TMI Thursday: Smell My Finger
Apr 15, 2009 Out of Wicked's Mouth, Relationships, Sex, TMI Thursday's, Wicked Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of.
So I am going to bet a great deal of my paycheck that the contents of this blog will make even the strongest of stomachs will churn.
Consider yourself warned.
In my early days of freaky – deaky Wicked, I chased as much vagina as I possibly could. One might have considered me to be a closet lesbo. In fact, I am pretty sure that it was the consensus of all of D’s friends.
(one of our really good friends actually purchased me a strap-on for Christmas one year. He presented it to me with a speech.)
Anyway, D ran into this broad that he had met years ago. He had tried to hook up with her back then, but they ended up just becoming good friends. Anyway, she started coming around to party with us… and after a great deal of alcohol, she revealed that she was also bisexual.
I immediately turned my radars on.
Was she flirting?
Did she seem like she wanted to makeoutwithmyvagandmore?
Was she laughing with me or at me?
We are about to find out.
One night, we all were meeting up at a party. She came to my house to get ready, and as we were all leaving out, asked did I want to ride in her car? I, of course, did the polite thing and accepted her offer… assuming that I would be one of a few piled into her vehicle.
That’d be a big fat no. It was just the 2 of us.
We stopped to pick up liquor, even though she and I had already been heavily drinking before we left… (PSA Break: Dont Drink and Drive) ... and next thing I knew we were pulled over on the side of I-5 all over each other in the front seat.
She had amazingly full lips. I remember her kisses were soft but aggressive at the same time. I dont really remember her removing my pants, but I obviously was not protesting. She went down on me expertly. I had assumed that she was new to the whole girl-on-girl thing like me but it was obvious that she was a professional.
After I came, and I came HARD… I eagerly went to return the favor. I will remind you that I had not really been with that many women before at this point.
The pants come off. “Woah. She has hair down there.”
Panties. Off. “Hella hair. Like Don King in a headlock… Damn.”
My fingers attempt to mashetti through the forests of her pubic hair… only to reveal a milky white substance against her brown skin. “Hmmm…”
So I go for it. Yes. I did. Stop for a minute and get past that part of it. Ready? No? Okay I will wait a second longer.
Alllllllllrighty then. Moving on.
1) I felt put on the spot
2) I was not sure if it was or was not normal… nor did I smell any fish…
and
3) I was not fully comfortable with sexual discussions at that point in my self discovery.
As soon as the lips were spread though, the funk commenced to burn the hairs out of my nostrils. And I could not bring myself to put my mouth on it. Her vagina looked like a bowl of sour cream dip. And, my lips and tongue took a stand. They refused to have any part of the creamy party favorite that was located between her legs.
“Wicked, what did you do?”
“Did you tell her about herself?”
Unfortunately, I was not who I am today. So no. I did not tell her about herself. Instead, I banged her. I made up some excuse about the gearshift and steering wheel being in the way and how we should probably get going… and banged her til she came. *shudders* All over my fucking hand.
I could not wait to get to a Costco sized bottle of Dial.
As we were driving to the party, I started to ponder whether or not I was being unreasonable. I mean, I hadn’t really put my face in that many vajays at that point… maybe I was being picky…? Maybe some people had drippysnatches like she did. Maybe she was made to look like the appetizing centerpiece of a snack table at your cousin’s wedding shower.
And I was determined to find out.
So we walk into the party. She was happy as a (I cant help it) clam yapping her flap to everyone there. I, however was on a mission. I pulled 2 of my closest guy friends aside and shoved my fingers under their noses.
“Does this smell like a normal vagina!?” I demanded
The raw looks on their faces gave me my answer.
That bitch’s vagina was naaaaaaaaaaaaaaasty.
Happy TMI Thursday People!!!
Do you have any SEX related TMI’s to share?
What would you have done? (make sure to put yourself in my younger, inexperienced and naive at the time shoes)
Tags: car, chips, girl on girl, go down, I-5, party, Sex, sour cream dip, TMI Thursday's, vagina
