champagne room” for the sake of saying it. Don’t use that as an incentive for your significant to want to stay home. Especially don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I am sticking with the fact that most often it is the broad making the threat, not to stereotype… but because in my observations… bitches are inconsistent.
You make me look bad. You make bitches like ME look bad. Don’t make me come to your motherfucking house and slap the everloving shit out of you. I will do it.
Ladies, it isn’t right. You know that fact as well as I do. We all know that you want your man to come home and put in our pooter regardless of if he made you raging mad. Sex is sex. Angry sex is fanfuckingtastic, and furthermore, you all know that him coming home to you is all you really want. He is gonna have his boy time. You pushing him to spite-fuck another bitch is not worth all of the drama.
So don’t. Stop. Knock it the fuck off already.
Figure your man out. Know the right buttons to push. Try a little reverse psychology.
Instead of: “If you think you’re lonely now… wait until tonight”
Try this instead: “Have a great time baby, I love you… and I will be waiting for you to come home to me.”
And. Be. Waiting. Naked. In his favorite panties. In socks. In a nighty. On the couch. Whatever.
For god’s sake, give him some ass already. The whole world will fucking benefit. And when I say “benefit” I mean take the ratio of noassgettingdouchebagsinmyfaceeverydaywiththeirnogameandsmallcocks down a notch or 10.
My name is Wicked Game, and I approve this message.
What flaw makes you perfect?
What imperfection do you love most about yourself?
And, In a perfect world…..??? (finish the sentence)
Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s: Gentlemen
Nov 10, 2009 DUH, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, Whatever Happened to? Wednesdays, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
Welcome to “Whatever Happened to Wednesday’s”!
Today we are gonna talk about gentleman … or lack thereof …
Definition of Gentleman: A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.
Proper behavior does not consist of the following:
Ass smacking, grabbing, or touching of any kind in a public setting. Especially when that public setting is not of a social nature. Even more especially if it is not asked for.
Referring to a lady as a bitch, slut, skank, ma, breezy, piece of ass.
Ditching a lady after making plans. (And when I say ditching, I mean lying and saying you aren’t feeling well so that you can really go out the bar with your boys.)
Attempting to show out in front of others by not so subtly disrespecting her in front of others to look cool. (i.e. panty swinging or ass grabbing)
Staking claim on a lady (“Get away from my woman” “Leave my woman alone” “That is my woman.”) when she is in fact NOT yours to stake claim upon. i.e. pee all over.
Forgetting to compliment a lady just because she is confident within her own skin. Ladies deserve frequent compliments on their awesome beauty on a regular basis.
Flirting with another lady in front of the lady you are courting.
Talking about your ex. A gentleman picks the right conversation to have ONE TIME about said ex. Not EVERY conversation unless the lady brings it up.
Proper behavior DOES IN FACT INCLUDE the following:
Opening a door for a lady. NOT waiting for HER to open it for YOU.
Walking side by side with her, not trying to out walk her or lag behind to grab her ass or even stare at it. ON PURPOSE.
Being a MAN of your word.
Paying for dinner, even when she tries to insist that she has got it.
Asking a lady out on a proper date. Not dinner at her house, with sex the ultimate motivation for the dinner suggested.
Bringing a lady flowers, or some other inexpensive and thoughtful gesture (i.e. love note, favorite chocolate or bottle of wine) on said date and not because you are in trouble.
Appreciating sex, not expecting sex and having the sex be the entire premise of every conversation that you have with a lady.
Just motherfucking saying.
What’s your most annoying habit?
What are your favorite sayings?
Do you talk to yourself?
Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Rant-omly Scheduled Programming, Etc.
Aug 11, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Current Events, Fitness Forward, Friendship, P.O.E. Biz, Random, Ranteriffic, Wicked Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of.
My friend/co-worker received her copy of my book today. It is the first bound version of Submissive Confessions that I have laid my hands on. No more of the copy paper print inside of a notebook versions.
