Even the Lightbulb in My Head Procrastinates
Apr 20, 2009 Addiction & Recovery, DUH, Friendship, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Plunges, Random, The Tarably Wicked Show, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
I wrote last week about how in my motivational interviewing/counseling techniques class we were asked to pick a behavior about us that we would like to work on changing… with the purpose being to learn to be good counselors and not good actors. The intent is to practice specific techniques with real behaviors… so that we get an idea of how we act and react naturally in all facets of the field.
The behavior that I am working on is my excessive and methodic procrastination.
Last week, the focal question was “What are the positives in continuing this behavior?” I was really unable to think about what the positives were in me waiting until the very last minute to do everything… and knowing that I am doing it.
This week, the focal question was “What are the negative consiquences associated with not continuing this behavior?” This question stumped me. If I am addressing this behavior as something that is not good… then what could possibly be negative about not continuing?
So we go in order, with me being the client last. I listened to the others in my group, and was still stumped as to what the negative was in me not continuing to procrastinate. When we finally got to me, I started talking about all of the things I was doing to try and chane the behavior… and how I was so far pretty successful in doing so up to now. As I was talking it out, I began to realize the reason. The method to my madness.
It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Sound effects and all.
As I was telling my ” counselor” about my behavior, I started talking about how it was as if I was subconsciously yet purposefully procrastinating doing things in every avenue of my life. And that was it. I realized that I break the rules a bit when I procrastinate. I know that I need to have things done by a certain time. I am aware that I need to be in specific places by set times. But I don’t follow those rules.
Why? Because. I have been placed in the role of the responsible person. I am the one who has dug her size 9’s in the sand and have made this strong, sturdy foundation of my life… and my family. Especially with D on the road to recovery, and in dealing with his addiction for so long… I have owned the role as the rock. I cannot remember the last time when I did not consider others in my decisions. I dont know how to just let loose and do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And whether or not I placed myself there and didn’t know it… or if I was put there by someone else… or both… doesn’t really matter. I am breaking little rules. I am in control of these little acts of irresponsible rebellion.
I like that they, as small as they may be, are my own little outs. Don’t we all need to feel like rebels once in awhile?
So now I wonder if my procrastination is something that I really want to change. There are risks and rewards in every behavior. This risk could at worst affect my job… if I simply stop making a conscious effort to be to work on time.
Do I want to give up the little things that I do have control and rebellion over? I dont know for sure.
What I do know is that, in these 3 weeks of talking about things… I have learned that I do not spend enough time looking inward. I am so focused on the well being of the people who surround me, that I forget that my soul needs cleansed once in awhile. I may not be in recovery, but I still have things within me that are broken and that desperately need repair.
Maybe, I will address that baby step like I have been doing… and tackle it head on, rather than try and work on all aspects of my procrastination problem being that it has the most risk associated with it and then go from there.
Baby steps… Right!? GAH!!!
Have a great day!
Do you break little rules? What?
Did you pick something to work on with me? What?
How are you coming on your baby steps from last week? I know that some of you were tackling some pretty heavy stuff. I would love to hear about your progress.
Also, a special TMI for Tuesday, because we all deserve a good laugh.
Tarable called me today to tell me that when she was unpacking the box with her purses and clothes in it, she found one of her old dildos inside one of her ‘going out purses’. She said… and I quote: “You know it was on one of my drunken slutty rampages because … um … it wasnt washed.”
Picture THAT! HAHAHAHAAHAHAH!
Any similar stories to share?
