You Make Your Bed, You Have To *LIE* In It.
May 3, 2009 Completely Hypothetical and Generally Specific, Friendship, Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Ranteriffic, Relationships, Wicked Wisdoms
**Disclaimer** This blog was originally intended to be a vent session… so my apologies if it rambles… but this is how I sort my thoughts when they become jumbled in my head.
Just saying.
I hate liars. Like LOATHE them.
I get that we all lie on some level or another. White lies, big lies … and even if we know that we shouldn’t tell them … we do.
For instance, I lie to bill collectors. All the damn time. I don’t deny it. I know it is wrong… but if I need to get my way … whatever that way is, I will say what it is that I need to say in order to do so. Call me a hypocrite if you like, but I don’t consider it a ‘lie lie’.
What I consider to be a lie is when it is told to someone who we care about and/or if it could potentially cause harm to another person. I believe in Karma and if the lie I tell has something to do with a person’ s well being that I care about, I am going to get a visit from Karma. I am pretty sure that she has already paid me a visit for the lies I have told in my past.
I used to be a liar. A big awful liar liar pants on fire. I am not proud of it, and as I have grown up into the person I am today, I have worked my ass off to be an honest person. I couldn’t really say when it hit me that I lied compulsively… and I couldn’t accurately tell you who I did and did not lie to… but I know that I haven’t intentionally told a lie in many many years.
The worst lie I ever told was when I worked at the Cheesecake Factory several years ago. I needed to leave early and my manager wouldn’t let me leave… so I faked a call from my mom and lied to my boss about my brother being in a bad car accident and being in a coma. My manager bought it, and it in turn bought me 3 days off … no question.
Funny addition, my brother actually applied there and I was forced to tell him that I lied on him. I guess now that I think about it, the look on his face when I told him and the fact that I had to play damage control really opened my eyes to what kind of harm I was projecting onto other people. For me to be so selfish, and to not even consider anything but my wanting to have my way makes me sick to my stomach to think about it now.
Funnier than that is when I told my parents. They look for every opportunity to throw my awfulness in my face. My repentance I guess.
I think I can honestly say that me saying my lie out loud in this situation made me ask myself “What the fuck were you thinking?” and really had me begin to change my Wicked, Evil ways.
I started thinking about my stance on the subject this weekend when I received a call from a friend. She told me that her ex boyfriend had lied about a pretty serious health related situation to his family. He even went as far as to put her name into who all was affected by it and then, when confronted by her about it… he lied about telling the lie! What kind of a coward does that!? If you are gonna project that kind of inappropriate negativity on to a person, you better have the god damn balls to own it. Why he picked that lie of all lies to tell we cannot figure out. But the more I thought about it, the why doesn’t even really matter. The fact that he had the capacity to allow the thought to turn into verbal diarrhea is what is most bothersome.
This led me to this list of things that are never acceptable topics to lie about. Ever.
1) a person being in any sort of tragic accident… followed by any sort of life threatening injury. (I am slapping my own hand here)
2) a friend or family member dying.
3) having any sort of life threatening disease/illness … and then telling others that another person has the same thing.
4) being someone that you are not. (i.e. taking an identity, fake names… etc)
It is absolutely sickening and disgusting to me that another person could tell a lie and include another person in it without having any regard for their feelings… but who am I to judge? As you can all see … I have done it. My having done it doesn’t change my feelings toward the lie that my friend has become victim to. He is a horrible, selfish excuse of a human being for saying what he said… and in my opinion, he can rot in hell for it.
That is all I have to say about that.
Have you ever been victim of a horrible lie?
What is the biggest lie you ever told?
Did I miss anything on the never lie about list?
Tags: boyfriend, car accident, cheesecake factory, coma, liar, Sex, victim
Out of X’s Mouth (With a Dash of Charli)
Apr 21, 2009 All Things Charli, All Things X, Family, Masturbate-able, Parenting, Random, Wicked & D Quotables, Wicked MOMMY Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of., love
Xavier thinks that he is soooo funny. I am pretty sure that we have a little stand up comedian on our hands.