I have a bound book. BOUND. On real paper. I smelled my OWN book’s newbooksmell. I touched the cover of the book that *I* wrote from my own (sick and twisted and oversexed) thoughts. My book. MINE.
So many people are asking me what it is that I would do with myself if the book took off and I became this Danielle Steele famous author. My answer? I am trying not to think about that too much. I am happy to wake up, click on my revenue report and see that I sold just ONE more book. If that leads to 1 MILLION books…
… well, I might pee my pants with excitement.
Things like that don’t just ‘happen’ for me. I want to say that it was either JP or FB (if you dont read them, you really should because their blogs rock my vaginasocks off) that said recently that when good things happen, it is because we motherfucking work our asses off to make them work. I can say that I wish that I had shit handed to me on a silver platter all I want, but realistically… I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I would make some minor changes. I guess that is one of the learning hurdles that comes with doing it yourself. Nothing that makes it a horrible purchase or anything, but stuff that *I* notice.
In other, more interesting (read: make me mad as fuck) news: My old landlord totally came to my job and served me papers for small claims court. The charges? $1400 in damages after we vacated.
Translation: Motherfucker is butthurt that I moved out 1July, cleaned the fuck out of the apartment, and didnt leave his ass a rent check. Why didn’t I leave him a rent check? Because I originally offered to give him 20 days to be out on July 5th … pay the 5 days … and all would be gravy train. He retorted with some bullshit about if ‘I was 5 days sooner I would be good to go with this but you owe July in 2 places now bullshit’.
My reply? “Okay.” /sarcastic tone.
Since the reason for taking me to small claims court is “damage” he cannot go backward and say it was due to unpaid rent. Period. Show me $1400 in damages in an apartment that 1) needed new carpet when I moved in 2) is an old, ghetto, run down piece of shit residence in the first place. G’head.
Landlord, you can motherfucking suck it. Don’t be mad because you tried to gangster me into another months rent because you ALREADY HAD ANOTHER APARTMENT on the market in the SAME building and KNEW you couldn’t rent it. Don’t be mad because you tried to prove that my *Nword* (IN YOUR WORDS) husband was a crack dealer and couldn’t. Don’t be mad because your wife is a nasty, nagging, bitchy beeyotch and you haven’t gotten laid in years.
Dont be mad. It aint my fault.
So we will see what happens.
Speaking of butthurt, there is this dumb bitch at my job who is so beyond insecure that it is comical. She is one of those people who will compliment you SPECIFICALLY so that you feel obligated to compliment them back.
Pretty sure I dont ever feel obligated to do a motherfucking thing I dont wanna.
So when a bitch says “Hey Skinny Minny” every single time she sees me … and after the 58th time of 1) not acknowledging her 100+pound,lessthan900calorieaday,borderlineanorexicweightloss and 2) I start ignoring her as if I haven’t worked with her in some facet for 5 years … it is a wonder why she would be.
Yeah, I know I could have been like “Hey. Could you stop maybe fishing for compliments? I dont need to be reminded of my weight. Be it loss or gain, your intent behind the comment is purely selfish and I am over it”
But I chose the cuntier road. The road less … ADULT if you will.
Whatever. Back to my story. So the broad is so insecure that she simply has to have all attention on her. Her weight. Her wedding. Her Her Her. I dont feed into. I have no problem being in the same space as you and completely ignore the fact that your ass is drilling holes into my neck. I also have no problem talking to everyone BUT you. I am just saying. You may think that the world owes you some explanation… or some validation… or even some recognition… but I dont. I wont. I refuse.
Especially when you have completely dropped friends who you spent a great deal of time with when you were fat. How is it that your friend is no longer your friend simply because she hasnt lost as much weight as you.
How shallow. I think that you are a horrible horrible person. HORRIBLE. I wouldnt want to go to your stupid wedding with your stupid fakeness if I was paid to go like ONE MILLION DOLLARS. And I am poor. So. That would take a lot to not go.
Bottom line: You are the definition of Human Being FAIL. One day, outside of work where I am allowed to say what I want and not get fired, I am going to tell you about yourself. Right now though, I really need my job. So I ignore.
