YGWM & Friday Eye Candy
Oct 15, 2009 All Things X, Family, Friday Eye Candy, I WIN!, Parenting, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, You've Got Wicked Mail
Sup Bitches?
I don’t really know what else to say about this week but I will tell you that I am really fucking glad that it is Friday right now.
How about you?
Right. Happy motherfucking weekend. You know the drill. Purge your week in the form of an/many open letter/s so that you can jump in your weekends and enjoy them to the fullest. K? K.
Dear You,
I think that you are funny. Funny like “Really?” funny. I know what you want. I know what I want. So lets just do it already. Whip it out and lemme see it. K? K.
Just saying.
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Dear Baby Jesus,
Do you hate me? Is it your life mission to hurl individuals at me who have this preconceived notion that I am the fucking one, when in fact I am actually not.
Is it that you are one of these individuals? Do you think that I am the one? Because, Baby Jesus … I am in fact NOT the fucking one. I promise you.
You know who else is not the one? Tarable. I am about to find you, Baby Jesus and beat some sense into your infant sized body if you do not fix this incessant problem with the individuals assuming that I am the one.
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Dear Friends,
I miss you dearly. Each and every single one of you. Once I figure this out, I will make it up to each of you. I promise.
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Dear Kanisha,
Jax is not yours. I wish that you would just bow out already. He told me 5 minutes ago to tell you that he has had about enough of you harassing me about this wild made up story in your head that you and he have some sort of relationship going on when he and I are obviously in love.
I am sorry. You definitely will receive an invitation to the wedding. You dont even have to bring us a present.
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Dear Xavier,
Really? I mean … really?!
I am unsure who lied and told you that it would ever be appropriate to say “Suck my penis” but it is not. Ever. Like ever. I don’t care who said it first. Like, not even a little bit.
So, I want to allow you an opportunity to pick your soap. Because you are about to eat an entire fucking bar of it.
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Dear Husband of Mine,
Thank you kindly for that 3AM business. I am so happy that you took my advice and shaved your face because 1) I would have stood firm in my “your hairy fucking face wont go near my vagina stance and 2) I would have unfortunately had to have grown my legs/vag out in protest of the beard you thought was cute.
I know you know I was serious because you shaved.
I win!
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Dear Pedicure,
I fucking love you.
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Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd for the Friday Eye Candy. This one was by request.
Channing Motherfucking Tatum.
Do you talk dirty during sex or are you quiet?
Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others.
As a man, would you rather wake up to find you have grown nonremovable D cup breasts or that your testicles have disappeared?
