Big <3 Mistake #1 & FFC
May 26, 2009 Fitness Forward, Out with the Old Wicked in with the New Wicked, Relationships, This Thing Called Marriage., Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms, Yum... or Lack There Of., bitch, love
What happens when you wake up to the person whom you have spent a good majority of your time with… and you wonder how 1, 5, 15 years have already passed with little to no progression?
They break up. That’s what.
I have a few people in my life who are there right now. And it sucks to see them hurting, but at the same time I cannot say that I didn’t see it coming from a half a mile away.
“But I love so’n’so so much!”
Sometimes love simply is not enough to get us through spending the rest of our lives with someone. I have loved and lost many times… and in the end realized that the love was good for what it was good for… but, simply put, it was not enough.
Mistake #1: He isn’t the man I married/fell in love with. (Uhm. Yes the hell he was. Dumbass.)
When the dust clears, he has always been that way. You were so puppy loved the fuck out that you just didn’t see the cracks and flaws in your ‘perfect man’.
One growth in my relationship with D is the acceptance of who he is. If I was ever able to give any newlywed couple … it wouldn’t be the cliche “don’t go to bed mad” or “always say you are sorry when you need to”... it would be that they need to learn to love and accept the things in the other that cannot and should not be changed, and do not attempt to force them to become something that they are not.
I used to be that wife. The wife that wanted D to ‘want to wash the dishes‘.
I came to the realization that healthy relationships do not work like that. If you think that they do, then you will be the one who ends up alone with 37 cats. I guaran-fucking-tee it.
Once I realized that who D was had nothing to do with what I wanted or needed him to be, the world in the house – o – wicked became a much happier place. Like, SO much happier.
I spent so much time attempting to twist his arm into my idea of what a happy marriage looked like to me that I never stopped to think about or to ask him what he thought or wanted. All of the time I spent mad about what he wasn’t doing… I missed all of the things that he was doing. More importantly, I forgot that marriage/committed relationships aren’t about ME. It is about US. Or We.
I was the selfish one.
Fact is, in every relationship there comes a point where certain things evolve to each other. Your things and my things kinda mirror each other. But, not every last thing. Hands down the biggest mistake I see in relationships is one person’s expectations not being met by the other person. I cringe at phone conversation after public spat between couples who are my friends… because not only have I been her… but I know that the approach is all wrong.
It is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Don’t be mad if you tell your significant other to stay out when you want to go home… and they stay out.
Definitely do not tell them that you don’t want them to do something that they don’t want to do… and when they don’t… then get mad about it.
Don’t be mad if SOMETIMES they disagree. It doesn’t always have to be your way.
Don’t be mad when you realize that they hate you after years of trying to force their square peg in your round hole. (This was totally not meant the way all of you pervs are LYAO about it.)
The lesson today is that the only person who has a problem is the one who makes it a problem. And, there is nothing wrong with deciding that the relationship is not what you originally signed up for … and walking away amicably. Not one bit.
Have you ever made this mistake?
Have you ever had someone try to mold you to be their “Perfect Significant Other”?
Give me your favorite quote/song that relates to this topic.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd…………………..
Fitness Forward Corner:
I did not weigh in today. I will tomorrow when I am able to go to the gym.
I did work out at home:
200 Crunches
60 Push-ups
25 of each lunges/squats
I am on my 3rd liter of water. (over 100 oz’s)
Today was my first day trying SB Phase 1. I am starving. It is 2pm and I have eaten the following:
Breakfast:
2 Hard boiled eggs (instead of 1 and 2 lean strips of bacon)
I need filler stuff here. My fruit and yogurt breakfast is gone … and I am concerned that I will screw myself if I dont figure out how to still eat a great breakfast.