So, I am on month 2.5 of my journey to losing another 25 pounds and living a healthier lifestyle and having a better relationship with food. I have slipped, binged (i.e. I just ate 2 frosted strawberry poptarts om nom nom) but over-all I am 85% successfully following this the way that I should. Why only 85%? Because I enjoy wine. I have a bite or 4 of mashed potatoes every now and again. I <3 the occasional Dick's or even crapdonalds cheeseburger.
Anyway, I have been introduced to Spaghetti Squash. You cook it per the directions, and you serve it like spaghetti noodles. There really is not a flavor to it, so whatever you serve with it, be it meat sauce, alfredo… the texture is a bit veggie like, but it is so complimentary and similar to spaghetti noodles… that I can live with with that change.
(I havent tried this but) Apparently you can also slice it and use it similar to lasagna noodles with the same result.
If you are a pasta freak like me, I suggest trying it. It is honestly really really good.
Also, I found some “SB” approved cookie recipes. I haven’t tried them yet, but I plan to so we can bring them along with us camping.
Lastly, I would like to rant about this little thing I like to call “Dating Games”.
The above image … in a picture … is what I think of them. I have said before that I love love and alllllllllll that goes in with it. But, I take it back. I do not love. I [X] DISLIKE dating games.
I dislike them like I dislike:
Wearing pants.
My job.
My nosy co-worker
Mayonnaise
I am surrounded by these games. S U R R O U N D E D . The waiting for the text message. “Does she want to hang out with me” Did I say the wrong thing? Am I being too needy. Is he seeing other people?
Blah. Just say what you need to say already.
I am so fucking over headgameiwannakeepyouatarmslengthiwanttofuckbutdontfuckanyoneelse bullshit.
The end.
Anyway, rant if you wish. You know the floor is open.
Uhhh… what is the one food you would make have no dietary side affects and you could eat an unlimited amount without ever getting sick by doing so?
How are you doing with your own strides toward healthier living? (if you are participating)
Oh, and best, most trainwreck thing I have seen all day: http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/ <– just browse these lovely pics.
Tags: camping, dating, food, lulu.com, published, south beach diet, spaghetti squash, Submissive Confessions, weight loss, work drama
Stage 5 *cough*male*cough* Clingers.
Jun 8, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, DUH, Friendship, Masturbate-able, Relationships, Sex, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
Sup?! *Head Nod*
I am tired and have finals all week so this will be as quick as a boy virgin potentially putting his peeter in Nadia’s vagina.
Speaking of vagina, I was thinking about something recently: BoyStalkers.
I know a girl who’s vajay is like the magical land of Oz. When she O-faces, it is like glitter and diamonds shoot out in a really pretty manor. Her vagina sings the music that you hear at the end of every overly dramatic movie upon the thought of penile penetration. Every time she meets a guy, lays out the terms (idontwannadateyou,dontblowupmyphonepleasenthanx, justcomeoveranddomewhenicall), and then gives up the butt. casually… they become pussyzombies.
*I* have experienced this specific vagina. It is an amazing vagina… don’t get me wrong. But it is not stalker vajay. I haven’t experienced a crotch that great in the history of vagina’s.
What is it with men? They act all aloof about females, like they could take it or leave it. Yet, when a girl so much as switches roles and doesn’t portray this clingy, needy co-dependant person… the men are the ones who act like bitches.
“Why aren’t you calling me back?!”
“When can we hang outandmore!?”
“I looooooooooooooooove you.”
“I have a haiku I wrote in your honor.”
“I want to spoon”
“When can I see you again?”
“Can we cuddle?”
“Can we spend every single fucking waking moment staring into each other’s eyes?”
Really!?
What the crap is my friend supposed to do in this situation??? She wants a booty call. One that is no bullshit, call him and he comes over … shuts the hell up … fucks her until she is blue in the face … and then leave unless she privelages him to sleep over and have morning sex. Is this too much to ask in a bachelor?