The other day, we were out having lunch. X is getting to the age of knowing what he wants, and I dont need to hold his hand through it. I like this fact.
Most of the time anyway.
X: “Mom can I order my own food?”
Me: “Do you know what comes in it?”
X: “Yeah. It’s just yakisoba.”
Me: “Then I don’t care, go ahead.”
Waitress: “What can I get for you?”
X: “Can I get chicken yakisoba? With extra broccoli?” (read it and weep beezos. my kid eats veggies.)
Waitress: “Sure, anything else?”
X: “Can you please bring me some Cock Sauce?”
Waitress: “Uhm… what?”
Me: *snort* “Sriracha. He meant to say Sriracha.”
(D has tears streaming down his face as she walked away.)
X: “Mom that is not what you call it! You call it COCK SAUCE!”
Me: “Stop yelling. The actual name is Sriracha, Xavier.”
X: “Why are you teaching me wrong things to say!? How embarrassing.”
Me: “Sorry, it is just easier to pronounce.”
X: “SREE RAH CHAH! That was easy.”
(both D and X are dying laughing at this point)
Me: (evil eye) “I hate you both.”
This led me to remember this one time when we were out at the Cheesecake Factory. Xavier was maybe 5 years old… and he kept trying to say “Maserated Berries” … which are the berries that you have when you make strawberry shortcake. He was begging me to order it so that we could “share it” (which really means that he wanted to eat all of the berries and ice cream and leave me with a soggy fucking biscuit.)
Cute Waiter Boy: “How was everything?”
Me: “Really good. Thank you.”
CWB: “Can I interest you in some dessert?”
X: “Please mommy!?! Please please please please?”
Me: (ignoring him)”D, are you ordering any cheesecake?”
D: “Uh, Duh!”
Me: “What are you gonna get?”
D: (playing into my game) “Ummmmmmm…….”
X: (not-so-silently-praying)
D: “I will have Fresh Strawberry.”
CWB: “Good choice. And for you?”
Me: “I will have the strawberry shortcake.”
X: (Jumping up, yelling) “YES! MASTERBATED BERRIES!”
I didnt know whether to laugh or crawl under the table.
*sigh* I thought the CBW was going to pass out because he was trying to hold in his laughter that hard. Like, his face turned beat fucking red… and he managed to muster out a statement like “IwillberightbackIamgonnaputyourdessertorderin” as he ran to the back of the restaurant to LHFAO in private.
Whatever. I can’t blame him. Who doesn’t think an 8 year old shouting out “MASTURBATED BERRIES” is fucking hilarious?!
The uptight table next to us, that’s who.
Even tonight this child had me cracking the hell up:
Me: (grimacing) “OH MY GOD! YOUR FEET ARE RANCIT!”
X: “Huh?!” <— the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, does it?
Me: “I am tearing up. Your feet smell like a sweaty fart.”
Charli: (Pointing at X’s feet) “Foot! Fart!”
X: “My feet smell like strawberries!”
Me: “If strawberries smell like sour fart milk maybe!”
X: “Stop making fun of me!”
Me: “Wash your butt feet!”
Charli: “Butt! Foot!”
X: “MY FEET DO NOT STINK!”
Me: “Smell them. Tell me that they dont stink after you stick a toe in your face.”
X: (smelling his feet and gagging simultaneously) *cough*”They smell like lemons!!” *cough”
Me: “They smell like butt. And Vinegar.”
X: “And LEMONS!”
Me: “What butt have you ever smelled that smelled like lemons?!”
X: “YOU ARE SO MEAN!” (runs off to take a shower.)
Charli: (pounding on the door of the bathroom) “BROTHER! BUTT! FOOT! FAAART!”
Hahahahahahahahaha. I cannot wait until Charli can say full sentences. I will pass on the make-fun-of-Xavier-torch to her with full confidence that she will represent in a proper and skin-crawling-under-manner.
*sigh* I love my kids.
What is the funniest thing that you have ever heard or heard of a kid say in public?!
What is your favorite dessert?
Tags: cheesecake, cheesecake factory, dessert, fart, kids, Parenting, restaurant, strawberries, strawberry shortcake, uptight