Snack:
A small handful of cashews
Lunch:
4 thin slices of roast turkey lunch meat. (This is supposed to not be processed, but I am trying to do this while still being on a budget. It is low fat and low sugar so I think it is fine) I rolled 1 triangle of Laughing Cow cheese inside of the 4 slices (Not 1 triangle each, but 1 triangle across all 4 slices)
Steamed broccoli & green beans
Sliced cucumber
Snack:
2 low fat pieces of string cheese
Dinner:
2 egg scramble w/ bacon and low fat Italian cheese blend
Snack:
Sugar Free Fudgesicle (thank fucking god for this business.)
Good News: All natural 0 sugar added peanut butter is okay. (Jumps for joy because I do not eat fish and I need another source of protein in my life other than chicken and turkey)
I also found a SB specific blogger. She has lost a great deal of weight, and has great recipes, snack ideas etc. This link is to the recipes. These are great for those of you cooking for other people in the house. They are all missing starch, so if you have carb whores in your house like I do, all they have to do is add the starch and call it a day. You can troll around to see what else she has posted about healthy living as a whole.
Also, a good source of information on The Glycemic Index. This is the core of South Beach, and really it makes a great deal of sense in regard to healthy living as a whole. On this site there are a list of what is good and what isn’t. I think it is a good check point… to make sure you are where you need to be.
For those of you participating… how did you do?
Is there any information you need?
Tags: acceptance, break-up, Fitness Forward, marriage, relationship, south beach diet, south beach phase 1
Who Put the Douchebag in the Fishbowl?
Apr 6, 2009 I Forgot to Tag
We have all heard the saying “There are plenty of fish.” in reference to dating, love, relationships… break-ups… whatever. It seems as one jumps into your bowl just as soon as another makes its way back into the pond with the other fish. Sometimes, if you are talented, you could manage to feed more than one fish at a time. It is wise to keep them all in separate bowls though, because fish tend to ravage and turn against each other when they need to make room.
It’s true. I read it in a book once. Speaking of books, I have a short, completely hypothetical story to tell you.
Wannahearithereitgoes.
Once upon a time there was a Princess who had never been in love. She tried and tried and tried to find ‘the one’. Each time she cast her line into the pond of princes, she would get a bite. But pulling the line in was not as successful as the bite.
Some were needy fish… clinging to her every breath.
Some were ugly fish… and I am not talking about the physical appearance. They were game playing fish. Ones who would hop from fishbowl to fishbowl… taking nibbles of food from each.
Many of the fish she caught used her, abused her… and left her battered and broken from the inside out.
One day, after many days of endless baiting and casting… the Princess decided that she would no longer fish. She was tired of fishing for Princes that did not see her worth. She decided that she would wait for a Prince to cast his line out, and let her take the bait for once. Then maybe, just maybe he would truly be looking for the same thing she was. True Love… and a realistic Happily Ever After.
So she waited. The Princess went about her Princess-Like-Duties… until she fell into a social situation with a Prince. One who she thought could be the potential Prince of her dreams. All of the other Princesses loved him, and they thought that their dear Princess friend might finally have found her realistic Happily Ever After.
Boy was she wrong.
Before she knew it, her twitterpated ass was on the recieving end of some bullshit.
“I think you like me more than I like you.” (translation: “I didnt realize that I liked you so much and now I am freaking out”)
“I don’t want to end up hurting your feelings.” (translation: “I am too chicken shit to admit that this became more than I intended it to)
Uh. Wha?! Who put the douchebag in the fishbowl!!!???
Interestingly enough, the Princess wasn’t even aware of the fact that she had these ‘feelings’ in the first place. All she knew was that she enjoyed his company. She really liked him as her friend… and was down right offended at the assumption and dictation of how she felt… especially when she didnt even know herself.
Have you ever heard of the not-so-rare douchefish?
Yeah. This one was one of them. The thing about the douchefish is that they come in all shapes and sizes. They can easily go unidentified for long periods of time… and can fool even the smartest douchefish detectors. Being douchey does not have a ‘look’. You could catch the biggest and best looking fish in the pond… and after a couple of weeks in the process of getting to know your fish, realize just how big of a douche they are.