She is not a pussy-game-player. She doesn’t act like there is anything more than what you see in front of your face…. and every single time she hooks up with a guy…. he wigs the hell out.
Almost every single one of these guys have made the statement in one way or another: “I hate dealing with clingy broads.”
Really? Do you? Is it because you would rather own the static cling in a relationship? I do not understand how she does it. And I am not even close to being jealous either. Fuck all of that.
Reason #634634263789854693992 why I love that I am happy as a clam married: No stage 5 clingers. <— I would shank a fool if I had to deal with this crap.
Have you ever had a stage 5 clinger mayday situation?
Words of advice for my friend?
What is the worst excuse you have ever been given/had to give a clingy person in order to leave you the hell alone?
Tags: casual sex, dating, friend, single, stalker
A Friday Blah-g
May 14, 2009 Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch, love
TGIMFF Bitches!!!!!!!!! Woooooooooooo!
Seriously. I am so over the following:
1) This week.
2) This JOB and all of the fake-y people that surround me here.
3) This quarter. Specifically my teacher. Bless his heart but for the fucking love stop repeating yourself. I have heard the same stories at least 3 times already. I. Am. Over it. Oh and PS … ambiguity is not cute. Nor is it funny. Just answer the mother fucking question. K?!
My lovely friend Danelle won the “I Never” game from yesterday’s blog. Her prize was the choice of what my next TMI Post will be next week. Way to be diligent D! You rocked that shit!
For those of you who care… *cough*tricky*cough* Here are the answers to the game:
I never have pooped in front of Donovan. True
I never masturbate. Really?!
I never had sex in high school. False
I never was a stripper. False
I never passed out in D’s roommates bathroom naked. False
I never have been fisted. False
I never have pooped my pants. True
I never used heroin. True
I never have been donkey punched. True
I never have worn my strap on in public. False
Alllrighty then…
Lately I my ears have been taken over by the sound waves of those in some sort of love-anguish… whether it be the ending of a long drawn out relationship… the fear of possibly beginning one with some one, or not knowing if love will ever find them… again or at all.
For those of you who know me well… either because you are in my circle of trust
or because you pay the fuck attention to my blogs…
… then you are fully aware of my love of all things ‘being in love’ ‘finding love’ and/or ‘twitterpation’.
However something has tainted the water for most of the people I am around that has left a bitter taste in all of their mouths. No one is interested in hearing my Tony Robbins – esque Love Motivational Speeches!
What is going on!? This is no bueno!!!!
Wicked is not pleased. Not one iota. I will not live in a love-less world. Nope. You cant convince this girl that we are destined to be lonely, evil, bitter people cooped up in our own little hermit worlds.
With that said, I am damn grateful that I am not ISO. If, goddess forbid, D and I were to split up I am pretty damn sure that I would tell dating to fucking suck it as quick as it came to my door with some stale generic chocolates and grocery store flower bouquets.
Bring a bitch some Godiva for once, Ya digg?!
I feel for you, Daters… Love -Pursuers… ISOers… I really really do. But don’t ask this bitch to walk a mile in your shoes… because I will gladly hop in my car-o-commitment and drive that mile over walking it in a motherfucking heart beat.
What are you over about this week? Purge it here so it is left behind and you can truly enjoy your weekends.
Name 2 people you would take on a road trip with. Where would you go and why them?
Serious homework related question: What is the craziest sign you have ever read that was being held by a homeless person?
Tags: blog, commitment, dating, donkey punch, homeless, i never, love, poop, road trip
Love and Marriage… Horse and Carriage… You Get It.
Apr 7, 2009 Masturbate-able, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, love
D: “Don’t you think that slit is a little risque for work?”
Me: “Really?”
D: “Yeah, I mean it makes me want to hike it up over your ass and do you. That screams risque to me.”
Me: “Don’t you want to do that anyway, slit or no slit?”
D: “Good point. Wanna f*ck?”
Me: “D! Charli is right there!”
D: “She is the ultimate cock block.”
Me: “There is always Spongebob and Goldfish. That buys us at least 15 minutes.”
