TMIThursday: Rock the Boat
Aug 26, 2009 Out of Wicked's Mouth, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, TMI Thursday's, Yum... or Lack There Of.
Hello my TMIT gluttons for punishment!
You know the drill… I blog about totally inappropriate shit… (sometimes literally) and sometimes, you throw up in your mouth a bit.
If you are interested in participating, reading more train wreck worthy blogs…
Click the pic below and enter the hub of TMI Thursday….
Once upon an ocean blue, (read: yes this is another Navy story) I traveled the world. Well, I traveled the Western Pacific. But whatev. I traveled to several awesomely kick-ass countries and drank entirely too much alcohol while doing it. Being in another country means that you get to follow their laws as to what under aged was when it came to being at the bar.
I could see over the bar stool. Sooooooo I was good.
When we arrived in Hong Kong, we had to anchor a certain amount of miles off shore because we were a nuclear vessel. (I know right?! I am kind of a big deal.) We had liberty boats that were hired to take us back and forth from ship to shore. The awesomer you were, the less time you had to wait to get on one. I was a cook. Which means I paid the boatswains in pizzas and baked goods to have head of the line privileges.
What relevance does this have to my story? It means that I rode to and from on the boats that the big wigs rode on. All of the division officers… the commanders… their boat was also MY boat. And, it ruled because I got to party with them.
So this one time… I got off the boat super early in the morning. I had baked all night, and it was my Friday so I was ready to get off the ship for my 3 day liberty. I had already packed, found my hotel… yadda. So we all go, and I immediately get my drink on. I was hammered from the time I left the boat until I can’t even remember when. Sadly, when it was time to go back, I didn’t consider the fact that my boat … the one I was bragging about earlier … was the boat that I would be on. Wasted.
Picture a ferry-like boat. Rows of seats, packed to the brim with all of my shipmates … trying to get back on the ship and prepare for our next deployment. Picture me, on this boat … hammered … quickly realizing the fact that this boat and my NUCLEAR VESSEL were 2 completely different kinds of sea legs. We were 3rd in line. Meaning there were 2 other liberty boats in front of us to unload before it was our turn. While we waited, we began to rock.
Back and forth. Baaaaaaaaaaaack and forth. Back and fooooooooooooooooorth. Back annnnnnnnnnnnnnd forth. Back and forth.
I held it. I fought the bile. I tried my hardest not to focus on the rocking. But when that final wave hit, I was defeated.
I jumped up, hands over my mouth and bolted for the door. I pushed my way through people and through the heavy door and onto the bow. Or, I tried to anyway. My division officer was standing in the narrow walkway right by the door smoking a cigarette. She was blocking my ability to get to the edge.
I couldn’t tell her to move. If I did, I would have puked in her face.
I thought that the universal sign for I am gonna puke is 2 hands over the mouth and wide eyes. No?
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. So I let it go. All over her open toed Chanel sandals. And her leg.
When we made eye contact, she laughed.
“Feel better?” She asked.
“Yes Ma’am” I sighed.
“You owe me a new pair of shoes.” She laughed as she took a drag of her cigarette.
I don’t know if she was joking or not but you can bet your ass that with my next paycheck I bought her a pair. I was just grateful that she didn’t make me go see the Captain.
Happy TMIT! As always, feel free to share a similar or non-similar TMIT of your own.