Lesson Learned. What lesson do you ask?
1) Just because someone is twitterpated, does NOT mean that they are in love. It also does not mean that you can go ahead and assume that the twitterpation is deep. Newfound twitterpation can easily be misunderstood.
2) Some people are just THAT full of themselves.
3) Douchefish are horrible pets.
4) Don’t allow someone to tell you how you feel. That is just rude.
5) Winning IS motherfucking EVERYTHING in the game of Prince-fishing.
Have you ever caught a douchefish?
What lessons have you had to learn in the game of Prince/ess Fishing?
What have you done with/to/about the douchefish in your fishbowl?
Tags: bait, break-up, dating, douche, douche bag, fairy tale, fishing, games, once upon a time, phone, prince, princess
Just Ordinary People
Mar 11, 2009 Relationships, Sex, Thoughts and Perceptions, Wicked Wisdoms
I have a heavy heart lately. I can’t put my finger on it, but something in the atmosphere that surrounds me is off a little bit. I am sad, then happy… angry, then elated. I smile a smile that should be genuine, but is not. Not all of the time anyway.
I’m lying. I can put my finger on it.
I love my life for the most part. Who I have chosen to spend my life with is the most wonderful man. I adore him. He makes me laugh, he puts up with my shit, and most of all… he knows how to love me. At least, he knows how to love me the way he knows how. What he doesn’t know, he tries to figure out and every single day we work at something to better this life that we have built together.
But, we are not perfect.
Sometimes things are not okay. Right now is one of those times. It seems as if it is in the water. Turmoil in reference to relationships seems to be in the water systems all over the place lately. Break-ups are happening. (not me… but people who I care about) Heartache and heartbreak is not my gig. I love love. Passion. Romance. The fight. Not the fight, fight. The fight that shows the person you love that you love them. That you will always and forever make it work. By any means necessary.
I don’t like these times. I hurt when my friends hurt. I hurt when I hurt.
In turmoil, the girl I used to be would nag and bitch, throwing out anything hurtful I could.. just to get a rise. Not anymore though. I simply do not have the energy to get into a knock down, drag out argument anymore. The woman whom I have grown into shuts off. I internalize and think about what it is that I am upset/angry/irritated about. Seems as silence is golden nowadays. I hate valleys. Especially the ones that make your stomach drop and then shoot back up into your throat in milliseconds. I think that, for the most part, we evolve as people with age. That seems to be an obvious statement on the surface, but if you really think about what I am saying, you will get where I am going in the depth of it.
Our hair turns grey at some point. The crow’s feet come out, and god forbid, our metabolisms… just like our everything else slows down. Including our tolerance for bullshit. Right? Who wants to fucking argue all of the time? That is what my early 20’s were about: Starting fights to fuck about them. Not anymore. I just want to get along, and spend life with the person who’s soul met my soul in the universe.
That is the way it is supposed to be.
And as I ramble, I realize that we all are really just ordinary people, trying to figure out which way to go. None of us are any more special than the other… we just plug away at life, not sure sometimes which way is up or down… And, even though there are valleys, we always seem to find a way to make it to the top of the peak again. Whether or not we make it to the top with the person we started with is all written in the stars and completely out of our hands.
I am standing at the bottom of this one, looking up. I have a long fucking hike. I hope that when I reach the top, he is with me… just like the last time, and the time before that. My bet is on yes. I think that it is a safe one. It just sucks not knowing for sure that the person’s heart whom you keep tucked away in your heart might not make it this time. Mainly because you just never know, that is… until you know.
Stranger things have happened… and sometimes love is simply not enough.
Have you ever ended up all by yourself… ?
Is the relationship turmoil in the water where you’re at?
Thanks for reading. 
W.C.
Tags: break-up, love, marriage, mountain, ordinary people, peak, Relationships, turmoil, valley