D: “With that skirt, all I need is 5.”
Me: “Pumps on or off?”
D: “Really?”
Me: “Good point.”
I used to read a blog that I liked very much that talked a lot about marriage. It cracked me up to read the conversations between them because they paralleled my own married dynamics.
I wonder what ever happened to that blog….? Weird.
Anyway…. as I was blogging.
Today, after I floated out the front door to class (floating = bent-over-the-bed-pretty-pink-pumps-still-on-skirt-hiked-up-kids-coulda-caught-us-but-they-didnt-spontaneous-sex sex) I started thinking about why I love being married.
What!?! I LOVE being married?!?! I know. It sounds preposterous. It is totally unlike a married person to publicly announce their love of all things married. Now, don’t get me wrong. I have some single friends who I envy. They are without any real relationship responsibility… and that fact alone sometimes leaves me longing for just a snippet of what that feels like. I know though, that as soon as I had a taste of it… I would want the old thing back.
I am going to make a list of why I love being married. I love lists.
1) Married sex. Contrary to popular belief, having sex with a different penis/vajay every night is not the business. It really isn’t. What sucks is that in conversation… married sex gets the shit end of the stick.
I say that those people… the ones that complain about married sex, or lack there of was having issues far before vows were spoken and rings were exchanged. Marriage has simply been chosen as the blame-ee. <– See? Shit end of the stick.
2) No more dating. F*ck.Ing.Aye. I hated dating. Haaaaated it. Dating to me was like yanking my f*cking fingernails out. First dates, where you kinda know a person but not really… and then you get in front of them and begin to slowly dissect their mannerisms. “Do they have a lisp?” “Look at their tiny ass hands!” “OMG! This fool chews so god damn loud!”
I swear, before settling down with D, I would date such dumb asses that had no idea what the phrase ‘intelligent conversation’ meant… let alone what each word meant separately.
Don’t make a bitch nod off in her salad. Or want to pull her motherf*cking hair out. I am just saying.
Furthermore, people f*cking lie. And when I say lie, I am referring to the kind of lie where their asses remove themselves from their body in protest of the lie. The “I am not that kind of girl” kind of lie. BULLSHIT. The whole point is to bang. You screw to find out if their penis matches your vagina properly… or vice versa. But, as a woman, we have to act like sex is the last thing on our minds.
So we dont seem easy.
I say f*ck that. A bitch has needs.
Now that I am married… I can just grab D’s cock when I need some sex. Or just give him the look. The one where he knows that it is time to do me sideways. (That usually involves a specific pair of boy shorts or a sexy outfit that I am wearing too…) The point is, I don’t have to play games. I dont have to say a single word. I get what I want when I want it.
3) Comfort and safety. Literally. I know that I can pretty much speak freely about anything in the world when I am talking to my husband. We can try anything, and I know that he knows me and my reactions well enough to understand if it was a good decision. In the moment. I like to try things. I enjoy spontaneity. I want to explore stuff with him that maaaaaybe is not in the book of appropriate things to do. (Yeah there is a book.)
Marriage … actually. Committed relationships are not the ball and chain metaphor. They just aren’t. I am proud to say that I have chosen to spend my time with one person. Maybe it is because I am old…errrr or more mature in my perception of what ‘happiness’ is, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
What is your perception of marriage? Ball and Chain or Happily Ever After?
Do you or DID you enjoy dating? Why or why not?
Are/Were you a “I’m not easy” kinda person on the first date… or did you go with what felt natural… EITHER WAY!?
Tags: ball and chain, blogging, committment, dating, dumbass, first date, I'm not that kind of girl, liar liar pants on fire, love, marriage, safe, Sex
Who Put the Douchebag in the Fishbowl?
Apr 6, 2009 I Forgot to Tag
We have all heard the saying “There are plenty of fish.” in reference to dating, love, relationships… break-ups… whatever. It seems as one jumps into your bowl just as soon as another makes its way back into the pond with the other fish. Sometimes, if you are talented, you could manage to feed more than one fish at a time. It is wise to keep them all in separate bowls though, because fish tend to ravage and turn against each other when they need to make room.
