TMI Thursday: Not My Crotch Crust!
Apr 29, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Family, Friendship, Parenting, Random, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch
Hello my gluttons for TMI Punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs… Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
I have heard in several conversations in my life a phrase similar to “sometimes they need a little guidance on how to appropriately clean down there…” in reference to adolescent girls and their vag-area.
(yeah. I am going there yet again)
I always feel like I have a puzzled look on my face when this conversation comes about once in the big fat less than 5 times I have found myself in the exchange of it because I don’t ever remember my mom sitting me down and teaching me the ropes on how to properly clean my snatch.
Do you?
Anyway, on to the nasty of the nast.
When I was about 15-16 years old, I had the party house. One of my girlfriends at the time, we will call her Trina, had it out with her mom and ended up staying with us for (what ended up to be) a couple of months.
I knew that she didn’t have a lot, so whatever I had I shared with her. We went to the same school, worked at the same job and had most of the same friends so it worked out pretty well.
For the most part.
After a couple of weeks, I noticed that she had been wearing a lot of the same clothes. I offered to let her borrow stuff, and for the most part she accepted… even though our styles differed a bit. She also did not take care of her stuff as well as I did, so if she borrowed a shirt, I kind of didnt want it back from her. It ended up stained, over worn, and stretched out beyond recognition.
Call me a snobby bitch, but I dont think it is too much to ask to get something back the way it left my closet. Just saying.
Anyway one day after school, my mom calls me down to her bedroom.
Mom: (holding a monistat box and a pair of black jeans between 2 fingers in a disgusted manner.) “Hey baby… so I was grabbing stuff from out of your bathroom to make a full load of laundry and I stumbled upon these…”
Me: (pointing to the box) “What is that for?”
Mom: (pointing at the jeans) “It is to help you out with this!”
Me: (leaning forward) “To help me out with what?”
And then I saw it. *shudders*
On the inside crotch area of these jeans lived a kind of green crotch crust that cannot be described into words… and makes me wish today that I had premonitions and knew I would blog about this very moment so I could take a picture and visually torture the entire lot of you. It was thick and more than one shade of green… and this crunchy organism had cocooned itself within its green crotch-crusty nastiness.
I jumped back a little, swatting the infected jeans from my mom’s hands.
Me: “Those did NOT come from my bathroom!”
Mom: “Yes they did!”
Me: “Those are NOT MINE Mom!”
Mom: “Well if they aren’t yours…”
Mom: “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”
Me: “I cannot believe you thought those were mine!”
Mom: “Well?”
Me: “Well!”
So we … erm … disposed of these jeans in the proper hazmat manner. And left it at that.
If my memory serves me correctly… the jeans were replaced with non contaminated ones… and well, that nasty bitch had to go. I think my mom totally played the bad guy in the reason she needed to take her green vagina home for her mom to deal with.
Did she have the talk with Trina? The world may never know. All I know is I never ever mentioned that shit to her or anyone else really … well … not until now.
Heh. Enjoy the rest of your breakfast.
Does this spark any TMI’s for you?
Anything to add?
Do you remember being taught to wash….. or did it come naturally?
Tags: adolesence. mom, crotch, crust, friends, green, jeans, yeast infection