It’s true. I read it in a book once. Speaking of books, I have a short, completely hypothetical story to tell you.
Wannahearithereitgoes.
Once upon a time there was a Princess who had never been in love. She tried and tried and tried to find ‘the one’. Each time she cast her line into the pond of princes, she would get a bite. But pulling the line in was not as successful as the bite.
Some were needy fish… clinging to her every breath.
Some were ugly fish… and I am not talking about the physical appearance. They were game playing fish. Ones who would hop from fishbowl to fishbowl… taking nibbles of food from each.
Many of the fish she caught used her, abused her… and left her battered and broken from the inside out.
One day, after many days of endless baiting and casting… the Princess decided that she would no longer fish. She was tired of fishing for Princes that did not see her worth. She decided that she would wait for a Prince to cast his line out, and let her take the bait for once. Then maybe, just maybe he would truly be looking for the same thing she was. True Love… and a realistic Happily Ever After.
So she waited. The Princess went about her Princess-Like-Duties… until she fell into a social situation with a Prince. One who she thought could be the potential Prince of her dreams. All of the other Princesses loved him, and they thought that their dear Princess friend might finally have found her realistic Happily Ever After.
Boy was she wrong.
Before she knew it, her twitterpated ass was on the recieving end of some bullshit.
“I think you like me more than I like you.” (translation: “I didnt realize that I liked you so much and now I am freaking out”)
“I don’t want to end up hurting your feelings.” (translation: “I am too chicken shit to admit that this became more than I intended it to)
Uh. Wha?! Who put the douchebag in the fishbowl!!!???
Interestingly enough, the Princess wasn’t even aware of the fact that she had these ‘feelings’ in the first place. All she knew was that she enjoyed his company. She really liked him as her friend… and was down right offended at the assumption and dictation of how she felt… especially when she didnt even know herself.
Have you ever heard of the not-so-rare douchefish?
Yeah. This one was one of them. The thing about the douchefish is that they come in all shapes and sizes. They can easily go unidentified for long periods of time… and can fool even the smartest douchefish detectors. Being douchey does not have a ‘look’. You could catch the biggest and best looking fish in the pond… and after a couple of weeks in the process of getting to know your fish, realize just how big of a douche they are.
Lesson Learned. What lesson do you ask?
1) Just because someone is twitterpated, does NOT mean that they are in love. It also does not mean that you can go ahead and assume that the twitterpation is deep. Newfound twitterpation can easily be misunderstood.
2) Some people are just THAT full of themselves.
3) Douchefish are horrible pets.
4) Don’t allow someone to tell you how you feel. That is just rude.
5) Winning IS motherfucking EVERYTHING in the game of Prince-fishing.
Have you ever caught a douchefish?
What lessons have you had to learn in the game of Prince/ess Fishing?
What have you done with/to/about the douchefish in your fishbowl?
Tags: bait, break-up, dating, douche, douche bag, fairy tale, fishing, games, once upon a time, phone, prince, princess
The Wrong Approach
Mar 30, 2009 Ranteriffic, Relationships, Sex, Wicked Wisdoms, bitch
Girl walks into a bar with her girlfriends.
Girl may or may not be into other girls.
Girl is obviously wearing a wedding ring.
Girl walks up to the bar to order a drink.
….
A couple is sitting to her left.
One of her girlfriends to her right.
Girl realizes that she is being stared at and talked about. By the couple.
Girl also realizes that the couple is new to the bring-a-girl-home scene.
The lady in the couple situation smiles at girl.
Girl averts eyes, and thinks “What the fuck is this broad staring at?”
And the bitch keeps staring. And talking.
….
Girl over hears the lady say “She is exactly who I would want to take home.”
Girl thinks, “Wait, what?”
Girl realizes that she is staring. Again.
What she doesn’t realize is that Girl is a pro multi-tasking ignorer.
Girl can appear to not notice or be paying attention with extreme expertise.
So, as Girl pretends to not notice her staring, and talking, the lady continues to talk shit.
“Who is she to ignore me smiling?”
“Am I completely invisible?”
“I don’t know how she couldn’t possibly see me smiling. Does she not have the ability to return my gesture?”
Girl gets her drink, glances down at the purse sitting on the bar stool next to the lady and says to her “That is a really cute purse.” and smiles at her.
Translation: I heard you, bitch. Don’t expect that simply because you put it out there that it will get returned to you. Furthermore, I heard you. It is unattractive to assume that everyone you are attracted to will reciprocate. Self-centered behavior is unattractive. Especially when it comes to the laws of attraction.
Confidence is sexy. I appreciate and possess an air of confidence in everything I do. But there is a fine line betweem confident and full of yourself.
I haven’t dated for many years, however certian aspects never die out. Leave your cheesy pick-up lines at the door. Leave the option of rejection open. Do not assume that every bitch in the place is watching you.
Especially in a bisexual encounter. Or a possible bisexual encounter.
If you are bisexual you know that the area is so grey when it comes to finding a person to explore and experience with, that it is so easy to misread signs and give off signals that could quite possibly offend someone.
I am no prude. However I do not like to be looked at as a piece of meat. By anyone. Male or Female. My sexuality is what it is, but there are standards in place. And expections. And a level of respect within myself that is extremely important to me.
Yep. I am Girl. And the above scenario happened to me this weekend.
I was less than amused. And not flattered. I am not new to being bisexual, and I will not be talked about as if I was on display at a ‘find your bisexual hook-up’ store.
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.
Oh. Pee Ess. You were not nearly cute enough to act that way.
Have you ever been offended by the approach?
What would you have done if you were me?
Tags: bar, couple, dating, drink, hook-up, laws of attraction, offended, respect, threesome
TwitterBlogged
Mar 18, 2009 Relationships, Sex, Wicked Wisdoms
I scoured my old blogs on that one place I never log into anymore for a blog I wrote about twitterpation. I could not find it. That’s okay though… it just means I get to write a cooler, way more awesome blog on the topic.
Twitterpated
1)to be completely enamored with someone/something.
2) the flighty exciting feeling you get when you think about/see the object of your affection.
3) romantically excited (i.e.: aroused)
4) the ever increasing acceleration of heartbeat and body temperature as a result of being engulfed amidst the exhilaration and joy of being/having a romantic entity in someone’s life.
“When he smiled at her, the rush of warm, fuzzy, excited sensations that filled her made her realize she was completely twitterpated with this man.”
Spring is in the air. The birds are a’chirpin. The flowers are in bloom. I can see the sun peeking flirtatiously from behind that big, billowing cloud in the sky above me. With spring comes love. And babies. *squeeee* Folks who were shacked up by the fire, tryna keep warm and cozy were also makin’ babies!
(‘cept me. I <3 the invention of birth control)
As I was saying… most of you who know me and read my blogs are fully aware of the fact that I am in love with love. The smell of it. The taste of it. The swelling of 2 hearts simultaneously, making one big mushy pot of love stew.
Mmmmm… want a bite?
I know a couple of people who have found themselves in a big hot steaming pile of twitterpated.
One of these people is so over the moon that it is a wonder how she performs her normal daily tasks. She, like me, loves love. Like, loooooooooooooves it. In this general situation, I am elated that she has quite possibly found someone who will quite probably see her for who she is and quite hopefully will love her wholly. She is twitterobsessed.
The other… well… she is a brat about twitterpation. I cannot put my finger on it, but something tells me that her adoration of all things swooning mushy love is way deeper than that of which she portrays to the people whom she interacts with. She brings up all of the reasons why she ‘isn’t and should not be twitterpated.’ She is in twitterdenial.
What is so interesting about these 2 hypothetically specific and totally random situations is the approach that each of them have about their feelings. This, the act of human behavior in similarly relatable situations of the heart is one of the main reasons why I am so interested in the therapy profession. Each of us feels a certain way about the SAME thing, but our specific feeling… the way we approach it and of course how we own it or push it away cannot be identical to another person.
It is like matters of the heart possess their own unique set of prints.
I can say that I have felt the EXACT same way as another person, but truth be told, I havent. Not exactly. Similarly yes… but a feeling or reaction cannot be mimicked to that specific degree.
So I am present in 2 hypothetically specific and totally random situations. (heh. These bitches are sooo going to kill me) I listen and provide awesomely witty banter when needed. What they probably weren’t aware of until now is that I am analyzing and processing and learning about the different reactions and motivations that each of us naturally possess. Hypothetically speaking of course. *snicker*
The conclusion that I have come to is that whether you are in twitterdenial or twitterobsession… it all boils down to the same thing. Love. It is a high that cannot be recreated with a chemical substance; meaning you cannot create a ‘love pill’ to feel the way you felt when you were first in love. You have to actually go through the motions in order to recieve your reward.
Love, as hard as it is… and as much as it sucks sometimes to fight for that love… Is the most rewarding feeling in the fucking world.
Oh and pee ess: I am not saying that the 2 totally hypothetical and generally specific friends above are in love. What I am saying is that to feel twitterpated can lead to love… and sometimes is mistaken for love… when really it is the high from finding someone to share a moment in your life with.
Like I hypothetically reminded each of them today… and I hope that some of you reading will take into consideration if it related/s to you at some point in your life is … the most important thing in the world is to remember that you cannot control the outcome of love… in any of its forms. You absolutely have to throw your hands up and allow what is meant to be to naturally take its course.
Because every heart-print is a lesson.
Have you learned any love-lessons recently, or know anyone who has?
What does being twitterpated mean to you? Are you twitterpated? What kind of twitterpated are you?
(If a bitch dares to mention that fucking WEBSITE ON MY BLOG…)
Do you have any hypothetical and generally specific friends that are going through something like this? What kind of twitterpated are they?
Tags: dating, girlfriend, hypothetical, love, making love, new relationship, Relationships, Sex, twitterpated
Scenario-en’
Nov 18, 2008 Random
You are on a first date. Not just with this person, but with any person. It is the first date you have been on in a long time. The 2 of you are vibin’ in a good way. It is a dutch date, so there are no faulty expectations on either end. At the end of the night, your super sexy date invites you in for ‘coffee and conversation’. Between you, me and the computer screen, you havent been laid in HELLA, and the pussy is begging you to let it out of its cage to play.
Do you accept?
Do you initiate more than the ‘c&c’?
A friend confides in you about her desire to fuck a mutual friends significant other. Your friend claims that the feeling is mutual and that they plan to meet up to complete the transaction.
What do you do? How do you react?
You meet an attractive man at the bar. He showers you with compliments, drinks and his attention. Tipsy, you invite him home with you to play. In the middle of the sexual hoop-lah, you notice the wedding ring on his finger.
Finish the scenario.
As you are shopping, you notice a teenager shoplifting. And they aren’t even good at it.
What do you do?
You find a wallet on the ground in the park. No one is within shouting distance. You open it to find 3 crispy hundreds inside.
Do you keep the money?
A fight breaks out at your local watering hole. You have witnessed the entire thing, including the drunk asshole that spouted the ‘N’ word, which is what caused him to get his ass pounded into a hospital bed in the fitst place. The police contact you for any information to lead them to the victims attacker.
What do you do?
In a drunken lapse of judgment, you tell a girl you have a crush on that you want to sleep with her. You havent ever had a bisexual experience before. The next day, she approaches you with a well thought out plan of execution, including toys and other party favors to liven up the girl on girl.
Do you go there with your friend?
A person you have only dated a few times asks you what you want for Christmas.
Do you endulge?
Do you feel obligated to ask them the same?
Do you then buy them a gift out of obligation, or just accept their gift with nothing for them in return?
Tags: choices, christmas, dating, Friendship, infidelity, morality, obligation, Sex, shoplifting
